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L 


MAJOR  JONES'S 
SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL 

IN   HIS 

TOUR  FROM   GEORGIA  TO  CANADA. 


PHILADELPHIA: 
T.   B.    PETERSON. 


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THE  LIBRARY 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF 
BRITISH  COLUMBIA 


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MAJOR  JONES'S 


^  'sketches   of   TRAVEL: 


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^OMPIIISINQ  THK 


itmes,  Inciknts,  mis  %)ik\\\m^, 


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HIS  TOUR  FROM  GEORGIA  TO  CANADA. 


liT  THE  AUTHOR  OP 
"major  jonks's  courtship,"  jeto.,  bto. 


\ 


>SOV^ 


WITH  EIGHT  ORIGINAL  ILLUSTRATIONS, 

FROM 

DESIGNS    BY    DARLEY 


"^: 


PHILADELPHIA: 

T.    B.    PETERSON, 

102     CHfiSTXUT     STREET. 


# 


«iM 


Entered  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1813,  by 

CAREY&HART, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States^  in 
and  for  the  Eastern  District  of  Pennsylvania. 

Printed  by  T.  K.  k  P.  G.  Collins. 


mmu^ 


^%^- 


PREFACE. 


3,  by 
tates^  ill 


Reader,  do  you  feel  like  gwine  on  a  jurny  to  the 
north!  If  you  do,  jest  take  a  seat  with  me,  and  I'll 
carry  you  from  Pineville  to  Qiiebeck,  and  back  agin  in 
a  little  or  no  time.  I  don't  know  as  I  can  offer  quite 
sich  inducements  to  travelers,  as  is  offered  by  some  of 
the  pop'lar  writers  of  the  day  ;  but  if  I  can't  promise 
you  sich  elegant  style  nor  sich  instructive  and  enter- 
tainin  gossip  by  the  way,  I  can  carry  you  over  Ihe 
route  as  cheap  as  most  of  'em,  and  with  as  little  dan- 
ger to  your  morals. 

We  will  travel  in  steamboats,  ralerodes,  stage-coaches, 
and  canal-boats,  over  rivers,  lakes  and  mountains.  We 
will  visit  cities,  towns,  and  country,  and  see  every  kind 
of  scenery,  and  make  the  acquaintance  of  all  sorts  of 
people ;  but  if  the  trip  should  prove  dull  and  uninte- 
restin  to  you,  you  can  sleep  over  the  long  stretches,  and 
if  you  should  git  cumpletely  out  of  patience  with  your 
auther,  you  can  stop  on  the  way  and  git  aboard  of  the 
next  book  that  cums  along. 

But  in  sober  yearnest :  this  little  sketch  of  my  perry- 
grinations  among  the  big  cities  of  the  northern  states, 
was  rit  with  no  higher  aim  than  to  amuse  the  idle  hours 
of  my  frends,  and  if  it  fails  to  do  that,  its  a  spilt  job. 
[f  I  had  made  a  bigger  book,  I'd  tuck  up  too  much  of 

5 


6 


PKEFACE. 


the  reader's  time  with  sich  unprofitable  nonsense,  and 

the  strait  jacket  imposed  on  me  by  the  limits  of  my 

volume,  made  it  difficult  for  me  to  accomplish  what  I 

sot  out  to  do.     To  git  over  so  much  ground  even  by 

the  shortest  route  I  could  find,  tuck  a  good  deal  of  room, 

and  if  I  stopped  to  introduce  a  incident  or  describe  a 

uiterestin  scene  now  and  then,  I  found  my  letters  gittin 

so  long  that  my  book  wouldn't  hold  'em. 

I  don't  want  to  be  understood,  though,  as  makin  a 

apology  for  my  book— not  by  no  means.     Sich  as  it  is, 

I'm  responsible  for  it.     But  with  this  brief  explanation, 

them  what  waste  the  time  to  read  what  I  have  rit  about 

my  tmvels,  will  understand  why  these  pages  aint  no 

more  deservin  the  compliment  they  thus  pay  to 

Ther  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 
Finevilkf  Ga,,  July^  1847. 


■J 


MAJOR  JONES'S 
SKETCHES  OF  TRAVEL 

SlirongI)  ti)t  Unitcb  Statce. 


LETTER  I. 

Pineville,  Geo.,  May  5,  1845. 

To  Mr.  Thompson: — Dear  Sir — I  have  almost  gin 
up  writin  intirely,  sense  you  quit  editin  the  Southern 
Miscellany ;  but  I  spose  I'm  like  other  peeple  what's 
got  the  kakoethis  sknbendy^  as  they  call  it,  and  never 
■will  git  cumpletely  cured  of  it  as  long  as  I  live.  Dr. 
Mountgomery  ses  it  depends  a  grate  deal  how  peeple 
take  it,  whether  they  ever  git  over  it  or  not ;  sumtimes, 
he  ses,  when  they  catch  it  at  school  they  git  cured  of  it, 
when  it  comes  out,  by  a  few  doses  of  judishus  kriticism. 
But  he  ses  he  thinks  it's  a  constitootional  disease  with 
me,  and  I  better  jest  let  it  take  its  course. 

Well,  sense  my  book*  has  been  printed  and  so  many 
thousand  copies  of  it  has  been  sold  all  over  the  country, 
I've  felt  a  monstrous  curiosity  to  see  a  little  more  of  the 
world  and  the  peeple  in  it,  than  what  a  body  can  see 
out  here  in  the  piny- woods  ;  and  as  the  crap  is  pretty 
well  laid  by  now,  and  things  is  considerable  easy  with 
me,  I've  made  up  my  mind  to  make  a  tower  of  travel 
to  the  big  North  this  summer,  jest  for  greens,  as  we  say 
in  Georgia,  when  we  hain't  got  no  very  pertickeler 
reason  for  any  thing,  or  hain't  got  time  to  tell  the  real 

•  Major  Jones's  Courtship,  with  13  Engravings.    Price  50  cts. 

7 


jE^Cl. 


8 


MAJOR    JONKS'S 


one.  Pm  p;winc  lo  lake  Mary  and  little  Henry  Clay 
(who's  a  mazin  smart  litllc  ffllor  now,  I  can  It'll  you,)  and 
go  to  New  York,  and  t'iladelly,  and  Washington  Chy, 
and  Baltomoro,  and  ]5oston  and  all  about  thar,  and 
spend  the  summer  until  pickin  time,  nockin  round  in 
them  big  cities,  raong  them  peeple  wiiat's  so  monstrous 
smart  and  religious  and  rellned,  and  see  if  I  can't  pick 
up  sume  idees  what'll  be  worth  remeniberln.  I've  got 
a  first-rate  overseer  to  take  care  of  the  plantation,  and 
every  thing's  fixed  for  the  trip.  Mary's  tickled  to  deth 
at  the  idee  of  seein  New  York,  and  gettin  a  new  bonnet 
rite  from  the  French  milliner  ;  and  the  galls  is  all  gwine 
to  send  for  new  frocks  to  be  made  in  the  very  newest 
fashion. 

Old  Miss  Stallins,  who  you  know  is  one  of  the 
economicahst  old  wimen  that  ever  lived,  hain't  got  much 
notion  of  no  such  doins.  She  ses  its  all  down-right 
nonsense  to  spend  so  much  money  jest  for  nothing  but 
to  travel  away  olf  among  people  what  we  don't  know 
nothin  about,  and  maybe  won't  never  see  agin  if  we 
was  to  live  to  be  as  old  as  Methusleum.  The  fact  is  the 
old  woman  hain't  got  no  notion  of  them  northern  people 
no  how.  Ever  sense  that  feller  Crotchett  tiied  to  git 
round  her  for  one  of  hfir  daughters,  she  can't  bear  the 
name  of  the  north  ;  and  jest  talk  to  her  about  water 
privileges,  and  it  puts  her  in  a  passion  in  a  minit.  She 
ses,  Lord  knows  she  wouldnt'  give  a  thrip})ence  to  see 
all  the  bominable  Yankees  in  the  w'orld,  and  as  for 
seein  the  country,  she  ses  ther's  as  many  fine  plantations, 
and  handsum  towns,  as  many  big  mountains  and  rivers^ 
and  as  many  cataracks  and  sulfer  springs  in  Georgia,  as 
she  wants  to  see,  'thout  gwine  away  olf  on  the  sea  to 
git  shipracked  maybe,  or  blowed  up  by  some  everlastin 
steamboat  bustin  its  biler.  Besides,  she  ses,  it's  no  won- 
der the  southern  people  is  always  complainin  about  hard 
times,  when  they  go  to  the  north  every  summer  and 
spend  all  ther  money  in  travelin  and  byin  fineries  and 


SKETCIIEa   OF   TRAVEL. 


northern  gigamarees  of  one  kind  another  what  they 
mought  jest  as  well  do  ^without. 

Mother's  a  little  raore  reasonable  'bout  it.  She  ses 
that  bein  as  I'm  a  literary  caracterl  ought  to  see  something 
of  the  world,  and  as  it's  monstrous  troublesome  to  travel 
with  children,  we  better  go  now,  when  we  hain't  got  but 
one.  She  ses  it's  fashionable  to  go  to  the  north,  and  she 
don't  see  why  I  haint  as  good  a  right  to  be  like  other 
folks,  as  sum  people  she  knows,  what  goes  to  the  Sarry- 
togy  springs  every  year,  when  they  can't  hardly  make 
out  to  live  at  home.  All  she  don't  like  about  it  is,  takin 
little  Henry  so  far  from  home.  She  ses  if  he  was  to  git 
sick  at  the  north  then  she  couldn't  be  thar  to  nurse  hira, 
and  Lord  only  knows  what  would  come  of  the  child. 
But  she's  bundled  up  a  whole  heap  of  things  to  make 
yarb  tea  for  the  baby  when  it  gits  sick,  and  told  Mary 
all  how  to  do,  and  Prissy's  one  of  the  best  nurses  in  the 
world ;  so  ther  ain't  no  fear  about  that.  Lord  knows, 
she  ses,  old  misses  needn't  trouble  herself  'bout  little 
massa  Harry,  for  she  nussed  Miss  Mary  through  all  her 
croops  and  measels  and  hoopin-coughs,  and  all  manner 
of  ailments,  and  she  reckons  she  ought  to  know  how  to 
take  care  of  sick  children  by  this  time.  I  never  did  see 
sich  a  proud  nigger  before  in  all  my  life  as  she  is  'bout 
gwine  to  the  north.  The  galls  has  been  raakin  some 
new  frocks  for  her,  and  Mary  ses  she  really  does  believe 
the  creeter's  head  is  turned  ;  for  she  can't  stand  still  long 
enuli'  to  try  'em  on.  She  don't  think  of  nothing  else  but 
carryin  her  little  massy  Harry  'bout  New  York  to  look  at 
the  stores,  and  she's  promised  every  nigger  on  the  planta- 
tion to  bring  'em  sumthing  from  the  north.  Ned  wants 
to  go  too,  but  I  don't  think  it's  hardly  worth  while  to 
take  him  along  for  all  the  use  he'd  be  to  us,  and  thea  it 
would  add  to  the  expense. 

We're  all  in  a  muss  now  gettin  ready  for  the  journey, 
and  sich  other  fixin  and  packin  you  never  did  see.  I  do 
believe  old  Miss  Stallins  and  mother  has  packed  up  'bout 


10 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


1^:1 


seven  trunks  full  of  plunder  of  one  kind  and  another,  and 
the  more  we  tell  'em  that  tlier  ain't  no  use  in  takin  so 
much,  the  more  they  say  we  don't  know  any  thing  about 
it.  Do  you  think  old  Miss  StalHns  hain't  put  in  a  heap 
of  quilts  and  pillar-cases!  and  I  do  believe  if  we  had  a 
trunk  big  enuff  to  hold  'em,  she'd  make  us  carry  a 
feather 'bed  or  two.  She  ses  people  never  does  know 
what  they  want  til  they  find  themselves  without  it,  and 
the  best  way  is  always  to  be  on  the  safe  side.  She  tried 
her  best  this  morning  to  git  Mary  to  let  her  put  in  'bout 
twenty  pounds  of  country  soap.  She  ses  she  don't 
care  how  cheap  it  is  at  the  north,  she  knows  ther  ain't 
no  better  in  the  world  than  her  own  make ;  and  she 
don't  see  any  sense  in  people  gwine  and  spendin  ther 
money  for  things  what  they've  got  at  home.  She's  a 
monstrous  clever  old  woman,  and  I  try  to  humour  her 
all  I  can  in  her  noiions,  but  I  can't  stand  the  soap. 

We  expect  to  start  day  after  to-morrow,  if  nothing 
don't  turn  up  to  prevent,  and  if  you  think  my  letters  is 
worth  the  postage,  I'll  give  you  my  impressions  of  mat- 
ters and  things  now  and  then,  whenever  I  meet  any  thing 
in  my  travels  worth  noticin. 

Hopin  you  will  be  alive  and  able  to  keep  off  the 
rauskeeters  when  I  cum  bac//  this  fall,  I  must  bid  you 
good-by  for  the  present.     So  no  more  from 

Your  fiiend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


11 


LETTER  II. 


Pineville,  Georgia,  May  10,  1845. 

To  Mr.  Thompson  : — Deai'  Sir — This  is  a  world  of 
disappintment,  shore  enuff.  All  my  plans  is  busted  up, 
and  I  don't  know  if  any  thing  ever  sot  rae  back  much 
worse  before.  You  know  I  had  evry  thing  fixed  for  a 
journey  to  the  North  this  summer,  with  my  faraly. 
Well,  last  nite,  bein  as  we  was  gwine  to  start  the  next 
mornin,  w^e  had  a  little  sort  of  a  sociable  party  at  our 
house,  jest  by  way  of  makin  one  job  of  biddin  good 
by  to  the  nabours.  'Along  the  rest  of  'em,  old  Mr. 
Mountgomery  come  to  see  us  and  wish  us  good  luck  on 
our  journey. 

Mary  and  all  of  'era  was  in  a  monstrous  flurryment, 
and  had  little  Harry  ail  dressed  out  in  his  new  clothes, 
to  let  the  nabours  see  how  pretty  he  looked  before 
he  went  away.  Old  Mr.  Mountgomery's  monstrous 
fond  of  children,  and  always  makes  a  heap  of  little 
Harry,  cause  he's  so  smart ;  and  the  old  man  tuck  him 
up  on  his  knee  and  ax'd  him  whose  sun  he  was,  and 
how  old  he  was,  and  a  heap  of  other  things  what  the 
little  feller  didn't  know  nothing  about. 

"  Don't  you  think  it'll  improve  hiS  helth  to  take  him 
to  the  North?"  ses  Mary  to  him. 

^•0>yes!"  ses  he;  "no  doubt  it'll  be  a  great  deal 
of  sarvice  to  the  Ihtle  feller ;  but  he'll  be  a  monstrous 
site  of  trouble  to  you  on  the  road,  Mrs.  Jones." 

'•Yes!"  ses  Mary;  "but  Prissy's  a  very  careful 
nurse ;  and  she's  so  devoted  to  him  that  she  won't 
hardly  let  me  touch  him." 

"  O,  yes!"  ses  the  old  man ;  "  if  you  could  jest  take 
Prissy  'long  with  you,  then  you'd  Jo  very  well.  But 
there's  it,  you  see — " 


12 


MAJOR  Jones's 


i    'l^M^  '1 '''  ^""'^ '  "  >^^"  ^^'^"'t  think  I  was  gwine 

omer   ?^?       ''''  ""  '^'''^"^'  "^''^  ^'°"'  ^^'-  ^^°""^- 

The  old  man  laui^^hed  rite  out.     ''Ha,  ha,  ha!"  ses 

'  .   ^1     K^^^!^^  ^°"  ^'  g^^'i"^  to  take  Prissy  with 

you  to  New  York,  is  it?     Why,  Majer,"  ses  he  to  me, 

hamtyou  got  no  better  sense  than  to  think  of  takin 

?nf.  Vi       ""  "IW  "'  ^^'^*  '^^^^  y^"'  to  have  her  fall 
into  the  hands  of  them  mfernal  abolitionists?" 

"The  mischief  take  the  abolitionists,"  ses  I-  «T 
reckon  they  haint  got  nothing  to  do  with  none  o:  my 
niggers."  ^ 


The  old  man  shuck  the  ashes  out  of 


.is  pipe,  and 


laughed  like  he  would  split  his  sides 

WnT^V^^"''/"'  '''^^'  ^^'J"'"'"  '''^^^  "you  couldn't 
No^n.'p/'''^"'  f^  '.^'^  '^1^^  y^^  &«t  to  New  York. 
No,  no!  '  ses  he;  "not  sich  a  likely  gall  as  that. 
Uey'd  have  her  out  of  yer  hands  quicker^  you  could 
say  Jack  Robinson."  *^ 

Prissy's  eyes  looked  like   sassers,   and  Mary    and 
^haUo  sS  ''  ''  ''"  ^^"^'  '""^  ^^y  didnTknow 

Jl^^^'  ^l^?^  Gummery!"  ses  Prissy,  "  urn  wouldn't 
trouble  me  if  I  was  long-a'  Massa  Jce,  would  dey  ?" 

gomer>;    "  hey'd  take   you  whether   you  was  wiilin 
or  not,  in  spite  of  yer  Massa  Joe,  or  an/body  else." 
-  But,"  ses  Mary,  "  Prissy  wouldn't  leave  us  on  no 

trXl  'K'  T^'""'''^^  ^'  r ^"  ^'  ^"ybody  when  she's  well 
treated  ;  and  I'm  sure  she  couldn't  be  better  taken  care 
of  no  whar  in  the  world." 

old'm^f  "^'ulr^'  ^'i  TT''  ^^  difTerence,"  ses  the 
Old  man      '' They  wouldn't  ax  her  nothing  about  it 
The  fust  thing  you'd  know  she'd  be  gone,  end  then  vou 
jnought  as  well  look  for  a  needle  il  a  haylck,  alto 
try  to  hnd  a  nigger  in  New  York." 

Then  he  took^a  paper  out  of  his  pocket  and  red  whar 


'*«*«.■  ■■■(Art '■i-s.v*sas«i^TO:^Siie»3»ttlSlfe 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


13 


"I 

my 


A  gentleman  had  his  nio;ger  tuck  from  him,  soraewhar 
in  Providence,  and  carried  rite  ofT  and  put  in  jail. 

"  Ki,"  ses  Prissy,  lookin  like  she  was  half  scared  out 
of  her  senses,  "den  I  aint  gwine  to  no  New  York,  for 
dem  pison  ole  bobolitionists  for  cotch  me." 

"  But  aint  ther  no  law  for  nigger  stealin,  at  the 
north?"  ses  old  Miss  Stallins. 

"Law!"  ses  Mr.  Mountgomery,  "bless  you,  no! 
They've  sold  all  ther  niggers  long  ago,  and  got  the 
money  for  'em — so  the  law  don't  car'i  whose  niggers 
they  steal." 

Mary  sot  and  looked  rite  in  the  fire  for  'bout  a  minit 
without  sayin  a  word.  I  jest  saw  how  it  was.  It  wan't 
no  use  for  me  to  think  of  her  gwine  with  me,  'thout 
Prissy  to  take  care  of  the  baby ;  and  after  what  Mr. 
Mountgomery  had  sed  to  her,  I  mought  jest  as  well  try 
to  git  her  to  stick  her  hed  in  the  fire  as  go  to  New 
York."  I  never  thought  of  them  bominable  abolitionists 
before,  and  I  never  was  so  oudaciously  put  out  with 
'em.  It  was  enough  to  make  a  man  what  wasn't 
principled  agin  swearin,  cus  like  a  trooper.  Just  to 
think — every  thing  reddy  to  start,  and  then  to  have 
the  whole  bisness'  nocked  rite  in  the  head  by  them 
devils." 

"  Well,"  ses  Mary,  "  thar's  a  eend  to  my  jurney  to 
the  north.  I  couldn't  think  of  gwine  a  step  without 
Prissy  to  take  care  of  the  child ;  and  spose  I  was  to  git 
sick,*too,  way  off  'mong  strangers — what  would  I  do 
without  Prissy  ?" 

"  Oh !  it  wouldn't  never  do  in  the  world,"  ses  old 
Miss  Stallins. 

"  But,"  ses  Mr.  Mountgomery,  you  could  git  plenty 
of  servants  at  the  north  when  you  git  thar." 

"What!"  ses  Mary;  "trust  my  child  with  one  of 


them    good-for-nuthin   free   niggers.? 

wouldn't  have  one  o^  'em  about  me, 

siderashun.     I  never  did  see  one  of  'era  what  had  pny 


No,  indeed !   I 
not  for  no  con- 


mm 


14 


MAJOR  Jones's 


breedin,  and  they're  all  too  plagy  triflin  to  take  care 
of  themselves,  let  alone  doin  any  thing  else." 

"  No !  but,"  ses  the  old  man,  "  they've  got  plenty 
of  white  servants  at  the  north,  what  you  can  hire  foi 
little  or  nothing." 

"  Goodness  gracious !"  ses  old  Miss  Stallins  ;  "  white 
servants !  Well,  the  Lord  knows  I  wouldn't  have  none 
of  'em  'bout  me." 

"Nor  me  neither,"  ses  Mary.  "It  may  do  weli 
enuff  for  people  what  don't  know  the  difference  between 
niggers  and  white  folks ;  but  I  could  never  bear  to  see 
a  white  gall  toatin  my  child  about,  and  waitin  on  me 
like  a  nigger.  It  would  hurt  my  conscience  to  keep 
anybody  'bout  me  in  that  condition,  who  was  as  white 
and  as  good  as  me." 

"  That's  right,  my  child,"  ses  old  Miss  Stallins ;  "  no 
Christian  lady  could  do  no  such  thing,  I  don't  care  who 
they  is." 

I  know'd  the  jig  was  up,  and  I  was  like  the  boy  what 
the  calf  run  over — I  didn't  have  a  word  to  say. 

"  But,"  ses  Mr.  Mountgomery,  "  the're  brung  up 
to  it." 

"  Well,"  ses  Mary,  "  the  more  sin  to  them  that  brings 
'era  up  to  be  servants.  A  servant,  to  be  any  account 
as  a  servant,  is  got  to  have  a  different  kind  of  a  spirit 
from  other  people ;  and  anybody  that  would  make  a 
nigger  of  a  white  child,  because  it  was  pore,  hain't  got 
no  Christian  principle  in  'era." 

"But,"  ses  Mr.  Mountgomery,  "you  know,  Mrs. 
Jones,  when  you're  in  Rome,  you  must  do  as  Rome 
does.  If  the  northern  people  choose  to  make  niggers 
gentlemen,  and  their  own  children  servants,  you  can't 
help  that,  you  know." 

"  Yes ;  but,"  ses  Mary,  "  niggers  is  niggers,  and 
white  folks  is  white  folks,  and  1  couldn't  bear  to  see 
neither  of  'em  out  of  ther  proper  places.  So,  if  I've 
got  to  have  white  servants  to  wait  on  me,  or  stay  at 


I 
■7 


■«iMl>a!l!M*»>«*«S!*';1l»^«l«»fW*»f 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL.  # 


15 


(( 


up, 


home,  I'll  never  go  out  of  old  Georgia  long  as  I  live, 
that's  what  I  wont." 

"  Then,  Mary,"  ses  I,  "  is  our  journey  to  be  busted 
shore  enuff?" 

0  no,  Joseph  ;  you  can  go,  and  I'll  stay  home  with 
mother.  Maybe  I  won't  have  many  more  summers  to 
be  with  her,  and  I'd  feel  very  bad  afterwards,  to  think 
I  neglected  her  when  she  was  with  us." 

The  old  woman  put  her  arms  round  Mary's  neck,  and 
squeezed  her  til  the  tears  come  into  her  eyes. 

"  My  sweet,  good  daughter,"  ses  she  ;  "  bless  your 
dear  hart,  you  always  was  so  kind  to  your  pore  old 
mother." 

That  made  Mary  cry  a  little  ;  and  little  Harry,  thinkm' 
something  was  the  matter,  sot  up  a  squall,  too,  til  his 
mother  tuck  him  and  talked  to  him  a  bit,  and  then 
Prissy  come  and  carried  him  in  tother  room. 

I  didn't  know  what  to  do.  I  always  hate  terribly  to 
be  backed  out  of  any  thing  what  I've  sot  my  mind  on ; 
but  to  go  to  the  north  without  takin'  Mary  along,  was 
something  I  didn't  like  to  think  about.  But  then,  after 
all  my  'rangements  was  made,  and  I'd  shuck  hands  and 
bid  good-by  to  'most  everybody  in  Pineville,  it  was  too 
'bominable  bad  to  be  disappinted  thataway.  But  after 
a  while  I  told  Mary  I'd  stay  home,  too,  and  go  some 
otb?r  time. 

"  No,  no,  Joseph,"  ses  she  ;  "  I  know  you  want  to 
go,  and  I  want  to  have  you  go,  cause  it'd  do  you  good 
to  see  the  north  and  git  acquainted  with  the  world. 
When  little  Harry  gits  big  enuff  so  he  can  take  care  of 
himself,  then  we  can  take  a  journey  together  in  spite  of 
tlie  old  abolitionists ;  and  then  you'll  know  all  about 
the  country,  and  it'll  be  a  great  deal  pleasanter  for 
us  all." 

"  That's  a  fact ;  Mrs.  Jones  is  right,  Majer,"  ses  Mr. 
Mountgomery.  "  You'd  better  leave  your  famly  ax 
home  this  time.     You  v .   ■.  be  gone  more'n  a  month 


16 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


ait.' 


or  so,  and  I  reckon  Mrs.  Jones  ain't  afraid  to  trust  yoa 
that  long  'mong  the  Yanky  galls." 
Mary  blushed  terrible. 


"  But,"  ses  I- 


"  0 !  you  ain't  'fraid  of  her  runnin  off  with  anybody 
fore  you  git  back,  is  you  ?"  ses  he.  Then  the  old  feller 
laughed  like  he  would  die. 

"  Ain't  you  'shamed,  Mr.  Mountgomery,  to  talk  that- 
a-way  ?"  ses  Mary. 

"  You  needn't  be  'fraid  of  that,  brother  Joe,"  ses 
sister  Calline,  "for  me  and  Kizzy  '11  watch  her  mon- 
strous close  while  you're  gone." 

"  Shaw,"  ses  I ;  "you  can't  make  me  jealous." 

"  Nor  me,  neither,"  ses  Mary. 

Then  old  Mr.  Mountgomery  laughed  till  he  knocked 
the  lire  out  of  his  pipe  all  over  liimself,  and  that  sot  the 
galls  and  all  of  'em  to  laughin  worse  than  ever. 

But  I  tell  you  what,  Mr.  Thompson,  (and  you're  a 
married  man  and  will  blieve  what  I  say,)  I  didn't  feel 
much  like  laughin  myself.  I  never  did  like  this  Yanky 
way  of  married  people  livin'  all  over  creation  without 
seein  one  another  more'n  once  in  a  coon's  age ;  and 
the  idee  of  'gwine  off  and  leavin'  Mary,  for  a  whole 
month,  tuck  all  the  rinkles  out  of  my  face  whenever  I 
tried  to  laugh.  But  the  difficulty  was,  I  couldn't  help 
myself.  If  I  staid  home,  I  couldn't  be  contented 
about  it,  and  all  the  fellers  would  be  rigin  me,  'cause  I 
could'nt  leave  my  wife  long  enough  to  go  to  the  north. 
So  I  made  up  my  mind  to  go  anyhow,  and  make  the 
best  I  could  of  it. 

Bimeby  old  Mr.  Mountgomery  'lowed  it  was  time 
to  be  gwine  home  ;  so  he  bid  us  good-by,  and  promised 
to  come  and  see  me  o(f  to-morrow  mornin. 

After  the  old  man  was  gone  we  all  sot  round  the  fire 
and  talked  the  thing  over  in  a  family  way.  Mary  looked 
monstrous  serious,  but  she's  got  too  much  good  sense 
to  make  a  fuss  'bout  sich  things.     She  ses  I  must  nte 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


17 


"  ses 
mon- 


to  her  every  day,  and  I  must  be  very  careful  and  not 
git  shlpracked  or  blowed  up  in  any  of  the  steambotes 
or  rail-rodes,  and  I  must  take  care  and  not  ketch  no 
colds  by  exposin  myself  in  the  cold  weather  at  the  north, 
whar  people,  she  ses,  dies  olTwith  the  consumption  like 
sheep  does  "with  the  distemper. 

All  our  trunks  has  got  to  be  overhauled  and  my 
things  put  by  themselves,  so  I  can't  start  til  to-morrow 
mornin.  I'm  gwine  as  far  as  Augusty  in  my  carriage, 
and  then  take  the  rail-rode  to  Charlston.  If  no  other 
botherment  don't  turn  up  to  pervent,  you  shall  hear 
from  me  on  my  Travels  pretty  soon.  So  no  more  from 
Your  frend,  til  deth,  Jos.  Jones. 

P.  S.  Prissy's  raised  a  perfect  panick  'mong  the  nig- 
gers on  the  plantation  'bout  the  abolitionists.  Pore 
creeter,  her  hart's  almost  broke  cause  she  can't  go  to  the 
north  with  her  misses  and  little  massa  Harry ;  and  I  do 
bheve  she's  as  fraid  of  the  abolitionists  as  she  is  of  the 
very  old  Nick  himself.  You  ought  to  hear  some  of  the 
niggers'  descriptions  of  'era.  When  Prissy  told  old 
Ned  what  Mr.  Mountgomery  sed — how  they  carried  off 
all  the  niggers  they  could  ketch,  and  put  'em  in  jail  so 
they  couldn't  never  go  back  to  ther  white  folks,  ses  he 
to  her — "  Ki,  gall,  youna  no  tell  dis  nigger  nulfm  bout 
dem  cattle ;  cus  'em,  me  hear  ole  massa  tell  bout  'em 
fore  you  born.  Aligator  aint  no  suckemstance  to  'em. 
'Em  got  horns  like  billy-gote,  and  big  red  eyes  like  ball 
ob  fire  ;  and  'em  got  grate  long  forkit  tail  like  sea-sat 
pent,  and  jes  kotch  up  pore  nigger,  same  like  me  hook 
em  trout.     Ugh,  chile,  dey  wusser'n  collerymorbus." 


i 


18 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


LETTER  III. 


ita'i 


Augusty,  Georgia,  May  12,  1845. 

To  Mr.  Thompson  : — Deai'  Sir — This  far  I  have  tra- 
velled in  the  bowels  of  the  land  without  any  diffikilty, 
as  Mr.  Shakespeer  ses ;  but  whether  I'm  gwine  to  git 
safe  to  my  jurny's  eend,  or  find  myself  like  Jony  in  the 
bowels  of  a  whale's  belly  before  I  git  home  agin,  is  a 
bisness  what  opens  a  fine  field  for  speckelation,  as  the 
cotton  byers  ses. 

But  that's  neither  here  nor  thar.  I  sot  down  to  tell 
you  'bout  my  jurny  to  this  city.  Well,  this  mornin  all 
the  famly  was  up  before  the  crack  of  day  gettiii  reddy 
for  me  to  start.  Evrything  was  reddy  three  or  four 
days  ago,  but  it  seemed  like  the  nearer  the  time  come 
to  start,  the  more  ther  was  to  do.  Thar  was  old  Miss 
Stallins  in  the  kitchen  raisin  a  harry  cane  among  the 
niggers  'bout  gettin  breckfust  for  me — the  niggers  was 
all  crazy  'bout  my  gwine  away — Ned  WdS  rairin.  and 
pitchin  'bout  the  lot  cause  one  of  Ihe  little  niggers 
let  the  horses  git  out  of  the  stable — some  of  the  har- 
ness was  lent — old  Simon  had  tack  the  tar-bucket 
off  with  him,  so  ther  wasn't  no  way  to  grease  the  car- 
rige — Prissy  upsot  the  tea-kittle,  gittin  some  water  for 
me  to  shave — Fanny  tripped  up  and  spilt  all  the  biskits 
in  the  yard — the  galls  was  lookin  for  the  kee  of  my 
trunk,  what  couldn't  be  found  no  whar — little  Harry 
was  squallin  like  blazes  cause  he  couldn't  have  on  his 
new  hat  and  cote  and  go  with  me  in  the  carrige — and 
in  the  middle  of  the  everlastin  rumpus,  I  like  to  cut  my 
nose  off  with  the  razer ! 

Bimeby  though,  things  all  settled  down  into  a  pretty 
considerable  calm.  Ned  cotcht  the  horses — the  harness 
was  brung  home — the  wheels  was  greased — thp  kee 


,  if!txm~.?mtm%mm, 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


19 


git 


IS  a 


was  found  rite  whar  Mary  had  put  it  herself— little 
Harry  stopped  cryin — my  nose  stopped  bieedin,  and 
brockfust  was  sot ;  but  after  all  ther  wasn't  one  could 
eat  a  mouthful,  spite  of  all  the  'swadin  old  Miss  Stallins 
could  do. 

Mary  tuck  on  considerable,  pore  gall ;  though  she 
tried  to  hide  it  all  she  could.  She  didn't  have  much 
to  say,  but  she  looked  monstrous  droopy ;  and  when- 
ever I  tried  to  cheer  her  up  by  tellin  her  I  wouldn't 
stay  no  longer  than  I  could  help,  her  lips  would  sort  o' 
quiver,  and  she'd  turn  round  to  tend  to  the  baby  or 
something ;  but  when  she  looked  at  me  agin,  her  long 
eyelashes  was  damp  with  tears.  Ah !  Mr.  Thompson, 
me  and  you  know  how  to  predate  the  deep  pure  fount- 
ing  from  whar  them  tears  flowed — we  married  men 
know  how  to  vally  the  ever-gushin  feelins  of  a  true 
woman's  hart,  which,  like  the  waters  of  the  spring  what 
no  summer  can't  dry  up  and  no  winter  freeze,  is  cool- 
est when  the  day  is  hottest  and  grows  warmer  when  the 
world  grows  cold.  I  felt  monstrous  bad  myself,  but  it 
wouldn't  do  to  let  on,  for  I  knovv'd  it  would  only  make 
her  worse. 

By  this  time  old  Mr.  Mount'gomery,  and  cousin  Pete, 
and  a  heap  more  nabors,  and  all  the  niggers  on  the 
plantation,  was  come  to  bid  me  good-by.  Old  Termi- 
nation, my  driver,  was  mounted  on  the  box,  with  his 
clean  clothes  on,  and  a  bran  new  lash  to  his  whip,  the 
proudest  nigger  you  ever  did  see.  He  couldn't  notice 
none  of  the  rest  of  'em  for  his  shirt  collar,  but  if  any 
of  the  little  niggers  come  too  close  to  his  team,  axin' 
him  to  by  'em  something  in  Augusty,  he  was  monstrous 
apt  to  anser  'em  with  a  little  tetch  of  the  lash. 

When  the  trunks  was  tied  on,  and  old  Miss  Stallms 
was  sure  ther  wasn't  nothin  forgot— which  she  sed  she 
kriow'd  ther  would  be— I  went  through  the  shakin  hands 
with  the  nabors. 
11 


20 


MAJOR  joNr:s's 


m 


it 


"  Good  by,  Majer,"  ses  old  Mr.  Mount|?oraery,  **  I 
wish  you  a  plesant  jurny  and  a  sale  return." 

"  Thank  you,"  S3S  I. 

"  Good  by,  Joe,"  ses  Pete—'*  don't  you  git  in  no 
fuss  with  tlicm  aboHtionists — if  you  do,  old  leiler,  you 
won't  find  no  frends  thar,  mind  I  tell  you." 

'*  Don't  you  fear  for  me,"  ses  I — "  Good  by,  and 
take  care  of  yoiu'self." 

'*  Good  by,  Majer,"  ses  all  of  'em,  as  they  shuck  my 
hand. 

Then  here  come  all  the  niggers. 
Good  by,  Massa  Joe,"  ses  all  of  'era. 
Good  by,"  ses  I,  "  and  be  good  niggers  till  I  come 
back." 

"  Don't  let  none  of  dem  pesky  old  bobolitionists  kotch 
you,  Massa  Joe,"  ses  Prissy. 

"  Massa  Joe,  massa  Joe,  ant  Moma  say  cum  da!" 
ses  one  of  the  Httle  niggers. 

Pore  old  Moma  was  the  fust  nigger  my  father  ever 
owned.  She's  more'n  a  hundred  years  old  now,  and 
her  bed's  as  white  as  the  cotton  she  use'  to  pick  for  us 
when  she  was  a  gall.  She's  been  monstrous  porely  this 
winter,  and  hain't  been  able  to  go  out  of  her  little  house 
in  the  yard,  whar  she's  lived  ever  sense  she  was  too  old 
to  do  anydiing  on  the  plantation.  She  was  'fraid  I  was 
gwine  off  without  bidden  her  good  by,  and  that's  the 
reason  she  sent  for  me.  She  was  settin  in  the  door 
when  I  went  to  her,  and  she  raised  her  old  dim  eyes, 
almost  while  whh  age,  and  looked  at  me. 

"  Why,  Massa  Joe,  God  bless  you;  you  gwine  away 
widout  tellin  pore  ole  Moma  good  by? — ole  Moma 
what  use  to  nuss  you,  when  you  was  leetle  baby  like 
leetle  massa  Harry.  JVloma  no  able  run  after  Massa  Joe 
now — maybe  ole  Moma  neber  see  you  gin.  Pore  ole 
Moma,  lib  too  long — make  trouble  for  wdiite  fokes ;  but 
Moma's  time  mose  come." 

"  No,  no,  Moma,"  ses  I,  "  you  mustn't  talk  that- 


li.. 


4. 


"Then  cum  the  kif>i«in  bigness.    I  took  the  worst  job  fust,  and  kicscd  old  Mi^s 
Stallins  and  mother.'" — Letter  Hi.  p.  21. 


% 


KKKTCIIKS    OF    TRAVI.L. 


21 


♦ 


away.  You  know  you  niut  no  trouble  to  us,  and  you 
was  always  a  f^ood  servanl." 

The  pore  old  creeter  brightened  up,  and  tried  to 
smile. 

*'  Good  by,  ^Fonin,"  ses  I,  as  I  tuck  her  pore  old 
hand  in  mine;  *'  take  good  care  of  yourself  till  I  cum 
home,  and  let  your  youn^  misses  know  whenever  you 
want  any  thing,     (jood  by,  old  nigger." 

'*  Bjcss  ye,  bless  ye,  Ak.ssa  Joe — bless  JNIiss  Mary 
and  leetle  massa  Harry.  God  bless  you  all — good 
by.'' 

The  faithful  old  creeter  tried  to  press  my  hand,  but 
she  was  too  weak,  and  when  I  let  go  her  hand  it  drapt 
into  her  lap,  and  she  follered  me  with  her  eyes  as  ihr  as 
she  coidil  see  me  through  her  tears. 

Then  cum  the  kissin  bisness.  I  took  the  worst  job 
fust,  and  kissed  old  Miss  Stiillins  and  mother.  I  didn't 
mind  kissin  mother,  cause  it  seemed  all  right  and 
natural;  but  I  always  did  hate  to  kiss  old  wimmin 
what  hain't  got  no  it'cth,  and  I  was  monstrous  glad 
old  Miss  Stallins  had  her  handkeichef  to  her  face,  for 
in  the  hurryment  I  kissed  it,  and  the  old  woman  was 
in  such  a  Ihistration  she  didn't  know  her  lips  from  any 
tiling  else.  I  kissed  the  galls  two  or  three  times  a 
jiiece,  rite  afore  cousin  Pete,  who  smacked  his  lips, 
and  looked  sort  o'  cross-eyed  every  time.  But  when 
I  cum  to  look  for  Mary,  she  was  gone  in  the  house. 
Thar  she  was,  sittin  in  her  rockin  chair,  leanin  her  fiice 
on  her  hand,  and  the  tears  runnin  down  her  cheeks 
in  a  stream.     Wiien  I  got  close  to  her  she  riz  up  and 

]nil  lier  arms  round  my  neck. 1  can't  tell  you  what 

she  sed,  nor  how  many,  nor  how  long,  nor  how  sweet 
them  kisses  was.  'J'liem's  famly  ailairs,  and  ain't  for 
nobody  to  know.  After  she  dried  her  eyes  as  well 
as  she  could,  she  went  with  me  to  the  cairige.  Prissy 
was  holdin  litlle  Harry  reddy  for  his  kiss.  I  tuck  the 
little  feller  in   my   arms  and   gin  him  one   good  lor'^ 


22 


MAJOR  Jones's 


f 


I 


squeeze,  and  then  got  in.  Termination  poppeu  his 
whip  and  .-"way  he  went,  leavin  Mary  and  all  of  em 
cryiii  cause  I  was  gone,  and  the  baby  kickin  anc' 
squallin  like  rath  cause  be  couldn't  go  too. 

Sepavashuns  is  monstrous  tryin  things  to  peeple  what 
ain't  use  to  'em,  and  I  couldn't  help  feelin  very  soUum- 
colly  all  the  way  to  Augusty.  The  rode  is  one  of 
the  lonesummest  in  the  world,  and  I  never  was  so 
put  to  it  to  keep  my  sperits  up.  Ther  was  nothm 
new  or  interrestin  to  attract  my  'tention,  and  whenever 
I  thought  bout  home  the  worse  I  felt.  Mary's  partm 
injunkshuns  was  still  soundin  in  my  ears,  and  when- 
ever I  shut  my  eyes  I  could  see  her  standm  on  the 
piazzy  lookin  after  me,  with  the  grate  big  tears  runnin 
down  her  cheeks,  and  sparklin  like  dimonds  in  her 
curls,  that  was  hangin  in  disorder  'bout  her  sweet 
face ;  and  then  thar  was  little  Harry  puttin  out  his  dear 
little  arms  and  cry  in  like  his  hart  would  brake,  cause 
he  couldn't  ride  in  the  carriage  with  me.  It  wouldn't 
do  to  think  of  them  thing?,  so  I  t'-ied  to  sing,  and 
the  fust  thing  I  know'd,  I  was  hummin  the  song  what 
begins : 

Ther's  meetirs  of  pleasure  and  partins  of  !?rief, 
But  a  inconstant  loveyer  is  worse  nor  a  tnief ; 
A  thief  he  will  rob  you,  and  steal  all  you  have, 
But  a  inconstant  loveyer'U  take  you  to  the  grave. 

You  mustn't  think  that  song  was  suggested  by  any 
jellous  fears  on  my  part;  no  indeed,  not  by  a  jug 
full :  but  you  know  how  wimmin  will  talk  suratimes  on 
sich   occasions.     They   say  a   heap,  jest  to  see   what 

vou'U  say. 

I  got  here  about  noon  and  stopped  at  the  Globe 
Hotel,  and  sent  Termination  back  liome  with  the  car- 
ri«7e.  Pore  feller,  he  hated  to  leave  me  monstrous, 
and  when  he  shuck  hands  with  me,  he  couldn't  hardly 
Koeak,  and  his  eyes  looked   like   two   peeled    unions 


r,«««*s«mtal««MWW?r 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


23 


pea  his 


em 
1 


of  ' 
Lin   anc 

)le  what 

soUum- 

one  of 

was  so 

I  nothin 

henever 

s  partin 

1  when- 

on  the 

s  runnin 

;   in  her 

;r   sweet 

his  dear 

Bj  cause 

ivouldn't 

ing,  and 

)ng  what 


e. 

1  by  any 
jy  a  jug 
itimes  on 
see  what 

le  Globe 
I  the  car- 
onstrous, 
I't  hardly 
d    unions 


swimrain  in  their  own  juice.  "  Good  bye,  Massa  Joe," 
ses  he,  "  but  Jon't  stay  away  from  Miss  Mary  long,  if 
you  spec  to  see  her  live  when  you  cum  back." 

After  dinner  I  tuck  a  walk  down  the  street  to  see 
the  town.  Augusty's  a  monstrous  pretty  city,  biit  it 
ain't  the  place  it  used  to  was,  not  by  a  grate  site. 
It  seems  like  it  was  rottin  off  at  both  eends,  and  ain't 
growdn  much  in  the  middle  ;  and  the  market-houses 
what  a  few  years  ago  you  couldn't  hardly  see  for  the 
wagons,  looks  more  like  pretty  considerable  large  mar- 
tin-boxes stnndin  in  the  middle  of  the  grate  wide 
street,  than  places  of  bisness.  The  peeple  that  laid 
out  the  city  must  been  monstrous  w^ide  betw^een  the 
eyes,  and  made  very  large  calculations  for  bisness ; 
for  they've  got  it  strelch'd  out  over  ground  enuff  to 
make  two  or  three  sich  towns,  and  Broad  street,  whar 
the  stores  is,  is  wide  enufT  for  the  merchants  to  charge 
exchange  from  one  side  to  tother.  I  see  by  the  papers 
that  they're  gwine  to  dig  a  big  canal,  as  they  call  it, 
and  turn  the  liver  up  stream  into  the  common,  so 
they  can  go  into  the  mannyfacterin  of  cotton.  That's 
a  sort  of  bisness  I  don't  know  nothin  about,  and  I  can't 
say  how  it'll  turn  out,  but  there's  one  thing  very  cer- 
tain, and  that  is,  if  the  Augusty  people  don't  do  some- 
thing to  start  bisness  agoin  agin,  nil  the  houses  in  the 
city  won't  rent  for  enuff  to  feed  'ex.i.  The  fact  is,  if 
the  people  of  Georgia  don't  take  to  makin  homespun 
and  sich  truck  for  themselves,  and  quit  their  everlastin 
fuss  'bout  the  tariff  and  free  trade,  the  fust  thing  they'll 
know,  the  best  part  of  their  popilation  will  be  gone 
to  the  new  States,  and  what'U  be  left  won't  be  able 
to  raise  cotton  enuff  to  pay  for  what  tliey'll  have  to  buv 
from  the  North. 

The  fust  man  I  met  in  Broad-street  was  Mr.  Peleg. 
"  Why,  bellow,  Majer  Jones,"  ses  he,  "  what's  brung 
you  to  towm  ?" 

I  told  him  I  was  gwine  to  the  North. 


24 


MAJOR  JONES'S 


(C 


r!:< 


Well !"  ses  lie,  "  Mr.jer,  you  must  spend  a  day 
with  us,  enny  how,  and  I'll  interduce  you  to  some  of 
my  friends  here.  They're  all  admirers  of  your's,  and 
would  be  very  glad  of  a  oppertunity  to  make  your 
acquaintance." 

\Vell,  I  walked  along  with  Mr.  Peleg  to  his  store, 
and  on  the  way  he  interduced  me  to  'bout  twenty  gen- 
tlemen, most  all  of  'em  Pelegs.  'Mong  the  rest,  Mr. 
Peleg  introduced  me  to  Doctor  Klag,  perfesser  of  hor- 
ticulteral  science  in  Augusty.  ]\Ir.  Peleg  told  me  that 
tlie  doctor  was  the  greatest  man  in  his  line  in  them 
parts,  for  he  could  make  trees  grow  twice  in  two  places. 
Dr.  Klag  certainly  looks  like  he  might  be  a  genus  of 
some  sort,  and  seems  to  be  very  much  tuck  up  whh  his 
perfession,  for  the  fust  thing  he  sed  to  me  was  some- 
thing 'bout  cedars  and  arbor-vites,  what  he  sed  he'd 
warrant  not  to  dy.  Ther  was  some  mistake  about 
it,  which  wasn't  very  clearly  explained  by  Mr.  Peleg. 
The  Doctor's  got  one  very  curious  sort  of  a  oyster- 
lookin  eye,  and  tother  one  has  a  kind  of  sky-rakin  look, 
so  you  can't  tell  what  upon  yeath  he's  lookin  at.  He 
sed  he'd  call  agin,  and  Mr.  Peleg  and  me  stepped 
into  a  watch  store  whar  ther  was  some  more  Pelegs, 
and  then,  rite  next  door,  we  went  in  whar  ther  was  a 
lot  more  of  'em.  They  was  all  very  glad  to  see  me, 
and  invited  me  to  come  up  to  Mr.  Lampblack's  that 
evenin,  to  hear  a  lecture  on  the  moon,  by  some  great 
perfesser,  whose  name  I've  forgot.  They  all  seemed 
like  monstrous  clever  fellers,  but  I  couldn't  see  how 
upon  yeath  they  was  all  named  Pelegs,  for  they  didn't 
look  up  more  alike  than  any  body  else.  But  jest  be- 
fore tea,  my  old  frend  Whiskers,  what  scared  Mary  so 
up  to  Athens,  you  know,  (would  you  believe  it,  Mr. 
Thompson,  every  bit  of  his  sorrel  hair  drap't  out  when 
he  read  that  Athens  letter  of  mine,  and  now  it's  grow'd 
all  out  as  black  as  your  hat!)  come  round  to  see  me 
and  told  me  aP  about  the  Pelegs. 


# 


iftm,»iaix!iaf^*ii)^'Sf»mi»mm^ 


SKETCHES   OF  TRAVEL. 


25 


and 
your 


stoi>\ 


Well,  they  is  the  devilishest  set  of  fellers  for  playin 
tricks  on  peeple  ever  was  trumped  up  any  whar,  you 
may  depend.  Every  now  and  then  they're  ketchin 
up  some  green  feller,  and  putti?i  Mm  throo,  as  they 
call  it.  I'll  jest  give  you  a  instance.  T'other  day 
one  of  General  Kittledrum's  lutenants  come  over  from 
South  Carolina  to  git  up  a  singin  skool  in  Augusty. 
He  brung  his  commishun  from  the  Guvernor  as  a 
recommendation.  That  was  enufT  for  the  Pelegs,  who 
tuck  him  in  hand  and  soon  got  up  all  sorts  of  a  skool 
for  him.  He  had  'bout  a  hunderd  of  'em  down  on 
his  list,  at  tw^enty-five  dollars  a  quarter,  in  no  time. 
The  feller  was  almost  out  of  his  senses  at  the  idee  of 
makin  his  fortin  so  soon,  and  was  willin  to  do  any 
thing  the  Pelegs  sed  was  necessary  to  stablish  his 
repetation  as  a  music-master.  In  the  fust  place,  they 
tuck  him  into  a  back  room  and  made  him  put  his 
liands  on  the  globes,  and  swore  him  'bout  his  faith 
in  certain  doctrinal  pints  which  they  sed  was  very 
imj:c.-tant  in  a  singin  master.  One  of  'em  red  out, 
in  a  very  solem  voice,  bout  the  rain  fallin  upon  the 
yeath  forty  days  and  forty  nites  ;  and  then  another  one 
sed  to  him,  "Lutenant  Odin,  with  your  rite  hand 
on  the  celestial  globe  and  your  left  hand  on  the 
terestial  globe,  do  you  swar  to  that?"  Ses  he,  "I 
do."  Then  they  swore  him  bout  Samson  killin  the 
Fillistines  with  the  jaw-bone  of  a  jackass,  and  bout 
Faro  and  his  host  gettin  swallered  up  in  the  Red  Sea, 
and  a  heap  of  other  things.  Then,  after  puttin  him 
throo  the  manuel  exercise  for  bout  two  owers,  rite  in 
the  biilin  sun,  they  sed  he  must  give  'em  a  specymen 
of  his  vokel  powers  at  the  theatre,  before  all  his  skollers. 
Well,  they  rigged  him  out  on  the  stage,  and  had  him 
howlin  all  manner  of  meeters  and  kees,  and  givm  ex- 
pianashuns,  afore  a  whole  theater  fall  of  Pelegs,  til] 
they  got  tired  of  the  fun,  when  the  fust  thing  the  feller 
knowd,  a  man  stepped  on  the  stage,  and  rested  him 


m 


26 


MAJOR  Jones's 


I't 


for  hos  steelin,  rite  in  the  middle  of  Old  Hunderd,  on 
a  high  kee.     The  pore  feller  was  skared  almost  to  deth. 
and  swore  he  never  tuck  a  horse  nor  nothin  else  what 
didn't  belong  to  him,  in  all  his  born  days— he  tuck  out 
his  comishun   and   show'd   the  guvernor's  hand-ritin. 
But  all  he  could  do  or  say  didn't  signify  nothin.     The 
constable  tuck  him  to  a  room  whar  the  Pelegs  hold  their 
courts,  and  thar  they  put  him  throo  a  reglar  trial,  and 
made  a  convicted  hos  theaf  out  of  him  by  the  strono-est 
kind  of  testimony.     Some  of  the  Pelegs  was  his  frends, 
and  done  all  they  could  for  him;  but  it  was  no  use — he 
was  condem'd  to  be  hung  according  to  Carolina  law, 
and  M^as  to  be  sent  to  jail' to  wait  till  the  day  of  execu- 
tion.    The  pore  feller  trembled  so  he  couldn't  hardly 
stand,  and  the  swet  started  out  of  his  face  like  he'd 
been  mawlin  rails  all  day.     His  frends  told  him  his 
only  chance  was  to  escape  when  they  was  takin  him  to 
jail,  and  promised  that  they'd  try  to  git  him  loose  from 
the  constable,  and  then  he  must  run  across  the  bridge 
into  Carolina  as  if  the  very  old  Harry  was  after  him. 
Shore   enuff,  when  they  got  him  near  the  bridge,  his 
frends  got  him  away  from  the  constable,  and  a  straiter 
coat-tail  than  he   made   across  that   old    bridge,  was 
never   seed   in    Georgia.     And   that's   the   lasl   that's 
ever  been  seed  or  heard  of  Lutenant  Odin,  the  sin^nn 
master.  ^ 

1  spected  something  wasn't  rite  when  I  seed  so  many 
of  'em  ;  but  they  know  who  to  project  with.  They 
didn't  git  me  to  go  to  none  of  their  lecters  on  the  moon, 
mind  I  tell  you. 

I'm  gwine  in  the  morning  to  Charleston.  It's  mon- 
strous late,  and  the  rale-road  starts  before  day-lighl. 
So  no  more  from 

Your  frend  til  deth,  Jos.  Jones. 


-4  ■',' 


*i**aiM»*'"-<»i»«*»w!ij»ae 


4 


iderd,  on 
i  to  deth. 
?lse  what 
tuck  out 
ind-ritin. 
n.     The 
old  their 
rial,  and 
strongest 
s  frends, 
use — he 
ina  law, 
i"  exccu- 
t  hardly 
ike  he'd 
him  his 
1  him  to 
)se  from 
e  bridge 
:er  him. 
Jge,  his 
straiter 


?e, 


t 


was 
that's 


i  smgm 


io  many 

They 

2  moon, 

*s  mon- 
ly-light. 

3NES. 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


27 


LETTER  IV. 

Charleston,  S.  C,  May  15,  1845 
To  Mr.  Thompson: — I  arriv  here  last  evenin  'bout 
three  o'clock,  rite  side  up,  all  safe  and  sound.  Fore  day- 
light yesterday  mornin  the  nigger  at  the  hotel  in  Augusty 
nocked  me  up,  and  told  me  the  omnibus  for  the  railrode 
was  vvaitin  for  me.  I  wasn't  no  time  gettin  reddy,  and 
in  a  few  minits  I  was  ridin  over  the  bridg  what  Luten- 
ant  Odin  clared  so  quick  when  he  got  loose  from  the 
Pelegs,  on  my  way  to  the  Carolina  railrode. 

I  never  was  in  the  land  of  shivelry  before,  and  I  had 
a  good  deal  of  curiosity  to  see  what  kind  of  a  place  it- 
was  whar  the  people  'lived  what  they  say  all  sneezes 
every  time  Mr.  Calhoun  takes  snufi— and  whar  Ge- 
neral Kittledrum's  men  was  born  "  with  arms  in  ther 
hands,"  reddy  and  termined  to  take  Texas  from  the 
Mexicans,  whether  or  no.  Well,  my  opinion  is,  if  M 
Dickens  was  to  see  Hamburg  he  wouldn't  find  the  same 
fault  with  it  that  he  did  with  Boston.  The  white  and 
red  paint  in  Hamburg  w^ouldn't  hurt  his  eyes  much,  and 
when  he  went  to  sleep  at  night  he  might  be  monstrous 
certain  that  he'd  find  it  thar  in  the  mornin.  The  fact  is, 
Hamburg  is  like  the  Irishman's  horse — it  is  little  but  it's 
ould.  .  It  was  bilt  long  before  the  flood,  and  is  got  the 
marks  of  antlckuty  in  evry  old  rotten  shingle,  evry  un- 
nailed  clapboard,  and  in  evry  broken  pane  of  glass. 

Don't  misunderstand  me,  Mr.  Thompson  ;  I  ain't  like 
some  travellers  into  foreign  parts,  what  takes  pains  to 
humbug  ther  readers  'bout  evry  grate  city  they  visit,  jest  as 
if  nobody  was  ever  thar  before.  Not  by  no  means.  When 


mm 


28 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


.ft 


i  i 


I  say  Hamburg  was  bilt  before  thi>  flood,  I  don't  mean 
the  flood  what  drownded  out  all  creation  cept  old  father 
Noey  and  his  cargo  of  varmints,  but  I  mean  the  flood 
of  1840,  what  overflowed  the  whole  country  from 
Shoolts's  Rights  to  the  Sand  Hills  in  Georgia,  setlin  the 
fences  and  gin-houses  a  shassain  and  dancin  hands-all- 
round  with  the  pig-pens  and  chicken-coops  of  a  thou- 
sand river  plantations.  The  oldest  inhabitants  of  Ham- 
burg is  all  antydeluvians,  and  some  of  'em  is  sposed  to 
be  amfibious.  History  don't  give  any  satisfactory  ac- 
count of  whar  they  cum  from,  but  it's  generally  blieved 
that  the  illustrious  founder  of  the  city  is  one  of  the  same 
Dutch  of  what  tuck  Holland.  He's  a  monstrous  man  in 
his  way,  and  though  he  didn't  bild  a  ark — cause  he  had 
no  warnin  beforehand — he  bilt  a  bridg  what's  stood  a 
thousand  thunderstorms  and  freshets,  and  all  the  floods 
sense  the  days  of  Noey  couldn't  tear  it  up.  It  was  very 
early  in  the  raornin  when  we  druv  through  the  city  to 
the  depo,  and  I  couldn't  form  much  of  a  opinion  'bout 
the  bisness  of  the  place.  At  that  time  o'  day  it  was 
monstrous  still  and  looked  very  much  like  a  barn  yard 
does  when  ther's  hawks  about. 

Jest  before  we  got  to  the  depo,  ses  the  man  what's 
captain  of  the  omnibus,  ses  he,  "  Major,  I'll  take  your 
fare,  if  you  please."  Cum  1o  find  out,  he  meant  a  half 
a  dollar,  for  carryin  me  and  my  baggage  to  the  railnxle. 
He's  a  monstrous  clever  little  man,  but  a  terrible  politi- 
shan — so  I  paid  him,  and  he  soon  sot  us  down  on  the 
platform  by  the  cars. 

Ther  was  a  considerable  bustle  and  fuss  bout  the  depo, 
gettin  reddy  to  start.  The  passengers  was  gittin  ther 
tickets  and  ther  checks  for  ther  baggage,  what  some  fel- 
lers was  nockin  about  like  they  would  tear  the  hide  oflC 
evry  trunk  ther  was  thar,  stowin  'era  away  in  the  cars — • 
some  people  was  runnin  about  biddin  good-by  with  ther 
frends,  and  tellin  'em  not  to  forgit  a  heap  of  things,  and 
sum  was  kickin  up  a  rumpus  cause  they  couldn't  see  ther 


*^w 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


29 


't  mean 
d  father 
le  flood 
y  from 
}tlin  the 
iids-all- 
a  thou- 
)f  Ham- 
)osed  to 
lory  ac- 
blieved 
lie  same 

1  man  in 
he  had 

stood  a 

2  floods 
k'as  very 
'.  city  to 
)n  'bout 
^  it  was 
irn  yard 

what's 
ke  your 
it  a  half 
■ailrode. 
e  politi- 

on  the 

le  (lepo, 
tin  ther 
ome  fel- 
lide  off 
e  cars — • 
vith  ther 
igs,  and 
see  ther 


trunks  after  they  was  put  in  the  cars.  Bimeby  evry 
thing  was  fixed,  and  here  cum  old  Beelzebub,  with  his 
fire,  smoke,  sutbags  and  thunderalions,  to  carry  us  to 
Charlston.  When  I  saw  that  everlastin,  black,  ugly 
thing  cum  chug  up  agin  the  cars  for  'em  to  tackle  it  on, 
fizzin  and  fryin,  and  f-mokin  like  a  tar  kill,  I  thought 
how  if  I  was  a  hos  or  a  mule,  I'd  take  my  hat  off  to  it. 
If  ther  ever  was  a  thing  what  deserves  a  vote  of  thanks 
from  all  the  pullin  generation  of  animals,  I  think  it's  the 
locomotive  ingine.  Jest  to  think,  the  amount  of  hos  flesh 
it  has  saved  sense  it  tuck  to  carryin  the  mails.  A  loco- 
modv  always  seems  to  me  to  cum  nearer  a  livin  animal, 
than  any  other  machine  hivented  by  man,  specially  sense 
they've  got  to  hollerin  at  the  cows  when  they  git  on  the 
track.  It's  a  monstrous  fractious,  spiteful,  headstrong 
sort  of  a  creeter,  and  sumlimes  it  takes  it  into  its  hed  to 
run  oir  the  track,  but  generally  speakin  it's  jest  about  as 
governable  as  any  other  team,  and  don't  take  no  more 
to  feed  it  accordin  to  its  size  and  strength.  I  can't  help 
but  have  a  sort  of  feelin  for  'era,  and  I  wouldn't  no  more 
think  of  makin  'em  go  without  givin  'em  plenty  of  wood 
and  water,  than  I  would  of  makin  my  horses  work  widi- 
out  givin  'em  plenty  of  corn  and  fodder. 

Ling!  ling!  went  the  bell.  "All  aboard,"  ses  the 
captain,  and  the  next  minit  away  we  went  with  the  thun- 
derinest  rattlin,  puflJin  and  snortin  I  ever  did  hear.  In 
a  few  minits  Hamburg  was  out  of  sight,  and  the  pine 
trees  went  dancin  along  behind  us,  as  if  ther  roots 
couldn't  hold   'em  in  the  ground   when   they  saw  us 


comin  among 


em. 


Ther  ain't  nothin  much  to  interest  the  traveller  on  the 
railrode  from  Hamburfr  to  Charlston  ;  and  if  a  man 
can't  find  no  company  in  his  thoughts,  he's  monstrous 
apt  to  be  lonesome.  Along  at  the  fust  ther  wasn't  many 
passengers,,  and  most  of  them  was  preachers  what 
had  been  up  to  Augusty  to  tend  a  convention.  They 
was  the  dryest  set  of  old  codgers  I  ever  met  with,  til  the 


30 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


yi'i 


jollin  of  the  cars  shuck  up  thcr  idees  a  little,  and  then 
they  foil  to  disputin  about  relioion  like  all  rath.  After 
awhile  one  old  feller,  what  had  his  hed  tied  up  with  a 
red  cotton  handkerchef,  and  didn't  belong  to  the  same 
church  with  the  rest  of  'em,  mixed  in  with  'em,  and  in 
about  five  minits  they  got  into  one  of  the  hottest  kind 
of  argyments  'bout  sprinklin  and  dippin.  The  old  hard- 
shell laid  about  him  like  rath,  and  the  louder  the  racket 
and  the  more  dust  the  cars  made,  the  louder  the  old 
feller  fired  away  at  'em,  and  whenever  he  stopped  for 
breth,  two  or  three  of  the  others  was  down  on  him  like 
a  Yankee  thrasliin-mnchine.  They  kep  up  one  everlastin 
string  of  argyment  about  forty-five  miles  long,  and  to 
them  what  sot  a  little  ways  off"  from  'em,  and  could  only 
hear  a  few  words  now  and  then,  it  sounded  zactly  like  a 
reglar  cussin  match ;  and  sumtimes  they'd  look  at  one 
another  like  they  meant  jest  what  they  sed.  Bimeby  the 
old  hardshell  caved  in  for  want  of  breth,  and  all  the  rest 
of  the  w'ay  he  was  hockin  and  hemin,  and  tryin  to  git  the 
dust  and  sinders  out  of  his  wind-pipe. 

Evry  now  and  then  we  stopped  and  tuck  in  more  pas- 
sengers. 'Bout  halfway  to  Charlston  we  tuck  in  two 
ladys  and  a  little  baby.  One  was  a  old  lady,  and  she 
held  the  little  boy,  which  was  a  butiful  little  feller,  'bout 
the  size  of  my  little  Harry,  in  her  lap.  The  other  was 
a  handsome  young  gall,  and  she  was  ciyin.  You  know 
how  butiful  a  pretty  woman  looks  when  she's  cryin,  but 
you  know  that's  the  very  time  no  gentleman  ought  to 
stare  at  'em.  Well,  she  tried  to  dry  her  eyes  as  fast  as 
she  could,  but  every  now  and  then  the  tears  would  bust 
out  agin  in  grate  big  drnps,  and  then  she'd  put  her  hand- 
kerchef to  her  face.  Sumtimes  she  would  look  at  a 
ring  she  had  on  her  finger,  and  then  the  tears  would 
come  agin.  I  felt  monstrous  sorry  for  her,  but  I  tried 
not  to  let  her  see  me  lookin  at  her.  Bimeby  a  sort  of 
skimrailk-lookin  feller  cum  and  tuck  a  seat  rite  close  by 
her,  and  looked  her  rite-spang  in  the  face,  like  he  was 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


31 


and  then 
1.  After 
p  with  a 
the  same 
n,  and  in 
test  kind 
old  hard- 
he  racket 
■  the  old 
pped  for 
him  like 
n'erlastin 
J,  and  to 
3u\(\  only 
;tly  like  a 
i  at  one 
meby  the 
[1  the  rest 
to  git  the 

(lore  pas- 
f  in  two 

and  she 
ler,  'bout 
ther  was 
ou  know 
but 
to 
as  fast  as 
)uld  bust 
lerhand- 
ook  at  a 
"s  would 
t  I  tried 
1  sort  of 

close  by 
!  he  was 


rym, 
ought 


gwine  to  eat  her  up.  The  pore  gall  hadn't  a  very  strong 
stummuck,  I  spose,  and  turned  away  from  him.  He  fol- 
ler'd  her,  and  she  turned  back  again,  and  thar  he  was 
agin,  with  his  everlastin  sheep's  eyes,  lookin  her  rite  in 
the  face.  Thinks  I,  drat  your  imperence,  I  wish  tha* 
gall  was  my  cousin.  Just  then  she  looked  up  to  me 
as  much  as  to  say,  Sir,  did  you  ever  see  such  insurance  ? 
and  I  looked  back  to  her,  as  much  as  to  say,  No,  Miss, 
I'll  be  drat  if  I  ever  did  ;  and  the  next  minit  I  gin  the 
feller  a  sort  of  a  cross-cut  look,  as  much  as  to" say  he 
was  a  infernal  imperent  puppy.  He  looked  back  that 
he  begged  my  pardon,  he  didn't  know  she  was  any 
thing  to  me  ;  then  I  looked  a  kickin  at  him,  if  he  didn't 
look  out,  and  he  looked  tother  way  a  little  while,  and 
then  tuck  himself  ofT  into  another  car.  The  young  lady 
sot  thar  a  minit  or  two,  then  looked  the  sweetest  kind 
of  a  thank  you,  sir,  to  me,  and  went  and  tuck  a  seat  by 
the  side  of  the  old  lady.  They  talked  together,  and 
looked  over  now  and  then  towards  me. 

Nothing  didn't  turn  up  of  interest  on  the  w^ay,  and 
bimeby  I  begun  to  see  signs  of  town.  The  closer  we 
got  to  Charlston,  the  thicker  the  plantations  and  houses 
begun  to  git.  fcimeby  I  could  see  the  steeples ;  and  in 
a  few  minits  more  we  was  roUin  along  among  the  little 
old  frrime  houses,  til  we  got  to  the  depo.  And  now 
the  luss  commenced.  Sich  a  everlastin  rumpus  I  never 
'  ^'^%e.  Scon  as  the  gates  was  open  here  cum  a 
o  iellers  with  whips  in  their  hands,  poppin  and 

^^out  'mong  the  passengers,  axin  us  to  go  here 
thar,  and  whar's  our  baggage,  and  if  we  was 
to  the  boat,  and  more'n  twenty  thousand  other 
questions  before  we  could  answer  the  fust  one.  The 
fust  thing  I  knowd  a  feller  had  one  of  my  trunks  one 
way  and  another  one  had  tother  carryin  it  off  in  another 
direction,  while  two  more  was  pullin  the  life  out  of  my 
carpet  bag  to  see  which  should  have  it.  I  shuck  the 
two  fellers  otl"  my  trunks  monstrous  quick,  and  was  jest 


and 
gwine 


32 


MAJOR    JONES'S 


■h. 


gW'ine  to  tackle  the  clinps  what  had  my  rarpct  ba^ 
when  who  sliouhl  I  sec  but  my  old  fiend,   Hill  Wiley, 
what  used  to   live  up  to   the  old  Planters'  Hotel,  in 
Madison,  you  know. 

"  Why,  hellow,  Majer,"  ses  he,  *'  is  that  you?" 

"  I  blieve  it  is,  Mr.  Wiley,"  ses  I,  "  but  thar  aint  no 
tellin  how  long  I'll  last,  if  1  don't  git  away  from  these 
oudaeious  scamps." 

"  Well,"  ses  he,  "  Majer,  jest  pint  out  your  baggage 
to  Patrick  here,  and  then  toiler  me." 

I  show'd  'em  to  Patrick,  and  then  went  with  INIr. 
Wiley  and  got  into  the  omnibus,  what  tuck  me,  with  a 
whole  lot  of  other  passengers,  to  the  Charlston  Hotel. 
When  I  got  thar,  they  axd  me  to  put  my  name  down 
in  a  big  book,  and  then  it  tuck  me  'bout  a  ower  to  git 
the  dust  and  smoke  off'  my  face.  As  soon  as  I  was 
done  washin  here  oum  three  or  four  niggers  with  little 
short-handled  brooms,  and  begun  to  sweep  the  very  life 
out  of  me.  I  hollered  at  'em  and  ax'd  'era  what  in  the 
mischief  they  meant;  ])ut  they  jest  thrashed  away  as 
hard  as  they  could  lick  it — first  at  me  and  then  on  their 
hands — keepin  up  the  devlishest  drummin  I  ever  heard  ; 
and  the  more  I  twisted  and  turned  to  try  to  git  out  of 
ther  way,  the  harder  they  kep  at  it.  }3imeby  I  sent  one 
of  'em  a  lick  aside  of  his  bed,  what  put  a  stop  to  his 
fun,  and  the  rest  tuck  the  hint;  but  one  tall  yaller  feller, 
what  wanted  to  make  a  few  extra  flourishes,  got  a  kick 
jest  as  he  was  leavin,  that  raised  him  right  off  the  floor. 
1  never  did  see  the  hke  of  'em  in  all  my  born  days.  I 
do  blieve  they'd  have  a  brush  at  a  man  if  they  had  to 
throw  him  down  and  hold  him.  Mr.  Wiley  said  it  was 
all  right,  and  that  they  was  only  tryin  to  git  the  dust 
off"  me.  That  all  mought  be,  but  I  don't  see  no  sense 
in  brushin  the  breth  out  of  a  man  if  he  is  got  a  little 
dust  on  his  clothes. 

In  the  afternoon  I  tuck  a  walk  over  the. city  to  look 
at  the   fme   bildins   and  the   ships.     I  tell  you  what, 


^, 


SKKTCIIES   OF    TRAVEL. 


33 


I  Wiley, 


Iot( 


Ih 


r  aint  no 
m  lliese 


)aggage 


nth  I\rr. 
',  with  a 
1  Hotel, 
le  down 
er  to  git 
as  I  was 
■ith  little 
very  life 
at  in  the 
away  as 
on  their 
r  heard  ; 
t  out  of 
sent  one 
ip  to  his 
er  feller, 
)t  a  kick 
he  floor. 
Jays.  I 
'  had  to 
id  it  was 
the  dust 
no  sense 
>t  a  little 

1^  to  look 
»u  what, 


Charlston  aint  no  fool  of  a  city.     Meeting  street,  and 
King  street,  and  Market  street,  is  very  fine,  and  has  got 
sum  monstrous  handsum  bildins  in  'em.     The  best  part 
of  the  streets  is  too  narrow  and  crooked,  but  Meetin^r 
street  is  a  buiiful  width,  and  from  the  Charlston  Hotel 
down  to  the  bay,  has  got  sum  as  prettv  views  as  I  ever 
seed  in  any  picter.    After  tea  1  went  down  to  the  place 
they  call  the  J3attery.     The  wind  was  blowin  monstrous 
stiff,  and  the  waves  from  the   sea  cum  rollin  in  and 
slashm  the  nasty  salt  water  all  over  me.     It  was  a  very 
lonesum  place,  and  smelled  like  a  old  shot-gun  what 
hadn't  been  cleaned  out  for  a  long  time.     They  tell  me 
here  it's  nateral  for  the  sea  to  smell  so,  and  that  people 
soon  gits  use  to  it,  so  they  don't  mind  it.     The  place 
made  me  feel  sort  o'  sollemcolly,  and  I  started  to  go  to 
the  Hotel.     It  was  sum  time  before  I  could  find  the 
way,  and   as  I  was  walkin  along  in  the  moonlight,  I 
passed  lots  of  ladies  and  gentlemen.      I  heard^su'm 
sweet  female  voices  and  saw  sum  butiful  faces  which 
made  me  think  of  Mary,  and  by  the  time  I  got  to  the 
Hotel  I  was  homesick  as  the  mischief.     I  went  to  my 
room  and  tried  to  go  to  sleep ;  but  ther  was  a  company 
of  midshi])men  and  navy  officers  in  the  next  room  what 
hiid  jest  cum  home  from  a  long  voyage,  and  they  was 
drinkin  wine  and  singin  "  we  wont  go  home  til*  mor- 
nm,"  and  makin  speeches,  and   breakin  glasses,  so  I 
couldn't  sleep  a  bit ;  and  the  merrier  they  was  the  worse 
I  felt. 

This  mornin  I  tuck  another  walk  to  look  at  the  sol- 
diers.  They  had  a  general  musterin  of  the  shivelry 
here  to  bury  a  officer,  and  I  tell  you  what's  a  fact, 
tharlston  can  parade  a  pretty  respectable  showin  of  the 
nation's  bullworks.  There  was  sum  fust  rate  com- 
panys  and  a.  good  many  fine  lookin  officers  among 
'em.  ^  The  Guvernor  was  thar  in  his  regimentals,  but  I 
couUrnt  see  General  Kittledrum.  Ther  was  one  little 
officer  thar  wiiat  had  so  much  military  sperit  in  him 


34 


MAJOR   JONESES 


that  It  put  him  cumpletely  out  of  shape.  He  didn't 
stick  more'n  'bout  tlirce  feet  out  of  his  boots,  and  he 
ooked  hke  a  jack-knife  that  was  opened  so  far  that  it 
bent  over  back.  Its  a  terrible  pity  that  he  couldn't 
pjrow  a  htlle  bigger,  or  simmer  down  his  sperit  a  little 
more,  for  the  sword  is  certainly  too  much  for  the  skab- 
bard.  They  say  he's  a  fust  rate  olHcer,  only  he's  a 
little  out  of  proportion.  The  fact  is,  we  may  say  what 
we  please,  and  laugh  as  much  as  we've  a  mind  to,  'bout 
Carolina  shivelry,  but  ther  ain't  no  mistake  about  it, 
Carolina  is  a  gallant  little  state,  and  every  sun  she's 
got's  a  soldier. 

I'd  like  to  stay  in  Charlston  two  or  three  days,  but 
I  hain't  got  time  now.  When  I  cum  back  from  New 
York  I'll  know  more  al)out  cities,  and  then  I  can  make 
up  my  mind  better  about  Charlston.  I'm  gwine  to 
Wilmington  in  the  steamboat  this  afternoon.  Pervidin 
she  don't  bust  her  biler,  nor  git  blow'd  to  ballyhack  by 
sum  bominable  harrycane,  you  will  hear  from  me  a^dn 
soon.     So  no  more  from  ^ 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 

P.  S.  I've  jest  bought  me  a  hickory  stick  what  I'm 
gwine  to  toat,  and  it  won't  be  well  for  these  fellers  to 
come  pullin  and  haulin  'bout  my  baggage  and  brushin 
all  the  buttons  oflf  my  clothes,  wharever  I  stop  in  futer. 
You  know  I'm  a  peaceable  man,  but  I  can't  stand  evry 
'hing.  .  -^ 


.'  f 


?3* 


ski:tciij;s  oi--  tuavi:l. 


36 


lie  didn't 
ots,  and  he 
3  far  that  it 
he  couldn't 
pcrit  a  little 
)r  the  skab- 
only  he's  a 
ay  say  what 
nd  to,  'bout 
:e  about  it, 
^  sun  she's 

!e  days,  but 
from  New 
I  can  make 
Q  gwine  to 
Pervidin 
allyhack  by 
ra  me  agin 


3.  Jones. 

i.  what  I'm 
e  fellers  to 
ind  brushin 
)p  in  futer. 
stand  evry 


.4. 
•I 


LETTER  V. 

Washincfton  City,  May  IS,  18-15. 

To  Mu.  Thompson  :—yA'fl!r  »SV/- — I  left  off  my  last 
letter  to  you  only  a  f(!W  minits  before  the  omnibus  cum 
to  take  me  from  the  llolel  t(»  the  steambote.  Well,  I 
was  a  little  behind  the  administration  in  gettin  my  trunks 
packed  a^in,  and  cum  monstrous  nigh  gettin  left.  But 
Patrick  got  me  down  to  the  wharf  jest  as  the  last  ring 
was  (lyin  out  of  the  bell,  and  in  a  few  minits  I  was 
afloat  on  salt  water  for  the  fust  time  in  my  life.  You 
must  know  I  fell  in  a  mill-pond  once  when  I  was  a  boy, 
and  was  pidled  out  by  old  nigger  Ned,  jest  when  I  had 
'bout  tuck  my  last  swaller,  and  I  spose  it's  that  what's 
always  made  me  have  sich  a  mortal  dred  of  water  whar 
I  can't  tetch  bottom  ever  sense.  I  felt  monslrous  jubus 
'bout  gwine  aboard,  and  if  ther  was  any  possible  way 
of  gettin  round  it  I  woukln't  a  run  no  sich  risks  you 
may  depend. 

It  was  a  butil'ul  afternoon,  and  the  passengers  was  all 
as  lively  as  crickets,  talkin  and  laughin  and  lookin  at 
the  city  as  the  steambote  went  spaiikin  along  with  her 
Hags  a  llyin,  and  her  wheels  tin-nin  the  sea  into  soapsuds, 
and  leavin  a  white  track  in  the  water  behind  us.     Ther 
was  a  heap  of  ships  and  steambotes  all  about— sum 
standin  slill,  sum  gwine  out  and  sum  cumin  in  ;  and 
little  boats  not  bigger  than  a  feedin-trough  was  dodgin 
all  aboul,  wiUi  ther  while  sails  a  shhiin  in  the  sun  liice 
sand-hill  cranes  in  a  rice-field.     The   ci(y  kep  gettin 
smaller  and  smaller,  til  bimeby  Fort  Moultry,  whar  you 
know  the  Carolina  boys  licked  (he  British  so'in  the  revo- 
lution, didn't  look  no   bigger  than  a  fodder-stack.     I 
looked  around  for  the  shore,  but  the  sky  seemed  to  cum 
1 .) 


36 


MAJOR  jom:s  s 


m 


i 


down  to  the  water  on  every  side,  til  it  looked    cs^  1  ke 
the  crystnl  of  my  watch,  'thout  a  spot  ot  y^f^'^f 
one's  foot  on  as  far  as  my  evrs  could  «ee.     I  he^u    io 
feel  monstrous  skary,  and  I  ;»on't  bl.eve  I  ever   Id    l.^v 
sich  loner  brcths  belore  in  all  my  born  days.     I  do  I  lu   e 
1  thouoht  of  all  the  ship-racks  I  ever  red  of  m  my  hte 
and  I  would  a  gin  ten  per-cent.  of  all  1  had  m  the  world 
o  had  my  life  insured.     I  held  on  to  the  side  ol  the 
boat  with  both  hands,  and  kep  as  fur  oil    ro.n  the  bile 
asl  could.     But  the  ladys  and  the  little  children  dun  t 
seem  to  mind  it  a  bit,  and  after  we  was  out  oi  sight  of 
land  about  a  ower  I  got  a  little  over  my  skeer. 

T^imebv  a  nicr<rer  feller  commenced  nngm  a  bell  as 
haJd  ast  coulcl  ring,  and  ^-Hcrin  out^"  GerUlemen 
what  hain't  pnid  ther  passage  will  please  to  ^^alk  up  to 
the  captin\s  odice  and  setde  !"     As  soon  as  I  couh   gi 
a  chance  I  paid  for  mv  tickets,  and  i)retty  soon  after  that 
the  bell  rung  agin  fo.-  supper.     We  had  a  fust  rate  s.up. 
per   but  suinhovv  it  didn't  seem  natural  to  be  sw.mn.m 
and'  rockin  about  in  the  sea,  and  eatin  at  the  snnK>  tune 
and  I  di.ln't  eat  much.     Presides,   ther  was  a   sort  of 
sickish  feelin  cum  over  me  in   the   supper  room,  ancl  1 
^vent  up  on  the  roof  agin  as  quick  as  1  could  to  smo..e 
a  se^ar,  thinkin  it  mought  make  me  (eel  better. 

By  thi^  time  it  was  ni-ht,  but  die  moon  and  s.ars  was 
shinln  above  and  l.elov.-l!>("  o:dy  m.cum  „  the  sea 
and  th<.   he;,vens   briu   ihut   d,e   :-lars   and    innoa  m  ll:e 
.vuicr  xvas  dnmin  and  -ap^-Mr^   .b-  ut  lu.  th-y  vsas  ou 
of  11, er  senses,  Nvlule   theii.  in  d,e    sky  was  wmkm   and 
twinkliii  in  th.er  old  places  as  quietly  r.nd  sober  as  ever, 
i  oot  a  li-ht  for  mv  segar  and  was  jest  begmnin  to  smoke 
^vhen  a  nigger  felh-r  cum  up  to  me,  and  ses  l.e  :^^ 
"  xMassa   no  smokin  lowed  aft  the  machmery. 
"The  mischief  ther  ain't!"  ses  I,  and  I  went  away 
back  to  the  hind  eend  of  the  boat  and  tuck  a  seat   and 
commenced  a  rioht  good  smoke  to  myself.     But  I  hadn 
been  thar  more'n  a  minit  before  here  cum  tne  mggtr 
feller  agin. 


SXETCHLS    01-    1  HAVEL. 


forard," 


*'  You  musen't  smnlce  aft  the  machinery,"  ses  he. 

*'  Well,"  ses  1,  "  I  ain't  near  yer  machinery." 

**■  No  ;  but,"  se.s  he,  "you  is  aft." 

''Aft  what?"  ses  I. 

^'The   place    for    gentlemen   to   smoke   is 
ses  he. 

"  We'l,"  ses  I,  ''my  bnek,  I  don't  understand  your 
ffn)rish,  but  if  you'll  jest  show  me  wliar  I  can  smoke 
ihout  any  danger  to  your  machinery,  I'll  go  thar." 

Whh  that  the  bominable  fool  begun  to  snicker,  til  he 
seed  my  cane  was  lakin  the  measure  of  his  hed  for  a 
nock  down,  when  he  straitened  up  the  pucker  of  his 
face  and  sed — 

"  Cum  this  way,  sir  ;  this  is  the  forard  deck,  massa.'* 

I  ibllc'red  him  over  to  the  fore  eend  of  the  boat,  whar 
sum  more  genTienien  was  smokin.  I  hadn't  tetched  a 
drap  of  licker  in  a  coon's  age,  but  I  was  never  so  put  to 
to  walk  strait  in  my  life.  Sumhow  I  couhhi't  make  no 
sort  of  calkelation  for  the  floor — one  minit  it  was  up  to 
my  knee,  and  the  next  step  I  couldn't  hardly  reach  it — • 
and  my  legs  kep  giftin  mix(;'d  up  and  tangled  so  I  didn't 
know  one  from  tother.  All  the  passengers  seemed  like 
they  was  tite — sum  of  'em.  looked  monstrous  serious, 
and  one  or  two  was  caskadin  over  the  side  of  the  boat 
into  the  sea  with  all  iher  might.  I  felt  a  little  sort  o' 
swimmy  in  the  lied  myself,  and  I  begun  to  spicion  I  was 
geltin  sea-sick,  so  I  tuck  a  seat  by  the  side  of  the  boat 
and  smoked  my  segar  to  setlh,'  my  stummick. 

V\'ell,  thar  1  sot  and  smoked  lil  all  the  passengers  wen{ 
down  into  the  bed-room  to  sleej).  It  was  a  butiild  night, 
and  the  scene  was  jest  the  kind  to  set  a  man's  brains  a 
thinkin.  The  sea  is  a  roomy  place  and  tber's  nothin 
thar  to  prevent  one's  givin  free  scope  to  his  imagination 
■ — it's  a  mighly  thing,  the  sea  is,  and  if  a  man  don't  feel 
some  sublime  emotions  in  its  jiresence,  it's  because  nis 
hed  works  is  on  a  monstrous  small  scale.  Thar  it  was,  the 
great,  the  everlastin  ocean,  dressed  out  in  its  star-bespan- 
gled night-gowH;  dancin  to  the  soft  music  of  the  sighin 


■iH^i 


38 


MAJOR   JONKS'S 


^1 


winds,   and    the   liquid    cadence   of    its    cvcr-sp]asl..n 
waves  ;  while  down  deep  in  its  coral  caverns  the  whales 
and   porpoises  was   spoutin    ther  love    ditties  to  ther 
sweotliarts,  and  the  maremaids  was  piittin  ther  hair  in 
curl  to  break  the  harts  of  the  youn^y  sea-hoses.     It  was 
monstrous  still— the  monotonous  splashin  of  the  wheels, 
the  ^rruiitin  and  ^roanin  of  the  ingine,  the  rushin  of  the 
foau),  and  the  rumblin  and  squeakin  of  the  timbers  of 
the  boat,  all  keepin  time  together,  made  a  sort  of  noisy 
sih'nce  that  fell  negatively  on  the  ear.     I  leaned  over 
the  side  and  looked  at  the  fiery  foam,  as  it  rolled  spark- 
lin  away  from  the  bow:  but  it  faded  from  the  face  of 
the  sea  while  I  looked  at  it,  and  a  few  yards  behind 
us  ther  remained  no  track  of  our  passage.  I  felt  alone  on 
the  vast  ocean,  and  a  feelin  of  isolation  cum  over  me, 
which,  fore  I  got  rid  of  it,  made  the  boat  seem  no  big- 
ger than  a  teapot,  and  myself  about  the  size  of  a  young 
seed-tick.     I  could  preached  a  sermon  on  the  sublimity 
of  creation,  and  the  insignificance  of  man  and  his  works, 
but  1  had  no  congregation  then,  and  it's  too  late  now. 
I  don't  know  what  made  me  think  of  home — but  sum- 
how  I  felt  like  I'd  gin  a  heap  to  be  thar.     I  thought  of 
the  butifid  bright  eyes  that  was  closed  in  sleep  on  ray 
j)illar,  and  the   dear  little  cub  that  was  nestled  in  my 
l)lace.    Bless  Iher  dear  souls — perhaps  they  was  dreaniin 
of  nie  that  very  minit — perhaps  I  was  never  to  see  'em 
in  this  world  again.     These  thoughts  made  me  feel  mon- 
strous bail,  and  the  more  I  reflected  about  it,  the  worse 
I  felt,  til  1  blieve  I  would  gin  all  I  had  in  the  world  jest 
to  be  sure  I  wouldn't  die  belbre  I  got  back. 

]5in\("hy,  I  thought,  I'd  try  to  go  to  sleep,  so  I  well 
down  into  Uie  bed-room,  and  tried  it.  But  it  was  no 
go.  I  got  into  one  of  the  little  boxes,  what  they  call 
berths,  but  I  couldn't  stay  born  no  way  I  could  lix  it. 
in  tlie  first  i)lace  I  couldn't  git  stowed  away  no  how, 
and  in  the  next  place,  whenever  I  shut  my  eyes,  it 
seemed  like  the  boat  was  whirlin  round  and  round  like 
a  tread-wheel.     I  got  ii])  agin,  juid  went  up  stairs,  and 


* 


SKRTCIIES   OF   TRAVKL 


39 


una 


smoked  another  scgar,  til  I  got  pretty  tired,  and  then  I 
went  ni  the  gentlemen's  parlor,  and  stretched  myself  on 
one  of  the  seats.  I  fell  asleep  thar  sumtime  between 
that  and  daylight,  and  never  waked  up  til  most  breck- 
fust  tnne  the  ne\t  mornin,  when  they  sed  we  was  in 
Cape  Fear,  gwi  t-  right  up  to  Wilmington. 

Cape  Fear  ^"  a  very  fine  river,  and  ther's  some  fine 
plantations  ?  A  houses  on  the  banks  when  you  o-it  near 
to  WilmiiT  .on.  Pretty  soon  afier  breckfust  we"  got  in 
sight  of  ue  city,  and  a  few  minits  afterwards  we  was 
long  side  the  wharf,  and  the  niggers  was  cartin  our 
baggage  up  the  hill  to  the  raih-ode"^.  Wilmington  pre- 
sents 'bout  as  curious  a  aspect  from  the  rivcT,  as  any 
other  town  in  my  knowins.  The  fust  thing  you  see  is 
everlastin  piles  of  turpentine  barrels,  piled  up  on  the 
wharf  in  evry  direction,  and  on  the  vessels  in  the  river. 
That's  the  front  rank.  The  next  is  a  plattoon  of  wind' 
mills,  enufr  to  lick  all  the  J3oii  Quicksots  in  Spain.  In 
them  they  bile  the  spirits  of  turpentine  out  of  the  gum. 
The  rare  rank— and  that's  scattered  all  over  the  hill— is 
made  up  of  houses,  and  old  brick  walls  and  chimneys 
of  houses  what's  been  burnt  down,  with  here  and  thar 
a  few  more  barrels  of  turpentine.  They've  had  two  or 
three  fires  here  lately,  what's  burnt  up  the  best  part  of 
the  town  ;  but  I  don't  wonder  at  it,  for  I  would  as  soon 
think  of  puttin  out  a  powder-house  as  a  place  what's  so 
perfectly  soaked  with  turpentine.  All  I  wonder  at  is 
that  the  river  don't  ketch  a  fire  too.  ' 

We  waited  about  a  ower  in  Wilmington,  which 
afforded  us  a  opportunity  of  lookin  about  a  little.  After 
travellin  over  it,  and  lookin  at  sura  very  handsum  bild- 
ms,  among  which  was  the  new  Piscopal  Church,  a  mon- 
strous pretty  bildin,  we  went  back  to  the  cars.  When 
we  got  thar,  I  ax'd  a  nigger  fellar  whar  I  could  git  sum 
segars,  and  he  told  me  to  go  into  a  house  what  stood 
nte  over  a  branch,  on  stilts  'bout  twenty  feet  high,  whar 
he  sed  Lucy  Ann  would  sell  'em  to  me.  Well  I  went 
into  the  house,  and  ses  I,  "  Is  Lucy  Ann  here  ?" 


I 


40 


MAJOR  Jones's 


"  Dat's  ray  name,"  scd  a  liltle  oullaiitlish  person  with 
a  coat  and  britches  on. 

*'  I  want  to  see  Lucy  Ann,"  ses  I. 

"  Dat's  me,"  ses  he.  "  What  shall  I  have  the  plal- 
sure  to  sell  you  to  day,  ha?" 

I  looked  up  at  the  old  feller's  whity-hrown  soit  of  a 
face,  and  ses  I,  "I  don't  spose  it  makes  any  dillerenee, 
but  they  told  me  Lucy  Ann  kep  this  store." 

"Well,  sarc,  my  name  be  Lucy  Ann;  I  keep  dis 
store,  and  sell  you  sum  vaiy  line  orange,  banana,  soda- 
water,  and  so  forth." 

I  bought  sum  segars  and  sum  oranges  and  went  out, 
but  I  couldn't  help  thinkin  ther  was  sum  mistake  about 
it.  If  Lucy  Ann  was  a  woman,  her  pearance  and  dress 
wasn't  very  flatterin  to  the  North  Carolina  nails. 

Bimeby  the  bell  rung,  and  the  passengers  was  all 
aboard  agin  in  the  cars.  The  lokymotiye  man  pulled 
the  wire  what  sot  the  steam  agwine,  and  away  we  went, 
licky-teklink,  rite  among  the  tar  and  turpentine  what 
was  strung  all  along  the  road,  evry  here  and  thar,  for 
most  a  hundred  miles.  Like  all  the  southern  rodes  this 
railrode  don't  run  through  the  most  interestin  part  of  the 
country,  so  it  wouldn't  be  fair  to  judge  of  the  old  North 
State  by  what  one  sees  on  the  railrode.  The  country 
ain't  much  else  but  one  everlasiin  turpentine  plantation; 
and  all  one  can  see  for  miles,  is  millions  upon  millions 
of  pine  trees  with  the  bark  half  off,  and  the  white  tur- 
pentine runnin  down  ther  sides,  and  lookin  like  so  many 
tall  ghosts  standin  in  the  dark  shade,  with  ther  windin- 
sheets  on.  The  rode  runs  through  a  very  level  country, 
and  is  the  straitest  in  the  world — haying  a  single  stretch 
of  upwards  of  seventy  miles  without  a  single  bend  m  it. 
The  cars  ain't  quite  so  stylish  as  them  on  the  Georgia 
Railrode,  but  the  conducters  is  very  obligin,  attentive, 
clever  men,  and  git  along  with  as  few  accidents  as  any 
other  conducters  in  the  world,  only  they  don't  low  no 
Nmokin  in  the  cars. 

We  got  to  Weldon  a  little  after  dark,  and  thar  we 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


41 


tuck  a  very  ^-ood  supper.  Ilore  we  bouglit  tickets  agin, 
and  thcr  was  a  bi£(  lat  feller  Ihar  what  seemed  termined 
to  make  us  all  go  the  Bay  route,  as  he  called  it,  whether 
we  would  or  no.  He  banged  all  the  fellers  to  talk  I 
ever  heard  in  all  my  born  days,  lie  got  ahed  of  evry- 
body  else,  passengers  and  all ;  and  when  I  told  him  I'd 
be  very  glad  to  commodate  hiin,  only  I  wanted  to  "o 
by  Washington;  he  sed,  he'd  be  dad  fetched  if  he 
didn't  have  the  seat  of  government  moved  down  on  the 
Bay,  jest  for  the  commodalion  of  the  public  what  travels 
on  his  line.  lie's  a  monstrous  good  agent,  and  ought 
to  be  well  paid  for  his  trouble. 

I  didn't  git  much  good  sleep  the  night  before,  in  the 
steam  bote,  and  by  the  time  we  got  to  Petersburg,  I  was 
pretty  well  done  over,  and  I  never  was  so  glad  in  my 
life  to  go  to  bed.  I  remember  sumthing  'bout  gettin 
up  the  next  mornin  fore  daylight,  and  gettin  in  a  omni- 
bus, and  then  gettin  in  sum  more  cars,  and  whizzin 
along  through  Virginy  like  a  streak  of  ligthnin.  Towns 
and  bridges,  and  rivers,  and  mountings  went  whirlin 
past  us  so  rapid  that  I  hadn't  no  timeto  ax  any  thinnr 
about  'em.  Like  Cassio  when  he  got  sober,  *''  I  re- 
member a  heap  of  things,  but  nothin  very  pertickelerly," 
from  the  time  I  went  to  bed  in  Petersburg,  til  I  found 
myself  in  tlie  steambole  on  the  Potomac  gwine  to 
Washington. 

These  railrodes  play  the  misclief  with  a  man's  obser- 
vations. One  mought  as  well  try  to  count  the  fethers 
in  a  pigeon's  tail  wlien  he's  on  the  wing,  as  to  look  at 
the  country  he's  travellin  through  in  the  railrode  cars. 
He  gits  a  kind  of  tlyin  panorama  of  trees  and  houses, 
and  towns  and  rivers,  and  fenses  and  bridges,  all  mixed 
up  together — one  runnin  into  totlier,  and  another  begin- 
nin  before  the  last  one's  left  off— so  he  can't  make  lied 
nor  tail  lo  'em.  And  when  he  does  stop  a  niinit  he's 
so  pestered  with  liack-drivers  and  porters,  that  he  hain't 
liardly  got  time  to  buy  liis  ticket  or  eat  his  breckfust,  let 
alone  doin  any  thing  else.     I  was  anxious  to  have  a 


] 


42 


MAJOR    JONES  S 


good  look  at  the  Old  Domir  ion,  for 


a  good  many  rea- 


sons—I wanted  to  see  the  state  whar  my  father  and 
mother  was  born,  and  what  had  priven  birth  to  the  great 
Washington.  But  I  had  sich  a  bominable  pore  chance, 
I  don't  blieve  I'd  know  aiiy  more  about  Virginy  when  I 
see  it  agin,  than  Captain  Marryat  did  about  America 
when  he  went  home  to  write  his  everlastin  book  of  lies. 

The  Potomac  is  a  .?ioble  river ;  and  as  ther  wns  no 
waves  to  set  the  bote  a  rolHn,  I  had  a  fust  ra<^r,  -^  ^.poe 
to  look  at  the  scenery  on  its  banks.     I  never  s^  git 

my  feelins  when  the  bell  rung  to  let  us  know  v.o  was 
near  Washington's  grave,  at  Mt.  Vernon.  I  felt  that  it 
was  a  grate  privilege  to  be  allowed  to  look  at  that 
sacred  spet,  where  the  ashes  of  the  father  of  his  country 
was  reposin— to  look  at  the  mound  of  yeath  that  had 
taken  to  itself  the  noble  form  in  which  had  centred  so 
much  vii'tue,  so  much  patriotism,  so  much  valor,  so 
much  wisdom,  so  much  of  evry  thing  that  ennobles 
human  nater.  I  remembered  how  on  the  bosom  of  the 
very  stream  on  which  I  was,  a  British  fleet  once  floated, 
and  that  when  they  passed  the  grave  of  our  country's 
sainted  hero,  they  lowered  ther  proud  banner,  in  token 
of  respect  to  the  illustrious  ded — and  when  I  thought 
of  that,  it  made  me  half  forgive  'em  for  destroyin  ?he 
city  that  bore  his  name.  Fort  Washington  stands  high 
up  on  the  bank,  and  looks  down  monstrous  sassy ;  and 
I  reckon  if  the  John  Bull's  was  to  try  that  game  agin, 
they'd  find  the  Potomac  sum  what  rougher  navigashun 
now  than  it  was  then. 

In  a  few  minits  more  we  was  in  sight  of  Washington 
city,  with  the  great  umbrella  top  of  the  Capitol  loomin 
up  into  the  heavens,  grand,  gloomy,  and  peculiar.  We 
wasn't  long  gettin  to  the  wharf,  and  after  a  terrible 
encounter  with  'bout  five  hundred  cab-men  and  porters, 
I^made  out  to  git  my  baggage  into  a  hack  and  druv  to 
Gadsby's  hotel,  whar  I  got  a  good  sujjper  and  soon 
went  to  bed. 

I  dreamed  all  nif^ht  of  cofr-whecls  and  stciim-in£rines 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


43 


. — sumtimcs  my  bed  was  fi  car,  then  it  was  a  steambote, 
and  then  it  was  a  omnibus,  but  it  was  gwine  all  the 
time,  at  the  rate  of  twenly-llve  miles  a  owcr.  My 
brains  hain't  got  more'n  'bout  half  settled  yet,  so  you 
must  excuse  this  monstrous  pore  letter.  I  hope  to  git 
regelated  in  a  day  or  two,  and  then  I  will  tell  you  sum- 
thing  'bout  Washington  City  and  its  lyons.  No  more 
from  Your  frend  td  deth, 

Jos.  Jones, 


1 


44 


MA  J  on   JONES'S 


LETTER  VI. 

Washin?2;ton  City,  May  19,  1815. 

To  ]Mr.  Thompson  : — Dear  Sir — It  was  pretty  hito 
belore  I  got  up  this  mornin,  and  then  it  was  'bout  a 
ower  beibre  I  found  my  way  down  stairs  after  I  did  git 
up.  You  hain't  no  idee  what  a  everlastin  heap  of  rooms 
and  passages  and  stair-ways  ther  is  to  these  big  hotels, 
and  to  a  person  what  aint  use  to  'em  it's  'bout  as  dilh- 

It  to  navie^ate  through  'em  as  it  is  to  find  one's  way 


cul 


out  of  a  Florida  hammock. 

As  soon  as  I  got  my  breekfast  I  sot  out  for  the  Capitol, 
what  stands  on  the  hiJI,  at  the  upper  eend  of  the  Avenue, 
as  they  call  it,  which  is  a  grate  wide  street  runnin  rite 
through  the  middle  of  the  city.  When  I  looked  up  to 
it — from  the  street — it  seemed  like  it  wasn't  more'n 
twenty  yards  off,  but  before  I  got  to  it  I  was  pretty  tired 
walkin.'  Tlu-  g^ite^  was  open,  and  I  walked  into  the 
yard,  and  follered  round  the  butiful  paved  walks  til  I 
cum  to  the  steps.  Tlie  yard,  round  the  bildin,  is  all 
laid  off  in  squares  and  dimontls,  jest  like  Mary's  (lower- 
garden,  and  is  all  sot  out  with  trees.  Rite  in  fruntof 
the  bildin,  on  the  side  towards  the  city,  is  a  curious  kijid 
of  a  monument,  standin  in  a  basin  of  water,  with  little 
babys  and  angels,  all  cut  out  of  solid  marble,  standin  all 
round  on  the  corners  of  it,  pintin  up  to  a  old  eagle  what 
looks  like  he'd  gone  to  roost  on  the  top  of  it._  It's  a 
very  pretty  thing,  and  the  water  what  it  stands  in  is  full 
of  little  red  fishes,  ]Jjayin  all  about  as  lively  as  tadpoles 
in  a  mill  pond.  I  looked  at  the  monument  sum  time, 
and  red  sum  of  th.^  names  on  it,  but  sum  I  couldn't  make 
out  and  the  rest  I've  forgot. 

After  gwine  up  two  or  three  more  pair  of  stone  stairs, 
I  cum  to  the  door  of  the  Capitol.    I  couldn't  see  nobody 


4  A 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL 


45 


so  I  nocked  (wo  ir  three  times,  but  nobody  didn't 

n  nockod  a!j;in  with  my 

I  fill        •    '       I  -m-  .  <J 


about, 

answer.    I  waited  awhile  and  the 

Klick,  but  nobody  never  sed  a  word.  Thinks  I,  they 
can't  be  home.  J5ut  the  door  was  open— so  thinks  I,  Til 
go  in  and  see  the  biJdin  any  how.  Well,  in  I  went,  and 
the  lust  thing  I  met  was  two  pair  of  stairs  aj^in,  both 
gwine  the  same  way.  I  tuek  one  of  'em,  and  alter  gwine 
a  little  ways  I  cum  to  another  green  door.  Thinks  1,  it 
wont  do  to  be  too  bold,  or  I  moiight  git  into  a  fuss  with 
the  kitchen  cabinet,  and  I  knowd  a  whig  wouldn't  find 
no  frends  tliar.  So  I  nocked  agin,  louder  and  louder, 
but^nobody  answered.  Well,  thinks  I,  the  government 
can't  be  to  home  sure  enufl",  and  I  was  jest  thinkin  what 
a  bominable  shame  it  was  for  them  to  neglect  their  bis- 
ness  so,  when  here  cum  a  feller,  what  had  whiskers  all 
over  his  face,  with  three  or  four  galls,  laughin  and 
gigghn  at  a  terrible  rate,  and  in  they  went,  without  ever 
nockin  a  lick.  Well,  thinks  I,  I've  got  as  good  a  right 
here  as  any  body  else  what  dont  belong  to  the  adminis- 
tration, so  in  I  follered  into  the  rotunda. 

I  tell  you  what,  I\lr.  Thompson,  this  rotunda  is  a 
monstrous  tall  bildin  jest  of  itself.  Why  you  could  put 
the  Pineville  court-house  inside  of  it,  and  it  wouldn't 
be  in  the  way  a  bit.  A  full  grown  man  dont  look  no 
bigger  in  it  than  a  five  year  old  boy,  and  I  cum  very 
near  nockin  a  pintcr  dog  in  the  hed  for  a  rat,  he  looked 
so  little.  The  sides  is  all  hung  round  with  picters,  and 
over  the  doors  ther  is  some  sculptures  representin  William 
Penn  swindlin  the  Ingins  out  of  ther  land,  and  Columbus 
cuuun  ashore  in  his  boat,  and  old  Danel  Boon  killin  off 
the  aborignees  with  a  butcher  knife,  and  other  subjects 
more  or  less  flatterin  to  the  national  character.  The 
figers  is  all  cramped  up  like  they'd  been  whittled  down 
to  ht  ther  places,  and  don't  look  well  to  my  iikin  at  all. 
The  i)laces  would  be  a  great  deal  better  filled  with  single 
figers  representin  our  grate  generals  and  statesmen.  The 
picters  is  very  good,  and  it's  worth  a  trip  from  Geoi-gia 
to  Washington  to  see  them  great  national  paintins,  the 


i 


■f 


4 


i\ 


46 


MAJOR  Jones's 


M 


f 


'\i 


Si-ners  of  the  D.daraliou  of  Inaepcmlencc  ll  e  Siu^- 
reader  of  (^or.nvaHis,  Wasl.ini^ton  givui  up  l^i>^  Com- 
m  s  on,  tlie  l^aplism  of  I'ocahonl.s  and  the  Pdgruu 
fXi^'oh  board  Ihor  ship.  1  could  looked  a  'cm  a 
^^-hole  dity,  but  I  had  so  much  to  see  and  so  1  Ule  tunc 
to  spare,  {hat  I  only  gin  'em  a  P^^^^;"^^^;^";^'^;;^^^^^  ^^e 
IVunobv  I  went  up  to  a  chap  ^vhat  was  sitm  by  me 
doo;"^tlfabooWn  his  hand,  and  ax'd  him  whar  the 

government  was. 

"  Who  ?"  ses  he.  ,      „ 

u  The  irovernment,"  ses  I,-"  Polk  and  Dalhis 

»  Oh,  ses  he,  the  President  is  at  home  at  bis^house, 

I  beUeve,  but  1  don't  know  whar  Mr.  DaUas  is. 
"  Don't  the  President  Hve  here  ?     ses  1. 
»  i^o  .1  ''  ses  he.     "  lie  lives  in  the  White  House 

at  the  othe,'  eend  of  the  Avenue.     Tins  is  the  ^Capitol 

wh'ir  Cono-ress  sets,  but  it  aiiit  m  session  now. 

"Be^^^^^^^^^^  sir,"  ses  I,''  I  thought  the  govern^ 

mcnt  all  lived  at  the  Capitol." 

"  Your  a  stranger  here  then,  it  seems  "  ses  he    '   My 

business  is  to  show  strangers  over  the  Capitol.    Do  you 

wish  to  see  it  ?'  ,     ,,         t  //       i   tm 

"  That's  jest  -Ahat  I  cum  here,  for,"  ses  I,  '  ami  1 .1 
like  very  much  to  see  whar  Congress  makes  the  laws. 

"  Verv  well,"  ses  he,  "  jest  foUer  me. 

Well  he  led  the  way  ami  I  foUered  up  stairs  and 
down  throu-h  passages  and  round  pillars  and  corners, 
uX  a'ches^and  ove?roufs,  through  the  Senate  Chambei- 
the  Hall  of  the  Representatives,  and  ever  so  many  olhces 
Td  committee  rooms,  til  he  brung  me  out  on  the  top  of 
he  dome.  I  never  was  so  high  up  in  the  ^vorld  belore 
Thar  was  the  "  city  of  magnl:-ent  distances,"  .tie  aly 
stretched  out  at  my  foet,  and  I  looked  ^o»«  upon  the  dig- 
nitaries of  the  land.  I  was  indeed  elevated  above  Presi- 
den    and  Cabinets,  and  Ministers  of  State.  Houses  ooked 

ke  martin  boxes,  men  looked  no  bigj;er  than  seed-ticks 
and  carriages  and  horses  went  crawhn  «lo>'f  °^f     '« 
Iround  like  a  couple  of  ants  draggin  a  dead  blue  bottle. 


1^  ^ 


I 


SICKTCllHS    01-    TRAVICL. 


47 


7) 


and 


A 


The  eye  ranges  over  half  the  nation;  Virginy  and 
Maryhmd  comes  into  the  ten  miles  sfjuare,  and  the  Po- 
tomae  looks  like  a  litth'  braneh  runnin  through  a  meadow 
of  trees  ;  while  the  Tiber  don't  look  no  more  like  "  the 
angry  Tiber  chafing  with  its  shores"  in  which  Julias 
Ca.'sar  and  Mr.  Cassius  went  a  swimmin  with  ther  clothes 
on,  than  our  duck  pond  does  like  the  Atlantic  Ocean. 

Well,  after  takin  a  good  look  from  Uie  dome,  I  follered 
the  man  what  keeps  die  Capitol,  down  agin  into  the  Ro- 
tunda, and  ax'd  him  what  was  to  pay  for  his  trouble. 
"  Nothing  at  all,"  ses  he,  and  then  he  told  me  whar 
the  statues  was  on  the  eastern  Portico,  and  pinted  out 
the  place  w!iar  they  kept  Mr.  Greenough's  Washing- 
ton. 

I  went  out  on  the  portico,  and  what  do  you  think, 
Mr.  Thompson !  the  very  firj^t  tiling  I  seed  was  a  woman 
without  so  much  as  a  pettycoat  on !     Not  a  real  live 
woman,  but  one  cut  out  of  marble,  jest  as  nateral  as  life 
itself.     Thar  she   ^vas,   sort  of  half  standin  and   half 
squattin  by  the  side  of  a  man  dressed  off  in  armour  and 
hold  in  a  round  ball  hi  his  hand.     At  first  I  never  was 
so  tuck  aback  in  my  life,  and  I  looked  all  round  to  see 
if  anybody  was  lookin  at  me.     I  couldn't  helji  but  look 
at  it,  though  it  did  make  me  feel  sort  o'  shamed  all  alone 
by  myself.    Every  now  and  then  somebody  would  cum 
by,  and  then  I  would   walk  off  and  look  totlier  way. 
liut  sunihow  I  couldn't  go  away.     The   more  I  looked 
at  it  the  handsumer  it  got,  til  bimeby  I  seemed  to  forgit 
every  other  thought  in  the   contemplation  of  its  beauty. 
Ther  was  sumthing  so  chaste,  and  cold,  and  pure  about 
that  beautiful  figure,  that  I  begun  to  be  in  love  with  it, 
and  I  couldn't  help  but  think'if  I  was  Columbus  and 
wasn't  marble  myself,  I'd  be  tempted  to  give  her  a  hu' 
now  and  then,  if  she  loas  a  squaw.     I  went  down  olf 
the  portico  and  took  a  front  view  of  it — and  dien   .1 
looked  at  it  sideways — and  then  I  went  up  the  stejxs  and 
looked  atitthar  agin,  and  every  way  it  presented  a  image 
of  beauty  to  dream  of  years  to  come.    Bimeby  the  galls 


i 


H\ 


11 


I 


I 


48 


MAJOtt   JONKS'S 


the  C.pU„l  one  'VP"'  f'^  ''^^,^,  ,„■  Wnr.  They  "re 
,l,e  oiher  .ene.M  -^l'";\  ,1  ,,^,,s  \,is  l.e.l  liWe  » ,S'■"■ 
l,o,h  very  l.nm  ^»m''-  „^l^  /  .  ,  tmn,  nn.l   I'e.ee  U.uliS 

,i,,„  sl,e  «oul.ln't  l.';rt  ^">  -^        '    ,,,,  ,,„„e!,.nv  l.Ue 
is  sn,ne;\,iiit!  la.ne  -.ilw  i     '^»'  i 

;\r,,r  lookni  M  then.  ..  ^■    'U    1  .^,  ^j,.   (;,,,,„. 

.vhnl:  sands  m  the  y;na   ami  t'.^^^_^^  ^^^^^^^^  j  _,^,^„ 

ouM.'s  \Va>hn,:j;on,  ami  to  -  »  >  ^^^^^^^^,   ,,.,^  ,„,„c 

was  so  (lisappmlecl  m  m)      >  •  ,,,„.  ,,,„  ,i,„c 

tenihle  ba,l  lanhs,  ami  ""  'J^,    '„    ,|,e  artist,  ereates 

,„  stu,ly  and  '""^'-'^^'t  ,:,:,,,.  In  .he  hist  I'l^-;-^ 
;,„V  ,l,i„:.^  b.,t  a  '^^•"'■;;  .  '^:HM|.ecl.a,ae.er  ot  W.-sh- 
,1,^.  posi.lo,.  ,s  ""•;»  ^i7,  Vt le  ensu>.ae  is  «-o,se  than 
,n.^.on  ;  in  the  second  ;''  '  ,,^,  „„,„„,  is  not  good, 
„,eposi.io.>,..nd  '»,''';;:'!;' S';',ressio..  of  the  faee. 
„„a  destroys  the  '^^^^J^^  ,,,Lt  it,  to  ,ny  not.on. 
Ther  ain't  nothing  ^^''^^  "^f"^^^^ 

The  idea  of  putjjn^  '^"'"  "  "|\    wl.  entitled  to  be  a 
riaiculoas ;  as  il  he  ^va^n  t   ' -'  ";,'  j.li.is  Ca'sar  or  any 

,,,,e  of  his  age  ""    ^-^  r\'v    ,n  ther  was  no  tailor. 
oilier  Ho.nan  hero  IS  ol  the  a  ,   ,„„,„,,, 

to  ,nako  CO.WS.     It  ma. le   "^  ' ;'    ';      .y^^^  veneration 

,,,      ,  ...V  W-  •-.;•"_;  --  l^c'r  of  ^^•ashin.t".t 
which  Americans  iul  lor  in  ^  ^^,,,„,^ 

is  shocked  at  the  exposure  ''' j^  ,,,,„,  like  a  de- 

,verv  tlnob  «as  for  h'^  <"'!"''•  '.^^.v  than  as  ho 
'secration  to  represent  hnn  ^^^^Z^^  -'"-■■•'''".^ 
was,  Nvhen  he  was  a'^;'^  ;  '";  '  ^^  ^|,,ign,  the  elliet  is 
h„posin  a,ul  grand  .n  ^^^^^  the^eharacter  of  the 
destroyed  by  the  Y"'"'  "'';,>„„  ,„y  ,,rei..dices  agin 
,„.,„.     I  tr.e.l  my  best  to  mu    '     ^„f.,,  ,,1,  wo.l<,  hnt 


^wk 
^^^r 


SKKtCHKS   OF    TKAVKL. 


49 


lolion. 
rton,is 

0  bi"  a 
or  any 
tailors' 
looked 
le rat  ion 
liinutou 
,  wl'.ose 
>  a   (le- 

1  as  he 
iiie'ihiiv^ 
L'lrcct  is 
}r  of  the 
ces  agin 
■ork,  hut 
r  hjok  at 


4 


Columbus  and  his  Ingin  gall,  before  I  went  down  to  my 
hotel. 

After  dinner,  I  went  to  see  the  President,  up  to  the 
Wiute  Jiouse  as  they  call  il,  what  stands  at  tlie  other 
ecnd  of  the  Avenue.  All  aloii<r  the  way  the  haek-nien 
kep  settin  at  ine  to  ride  in  one  of  ther  carriages.  Jt 
loo'.a'd  likt;  only  a  liule  wavs,  and  I  wanted  to  see  the 
city  as  I  went  aloiiuj :  but  if  I  stopped  for  a  minitto  e\- 
I'hiin  to  one  of  'em,  I  was  sur»'  lo  have  a  dozen  of  'cm 
round  me  at  once,  jdl  pullin  and  haulin  at  nie,  and  cusin 
one  another  for  every  thing  you  could  ihitdc  of.  VVash- 
ingion's  so  bominably  scatieVed  all  over  creation,  that 
most  every  body  rides,  and  these  fellers  think  it's  a  out- 
rage on  iher  rights  to  see  a  gentleman  walkin  in  the 
street.  I  cum  mighty  nigh  getlin  into  three  or  four  fights 
with  'em  fore  1  got  half  way  to  the  President's  house. 
It  was  a  monstrous  long  walk,  and  I  was  terrible  tired 
fore  I  got  thar.  What  makes  it  so  deeeivin  is,  the  Capitol 
at  one  eend,  and  the  White  House  at  the  otiier  eend  of 
the  wide  street,  is  so  large  that  one  loses  all  idee  of 
distances  and  pro|)ortions. 

When  [  got  to  the  house,  I  nocked  at  the  door,  and 
a  gentleman  opened  it  and  told  me  to  cum  in. 

"  Good  evenin,  Mr.  President,"  ses  I,  "  !  hope  your- 
self and  famly  is  all  well,"  olferin  him  my  hand  at  the 
same  time. 

"  (iood  evenin,  sir,"  ses  the  gentleman,  givin  mo  a 
real  (jeorgia  shake  by  the  hand.  "  li's  not  Mr.  Polk 
)our  spakin  too,  ses  he,  but  no  oifence,  sir,  walk  in." 

''Why,"  ses  I,  "don't  the  President  live  here," 
heginiu  to  think  I  never  would  find  him. 

"To  be  sure,  sir;  this  is  the  Prisident's  house,  but  It's 

Cabinet  day,  and  his  excellency  can't  be  seen  by  stran"ers." 

"  Well,  I'm  very  sorry  for  that,"  ses  I. 

*'  And  so  am  I,"  ses  the  gentleman.  "  But,"  ses  he, 
"  since  you  can't  see  his  excellency,  you  can  have  the 
honor  of  taking  a  pinch  of  snuii'  wid  his  lagal  ripre- 
Mntative,"  and  with  that,  he  poked  his  snull-box  at  me 


t 


111 


50 


MAJOll   JONES \, 


As  soon  as  I  got  over  it  a  little,  ses  he  •  "  wqlt  ih\. 

After  Avalkin  about  awhile  we  cum  into  the  ^reat 
JLast  room,  wh  ch  is  a  tpmI  ef^-iid      V  S.'^^^^ 

ffood   m.n      n  '    ^'"^^^'^^  ^^''^^"'^"n  was  a  great  and 
si-lit      The  n-in'^r.^       ^     '■"''  '^"■S"  "'^'  melancholy 

^a;<.,  ,1  in  .he'diSLi^'or Ve"  S/^rr^r  sn^ll 

»^n:»frirv:H-;^-:,,^^r'''f-'''^-fS 

.  (-'V  me  ycT  hand,  Martin,"  ses  I  •  ''  I'm  n  P^       • 
«-'U[  alt  )c  dJi  (he  way  irom  Georgia?" 


SKKTCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


51 


ralk  this 
rooms  if 

be  great 
may  de- 
and  the 
ir  down 
)ore  old 
I  ax'd 

General 
r  since. 
?at  and 
5.     We 

I  shall 
mcholy 
n  poli- 

to  the 
al,  I'm 
n  you, 
t  think 
'e  and 
1  such 
charge 
place, 
tvasn't 

'bout 
Ik  out 
a^ilher 
t,  the 

5J 


orma 
mau 


the 


"  1  am,"  scs  I ;  "my  name  is  Jones,  Joseph  Jones, 
of  Pineville." 

*'  Majer  Josejjh  Jones  ?"  scs  he. 

"  That's  my  name  when  I'm  at  home,"  scs  I. 

"  Then  giv  me  yer  hand  agin,  Majer,"  ses  he,  "  and 
tell  me,  how  did  you  lave  Mary  and  the  baby — how  is 
little  Henry  Clay  Jones,  and  the  good  wife  .^  Faith, 
I've  red  yer  book,  Majer,"  ses  he,  "  and  I'm  rite  glad 
to  make  yer  acquaintance.  Will  you  take  another  pinch 
of  snuff?"  ses  he. 

"  No,  I  thank  you,  sir,"  ses  I ;  "  I  ain't  much  used 
to  snuffin." 

"  Well,  no  matter  for  that,  Majer,"  ses  he ;  "  if  it 
don't  agree  wid  you— I  know  you  used  to  chew  tobacco. 
But  you  see  I'm  a  bit  of  a  litterary  man  myself,  and  I'm 
writin  a  jurn^l  of  my  life  in  the  White-house,  for  these 
last  fifteen  years.  Now  what  do  you  think  of  the  idee, 
Majer.?" 

Then  he  went  into  a  description  of  his  book,  and 
you  may  depend  it's  gwine  to  be  one  of  the  most 
interestin  books  ever  published  in  this  country.  You 
know  Martin's  bin  jest  as  familiar  as  a  mushstick  with 
the  Kitchen  Cabinets  under  Gen.  Jackson,  Mr.  Van 
Buren,  Capt.  Tyler,  and  Mr.  Polk— he  knows  evry 
l)C)litician  in  the  country,  and  all  iher  tricks  and  in- 
trigues; and  it'll  be  monstrous  strange  if  a  man  of  as 
much  natural  smartness  as  Martin,  with  sich  opportuni- 
ties, couldn't  pick  up  enuff  materials  in  fifteen  years 
to  make  a  interestin  book.  I  told  him  I  thought  he  had 
a  fortune  by  the  tail,  if  he'd  only  hang  on  to  it,  and  not 
It.t  anybody  git  it  away  from  him.  He  gin  me  a  Irish 
uink,  as  much  as  to  say,  he  wasn't  quite  so  green,  and 
after  a  little  more  chat  'bout  literature,  politics,  and 
matters  and  things  in  general,  I  bid  him  good  bv  and 
went  back  to  my  hotel.  And  here  I  must  drap  my  pen 
for  the  i)resent.     So  no  more  from 

Iti  Your  friend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


I 


1  !| 


52 


MAJOR   JONES  S 


•;l 


f  i 


LETTER  \TI. 

Baltimore,  May  21,  1845. 
To  Mil.  Thompson  :—Dcar  Slr—1  left  off  my  last 
letter  ^vlmr  I  went  to  my  hotel.  Well,  after  tea  I  red 
the  papers  a  Hulc  while,  and  then  went  out  and  tuck  a 
walk  by  moonlioht  to  see  the  city.  I  stragg'led  round 
all  over  the  place  without  payin  much  attention  whar  I 
\vent,  lookin  at  t'^e  public  bikiins  and  fine-dressed  ladies 
and  <ventlemen  what  was  in  the  streets,  til  the  fust  thnig 
I  know'd  1  found  myself  at  the  gate  in  frunt  oi  the 
Capitol.  Thar  it  was  agin  with  its  stupendous  white 
walls,  and  its  monstrous  high,  dark  dome,  standin  m 
the  brii^ht  moonlight,  loomin  up  agin  the  heavens,  vast, 
majestic,  and  sublime,  like  the  stone  mountain  in  DeKalb 
county.  It  didn't  seem  possible  sich  a  everlastin  pile 
could  be  bill  with  hands ;  and  I  couhl  almost  imagine 
it  was  sum  inchanted  castle,  and  that  the  goblins  and 
fairys  was  caperin  and  dancin  in  the  rotunda  at  that 

very  miiiit.  -,  i     i     ,         ^  •. 

I  tuck  a  seat  on  the  stone  steps  and  looked  up  at  it 
as  it  stood  out  aiiin  the  blue,  star-bespangled  sky. 
Tiiinks  I,  this  is  the  IuhI  of  the  nation,  the  place  whar 
Uncle  Sam  does  his  thinkin  ;  and  with  that  I  got  to 
ruminalln  'bout  the  falibility  of  national  wisdom  as  well 
as  individual  judgment.  Public  men,  thinks  I,  is  like 
idees:  sumtimes  they's  good,  and  sumtimes  they's 
monstrous  bad— and  when  they  git  into  the  Capitol  at 
Washington,  they're  jest  like  thouohts  in  a  man's  bed, 
and  make  the  nat'ion  do  a  monstrous  silly  thing  or  a  very 
sensible  thin;:,  jest  as  they  happen  to  be  wl>^e  f)r  foolish. 
If  ther's  any  truth  in  the  science  of  iVenology,  it  must 
fii't'ct  the  Capitol  in  the  same  way  it  does  a  man's  skull, 
and  I  don't  doubt  that  a  lite  scientitic  Yankee  professor 


Ih' 


SKETCHKS    OF    TRAVEL. 


63 


could  discover  the  bumps  by  feelin  the  walls  of  the 
bildin,  and  could  tell  \vhat  organ  was  developed  the 
most.  Lately  the  organ  of  secretiveness  has  been  pretty 
strongly  developed,  and  sense  we've  pocketed  Texas, 
ther  ain't  no  tell  in  whar  we'll  stop.  Combattiveness, 
too — which  is  very  })rorninent,  if  you  notice  the  projec- 
tions on  the  north  and  south  side  of  the  dome — is  very 
active  ;  and  I  wouldn't  be  much  surprised  if  we  was  to 
lick  sum  nation  like  blazes  before  long.  If  it  wasn't 
for  the  excess  of  veneration  which  is  indicated  by  the 
fullness  of  the  dome  on  the  top,  we'd  been  monstrous 
apt  to  pitch'd  into  John  Bull  before  now.  Too  much 
\eneration  is  a  very  bad  tault,  but  maybe  it's  all  the 
belter  whar  ther's  so  much  combattiveness.  I  ain't 
much  of  a  iienologist  myself,  or  I'd  go  on  and  give  you 
a  full  description  of  Uncle  Sam's  knowledge-box.  I 
think  ther  ought  to  be  a  scientific  committee  appinted 
evry  session  to  make  out  a  complete  chart  of  its  bumps, 
so  the  people  might  know  what  to  depend  on. 

I  couldn't  leave  the  Capitol  'thout  gwine  round  and 
takin  one  more  look  at  the  Ingin  gall  on  the  East 
Portico.  Like  all  butiful  wimen,  she  looked  handsumer 
in  the  soft,  pale  moonlight,  than  she  did  in  the  daytime. 
The  outlines  and  shadows  was  not  so  hard  ;  ther  was 
siimlhing  dreamy  and  indistinct  about  her  form,  and 
the  'magination  was  allowed  a  freer  scope  in  givin  the 
finishin  touches  to  the  picter.  You  know  all  that  is 
necessary  to  create  in  the  mind  a  image  of  buty,  is  the 
mere  idee  of  a  woman,  with  a  object  for  the  'magina- 
tion to  work  on.  Ther  are  certain  times  when  a  man's 
'magination  will  make  a  angel  out  of  a  bed-post. 
Well,  as  I  gazed  at  her,  she  seemed  to  becurn  livin 
flesh  and  blood ;  and,  as  she  looked  at  Columbus. 
Uoopin  over,  with  her  hands  raised  in  a  attitude  of 
ft'imder,  I  almost  fancied  I  could  hear  her  say — "  Chris- 
tolcr!  why  don't  you  speak  to  me?"  I  tiick  a  long, 
long  look  at  her,  and  then  went  to  the  hotel  to  dream 
01  Mary. 


54 


MAJOR  JONES'S 


i«;; 


l! 


In  the  mornin,  ns  soon  as  I  got  my  Ijrorkfusl,  I  went 
to  see  the  Nnshunnl  Institute,  wliar  llicy  toltl  nio  the 
government  kep  all  its  curiosities.  Since  as  they  hadn't 
the  politeness  to  tell  me  to  cum  in  when  I  nocked  at  the 
dore  of  the  Capitol  yesterday,  I  tuck  it  for  granted  the 
government  was  too  democratic  republican  to  stand  on 
ceremony;  so  I  didn't  nock  this  time,  but  jest  walked 
rite  in.  Well,  when  I  got  up  stairs,  the  fust  room  I  got 
into  was  the  patent-office,  whar,  the  Lord  knows,  I  seed 
more  Yankee  contraj-.tions  of  one  kind  and  another, 
than  ever  I  thought  ther  was  in  the  known  world. 
Tlier  was  more'n  five  hundred  thousand  models,  all 
piled  up  in  greiirt  big  glass  cages,  with  ther  names  writ 
on  'em,  rangin  from  steam  saw-mills  down  to  mouse- 
traps. Ther  was  ingines,  wind-mills,  and  water-wheels ; 
steam-botes,  ships,  bridges,  cotton-gins,  and  ihrashin- 
machines  ;  printin-presses,  spinnin-ginnies,  weavin- 
looms,  and  sliingle-splinteis — all  on  a  small  scale.  JJut 
it  would  take  a  whole  letter  to  give  you  the  names  of 
one  half  of  'em.  I  didn't  understand  much  about  'em, 
and  so  I  went  into  another  room  whar  they  had  a  ever- 
lastin  lot  of  shells,  and  stones,  and  ores,  and  lish,  and 
birds,  and  varmints,  and  images,  and  so  forth,  what 
was  brung  home  from  the  North  pole,  by  the  explorin 
expedition.  I  spose,  to  sum  people,  what  can  find 
*'  sermons  in  stones  and  good  in  any  thing,"  these 
things,  what  cost  the  government  so  much  to  git  'em, 
would  be  very  interestin  ;  but  1  hain't  got  quite  fur 
enutr  in  the  ologies  for  that  yet — so  I  went  into  another 
apartment,  whar  they  keep  the  relics  of  the  revolution 
and  other  curiosities.  This  is  the  most  interestin  part 
of  the  show,  and  contains  a  heap  of  things  that  must 
always  be  objects  of  the  deepest  interest  to  Americans. 
'Mong  the  rest  is  Gen.  Washington's  military  cote  ;  the 
same  cote  that  has  been  gazed  on  by  so  many  millions 
of  adorin  eyes,  when  it  enveloped  the  form  of  the  great 
father  of  his  country.  It  made  me  have  very  strange 
feelins  to  look  upon  General  Washington's  clothes — it 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


55 


u 


caused  in  my  mind  Die  most  familiar  impression  of  that 
great  man  I  had  ever  I'elt,  and  which  no  paintin  or  statue 
could  ever  give.  I  was  looKin  upon  what  had  been  a 
portion  of  the  real,  livin  Washington  ;  and  I  almost  felt 
as  if  I  was  in  his  presence.,  Close  by  hung  the  sword, 
and  below  was  the  camp-chest  what  he  used  in  the  war 
of  the  Revolution.  What  a  sight!  to  behold  in  one 
glance  the  garment  that  sheltered  his  sacred  person,  the 
provision-chest,  cracked  and  shattered  in  the  great  con- 
llict,  and  the  sword  with  which  he  won  for  us  the  bless- 
ings of  liberty,  which  we  enjoy.  How  many  thou- 
sands, in  centuries  to  come,  will  look  upon  the  remains 
of  these  sacred  relics,  and  bless  the  memory  of  the 
great  and  good  man. 

Not  far  from  Washington's  cote,  in  a  case  by  itself, 
if5  the  cote  what  General  Jackson  wore  at  the  battle  of 
New  Orleans.  I  stopped  and  looked  at  it  with  feel  ins 
of  sincere  veneration.  Few  would  suppose  the  victory 
of  New  Orleans  w^as  won  in  sich  a  coarse  cote — but  it  is 
like  the  lion-harted  hero  who  wore  it — corse,  strong, 
and  honest,  without  tinsel  or  false  gloss.  It  looks  like 
the  (Jeneral,  and  will  be  preserved  as  a  priceless  relic 
of  the  brave  old  patriot,  whose  days  are  now  drawin  to 
a  close.  I  never  voted  for  General  Jackson,  cause  I 
thought  his  politics  was  wrong ;  but  I  always  b^Iit^ved 
him  to  be  a  honest  man,  and  a  true  patriot,  and  I  don't 
blieve  ther's  a  lokyfoky  in  the  land  that's  prouder  of  his 
fiime,  or  will  hear  of  his  deth  with  more  unfeigned 
sadness. 

Ther's  a  heap  of  other  curioshies  in  this  part  of  the 
bildin,  that  is  well  worth  the  attention  of  the  visiter. 
Among  the  rest  is  Gen.  Washinglon's  Commisshun,  and 
the  original  Declaration  of  Independence,  besides  trea- 
ties in  all  sorts  of  outlandish  langua<T;es,  and  guns  and 
pistols  and  swords,  all  covered  with  gold  and  diamonds, 
that  have  been  made  presents  to  our  government  from 
foreign  powers.  Ther's  a  heap  of  Ingin  ])icters,  and 
among  'cm  some  portraits  of  the  Seminole  chiefs,  what 


r 


^  ill 


1        ,  H  ^ 

.    I    11 


56 


MAJOR    JONES  S 


HI 


U'i 


fit  us  so  hard  a  few  years  af];o.  I  seed  old  Alli'^^ator 
sottin  un  tlmr,  as  di,o;niried  as  a  turky-cock  iii  a  barn- 
yard,  and  I  couldn't  help  but  think  oC  the  time  I  seed 
the  old  feller  fall  off  a  log  into  the  St.  Johns  with  a  I 
his  fancy  rigins  on,  and  a  jug  of  rum  in  hishand. 
Ther's  sum  very  good  likenesses  among  the  Ingin  por- 
traits, but  they've  got  sura  of  the  trillinest  fellers  in  the 
whole  nation  settin  up  thar  as  grand  as  Mogulls. 

After  lookin  at  the  other  pictcrs,  and  busts,  and 
statues,  (and  ther's  sum  butiful  things  among  'em,)  I 
went  down  into  the  lower  story,  and  thar  I  saw  the  grate 
Sarcofagus  what  Com.  Elliott  brung  over  from  Egypt 
to  bury  Gen.  Jackson  in.  I  don't  blame  the  old  General 
for  backin  out  from  any  sich  arrangement.  In  the  iust 
place,  I  don't  think  it  in  very  good  taste  for  to  be  in  too 
big  a  hurry  to  provide  a  colfm  for  a  man  before  he's 
de"d  ;  and 'in  the  next  ])lace,  I've  got  no  better  opinion 
of  old  second-hand  cothns  than  I  have  of  second-hand 
boots.  I'd  a  grate  dt-al  rather  walk  in  the  footsteps  of 
a  dozen  livin,  illusirious  predecessors,  than  to  fill  the 
coffin  of  one  ded  King  Fareo.  No,  indeed  ;  the  old 
hero  is  too  much  of  a  proud-spirited  republican  for  that 
— he's  not  gwine  to  lay  his  bones  in  a  i)lace  whar  sum 
bominablc  old  heathen  King  has  rotted  away  before,  and 
I  glory  in  him  for  it.  Such  men  as  Jackson  finds  a 
sarcofagus  in  every  true  patriot's  heart,  that  will  pre- 
serve his  memory,  from  generation  to  generation,  to  the 
eend  of  lime. 

After  gettin  out  of  Uncle  Sam's  curiosity  shop,  I 
went  out  into  his  llower  garden,  what  is  kep  in  a  long, 
low^  house,  with  a  glass  roof  It's  got  about  five  hun- 
dred kinds  of  cactuses  in  it,  and  that's  about  all.  True, 
ther's  a  good  many  little  bushes  and  weeds,  with  mon- 
strous hard  names',  and  sum  few  with  flowers  on 'em, 
but  Mary's  flower-garden  at  home  would  beat  it  all 
holler  for  buty  and  variety. 

I  tuek  a  walk  round  by  the  Post-Ofhce  and  up  to  the 
War  Department,  and  the  President's  houge.     The  new 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


57 


I 


Post-Office,  the  National  Institute,  and  the  War  Depart- 
ment is  most  magnificent  bildins,  of  grayish,  coarse 
stone  ;  and  if  they  don't  paint  'era  like  they  have  the 
Capitol  and  the  President's  house,  they'll  look  ancient 
enuffto  suit  the  fancy  of  Mr.  Dickens,  or  anybody  else, 
M'ho  never  saw  a  new  country  before,  and  who  think 
none  of  the  rest  of  the  world  ain't  fit  to  live  in,  cause  it 
ain't  as  old  and  musty  as  London. 

By  the  time  I  got  down  to  Gadsby's  I  was  pretty 
tired  ;  and  after  eatin  a  fust  rate  dinner,  I  got  reddy  to 
go  to  Baltimore.  I  paid  my  bill,  which  was  very  little, 
I  thought,  for  sich  comfortable  livin,  and  got  my  trunks 
all  packed  and  reddy  sum  time  before  the  cars  started. 

Bimeby  long  cum  the  omnibus  and  tuck  my  trunks  ; 
but  the  depo  was  so  close  that  I  jest  fit  my  way  through 
the  hack  drivers  to  the  cars,  without  any  serious  acci- 
dents. It  was  a  very  })lesant  aflernoon,  and  ther  was 
ever  so  many  ladys  and  gentlemen  in  the  cars,  gwine 
to  Baltimore,  and  among  'em  sum  of  the  most  outland- 
ish specimens  of  human  nater  I  ever  met  with.  I 
thought  I'd  seed  whiskers  and  bustles  before,  but  I  find 
the  further  north  I  git,  the  bigger  they  grow.  After  a 
while  the  bell  rung  and  away  we  went,  the  houses, 
Capitol  and  all  waltzin  round  behind  us,  til  we  was  out 
of  sight  of  the  city  ;  and  tlie  posts  of  Professor  Morse's 
Telegraph,  as  they  call  it,  gettin  closer  and  closer  to- 
gether the  iiister  we  went. 

But  now  the  scene  is  very  diirerent  fi'ora  what  it  Is  on 
the  Carolina,  or  even  the  Virmny  rodes.  The  w^oods  is 
in  little  patches,  and  the  fields  is  smaller,  and  the  houses 
and  towns  is  thicker.  The  country  is  more  uneven, 
and  evry  mile  changes  the  scenery,  and  gives  one  sum- 
thing  new  to  look  at.  The  track,  too,  is  even  as  a  die, 
and  the  cars  go  like  lightnin  and  as  easy  as  a  rockin- 
chair.  One  minit  we  was  whirlin  alonj^  between  butiful 
larms,  in  the  next  we  darted  into  a  cut  whar  the  banks 
shut  out  the  view,  and  perhaps  the  next  we  was  crossin 
over  sum  butiful  valley  on  a  bridge,  with  mills,  and 


*'«: 


4 

II 


68 


MAJOR   JONI'S'S 


■   i 


1 ;. 


houses,  and  people  far  below  us.  We  passed  lots  of 
hoses  and  cattle,  and  sum  of  'em  would  twist  up  ther 
tails  and  giv  us  a  race,  but  we  went  so  fast  that  nothin 
couldn't  keep  up  with  us  but  the  wire  lightnin  conduc- 
tors of  the  telegraph,  which  kep  us  cumpany  all  the 
way.  It's  only 'bout  forty  miles  from  Washington  to 
Baltimore,  and  I  hadn't  begun  to  git  tired  before  the 
monuments  and  steeples  and  towers  of  the  city  begun 
to  show  themselves  in  the  distance,  gittin  nearer  and 
nearer,  til  we  was  rite  in  among  'em. 

When  we  got  to  the  depo  in  the  edge  of  the  city, 
they  unhitched  the  lokymotive  and  hitched  on  sum 
hoses  that  pidied  us  away  down  into  the  center  of  the 
city  to  the  railrode  oflice.  I  could  find  enutf  for  twenty 
pair  of  eyes  to  do,  lookin  at  this  butiful  city.  I  hadn't 
no  idee  it  was  half  so  large  or  half  so  handsum.  But 
I  had  no  time  to  give  it  more'n  a  glimpse  before  we 
was  at  the  stoppin  place,  and  in  the  middle  of  another 
regiment  of  whips,  all  pullin  and  haulin,  and  axin  me 
to  go  this  way  and  tother,  til  I  didn't  hardly  know 
which  eend  I  stood  on. 

Bimeby  one  ve/y  civil  little  man  whh  a  piece  of 
painted  lether  on  his  hat  ses  to  me,  ses  he — "Sir,  giv 
me  yer  checks  for  yer  baggage,  and  I'll  take  ye  to  the 
Exchange  Hotel,  a  very  good  lioiise,  sir."  It  was  ilob- 
son's  choice  with  me,  ibr  I  didn't  know  one  house  from 
tother,  so  I  jest  handed  him  over  the  tins,  and  he  went 
to  look  out  for  my  baggage.  While  I  was  waitin  for 
him  a  reinforcement  of  hackmen  got  round  me,  and 
insisted  on  takin  me  to  the  Exchange.  Well,  I  was 
Uke  the  gall  what  married  the  clnp  to  git  rid  of  him, 
and  I  got  into  the  fust  hack  and  druv  off.  I  wasn't 
more'n  seated,  fore  we  was  at  the  dore  of  a  grate  big 
stone  house,  witn  a  dome  on  the  top  of  it  like  the 
Capitol  a^  Wastiington,  what  the  feller  scd  was  the 
Exchange  Hotel.  After  I  got  out  I  ax'd  the  driver 
now  uiuch  v,'as  to  pay.  "A  quarter,"  ses  he.  I  pulled 
out  my  purj^e  oU^   paid  hi:-n^  but  if  I'd  know'd  it  was 


nc 
hii 

hi 
wl 
Pi 
mi 
mi 
se 
an 
to 
mi 


i        :A 


and 


SKKTCIIICS    OF    TIIAVF.L. 


50 


no  rurlhor,  I'd  seed  him  lo  ]5ullyluick  fore  I'd  got  into 
his  hiick,  that's  cenaiii. 

Soon  as  I  got  in  the  hotel  the  man  in  the  ofFice  laid  a 
big  book  out  before  me  and  gin  me  a  pen.  I  know'd 
wliat  he  ment,  so  I  put  my  name  down — Jos.  Jones, 
Pineville,  Geo.,  as  plain  as  a  pike-stafi".  I  hadn't 
more'n  finished  \vritin  my  name  before  here  cum  the 
man  with  my  trunks,  and  in  a  minit  after  t  found  my- 
self up  stairs  in  No.  27,  whar  I  am  now  writin  to  you, 
and  whar  I  expect  to  remain  for  a  day  or  two.  I  mean 
to  go  to  bed  early  to-night,  and  take  a  fresh  start  in  the 
mornin  to  look  at  ]3altimore.     So  no  more  from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

los.  JONF.?, 


V 


giv 


60 


MAJOR    JONKS  S 


m 


LETTER  Vlll. 

N(i.  27,  Exchai\-?c  Hotel, 
Ualiuuore,  May  21,  18'15. 

To   Mil.  Thompson  :—Dear  Sir—1   waked   up   this 
mornin  brioht  and  early,  but  I  felt  so  monstrous  t.red 
Uiat  I  didn't  i^-it  rile  out  of  bed.     Well,  while  I  was 
lavin  thar,  lookin  round  the  room  at  the  Ime  furnilure-- 
at  the  splendid  mahoo-any  burow  and  wardrobe,  the 
marblc-lop'd  washstand  and  tie  cast-iron  fire-place,  and 
a  heap  of  oUier  curious  fixins— I  seed  a  ^v,vea  cord  with 
a  tossel  on  the  eend  of  it,  haii-in  down  by  the  hed  ot 
my  bed.     Thinks  I,  tliat  must  be  to  pull  the  winder 
blinds,  to  let  the  lioht  in,  and  as  it  was  rayther  dark,  1 
tuck  hold  of  It  and  ])ulled  it  easy  two  or  three  times ; 
but  the  thino-  ;>eemed  to  be  hitched  sumwhar,  and  the 
blinds  didn't  move  a  bit.     I  wasn't  more'n  done  pu  lin 
it,  before  sumbody  nocked  at  my  dore,  and  as  1  didn  t 
know  who  it  mought  be,  I  covered  up  good,  and  ses 

I  ''Cumin,"  ,  i  .i       r 

A  ni'Tn-er  feller  opened  the  dore  anu  stood  thar  tor 
'bout  a^'minit,  lookin  at  me  like  \:^.  wanted  sumthmg, 
'thout  sayin  a  word.  .     . 

"  Well,  buck,"  ses  I,  "  what's  the  matter,"  beginnin 
to  think  h.;  had  a  monstrous  siniit  of  imperence. 

"  I  cum  to  see  what  the  gemmen  wants,"  ses  he. 

"  Well,"  ses  I,  "  I  don't  want  nothin." 

H'^  looked  sort  o'  sideways  at  me  and  put  out. 

After  studyiii  a  bit  to  try  to  make  out  what  upon 
ycath  could  bruntj:  him  to  my  room,  I  put  my  hand  out 
and  tried  the  curtains  agin;  and  the  fust  thing  I  know  d 
here  cum  the  same  chap  back  agin. 

This  time  I  looked  at  him  pretty  sharp,  and  ses  I— 
''  What  upon  yeath  do  you  mean  "'* 


\M 


"i 


:)5 


f 


sKi:Tcni:s  of  travel. 


61 


I 

i 

r 


f 


With  Hint  he  l)('2;Mn  bowin  and  scrnpin  and  scratchm 
nis  lied,  and  sos  lie — 'vDuhi't.  you  rinij,  sir?" 

"  Kirit^  wiiat  ?"  ses  I. 

"  Your  beil,"  ses  he. 

I  was  begiiHiin  to  git  pretty  considerable  riled,  and 
5es  I — "  I  don't  carry  no  bell,  but  I  can  jest  tell  you 
what  it  is,  my  buck:  it"  you  ^o  to  cumin  any  of  yer 
free  nip^njer  nonsense  over  nie,  I'll  ring  yer  cusseil  neck 
olf  quicker'n  li^litnin." 

And  with  that  I  started  to  p;it  out  of  the  bed,  but  tber 
was  no  nijyger  thar  when  my  I'eet  tetehed  the  floor. 

It  was  too  dark  to  "dress,  so  I  tuck  another  pull  or  two 
at  the  blinds ;  and  while  I  w  as  pullin  and  jerkin  at  'em, 
here  cams  another  big  nigger,  to  know  what  I  wanted. 
l)y  this  time  1  begun  to  spicion  thar  was  sumthing  rong; 
and  shore  enull",  cufn  to  iind  out,  I'd  been  puUin  a  bell- 
rope  all  the  time,  what  kep  up  a  terrible  ringin  down 
stairs,  tiiough  I  couldn't  hear  the  least  sign  of  it  myself. 
I'd  seed  them  things  hangin  round  in  the  rooms  at  the 
Charleston  Hotel,  and  at  Gadsby's,  but  I  never  know'd 
wiiat  they  was  betbre.  Well,  thinks  I,  live  and  larn — 
ril  know  a  bell-rope  when  I  see  it  agin. 

Alter  luidin  my  way  down  stairs  I  went  in  the  barber's 
room  and  got  shaved,  and  I  do  blieve  if  it  hadn't  been 
so  early  in  the  morniii,  I  should  went  spang  to  sleep 
while  liiily  was  takin  my  beard  olf.  That  feller's  a  real 
magne<iser;  and  he  goes  through  the  bisness  so  easy, 
that  you  can't  hardly  tell  whether  he's  usin  the  brush  or 
the  razor ;  and  by  the  time  he's  done,  your  face  is  so 
smooth  that  it  takes  a  pretty  good  memory  to  remember 
whether  you  ever  liad  any  beard  or  not.  After  brushin 
and  combin  a  litde,  I  went  out  into  the  readin-room  and 
ooked  over  the  p-apers  lil  breckfust. 

I  was  scttin  on  the  sofa  readin  in  the  National  Intelli- 
gencer, when  the  fust  tiling  I  know'd  I  thought  the 
whole  roof  of  the  bildin  was  cumin  down  on  top  of  my 
bed — whow!  row!  whow-wow!  went  sumthi*ig  like 
the  very  heavens   and  yeath  was    cumin  together.     I 


62 


MA.TOU    JONF.S'S 


couldn't  hoar  myself  ihitik,  and  I  \vns  imiVui  for  one 
of  the  whidcrs  as  fast  as  I  couhl,  when  llie  evTrlastia 
rinnpus  stopped.  I  axM  sundxxly  wliat  in  the  name 
of  thunder  it  was.  "  O,  you  needn't  be  hiinied,"  ses 
lie,  "  it's  nothin  but  the  breckfust  Kon,i,^"  I  was  jest 
about  as  wise  then  as  I  was  before,  but  1  know'd  it  had 
sumthing  to  do  with  breckfust,  and  my  appetite  soon 
cum  back  to  me  a<;in. 

You  know  I  always  used  to  drink  codeo,  and  I'm 
monstrous  fond  of  it  yet;  but  bein  as  I  (Udn't  feel  very 
well  this  mornin,  when  the  waiter  ax'd  me  which  I'd 
have,  I  sed  "  tea." 

"  Black  or  green  ?"  ses  he. 

I  looked  at  the  feller,  and  ses  I—"  What  ?" 

"  Will  you  have  black  or  green  tea?"  ses  he. 

I  didn't  know  whether  he  was  projectin  with  me  or 
not,  so  ses  I,  "  I  want  a  cup  of  tea,  jest  plain  tea,  whh- 
out  no  fancy  colerin  about  it." 

Thai  settled  the  bisness,  and  in  a  minit  he  brung  me 
a  grate  big  cup  of  tea  that  looked  almost  as  strong  as 
coifee  ;  but  it  was  monstrous  good,  and  I  made  out  a 
fust  rate  breckfust. 

After  breckfust  I  tuck  a  walk  out  to  see  the  city,  and 
shore  enufF  it  is  a  city!  Gracious  knows,  I  thought 
Charleston,  and  Richmond,  anil  Washington  was  big 
enulf,  but  Baltimore  lays  'em  all  in  the  shade.  It  ain't 
only  a  long  ways  ahed  of  'em  all  in  pint  of  size,  but 
it's  a  monstrous  sight  the  handsumest.  The  streets  is 
wide  enuir,  and  then  tlier  ain't  no  two  of  them  alike, 
and  evry  corner  you  turn  gives  you  a  new  view,  as 
different  from  the  other  as  if  you  was  in  another  city. 
Monuments  and  steeples,  and  minarets  and  towers,  and 
domes  and  columns,  and  piazzas  and  porticos,  and  pil- 
lars of  all  orders,  sizes,  and  heights,  is  constantly 
changin  before  you  ;  and  the  ground  rises  and  falls  in 
butiful  hills  and  hollers,  as  if  it  tried  to  do  its  share 
•  towards  givin  variety  and  buty  to  the  view,     lialtimore 


SKETCIIKS   OF   TRAVIJ,. 


63 


m 


street  is  tlie  principal  street,  and  you  may  depend  it's 
got  a  lieap  of  line  stores  on  it. 

AfUT  takin  a  ^'ood  stretch  on  lialtimore  street,  lookin 
at  tlie  })lcter-s}iops  and  show-\vind(Ms,  I  struck  out  into 
Calvert  street,  wliar  the  monument  stands  what  was 
raised  to  the  brave  fellers  what  licked  the  IJritish  at  the 
Battle  of  NorUi  Pint,  in  the  last  war.  It's  a  ^rood  deal 
hi^rvrcv  than  the  Naval  iMonument  at  Washinjrlon,  and, 
to  my  notion,  it's  a  grate  deal  handsomer.  Its  propor- 
tions is  good,  and  the  design  is  very  butiful. 

After  takin  a  good  look  at  the  monument,  I  walked 
(ilong  down  by  sum  fine  large  brick  houses  with  marble 
l)orticos  to  'em,  and  winder-ghisscs  so  clean  you  moiight 
see  yer  face  in  'em,  lookin  back  now  ami  then  at  the 
woman  on  top  of  the  monument,  when  the  fust  thing  I 
know'd  I  got  a  most  alfired  skeer,  that  made  me  jump 
clear  otf  the  side-walk  into  the  street,  before  I  know'd 
what  I  was  about;  *'  Get  out!"  ses  I,  at  a  cussed  grate 
big  lieice-lookin  dog  ui)on  one  of  the  jiorticos,  that 
look'd  like  he  was  gwine  to  take  rite  hold  of  me. 
"  Sei/e  him.  Tiger!"  ses  a  chap  what  was  gwine  by, 
laughin,  and  I  raised  my  stick  quicker'n  lightnin,  but 
the  dog  never  moved  a  peg.  Cum  to  hud  out,  it  was 
noiliin  but  a  statue  of  a  dog  made  out  of  stone  or  iron, 
put  u})  thar  to  watch  the  dore  and  keep  olf  house- 
brakers,  I  spose.  1  got  over  my  skare  and  went  along, 
but  1  couldn't  help  thinkin  it  was  monstrous  bad  las?e 
to  have  sich  a  fierce-lookin  thing  slandin  rite  belbre  a 
body's  d&re  thataway.  If  he  was  lyin  down  asleep  he'd 
look  jest  as  natural,  and  wouldn't  be  apt  to  frighten  any 
body  out  of  ther  senses  fore  they  know'd  what  it  was. 

Bimeby  I  cum  to  a  open  jjlace  with  a  butiful  little 
temple  stantlin  back  in  the  yard,  under  the  trees,  and 
over  the  gate  was  a  sign  what  sed  "City  Springs." 
Well,  as  I  felt  pretty  dry  by  this  time,  I  thought  I'd  go 
in  and  git  sum  water.  When  I  got  to.  the  house  wliai 
Was  staiidin  over  the  spring  on  butiful  round  i)illars,  and 
was  gwine  down  the  while  stone  steps,  I  seed  a  whole 


f  ! 
i  I 


i 


\l 


r\ 


, 


I 


64 


MAJOR  Jones's 


heap  of  galls  down  thar  playin  and  dabblin  m  the  water 

and  spiinklin  and  splashin  one  ano'  ' ' ~' ""' 

carryin  on 


,^  ^^,_  ^^ ...  ther,  and  laughin  and 

like  Ihe  mischief.     I'd  heard  a  giate  deal 


about  Baltimore  buty,  and  I  thought  I'd  jest  take  a  peep 
at  'em  while  they  didn't  see  me,  and  when  they  wasn  t 
suspectin  anybody  was  lookin  at  'em.     Well,  thar  they 
was,  five  or  six  of  'em,  all  'bout  sixteen  and  seventeen, 
with  ther  butiful  faces  flushed  up,  and  ther  dark  eyes 
sparklin  with  excitement,  while  ther  glossy  ringlets   in 
which  the   crystal  water  glittered  like  dunonds,  fell  m 
confusion  over  ther  white  necks  and  shoulders.     They 
was  butiful  young  creters ;   and  as  I  leaned  over  the 
wall,  lookin   down   on  'em  as  they  was  wrestlin   and 
jumpin  and  skippin  about  as  graceful  as  young  fawns,  I 
almost  thought  they  was  real  water-nymi)hs,  and  I  was 
'fraid  to  breathe  hard  for  fear  they  mought  hear  me  and 
dart  into  the  fountains.     ]3imeby  one  of  'em  that  was 
scunhn  for  life  to  keep  two  more  of  'em  from  given  her 
a  duckin,  happened  to  look  up.     The  next  mmit  thar 
was  a  general  squeelin  and  gral^bin  up  of  sun-bonnets, 
and  away  they  went  up  tother  llight  of  steps.     I  didn't 
want  'em  to  think  I'd  been  watch  in  'em,  so  I  went  rite 
down  to  the  spring,  like  1  had  jest  cum  for  a  drink  of 
w^ater.     Ther  was  three  fountains  all  in  a  row,  and  on 
each  side  of  the  fountains  was  two  iron  ladh\s  hangin 
chained  to  the  wall.     I  tuck  up  the  one  on  the  right, 
and  was  holdin  it  under  the  sj)out  on  that  side,  when  I 
heard  the  galls  gigglin   and  laughin  up  on  the  steps, 
whar  they  was  rangin  ther  dresses.     I  couldn't  help  but 
look  round,  when  I  saw  one  of  the  prettyest  pair  of 
sparklin  eyes  lookin  over  the  wall  at  me,  that  I  have 
seed  sense  I  left  home.     ''  'Vho.  middle  fountain's  the 
best,  sir,"  ses  one  of  the  sweetest  voices  in  the  world.     I 
ilidn't  wait  to  think,  but  jest  cause  she  scd  so,  I  jerked 
the  ladel  what  was  already  ruunin  over,  towards  the 
middle  spout,  when  kerslosh  wen!  the  water  all  over  my 
feet,  and  the  ladel  went  rattle-teklink  agin  the  wall  whar 
it  was  chained.     Sich  another  squall  as  they  did  give  1 


^t'S 


n  k 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


65 


never  heard  before,  and  away  they  all  scampered, 
huighin  fit  to  die  at  me.  The  fact  was  the  chain  wasn't 
long  enuffto  reach  to  the  middle  fountain  no  how,  even 
if  the  water  was  any  better,  which  I  ought  to  know'd 
was  all  gammon.  I  felt  a  little  sort  o'  flat,  but  thinks  I, 
galls,  if  you  only  know'd  the  buties  Lseed  when  I  was 
lookin  down  over  your  beds,  wdien  you  was  rompin, 
you'd  thiuk  we  was  pretty  near  even,  after  all. 

From  tlie  City  Springs  I  went  to  the  Washington 
monument,  what  stands' at  the  bed  of  Charles  street. 
This  is  another  butiful  structure  which,  while  it  com- 
memorates the  fiime  of  the  greatest  man  what  ever  lived 
on  the  face  of  the  yeath,  reflects  honor  on  the  patriot- 
ism and  liberality  of  iialtimorcans.  At  the  dore  ther 
was  a  old  gentleman,  who  ax'd  me  if  I  wanted  to  go 
lip  on  the  monument.  I  told  him  I'd  like  to  very  well, 
if  ther  was  no  danger.  He  sed  ther  wasn't  the  least  in 
the  world  ;  so,  after  pa}  in  him  a  seven-])ence  and  writin 
my  name  in  a  big  book,  he  gin  me  a  lamp  and  I  started 
up  the  steps,  what  jest  kep  runnin  round  and  round  like 
a  screw-auger.  Up,  up  I  went,  and  kep  a  gwine  til  I 
thought  my  legs  would  drap  otf  me.  Evry  now  and 
then  I  stopped  and  tuck  a  blow,  and  then  pushed  on 
agin,  til  bimeby  I  got  to  the  top,  whar  ther  is  a  dore  to 
go  out  on  the  outside. 

From  that  place  I  could  see  all  over  the  city,  and  for 
miles  round  the  country ;  and,  to  tell  you  the  truth,  I 
couldn't  hardly  blieve  my  own  eyes,  when  I  saw  so 
many  houses.  The  ground  seemed  to  be  covered  with 
bricks  for  miles;  and  every  here  and  thar  some  tall 
steeple  or  loity  dome  shot  up  from  the  dark  mass  of 
houses  below.  Streets  was  runnin  in  every  direction, 
and  cairiages  and  hoses  and  peeple  was  all  niovin  about 
ill  'em,  like  so  many  ants  oti  a  ant-hill.  Away  off  to 
the  south-east  I  could  see  the  dome  of  the  Exchange 
Hotel,  and  a  little  fmther  was  the  blue  arms  of  the  Pa- 
tapsco,  covered  with  white  sails,  gwine  in  and  out  of 
the  harbor ;  while  the  naked  masts  of  the  vessels  at  the 


■»^j 


66 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


wharves  and  in  the  basin,  looked  like  a  corn-field  jest 
after  fodder-pullin  time.  I  could  see  "  the  star-spangled 
banner"  on  the  walls  of  old  Fort  Mackhenry,  still  wavin 
*'  over  the  land  of  the  free  and  the  home  of  the  brave," 
as  proudly  as  it  did  on  that  glorious  night,  when 

"The  rocket's  red  e:lare,  and  bums  busiin  in  air, 
Gave  proof  throutjh  the  night  tliat  our  Hag  was  still  than" 

and  I  couldn't  keep  from  singin,  "  0  long  may  it 
wave !"  &c. 

By  the  time  I  got  down  from  the  Monument  it  was 

two  o'clock,  and  1  begun  to  have  a  pretty  good  appetite 

agin.     I  made  out  to  git  back  to  the  Exchange,  by  en- 

quirin  the  way  'bout  twenty  times  ;  and  pretty  soon  after 

I  got  thar  that  everlastin  gong  rung  agin,  and  we  all 

went  in  to  dinner.     I  never  seed  sich  a  handsum  table 

in  all  my  life  before.     It  was  long  enuflf  for  a  fourth  of 

July  barbacue,  and  all  dressed  out  like  a  weddin-supper. 

Evry  thing  looked  in  order,  like  a  army  formed  in  line 

of  battle.     The  plattoons  of  ivory-handled  knives,  and 

silver  forks,  and  cut-glass  goblets,  and  wine-glasses,  was 

all  ranged  in  two  long  columns  on  each  side,  with  a 

napkin  stand  in  at  each  place  like  a  file-closer,  crimped 

up  as  handsum  and  lookin  as  white  and  fresh  as  a  water- 

lilly.     In  the  middle  was  the  baggage-train,  which  was 

made  uj)  of  a  long  row^  of  bright  covers,  with  elegant 

silver  casters  and  tureens,  large  glass  vases  full  oflsal- 

lary,  and  lots  of  other  dishes.     I  felt  jest  like  I  was 

gwine  into  battle ;  and  whether  Mr.  Dorsey,  like  Lord 

Nelson,  ex))ected  every  man  to  do  his  duty  or  not,  I 

was  termined  to  do  mine.     Well,  the  table  was  soon 

surrounded,  and  then  the  attack  commenced.     It  was  a 

terrible   carnage.     The  knives   and  forks  rattled  like 

small  arms,  the   corks  })opped  like   artillery,  and  the 

shampane  tlew  like  blood  at  evry  discharge.     General 

Jennings  manoovered  his  troops  fust  rate— carryin  ofi" 

the  killed  and  wounded  as  fast  as  possible,  and  suj)plyin 

ther  places  whh   reinforcements  of  fresh  dishes.     He 


il: 


SKETCHES   OF    TRAVEL. 


n* 


had  a  regular  Wellington  array,  made  up  of  English, 
French,  American,  German,  Itallian,  and  all  kinds  of 
dishes  ;  but,  like  Napoleon  at  Waterloo,  he  was  doomed 
to  come  out  second  best,  and  in  a  short  time  his  splendid 
army  was  cut  to  pieces,  routed,  dispersed,  and  demol- 
ished, horse,  foot,  and  dragoons,  or  rather  roast,  boiled, 
and  stewed. 

You  know  I've  fit  the  Ingins  in  Florida,  and  can 
stand  my  hand  as  well  as  the  next  man  in  a  bush-fight, 
but  I  never  was  in  jest  sich  a  engagement  before,  and  I 
made  rather  a  bad  job  of  it  in  the  beginnin.  I  hadn't 
more'n  swallered  my  soup  when  here  cums  a  nigger 
pokein  a  piece  of  paper  at  me,  which  he  sed  was  a  bill. 
Thinks  I,  they're  in  a  monstrous  hurry  'bout  the  money, 
so  I  told  him  I  hadn't  time  to  look  it  over  then.  The 
feller  looked  and  grinned  like  he  didn't  mean  no  offence, 
and  ax'd  me  what  Fd  be  helped  to.  Well,  I  know'd 
they  didn't  have  no  bacon  and  collaids,  so  I  told  him 
to  bring  me  a  piece  of  roast  beef.  By  the  time  I  got 
fairly  gwine  on  my  beef,  Mr.  Dorsey  cum  in  and  tuck  a 
seat  at  the  eend  of  the  table  not  fiir  from  me,  and  ax'd 
me  how  I  was  pleased  with  Baltimore.  I  told  him  very 
well,  aiid  was  passin  a  word  or  two  with  him,  when  the 
tust  thing  I  know'd  my  plate  \^♦^s  gone,  and  when  I 
turned  round  to  look  for  it,  the  nigger  poked  the  bill  at 
me  agin.  I  begun  to  think  that  was  carryin  the  joke  a 
leetle  too  fur,  and  ses  I — 

"  Look  here,  buck ;  I  told  you  once  I  hadn't  no  time 
to  tend  to  that  now,  and  Fd  like  to  know  what  in  the 
devil's  name  you  tuck  my  plate  away  for?" 

"  What'll  you  be  helped  to?"  ses  he,  like  he  didn't 
understand  me. 

"  [  ax'd  for  sum  beef,"  ses  I,  "  but "  and  before 

I  could  git  it  out  he  was  off,  and  in  a  minit  he  brung 
me  another  plate  of  roast  beef. 

Well,  by  the  time  I  got  it  salted  to  my  likin,  and 
while  I  was  taken  a  drink  of  water,  away  it  went  agin. 
1  jest  made  up  my  mind  I  wouldn't  stand  no  such  non- 
17 


68 


MAJOR   JONES'8 


In 


|l 


;!i 


seiice  any  longer,  so  I  waited  til  he  bning  me  a  clean 
plate  agin,  and  ax'd  me  what  I  wanted. 


Sum  more  beef,"  ses  I. 

I  kep  ray  eyes  about  me  this  time,  and  shore  enufT, 
the  moment  1  turned  to  nod  to  sum  gentlemen  what 
Mr.  Dorsey  introduced  me  to,  one  of  the  niggers  made 
a  grab  at  my  plate.  But  I  was  too  quick  for  him  that 
time. 

"Stop!"  ses  I. 

"  Beg  pardon,  sir,"  ses  he ;  *'  I  thought  you  wanted 
another  phite." 

"  I've  had  enufl"  plates  for  three  or  four  men  already,** 
ses  I ;  "  and  now  I  want  sum  dinner." 

*'  Very  well,  sir,"  ses  he  ;  "  what'll  you  have.^*'* 

*'  What's  your  name  ?"  ses  I. 

*'  Hansum,  sir,"  ses  he. 

Thinks  I,  you  wasn't  named  for  yer  good  looks  then, 
that's  certain  ;  but  I  never  let  on. 

"  Well,  Hansum,"  jies  T,  "I  want  you  to  jest  keep  a 
eye  on  my  phite,  and  not  let  anybody  grab  it  olf  til  I'm 
done  with  it,  and  then  I'll  tell  you  what  I  want  next." 

Jest  then  Mr.  Dorsey  called  him  to  him  and  sed  sum- 
thing  in  his  ear,  and  here  he  cum  with  Mr.  Dorsey 's 
compliments  and  a  bottle  of  shampane,  and  filled  one 
of  my  glasses,  and  ihen  tuck  his  stand  so  he  could  watch 
my  plate,  grinnin  all  the  time  like  he'd  found  a  mare's 
nest  or  sumthino-. 

The  plan  worked  fust  rate,  and  after  that  I  got  a  fair 
showin  at  the  beef.  Then  I  ax'd  ilansum  M'hat  else 
ther  was,  and  he  brung  me  the  bill  agin,  and  told  me 
I'd  find  it  on  thar.  Siiore  enuif,  it  was  a  t)ill  of  things 
to  eat,  insted  of  a  bill  of  expenses.  W'ell,  I  looked  it 
over,  but  I  couldn't  tell  the  rari  de  pnidefs  a  la  Iritlmme, 
or  the  Pigeons  en  compote^  or  the  ^Qnguellcs  a.  la  Tarfare 
from  any  thing  else,  til  I  tasted  'em,  and  then  I  didn't 
hardly  know  the  chickens  from  the  eels,  they  was  cooked 
so  curious.  Ther  was  plenty  that  I  did  know  though, 
to  make  out  a  fust  rate  dinner,  and  lo:ig  before  thev 


Mi 

he 
poi 
al 


up, 
mo 


1^ 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


69 


brung  in  the  custards,  and  jellies,  and  pies,  my  appetite 
was  gone.  I  was  jest  gwine  to  leave  the  table,  when 
Mr.  Dorsey  ax'd  me  if  I  liked  Charlotte  Roose.  I  told 
him  I  hadn't  the  pleasure  of  her  acquaintance.  "  Well 
Majer,^'  ses  he,  "  you  better  try  a  little  ;"  and  with  that 
he  sent  me  a  plate  with  sumthing  on  it  made  out  of 
pound-cake  and  ice  cream  'thout  bein  froze,  which  was 
a  little  the  best  thing  I  ever  eat  in  my  life. 

Two  or  three  more  sich  dinners  as  this  would  lay  me 
up,  so  I  couldn't  git  away  from  the  Exchange  in  t 
month.     No  more  from 

Your  fiend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


l4 '',  > 


m 


^  u\ 


70 


MAJOR   JONESES 


;i 


P! 


LETTER  IX. 


No.  27  Exchange  Hotel, 
Baltimore,  May  2a,  1846. 

To  Mr.  Thompson  : — Dear  Sir — I've  always  found 
that  it  was  the  best  way  to  make  '*  good  digestion  wait 
on  appetite  and  helth  on  both,"  as  Mr.  McBeth  ses,  to 
stir  about  a  little  after  eatin  a  harty  bate.  So  after 
eatin  the  excellent  dinner  at  the  Exchange,  what  I  told 
you  about  in  my  last  letter,  I  tuck  another  turn  round 
through  the  city.  By  this  time  I  begun  to  git  the  hang 
of  the  place  a  little  better,  and  wasn't  so  fraid  of  gettin 
lost.  I  turned  up  South  street  a':  ihcy  call  it,  wharlher's 
more  tailors  than  would  make  a  dozen  common  men — 
even  if  the  old  maxim  is  true,  which  I  never  did 
blieve — and  went  up  Baltimore  street  agin,  whar  the 
fine  stores  is  kep,  and  whar  the  galls  all  go  a  shoppin 
and  perminadin  in  the  afternoons  to  show  ther  nev/ 
dresses. 

Well,  sir,  I  can  tell  you  what's  a  positiv  fact,  It  would 
take  a  French  dancin  master  to  git  along  in  Baltimore 
street  without  runnin  aginsumbody,  and  even  he  couldn't 
shassay  his  way  round  through  the  troops  of  galls  with- 
out runnin  a  fowl  of  one  now  and  then,  or  rakin  his  shins 
all  to  pieces  on  the  pine  boxes  what  is  piled  all  along 
the  sidewalk,  after  you  git  above  Charles  street.  I  done 
the  very  best  dodgin  I  could,  but  every  now  and  then  I 
run  spang  agin  sumbody,  and  then  while  I  was  bowiii 
and  scrapin  a  apology  to  'em,  ten  to  one  if  I  didn't 
knock  sum  baby  over  m  the  gutter  what -was  cumin  along 
with  its  ma,  behind  me,  or  git  ray  cote-tail  fast  in  among 
the  crates  and  boxes  so  tite  that  I  run  a  monstrous  risk 
of  losin  it  bowdaciously.     But  I  wasn't  the  only  one 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


71 


v.;hat  got  hung--two  or  three  galls  got  ther  dresses 
hitched  up,  on  the  nails  and  hoops,  so  ihcy  blushed  as 
red  as  fire,  and  a  old  gentleman  with  a  broad-brimmed 
hat,  and  his  stockins  over  his  trowses,  tumbled  over  a 
wheel-barrow  rite  into  a  pile  of  boxes  and  tore  his  clothes 
drediul.  It  tuck  the  old  man  sum  time  to  gether  him- 
self up,  and  git  out  of  the  jam  he  was  in.  When  he 
got  out  he  never  cussed  a  word,  but  he  fetched  a  <rwnn 
that  sounded  like  it  cum  from  way  down  below  his 
waistbands,  and  went  on. 

I  thought,  at  fust,  that  the  store-keepers  must  be  doin 
a  terrible  sight  of  bisness,  to  be  shure,  to  be  sendin  off 
and  receivin  so  much  goods,  but  I  knocked  on  sum  of 
the  boxes  with  my  cane,  and  ihey  sounded  as  holler  as 
a  old  empty  bee-gum.  I  spose  the  city  gits  a  fust  rate 
rent  for  the  pavement,  but  if  the  merchants  was  to  keep 
ther  empty  boxes  in  ther  sellers,  it  would  be  a  great  deal 
more  convenient  for  the  people  to  pass  along,  ano  I 
should  think  it  wouldn't  hurt  ther  contents  a  bit.  The 
fact  IS  a  body  can't  git  into  the  stores  to  buy  nothing, 
for  the  piles  of  boxes  round  the  doors.  I  wanted  a 
piece  of  tobacker  myself,  but  I  couldn't  see  no  store 
what  I  could  git  into  without  runnin  the  risk  of  breakin 
ray  neck  or  tearin  my  trowses. 

^  You  may  suppose  I  seed  a  heap  of  butiful  wiramin 
in  Jialtimore  street.  Well,  so  I  did  ;  but,  to  tell  you 
the  truth,  I  seed  some  bominable  ugly  ones  too.  The 
fact  is,  Mr.  Thompson,  wimmin's  wlmmin,  all  over  the 
world;  and  the  old  sayin,  that '' fine  feathers  makes 
hne  birds,  '  is  jest  as  true  here  as  it  is  in  Georgia.  I'm 
a  married  man,  you  know,  and  can  speak  my  sentiments 
about  the  galls  'thout  givin  offence  to  nobody ;  or,  at 
least,  'thout  bein  spected  of  selfish  motives.  Well  then 
I  say  Baltimore  needn't  be  ashamed  of  her  wimmin  so 
faras  buty's  concerned.  *' Handsura  is  as  handsura 
does,  IS  a  old  and  true  sayin :  and  if  the  Baltimore 
f  ,n^j°"^^  ^^  amiable  and  good  as  they  is  butiful, 
they  11  do  fust  rate,  take  'em  on  a  average.     But,  like 


! 


II 


'2 


MAJOR  Jones's 


ii 


every  other  place,  tlier's  some  here  that  needs  a  mon- 
strous sight  of  goodness  to  make  up  for  ther  ugliness. 

I  know  it  used  to  be  a  common  opinion,  that  the  Balti- 
more wimmin  was  the  prettyest  in  the  world  ;  and  I've 
heard  people  what  had  been  here  before,  advise  the  youncr 
merchants  what  was  gwine  to  New  York  to  buy  goodjJ^ 
that  if  they  didn't  want  to  lose  ther  harts,  they'd  better- 
go  round  this  city.      But  that  was  a  good  many  years 
ago,  and  you  know  time  alters  circumstances  as  well 
as  circumstances  alters  cases,  and  this  is  the  way  I  ac- 
count for  the   change.     Then  the  Baltimore  galls  was 
most  all  natives,  and  come  from  the  same  stock,  and  they 
was  so  universally  handsum  that  nobody  could  help  but 
notice  it.     But  the  city  is  growed  a  monstrous  sight  since 
them  days— a  great  many  people  from  all   parts  of  the 
world  have  come  into  it— and  what  was  the  buty  of  Balti- 
more, has  been  mixed  up  with  and  distributed  about 
among  sich  a  heap  of  ugliness,  that  a  great  deal  of  it  is 
spilt  altogether ;  and  what  does  remain  pure  and  un- 
adulterated, aint  more'n  half  so  conspicuous  now  as  it 
used  to  be.     But  not  withstandin,  ther's  some  monstrous 
handsum  wiramin  in   Baltimore,  some  butiful  creaters 
with  dark  hazel  eyes,  bright  auburn  ringlets,  Grecian 
noses,  coral  lips,  and  plump,   graceful  forms,  that  is 
enough  to  melt  the  ice  from   round  the  heart  of  a  old 
bachellor  who  had  been  cold  as  a  lizzard  for  twenty 
years;   and  its  my  positiv  opinion,  that  a  man  what 
couldn  t  find  a  gall  handsum  enuff  in  this  city,  would 
stand  a  monstrous  poor  chance  of  gittin  suited  short  of 
gwine  to  Georgia,  where  the  galls,  you  know,  take  ther 
temperments  from  the  warm  Southern  skies,  ther  buty 
from  the  wild  flowers  that  grow  in  our  fields,  and    her 
voices  from  the  birds  that  sing  in  our  groves. 

After  gwine  up  as  far  as  Youtaw  street,  I  crossed  over 
and  cuni  down  on  tother  side  of  the  street,  lookin  along 
at  one  thing  and  another  til  I  got  most  down  to  Charles 
street.  By  this  time  I  begun  to  be  monstrous  dry,  and 
«s  1  d  heard  tell  a  good  deal  about  the  sody  water  what 


.u:^:sr:x;^:rl•r:c:Lr^r;:lVl ^^^^^^^ 


wasn't  woli; 
Letter  ix.  p.  73. 


Ill 


'JJ! 
*!  ~l 


i'' 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


73 


they  have  in  Ihc  big  cilios,  I  thouglit  IM  try  a  little  at 
liie  lust  place  wliar  llif)  sold  it.  VVell,  the  fiisi  docier's 
shop  1  cuin  to  had  a  Sody  water  sign  up,  and  hi  1  went 
to  git  sum. 

§es  I,  "  I  want  a  drink  of  yer  sody  water." 

*'  What  kind  of  syrup  will  you  have?"  ses  he,  puttin 
his  hand  on  a  botlle  of  molasses. 

"  1  don't  want  no  syrup,"  ses  1,  "  I  want  sody  water." 

*'  All,"  ses  he,  "  you  want  extra  sody." 

And  with  that  he  luck  a  glass  and  put  sum  white  stuff 
in  it,  and  then  held  it  under  tlie  spout  til  it  was  full,  and 
handed  it  to  me. 

I  put  it  to  my  hed  and  pulled  away  at  it,  but  I  never 
got  sich  a  everlaslin  dose  before  in  all  my  life.  I  got 
tnree  or  four  swallers  down  before  I  begun  to  taste  the 
dratted  stuH",  and  you  may  depend  it  liked  to  killed  me 
right  ded  in  my  tracks.  It  tuck  the  breth  clean  out  of 
me,  and  when  1  cum  to  myself,  my  touLnip  ^-It  lilve  u 
was  full  of  needles,  and  my  stummick  like  I'd  swallered 
a  pint  of  frozen  soapsuds,  and  the  tears  was  runnin  out 
of  my  eyes  in  a  stream. 

I  drapped  the  glass  and  spurted  thi  rest  out  of  my 
mouth  quicker'n  lightnin,  but  belbre  I  could  git  breth 
to  s})eak  to  the  chap  what  was  standin  behind  the  counter 
starein  at  me  with  all  his  might,  lie  ax'd  me  if  I  wasn't 
well. 

"  Well!  thunder  and  lightnin,"  ses  I,  "  do  you  want 
to  pisen  me  to  deth  and  then  ax  me  if  I'm  well  ?" 

"  Pisen  !"  ses  he. 

"  Yes,"  ses  I,  "  pisen !  I  ax'd  you  for  sum  sody  water, 
and  you  gin  me  a  dose  bad  enough  to  kill  a  boss." 
"  1  gin  you  nothin  but  plain  sody,"  ses  he. 
'*  W'cll,"  ses  I,  "  if  thii  's  what  you  call  sody  water, 
I'll  be  dadfetch'd  if  I'll  try  any  more  of  it.  Why,  it's 
worse  nor  Ingin  turnip  juice  stew'd  down  six  gallons 
into  a  pint,  cooled  otf  in  a  snow-bank  and  mixed  with 
a  harrycane." 


I* 

i 


i. 


le 


74 


MAJoii  Jones's 


'.I 


Jest  then  somebilin  hot 


steam  come  up  into  my  throte, 
nose 


that  liked  to  blowM  my  nose  rite  out  by  the  roots. 

Ses  he,  *'  Mayhe  you  ain't  used  to  drinkin  it  without 
syrup." 

"No,"  ses  I,  "  and  what's  more,  I  never  will  be." 
"  It's  much  better  with  sassypariller,  or  gooseberr) 
syrup,"  ses  he.     "  Will  you  try  some  with  syrup  ?" 

"  No,  I  thank  you,"  ses  I,  and  1  paid  him  a  thrip  fo« 
the  dose  I  had,  and  put  out. 

I  wanted  some  tobacker  monstrous  bad  :  so  I  stepped 
into  a  store  and  ax'd  for  sum.  The  man  said  he  didn't 
sell  nothin  but  staples,  but  he  reckoned  I'd  find  some  a 
little  further  down,  at  Smith's.  Well,  I  went  along 
lookin  at  the  signs  till  I  cum  to  Shaw,  Smith  &,  Co" 
Thinks  I  this  must  be  the  place.  So  in  I  went  and  ax'd 
a  very  good  lookin  man  with  whiskers,  what  was  standin 
near  the  door,  if  he  had  any  good  chewin  tobacker. 

;'  No  sir,"  ses  he,  "  we  haint  got  any  more  of  that 
article  on  hand  than  we  keep  for  our  own  use  ;  but  we 
would  like  to  sell  you  some  carpets  to-day." 

"  Carpets  ?"  ses  I;  and  shore  enuff,  come  to  look, 
ther  wasn't  another  thing  but  carpets  and  oilcloths,  and 
mattins  and  rugs  and  sich  things  in  the  store  ;  and  I  do 
bheye  ther  was  cnufT  of  'em  of  all  sorts  and  figers  to 
furnish  all  the  houses  in  Georgia. 

After  a  little  explanation  he  told  me  the  Smith  I  wanted 
was  J.  C.  Smith,  down  opposite  to  the  Museum.  He 
said  I'd  find  lots  of  tobacker  and  segars  thar,  and  I'd 
know  the  place  by  a  big  Ingin  standin  out  before  the 
door.  Shore  enuff,  when  I  went  thar  I  got  some  fust 
rate  segars  and  tobacker,  and  a  box  to  put  it  in. 

That's  the  way  they  do  bisness  here.  They  dont 
keep  dry  goods  and  groceries,  calicoes,  homespun,  rum, 
salt,  trace  chains  and  tobacker  all  together  like  they  do 
in  Pineville,  but  every  kind  of  goods  has  a  store  to 
itself.  If  you  ever  come  to  Baltimore  and  want  some 
tobacker  or  segars,  you  must  go  to  the  stores  what's  got 
little  painted  Ingins  or  Niggers  standin  out  bv  the  doors  • 


RKF.TCIIES    OF   TRAVEL. 


75 


for  you  mouglit  jest  as  well  go  to  a  meetiii  house  to 
•saw,  as  go  to  any  of  the  stores  here  for 

'je 


ther  line.     I  spose,  like  the  sody  water, 


borrow 

any  thing  out  of 

it's  well  enuifto  them  that's  used  to  it,  but  it's  monstrous 

aggravokin  to  them  what  aint. 

As  I  hadn't  been  down  in  the  lower  part  of  the  city, 
I  thought  I'd  git  into  one  of  the  omminybuses  and  ride 
over  to  Fells'  Pint,  and  see  how  it  looked.  Well,  it's 
a  good  long  stretch  from  one  eend  of  Baltimore  to  the 
other  I  can  tell  you,  and  after  you  crossover  Jones'  fulls 
what  runs  through  to  the  river  and  divides  the  old  Town 
from  the  new  one,  you're  monstrous  apt  to  think  your 
gettin  into  another  city,  if  not  in  another  nation.  I 
lik'd  to  put  my  jaws  out  of  jint  tryin  to  read  sum  of  the 
signs.  Sum  of  'em  was  painted  in  Dutch,  so  I  couldn't 
make  out  the  fust  letter,  and  sum  of  the  people  looked 
so  Dutch  that  you  mought  almost  feel  it  on  'em  with  a 
stick. 

I  noticed  when  anybody  wanted  to  git  out  they  jest 
pulled  a  leather  strap  and  the  omminybus  cum  to  a  halt. 
So  when  we  got  down  to  Fell  street,  I  tuck  hold  of  the 
strap  and  gin  it  a  jerk,  but  the  bosses  went  on  fast  as 
ever,  so  I  jest  laid  my  wait  on  the  strap  to  stop  'em. 
"  Ilellow !"  ses  the  driver  outside,  "  do  you  want  to  pull 
me  in  two  ?"  Cum  to  find  out  the  strap  was  hitch'd  to 
the  man  insted  of  the  bosses,  and  I  liked  to  draw'd 
him  through  the  hole  whar  he  tuck  his  money.  He  was 
mad  as  a  hornit,  but  when  he  looked  in  and  seed  who  it 
was,  he  had  nothin  more  to  say. 

I  expect  some  parts  of  Fells'  Pint  would  suit  Mr. 
Dickens  fust  rate.  It's  old  as  the  hills,  and  crooked  as 
a  ram's  horn,  and  a  body  can  hear  jest  as  much  bad 
English  thar  as  he  could  among  the  cockneys  of  London, 
and  can  find  sum  fancy  caracters,  male  and  female,  that 
would  do  honor  to  St.  Gileses  or  any  other  romantic 
quarter  of  the  British  metropolis. 

After  lookin  about  a  little  while  at  the  sailors  that 
was  drinkin  toasts  and  singin  songs  in  the  taverns,  I 


i 


'II 


76 


MAJOR    JONES'S 


^1  (If 


went  down  on  one  of  the  wharves  whar  ther 
cum 


was  £ 

sinfrui 


ship 


jest  cum  from  Liverpool.  The  sailors  was  singin  "All 
together,  oh,  heve  oh  !"  and  pullin  her  in  to  the  wharf. 
Poor  fellers,  they  had  been  out  thirty  days,  workin  hard, 
in  all  kinds  of  weather,  and  now  they  was  cumin  ashore 
to  giv  iher  money  to  the  sharpers  that  was  lookin  out  for 
'em  like  sharks  for  a  ded  body.  I  couldn't  help  but 
feel  sorry  for  'em,  when  I  thought  how  in  a  few  days 
thay  would  be  without  money  and  without  frends,  and 
would  gladly  go  back  to  the  perils  of  the  ocean,  to  escape 
the  treachery  that  beset  'era  on  shore. 

I  went  and  tuck  a  seat  on  some  logs  what  was  layin 
on  the  wharf,  and  smoked  a  cigar  and  looked  at  the 
vessels  sailin  about  in  the  harbour.  While  I  was  settin 
thar  thinkin  of  ships  and  sailors,  and  one  thing  and  an- 
other, a  little  feller  come  along  wiih  a  baskit  on  his  arm, 
and  ax'd  me  if  I  wanted  to  buy  some  matches.  I  told 
him  no  I  didn't  want  none. 

"  You  better  buy  some,  sir,"  ses  he,  *'  I  sell  'em  very 
cheap." 

The  little  feller  looked  so  poor  and  pittiful  that  I 
couldn't  help  feelin  a  little  sorry  for  him. 

"  How  much  do  you  ax  for  'em  ?"  ses  I. 

"  Eight  boxes  for  a  levy,"  ses  he. 

They  was  jest  the  same  kind  of  boxes  that  we  git 
two  for  a  thrip  in  Georgia,  and  though  I  didn't  want 
none,  J  thought  I'd  buy  some  of  him  jest  to  patronize 
him. 

"  Well,"  ses  I,  "  give  me  two  boxes." 

The  little  feller  handed  me  two  boxes  and  I  gin  him 
a  sevenpence. 

"  You  may  keep  the  change  for  profit,"  ses  I. 

*'  Thank  you,  sir,"  ses  he,  and  his  eyes  brightened  up 
ds  he  put  the  money  in  his  pocket. 

"  I  like  to  encourage  honest  enterprize,"  ses  I.  "  Be 
honest,  and  never  lie  or  cheat,  and  you'll  always  find 
friends,''  ses  I. 


w, 


IK 

h( 


^ 


mJ, 


^Htf  Cikm  St 


"  With  that,  the  little  ragged  cum  Bot  up  al)ig  laugh,  and  put  his  thumb  on  his 
nose  and  wiggled  his  fingers  at  me.  '  Do  you  sec  any  thing  green,"  i-ea  he, '  cl^, 
jioss  V  "—Letter  ix.  p.  77. 


I 


i'i  il 


w 


t] 


ii 


8 
I) 


II 


0 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


77 


i( 


bod 


Yes  sir,"  ses  he,  "  I  never  steals 


nor 


y 


)) 


cheats 


no 


a 


I 


That's  right,"  ses  I.     That's  a  good  boy." 


went  on  smokin,  and  in  a  few  minits,  when  I  th 


ought 


he  was  gone,  I  heard  the  htde  feller  behind  me  agin. 

"  What,"  ses  I. 

"  My  sister  died  last  week,"  ses  he,  "  and  we're  very 
poor,  and  my  mammy's  sick,  and  I  can't  make  money 
enough  to  buy  medicine  for  the  baby-        " 


Well,"  ses  I,  "  I  don't  want  no  more  matches,  but 
here's  a  quarter  to  add  to  your  profits  to-day." 

"  Thank  you,  sir,"  ses  he,  and  he  went  ofT  agin 
thankin  me,  for  the  quarter. 

Poor  little  feller,  thinks  I,  how  much  better  to  give 
him  that  quarter  of  a  dollar  than  to  smoke  it  out  in 
segars.  Ple'll  go  home  to  his  poor  mother,  happy,  and 
if  he  has  fell  any  temptation  to  be  a  rogue,  the  recol- 
lection of  my  kindness  will  give  him  courage  to  be 
honest.  I  hadn't  got  done  thinkin  about  him  before 
here  he  was,  back  asfin. 

"  Daddy  died  last  week,"  ses  he,  "  and  sister  Betsy 
got  her  foot  skalded,  and  we  haint  had  no  bred  to  eat 
not  for  a  week — ever  sense  daddy  died — and 


(C 


Look  here,"  says  I,  "  you  better  go  before  you  kill 
off  all  your  relations :  1  begin  to  think  you're  a  little 
imposter." 

"  Oh,  no  sir,  daddy  is  ded,"  ses  he,  "and  mammy 
and  sister  lives  all  alone,  and  mammy  told  me  to  ax 
you  if  you  would  come  and  see  her  and  give  her  some 
mon^^y." 

I  begun  to  smell  a  rat^  and  ses  I,  "  I'll  see  your 
mammy  to  the  mischief  fust,  and  if  I'd  bad  the  same 
opinion  of  you  that  I  have  now,  I'd  never  gin  you  the 
fust  red  cent." 

With  that  the  little  ragged  cus  sot  up  a  big  laugh,  and 
put  his  thum  on  his  nose  and  wiggled  his  fingers  at  me. 

"  Do  you  see  any  thing  green,"  ses  he,  "  eh,  hos."* 
What  do  you  think  of  me  now,  eh }     Would  you  like 


i\' 


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11 


I! 


i't' 


7S 


MAJOR  Jones's 


?j 


to  buy  another  levy's  worth  of  matches  ?     You  see, 
ses  he,  "  I'm  one  of  the  b'hoys!— a  out  and  out  Fell's 

Pinter,  by  J ;"  and  then  he  ripped  out  a  oath  that 

made  the  hair  stand  on  my  hed,  and  away  he  went. 

I  felt  like  I  was  completely  tuck  in,  and  I  never  sed 
another  word.  But  I  made  up  my  mind  when  I  gin 
another  quarter  away  to  encourage  honesty,  it  would  be 
to  a  different  sort  of  candidate;  and,  throwing  the 
stump  of  my  segar  into  the  water,  I  left  the  place  and 
tuck  the  fust  omminybus  for  the  Exchange.  I'm  done 
with  Baltimore,  and  shall  start  to-morrow  for  the  city 
of  Brotherly  Love.     So  no  more  at  present  from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


SKiiCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


T9 


LETTER  X. 


Filladelfy,  May  23,  1845. 
To  Mr.  Thompson  -.—Dear  Sir—You  may  be  sure  I 
was  tired  when  I  got  back  to  the  Exchange  after  my 
Tisit  to  Fell's  Pint,  last  night.  I  couldn't  help  but 
thmk  how  I  had  been  tuck  in  by  that  bominable  little 
match  seller,  and  I  felt  rite  mad  at  myse'^  i^:  bein  sich 
a  fool. 

I  had  a  fust  rate  appetite  for  ,ny  supper,  and  by  the 
politeness  of  Mr.  Dorsey — who,  tween  you  and  me,  is 
one  of  the  cleverest  fellers  I've  met  with  sense  I  left 
Georgia— I  got  a  invitation  to  take  tea  in  the  lady's 
supper  room.  You  know  when  the  grand  caraven  was 
in  Pineyille  last  year,  the  manager  cnarged  a  thrip  extra 
for  adraittin  people  when  they  was  feedin  the  annimals. 
Well,  it  was  worth  the  money  ;  and  if  Mr.  Dorsey  had 
charged  me  double  price  for  eatin  at  the  lady's  ordinary 
as  they  call  it,  I  wouldn't  grumbled  a  bit.  Ther  was  a 
heap  of  ladys  at  the  table,  rangin  from  litde  school  galls 
up  to  old  grandmothers,  -11  dressed  out  as  fine  as  a  fiddle, 
and  lookin  as  pleasin  and  happy  as  the  Georgia  galls  do 
at  a  Fourth  of  July  barbycue ;  and  sich  a  gabblin  as 
they  did  keep  I  never  heard  before.  Jest  over  opposite 
to  me  was  a  bridle  party  from  Virginny,  what  had  jest 
been  gettin  married  and  had  come  to  Baltimore  to  see 
ther  honey-moon.  It  was  really  a  interestin  party,  and 
it  almost  tuck  my  appetite  from  me  to  look  at  'em,  they 
was  so  happy  and  so  iovin.  They  was  only  married 
'bout  a  week,  and  of  course  the  "^rld  was  all  moonshine 
and  hummin-birds  and  rose.,  t.  them.  Theyflibke 
ther  was  no  other  inhabitants  \n  crea^'on,  and  that  all 
that  was  beautiful  and  bright  and  good  on  earth,  was 


i^^ 


80  MAJOR   JONEs'g 

made  for  their  enjoyment  alone.  They  had  ther  brides- 
maid and  groomsman  along,  and  two  or  three  more 
young  ladys  and  gentlemen.  The  galls  was  all  mon-- 
strous  handsum,  but  the  bride  was  the  handsumest  of 
'em  -Al  Pore  gall,  she  looked  sort  o'  pale  and  could n  I 
eat  much  supper  for  lookin  at  her  husband,  and  he 
drunk  his  tea  'thout  any  sweetenin  in  it,  just  cause  she 
looked  in  his  cup  with  her  butiful  soft  eyes. 

They  put  me  in  mind  of  the  time  when  I  was  married, 
and  of  Mary,  and  by  the  time  supper  was  over  I  was 
as  homesick  as  the  mischief.  Segars  is  good  for  the 
blues  sometimes,  and  1  smoked  til  my  hed  whirled 
round  so  I  couldn't  hardly  hold  my  hat  on,  but  it  didn't 
do  me  not  the  least  bit  of  good  ;  so  1  went  to  my  room 
and  tried  to  find  in  the  arms  of  Morfyus  a  substitute  tor 
the  arms  of  her  who  is  a  o;reat  deal  dearer  to  me  than 
any  thing  else  in  this  world. 

1  didn't  git  much  time  to  .i«-*^p  for  dreamin  all  night, 
and  when  I'^waked  up  in  the  mornin,  liansum  sed  the 
second  gong  was  rung,  and  if  1  was  gwine  to  Filladelfy 
in  the  cars  I  better  git  up  rite  off.     Well,  out  I  got,  and 
dressed  and  went  down  to  breckfust.     After  eatm   a 
good  breckfust  I  ax'd  for  my  bill,  and  Hansum  brung 
down  my  baggage.     Every  time  I  looked  at  Hansum  he 
was  grinnin,^but  as  soon  as  he  seed  me  lookin  at  him 
he  straitened  up  his  face  and  sort  o'  pretended  to  scratch 
his  hed.  I  couldn't  think  what  was  the  matter  w^ith  the 
feller  ;  and  when  I  looked  at  him  pretty  hard  he  grinned 
as  much  as  to  say,  it  was  the  strangest  thingin  the  world 
to  him  why  I  couldn't  understand  his  meanin.  Bimeby, 
when  I  was  puttin  my  change  in  my  purse,  I  spected  what 
was  the  matter.     *' Thai's  it ;  aint  it,  Hansum,"  ses  I, 
handin  him  a  quarter.     "  Yes,  sir,  thank  you,  sir,"  ses 
he,  and  he  grinned  more'n  ever,  and  if  you  ever  seed 
a  ugly  nigger  he  was  one, 

\Vhen  I  was  reddy  to  start,  I  went  to  the  door  to  see 
if  they  had  put  my  trunks  ou  the  waggon  to  take  them 
to  the  cars,  and  rite  in  the  middle  of  the  hall  I  met  a 


'•  Wlion  I  cum  back,  tlitir  ho  stootl  in  tho  same  place,  with  Iiis  Iiands  down  by 
lii.s  siiif,  and  his  hed  up,  lookin  nv  rite  in  tho  face:'— Letter  \.  p.  81. 


(i! 


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Viv 


SKETCHES   OF    TRAVEL. 


81 


I 


chap  standin  with  a  bi 


painted  tin  label  on  his  buzzum 
what  had  on  it,  "  Boot  Black,"  in  bijr  yaller  letters. 
Thar  he  stood  like  a  sentinel  on  quarter  gard,  as  stiff  as 
a  post,  and  as  I  walked  by  him  he  kept  turnin  round,  so 
his  sign  was  all  the  time  in  view.  When  I  cum  back 
thar  he  stood  in  the  same  place,  with  his  hands  down  by 
his  side,  and  his  hcd  up,  lookin  me  rite  in  the  face. 
Thinks  I,  he  must  be  a  deaf  and  dum  man  what  blacks 
the  boots  of  the  establishment,  and  he  want's  me  to  giv 
him  sura  change.  Well,  I  didn't  know  nothin  about 
the  deaf  and  dum  language,  and  as  I  didn't  have  no  slate 
and  pencil  handy,  I  begun  to  make  signs  to  him,  by 
pintin  at  my  boots,  and  then  at  him,  and  then  doin  my 
hands  like  I  was  brushin  a  boot.  He  nodded  his  hcd. 
Then  I  tuck  out  my  purse  and  made  a  motion  to  him  as 
much  as  to  say,  do  you  want  sum  money,  and  he  nodded 
his  hed  agin,  twice.  Poor  feller,  thinks  I,  he  can't  dun 
nobody,  and  must  lose  many  a  debt  whar  people's  al- 
ways gwine  away  in  a  hurry  so.  So  I  handed  him  a 
half  a  dollar.  When  it  fell  in  his  hand  he  opened  his 
eyes  and  started  like  he  was  tuck  by  surprise.  "  Thank 
ye,  sir,"  ses  he,  scrapin  his  foot  and  bowin  his  hed  like 
a  snappin  turtle.     "  Thank  ye,  sir,"  ses  he. 

You  may  depend  that  sot  me  back  like  the  mischief. 

"  If  you  ain't  dum,"  ses  I,  "  why  didn't  you  speak 
before,"  ses  I. 

*'  I  had  nothin  to  spake  of,"  ses  he. 

"  Couldn't  you  sed  you  was  the  boot-blacker,"  ses  I. 

*'  I'd  tould  ye  that,"  ses  he,  "  but  I  thought  you 
could  rade;  "  '  and  where's  the  use  of  keepin  a  dog  and 
doin  one's  own  barkin,'  "  ses  he. 

Tuck  in  agin,  thinks  I.  If  I  hadn't  thought  he  was  a 
dura  man  J  wouldn't  gin  him  but  a  sevenpence,  nohow. 

It  was  nine  o'clock,  and  I  was  seated  in  the  cars  on 
my  way  to  Filladelfy.  The  road  runs  rite  along  in  the 
edge  of  the  city,  near  the  wharves,  and  gives  a  body  a 
pretty  good  idee  of  the  heavy  bisness  part  of  Baltimore 
from  the  basin  clear  out  to  Fell's  Pint,  in  Old  Town. 


U 


I 


■ 


82 


MAJOR  Jones's 


^:f 


After  we  got  out  of  the  city,  they  took  out  the  horses 
and  hitched  in  the  old  steam  Relzebub,  and  away  we 
went,  rattle-te-klink,  over  embankments  and  through 
cuts,  across  fields  and  over  bridges,  until  we  was  soon 
out  of  site  of  Baltimore.  The  mornin  was  dark  and 
cloudy  and  the  ground  was  wet ;  so  if  wc  lost  any  thing 
by  not  havin  brighter  skies  and  a  better  view  of  the 
scenery,  we  made  up  for  it  by  not  havin  no  dust  to  choke 
us  to  deth.  This  is  a  butiful  railroad,  and  the  cars  is 
as  comfortable  as  a  rockin  chair  with  arms  to  it.  You 
haint  got  to  be  bumpin  and  crowd  in  up  together  in  the 
seats  like  you  do  on  some  roads,  for  every  man  has  a 
comfortable  seat  to  himself;  and  another  thing  that  I 
liked  very  much  was,  that  the  sparks  aint  always  dartin 
about  your  face,  and  lightin  down  when  you  aint  spectin 
nothin  and  burnin  your  clothes  otf  of  you. 

I  begin  to  find  it  a  great  deal  colder  here  than  it  was 
in  Georgia  when  I  left  home.  We  had  summer  in 
Pineville  raore'n  a  month  ago,  and  everybody  had  gardin 
vegetables  on  their  tables,  and  my  corn  was  more'n  knee 
high  long  before  I  left.  Here  ther  aint  hardly  a  English 
pea  to  be  seen,  and  the  cornfield  malitia  is  still  on  duty 
to  skeer  the  birds  from  pullin  up  the  sprouts.  But  in 
that  line  of  bisness  they  can  beat  us  all  holler,  for  I've 
seed  two  or  three  skeercrows  standin  about  in  the  corn- 
fields here  that  wouldn't  only  skeer  all  the  birds  in  Geor- 
gia to  deth,  but  they  wouldn't  leave  a  nigger  on  the 
plantation  in  twenty-four  hours  after  they  wer  put  in  the 
field.  They  looked  more  like  the  old  boy  in  regimentals 
tiian  any  thing  I  can  think  of. 

The  road  passes  through  a  rather  thinly  popilated 
country  most  of  the  distance,  til  it  gits  to  Haver-de- 
grass,  whar  it  crosses  the  Susquehanny  river.  After  th^t 
it  goes  through  a  country  that  keeps  gettin  better  and 
better  til  we  git  to  Wilmington,  Delaware,  which  is  a 
butiful  town  on  the  Brandywine  river,  'bout  thirty  miles 
from  Filladelfy.  Between  Baltimore  and  the  Susquc- 
nanny  we  crossed  over  several  rivers,  on  bridges,  som 


SKETCHES    OK    TRAVEL. 


83 


of  em  raorc'n  amilelonnr,  butlher  aint  no  Hinniri,,  only 
at  the  Susquehaiiny,  nhich  we  crossed  in  a  butifiil  stoam- 
boat  to  the  cars  on  tlie  other  side.  From  Wihnin^ton 
a  I  the  way  to  FiHadelfy,  we  wer  in  site  of  the  b?oad 
Delaware  on  rMir  ;ht,  on  the  banks  of  which,  and  as 
far  as  we  could  s,  v  on  the  left,  is  one  of  the  handsumest 
aL,iioultural  districts  in  the  country—the  houses  lookin 
like  palaces  and  the  farms  like  gardens. 

When  the  cars  got  to  the  dej^o,  they  was  surrounded 
as  usual  by  a  regiment  of  lips.  But  the  Filladelfy 
hackmen  behaved  themselves  pretty  well  for  men  in 
ther  line  of  bisness.  Ther  wasn't  more'n  twenty  of 
em  at  me  at  one  time,  and  none  of  'em  didn't  'tempt 
to  take  my  baggage  from  me  whether  I  would  let  'em 
have  It  or  not.  Soon  as  I  got  so  that  I  \  no  wed  which 
eend  I  was  standin  on,  I  took  a  hack  and  druv  to  the 
United  States  Hotel  in  Chestnut  street,  rite  opposite 
the  old  raw  head  and  bloody  bones,  the  United  States 
Bank. 

After  dinner  I  tuck  a  walk  up  Chestnut  street  to  the 
old  State  House,  whar  the  Continental  Con<Trcss  made 
the  Declaration  of  Independence.  The  old  bTldin  stands 
whar  It  did,  and  the  doorsills  is  thar,  upon  which  the 
leet  of  our  revolutionary  fathers  once  rested  ;  but  whar 
are  they  now  ?  Of  all  the  brave  hearts  that  throbbed 
m  them  old  halls  on  the  4th  of  July,  1776,  not  one 
now  IS  warmed  by  the  pulse  of  life  !  One  by  one  they 
have  sunk  down  into  ther  graves,  leavin  a  grateful  pos 
terity  to  the  enjoyment  of  the  civil  and  religious  blessins 
for  which  they  pledged  ther  ''  lives,  ther  fortins  and  thei 
sacred  honors."  I  felt  like  I  was  walkin  on  consecrated 
ground,  and  I  couldn't  help  but  think  that  if  some  of  our 
members  of  Congress  was  to  pay  a  occasional  pilgrimao-e 
to  this  Mecky  of  our  political  faith,  and  dwell  but  for^a 
few  hours  on  the  example"  of  the  worthy  men  who  once 
waked  the  echoes  of  these  halls  with  ther  patriotic 
eloquence,  they  would  be  apt  to  go  back  wiser  and 
better  politicians  than  they  was  when  they  cum,  and  that 


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23  WEST  MAIN  STREET 

WEBSTER,  N.Y.  14580 

(716)  872-4503 


I 
I  I 


P|,  MAJOR   JONES'S 

•we  would  have  less  sound  and  more  sense,  less  for 
Buncura  and  more  for  the  country  in  ther  speeches  in 
our  Capitol  at  Washington. 

After  iookin  about  the  old  hall,  I  went  up  stairs  into 
the  steeple,  whar  the  bell  still  hangs  what  was  cast  by 
order  of  Congress,  to  proclaim  liberty  to  the  world.  It 
is  cracked  and  ruined,  and  like  the  walls  in  which  it 
hangs,  the  monuments  and  statues  and  paintins,  and 
every  other  relic  of  them  days,  it  remains  a  silent 
memento  of  the  past,  and  as  such  it  should  be  preserved 
as  long  as  the  metal  of  which  it  is  made  will  stick  to- 
gether. 

After  takin  a  good  look  at  it  and  readin  the  inscription 
on  it,  I  went  up  higher  in  the  steeple,  and  tuck  a  look 
at  the  city.  Well,  I  thought  thar  was  brick  and  morter 
enough  under  my  eyes  at  one  time  when  I  was  on  the 
Washington  monument  in  Baltimore  ;  but,  sir,  Balti- 
more, large  as  it  is,  ain't  a  primin  to  Filladelfy.  I  could 
see  nothin  but  one  eternal  mass  of  houses  on  every  side. 
On  the  east,  I  could  see  the  Delaware,  what  divided  the 
city  from  the  houses  on  the  Jersey  side,  but  on  the  north 
and  south,  it  was  impossible  to  see  the  eend  of  'em. 
They  stretched  out  for  miles,  until  you  couldn't  tell  one 
from  another,  and  then  the  confused  mass  of  chimneys, 
roofs  and  steeples,  seemed  to  mingle  in  the  gray  obscure 
of  the  smoky  horizon.  The  streets  run  north  and  south, 
east  and  west,  at  right  angles,  as  strait  and  level  as  the 
rows  in  a  cotton  patch.  The  fact  is,  I  can't  compare 
the  city  to  any  thing  else  but  one  everlastin  big  chess 
board,  covered  with  pieces.  The  churches  with  steeples, 
answerin  for  castles,  the  State-house,  Exchange  and 
other  public  bilclins,  for  kings,  the  Banks  for  bishops, 
the  Theatres  and  Hotels  for  knights,  and  so  on  down  til 
you  cum  to  the  private  houses,  which  would  do  to  stand 
for  counters.  The  only  difficulty  in  the  comparison  is 
that  ther  ain't  no  room  to  move — the  game  bein  com- 
pletely blocked  or  checkmated  every  whar,  except  round 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


85 


the  edges,  and  whar  ther  is  now  and  then  a  square  left 
for  a  public  walk. 

I  was  standin  thar  ruminatin  and  wonderin  at  the  great 
city  that  was  stretched   out  at  my  feet  and  thinkin  to 
myself  what  a  heap   of  happiness  and   misery,  wealth 
and  poverty,  virtue  and  vice  it  contained,  and  how  if  I 
was  a  Asmodeus  what  a  iiiterestin   panorama  it  would 
afford  me,  when  the  fast  thing  I  know'd  I  cum  in  a  ace 
of  jumpin  spang  off  the  steeple  into  the  tree-toi)S  below. 
Whang !  w^ent  something  rite  close  by  me,  with  a  noise 
louder^than  a  fifty-six  pounder,  that  made  the  old  steeple 
totter  and  creak  as  if  it  was  gvvine  all  to  pieces.     I 
grabbed  hold  of  the  railins  and  held  on  to  'em  with  all 
my  might,  til  I  tuck  seven  of  them  allfired  licks,  every 
one  of°which  I  thought  would  nock  my  senses  out  of 
me.     It  jarred  my  veiy  inards,  and  made  me  so  deaf  I 
couldn't'hear  myself  think  for  a  ower  afterwards.  Come 
to  find  out  it  was  the  town  clock  strikin  in  the  steej)le 
rite  over  my  head.     It  was  a  monstrous  lucky  thing  for 
me  that  it  wasn't  no  later,  for  I  do  believe  if  it  had  been 
ten  or  leven  o'clock  it  would  been  the  deth  of  me. 

As  soon  as  I  got  able  to  travel  I  cum  down  out  of 
that  place  and  went  through  Independence  Square, 
what's  right  in  the  rear  of  the  State  House,  to  Wash- 
ington Square.  This  is  said  to  be  the  handsumest  public 
square  in  the  world — it  certainly  is  the  handsumest  I 
ever  seed,  and  I  do  blieve  that  on  this  occasion  ther 
wasn't  that  spot  of  earth  on  the  whole  globe  that  could 
compare  with  it.  I  don't  mean  the  square  itself,  though 
that  is  handsura  enuff  in  all  conscience,  with  its  butiful 
gravelled  walks,  its  handsum  grass-plats,  its  shady  trees, 
and  ellegant  iron  fence,  that  would  cost  more  itself  than 
all  the  houses  in  Pineville— but  what  I  mean  is  the  scene 
what  I  saw  in  the  square. 

If  there  was  one  I  do  blieve  ther  was  fifteen  hundred 
to  two  thousand  child i  en  in  the  square  at  one  time,  ah 
rangin  from  two  to  seven  and  eight  years  old,  and  all 

dressed  in  the  most  butiful  style.     Thar  they  was.  little 


86 


MAJOR    JONES  S 


galls  and  boys,  all  playin  and  movin  about  in  every 
direction— some  jumpin  the  rope,  some  rollin  hoops, 
nere  a  party  cf  little  galls  dancin  the  polker,  and  tliar 
another  playin  at  battledoor  or  the  graces— some  runnin 
races  and  some  walkin,  some  of  'em  butiful  as  little 
Coopids,  and  all  as  merry  and  sprightly  as  crickets.  It 
was  a  kind  of  juvenile  swoirec,  as  they  call  'em  here, 
and  I  never  did  see  any  little  creaters  that  seemed  to 
enjoy  themselves  so  much.  I  never  seed  so  many 
children  together  before  in  all  ray  life,  and  it  seemed  to 
me  ther  wasn't  a  sickly  one  among  'em.  Perhaps  the 
sickly  ones  couldn't  come  out  when  the  wether  was  so 
cool.  But  if  they  was  a  fair  specemen  of  the  chihlren 
of  Filladelfy,  then  I  can  say  there  aint  a  city  in  the 
world  that  can  beat  her  for  handsum,  clean,  well-dressed, 
healthy-lookin  children.  Ther  was  lots  of  nurses  among 
'em  to  take  care  of  'em,  and  now  and  then  you  could  see 
a  pair  of  little  nijxgers  tryin  to  mix  in  with  'em  ;  but  it 
w^as  no  go,  and  the  pore  little  blackys  had  to  sneak 
round  the  corners  and  look  on  like  pore  folks  at  a  frol- 
lick,  the  little  children  not  bein  sufficiently  edicated  yet 
to  enable  them  to  discover  their  equals  in  the  sable  de- 
scendants of  Africa. 

While  I  w^as  lookin  about  in  the  square  who  should 
I  see  but  the  famous  Count  Barraty,  what  was  out  to 
Pineville  you  know  about  two  years  ago  lecturein  on 
Greece.  Thar  he  was  with  the  same  old  shaggy  locks 
and  big  moustaches,  stand  in  near  a  groop  of  servant 
galls,  with  his  arms  folded,  lookin  on  in  the  attitude  of 
Bonaparte  at  St.  Helleny.  Poor  old  feller  I  couldn't 
help  but  pity  him,  when  I  thought  w^hat  terrible  vicissi- 
tudes he  has  passed  through  sense  he  was  in  Georgia. 
You  know  when  he  left  Pineville  he  told  us  we  would 
hear  from  him  in  the  papers,  and  in  less  than  a  month 
we  did  hear  from  him  shore  enufT  in  the  Pickyune,  what 
gin  a  account  of  that  terrible  encounter  he  had  with  a 
cowhide  in  the  hands  of  sum  gentleman  in  ISew  Orleans, 
whose  lady  didn't  understand  Greek  enuff  to  enable  her 


to 

so 
cL 
in 
la 
th 

to 
T 

af 
di 

hj 

r 

m 
F 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


87 


to  appreciate  his  foreign  manners.  The  count  don't  wear 
so  much  jewelry  now  as  he  use  to  in  Georgia,  and  his 
clothes  look  a  little  seedy.  Bathe's  the  same  old  Count 
in  every  other  respect.  As  soon  as  he  seed  me  he  re- 
laxed the  austerity  of  his  moustaches  and  went  out  of 
the  square. 

Bimeby  the  swoiree  was  over,  and  the  nurses  begun 
to  gether  up  ther  charges  and  prepare  for  gwine  home. 
The  merry  laugh  and  ':ong  soon  died  away,  and  troop 
after  troop  of  httle  people  filed  out  of  the  gates  in  every 
direction,  until  the  square  was  entirely  deserted. 

It  was  tea  time  and  I  went  to  my  hotel.  Sense  tea  I 
have  rit  you  this  letter,  informin  you  of  my  arrival  here. 
I'm  gwine  to  bed  early  to-night,  and  if  it  don't  rain  to- 
morrow I'm  gwine  to  take  a  early  start  and  see  what 
Filladelfy's  made  out  of  before  nite.     So  no  more  from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


i 


I  I 


IM;  ' 


I 


i  •  n 


S8 


MAJOR  JONES'S 


LETTER  XL 


To  Mr.  Tiiompso 
fashion  no\v-a-( 
'hey  git  marrie 


Filladclfy,  May  24,  1845. 
jj : — Dear  Sir — You  know  it's  the 
_  for  young  people  at  the  south,  when 

^^,^j  ^ _,  to  start  rite  off  to  the  north  before  the 

preacher  has  hardly  had  time  to  bless  'em.     Well,  I 
never  could  make  out  what  they  done  so  for— I  never 
could  see  why  they  couldn't  stay  at  home  til  they  got 
rite  well  acquainted  with  one  another  before  they  went 
whar  they  wouldn't  see  nothing  but  strangers.     One 
thing  I  do  know  though,  and  that  is,  they  nor  nobody 
else  don't  come  to  these  big  cities  to  sleep  ;  for  if  the 
seven  sleepers  themselves  was  to  put  up  in  one  of  these 
northern  hotels,  they'd  have  to  take  a  dose  of  lodnum 
to  save  ther  reputations.     The  omnibusses  and  carriages, 
and  drays  and  carts,  seems  all  the  time  like  one  ever- 
lastin  harrycane,  roarin  and  rattlin,   and  crashin    and 
smashin  along  over  the  stones  from  mornin  til   night, 
and  from  night  til  mornin  ;  and  I  don't  care  if  they  put 
you  seven  stories  high,  you  can  hear  'em  all  the  time, 
and  you  can't  sleep  a  wink,  if  you're  ever  so  tired,  til 
you  learn  to  sleep  with  your  ears  open,  and  to   dream 
'bout  bein  in  sich  a  infernal  racket  that  you  can't  hear 
yourself  snore.  • 

I  aint  very  certain  whether  I  waked  up  at  all  or  not 
this  mornin,  but  I  got  up  to  breckfast,  and  after  sprucin 
up  a  little,  I  went  out  to  see  the  city.  Gwine  along  up 
to  Sixth  street,  who  should  I  meet  but  Mr.  More,  what 
you  know  was  out  to  Pineville  winter  before  last,  tra- 
vellin  for  his  helth.  You  remember  he  was  almost  ded 
with  the  consumption,  and  looked  like  he  was  bleeged 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


89 


to  carry  rocks  in  his  pockets  to  keep  the  ^vind  from 
blowin  him  away.  Well,  would  you  blieve  it,  he's  a 
sound  and  well  man,  and  looks  this  day  as  if  he  mought 
live  to  be  a  hundred  years  old.  I  never  seed  such  a 
alteration  in  any  body  in  my  life,  and  I  wouldn't  have 
know'd  him  from  Adam  if  he  hadn't  spoke  to  me  fust. 

"  Why,  Major  Jones,"  ses  he,  "  how  are  you— how 
d'ye  do  ?  I'm  so  glad  to  see  you.  How's  Mrs.  Jones 
and  the  baby,  and  all  of  'em  ?"  , 

I  looked  at  liim  right  hard  while  he  was  shakm  my 
hand,  and  ses  I,  *'  You've  got  the  advantage  of  me, 

Sir. 

"Why,  don't  you  know  me.  Major— More's  my 
name— don't  you  remember  More,  what  used  to  come  to 
your  plantation  after ?" 

"  To  be  sure,"  ses  I.  "  But  is  it  possible  ?  Why 
you  don't  look  like  the  same  man.  I  never  should 
have  know'd  you  agin  in  the  world.  What  upon  yeath 
has  brung  you  out  so  ?"  ,    ,   i    . 

"  Why,  major,  when  I  cum  back  almost  ded  last 
summer,  I  tuck  to  drinkin " 

"  Taint  possible,  Mr.  More  ;  is  you  bloated  up  so .-' 

ses  I. 

"  Oh  no,"  ses  he,  "  I  didn't  take  to  drinkin  licker. 
I  drunk  'bout  fifteen  bottles  of  Schenck's  Pulmonic 
Syrup,  and  you  see  what  it's  done  for  me." 

"  Is  it  possible  ?"  ses  I.  ,   ,  .       r 

"  Yes  "  ses  he   "  I  weigh  a  hundred  and  thirty-nve 

pounds  now,  and'i'm  indebted  to  Schenck's  Syrup  for 

all  but  my  bones.     But  no  more  about  that,"  ses  ne. 

*'  Whar  are  you  gwine,  and  what  can  I  do  for  you.     Is 

yer  famly  along  ?"  ,.  ,      •      r    i 

"  No  "  ses  I,  "  Tm  jest  on  a  little  trip  of  observation 
to  the  north,  and  am  only  gwine  to  stay  a  day  or  two  to 

look  at  your  city."  „       • ,  x 

"  Well,"  ses  he,  "then  you'll  jest  walk  with  mc  to 
the  Exchange.     When  I  git  through  a  little  bisness  I  ve 


If 


^<il 


I' 


1 


!.|M 


90 


MAJOR  Jones's 


got  thar,  we'll  take  a  drive,  and  I'll  show  you  the  won- 
ders of  this  part  of  the  world." 

Well,  we  went  down  to  the  Exchange,  abutiful  white 
marble  bildin,  with  columns  and  porticos,  and  two  mon- 
strous grate  big  lions  layin  upon  the  side  of  the  steps. 
Its  a  very  handsum  bildin,  and  like  all  the  public  bildins 
in  Filladelfy,  is  as  clean  and  white  as  a  Georgia  bred- 
tray  after  a  hard  scrubbin.  I  looked  round  the  bif^ 
Change  room,  at  the  angels  painted  on  the  ceilin,  and 
the  other  curiosities,  til  Mr.  More  got  through  his  bis- 
ness,  and  then  we  went  to  the  hotel,  whar  I  waited  til 
he  could  go  home  and  git  reddy. 

Bimeby  here  he  cura  in  his  carriage,  with  tw^o  splended 
match  greys,  and  a  couple  of  frends  who  was  gwine  with 
us.  After  introducin  me  to  Mr.  Wiggins  and  Mr.  Hunter, 
we  got  in  and  druv  out  to  Fairmount  Water  Works  on 
the  Skoolkill. 

I've  seed  picfers  of  this  place  before,  but  I  didn't 
have  no  idee  it  was  so  handsum,  or  that  it  was  sich  a 
grate  curiosity.  I  can't  take  time  to  describe  it  to  you 
now,  but  I  can  jest  give  you  a  idee  of  it.  Well,  you 
must  know  the  river  Skoolkill  is  a  grate  big  river,  almost 
as  big  as  the  Savanna  or  the  Chattahooche  in  Georgia, 
that  runs  down  by  the  city  til  it  empties  into  the  Dela- 
ware. It  used  to  go  swecpin  along  on  its  journey  to 
the  sea  as  free  as  any  other  river  in  the  nation,  til  some 
years  ago,  when  the  city  auOiorities  tuck  it  into  therheds 
that  they'd  dam  it,  and  set  i  to  work.  So  they  did  ; 
and  now  it  don't  only  furnish  the  water  that  the  people 
use,  but  it  is  compelled,  its  own  self,  to  thro w^  that  water 
up  into  the  basins  on  the  hill,  so  it  can  run  down  in  the 
pipes  all  over  the  city.  Ther  is  some  of  the  biggest 
water  wheels  thar  in  the  world,  what  make  a  noise  like 
distant  thunder,  and  remind  one  of  the  groans  of  old 
Ixion,  as  ther  grate  ponderous  forms  turn  gloomily  on 
ther  never-resting  axis.  The  liouse  whar  the  works 
is,  is  a  dark  ugly  place,  and  made  me  feel  bad  to  be 


j 


SKKTCIIKS    OK    TRAVEL. 


91 


tliar,  but  when  I  cum  out  and  looked  at  the  butiful 
hasiix  of  water  between  it  and  the  hill,  and  seed  the 
statu  of  a  gall  standin  on  a  rock  jest  above,  holdin  a 
goose  by  the  legs,  with  its  neck  stretched  up  and  squirtin 
out  of  its  mouth  a  stream  of  crystal  water,  that  shot 
up  into  the  bright  sunshine  and  come  down  in  sparkhn 
dimonds  all  over  her  white  marble  shoulders,  and  seed 
the  handsum  bildins  and  statues  and  fountains,  and  the 
butiful  scenery  all  around,  I  thought  it  was  one  of  the 
most  delightful  places  I  ever  seed  in  my  life,  and  if  I'd 
had  time  to  spare  I  could  spent  a  whole  day  looking 

round  it. 

After  lookin  about  awhile  at  the  Wire  Susperision 
Bridge  and  other  curioshies,   we  went  to  the    Girard 
ColletJ-e,  what  we've  heard  so  much  about  for  the  last 
fifteen  years.     You  know  Mr.  Girard  was  a  monstrous 
rich  man,  what  died  in  Filladelfy  a  long  time  ago,  and 
left  a  heap  of  money  to  bild  a  college  for  .'he  cdication 
of  the  pore  orfan  boys  of  Pensilvany.     The  money  was 
left  in  the  hands  of  directors,  who  was  to  see  that  it  was 
put  to  the  proper  purpose.  Well,  they're  bildin  a  college, 
sure  enuir,  but  I  have  my  doubts  whether  it  will  ever  be 
any  benefit  to  the  pore  orfaas  for  whom  it  was  intended. 
It  aint  done  yet,  and  thousands  of  pore  children  have 
growed  up  to  be  men  sense  it  was  commenced.     Wlien 
it  is  done,  it  will  be  one  of  the  most  aristocratic  lookin 
institutions  in  this  country,  and  I'm  of  the  notion  that 
if  any  pore  boy  ever  docs  go  through  it,  it  will  be  like 
I  did:  in  at  the  door  and  out  at  the  roof,  if  he  don  t  git 
kicked  out  before  he  gits  so  high. 

They  tell  me  it  aint  nothin  like  the  bildm  Mr.  Girard 
wanted  it  to  be,  and  all  the  money  has  been  used  up  m 
bildin  a  palace  that  wont  have  nothin  to  support  it  after 
it's  bilt.  I  spose  then  it'll  be  seized  for  its  debts  and 
sold  to  some  rich  corporation  for  'bout  half  what  the 
ground  is  worth  that  it  stands  on,  after  which  it  w-iU  be- 
come a  school  whar  no  pore  boy  can  ever  learn  his  A, 


H'' 


Ji 


,'  • 


•!-  » 


m 


m 


m 


92 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


B„  C's.  One  thing  is  certain,  it  will  be  the  handsiimest 
school  house  in  creation  when  it  is  done  ;  but  I  think 
if  I  had  the  money  what  one  of  its  white  marble  pillars 
cost,  I  could  do  more  good  to  the  pore  orfans  of  Pensil- 
vany  with  it  than  the  whole  bildin  will  ever  do.  No- 
body can  look  at  this  magnificent  pile  without  bein  filled 
with  admiration ;  but  every  true  frend  of  the  pore  orfan 
would  rather  see  it  tumbled  to  the  ground,  if  the  money 
it  has  cost  could  be  used  to  bild  log  free  schools  where 
they're  needed,  and  pay  teachers  that  would  edicate  the 
poor  children  of  the  country.  The  greatest  wonder  to 
me  is,  how  a  man  what  had  sense  enulf  to  make  so  much 
money,  and  filanthropy  enufi'to  give  it  for  such  a  object, 
could  allow'd  himself  to  be  so  bamboozled  in  the  man- 
agement of  it.  It  convinces  me  of  one  thing,  and  that 
is,  if  a  man  really  wants  to  do  good  in  this  world  with 
his  money,  he;  better  be  at  it  when  he's  on  the  top  of  the 
ground  himself. 

We  went  through  the  bildin  from  the  bottom  to  the 
top.  It's  all  solid  brick  and  marble,  even  to  the  roof, 
what  is  covered  with  marble  shingles  on  brick  rafters. 
Fire  can't  git  hold  of  wood  enuff  to  raise  a  blaze,  and 
the  walls  is  so  thick  and  strong  that  nolhin  short  of 
Florida  lightninor  a  South  American  yeathquake  couldn't 
knock  it  down. 

While  w^e  was  standin  lookin  at  its  lofty  proportions, 
its  white  marble  walls,  and  its  massive  Corinthian  cO' 
lumns,  two  little  ragged  boys  come  up  to  us  and  ax'd 
us  to  give  'em  some  money.  "  Please,  sir,  give  me  a 
cent  to  buy  some  bred  for  my  mammy,"  sed  one  of  'em. 
He  didn't  have  no  matches  to  sell,  and  I  gin  himathrip, 
but  I  couldn't  help  but  think  how  much  more  real  inte- 
rest he  had  in  that  thrip,  than  he  had  in  the  magnificent 
edifice  that  was  erectin  for  him.  The  old  maxim  ses, 
that  charity  covers  a  heap  of  sins,  but  when  the  amount 
of  money  that  is  misapplied  by  iii3  ostentation  of  the 
rich,  in  the  name  of  charity,  is  deducted  from  the  sum 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


93 


total  tlmt  is  pven,  thcr  wouldn't  be  enufT  left  to  save 

ent  to,   was  the  Laurel  Hill 


many 


souls,  I  reckon. 


The  next  place   we  w...       , 
cemctary,  a  buliful  berryin  ground  what  stands  on  the 
banks  of  the  Skoolkill,  about  a  mile  above  the  water- 
works.    The  fust  thing  we  seed  after  we  got  m  the  gate 
was  a  butinil  group  of  sculpture  in  coarse  brown  stone, 
representin  Walter  Scott  the  great  novelist,  settin  down 
with  his  hat  in  his  hand,  holdin  a  interview  with      Old 
Mortality,"  who  is  in  the  act  of  repainn  a  old  tomb-stone, 
while  his  donkey  is  standin  by  with  his  bag  of  tools  ori 
its  back      The  figures  looks  like  life,  and  made  me  tee 
very  solemn,  as  I  recollected  the  character  of  that  odd 
old  man.      It  is  a  great  pity  that  the  artist  didn  t  use 
better  materials.     Such  a  work  should  last  as  long  as 
the  fame  of  the  great  author,  what  wdl  endure  til  the 
eend  of  the  granite  hills  themselves.     Mr.  More  tuck 
me  all  through  the  grounds,  and  showed  me  a  heap  ot 
handsome  monuments,   and  tombs  of  great  statesmen 
and  generals,  and  rich  people,  among  Nvhich  was  some 
that  cost  more  than  enutfto  bild  a  fine  house  to  live  in 
It  is  a  butiful  place,  whar  rich  people  moulder  in  good 
society  ;  but  whether  tliey  rest  any  better  beneath  ther 
costly  marble  monuments,  than  the  pore  people  who  sleep 
on  the  only  spot  of  yeath  they  ever  occupied  without 
payin  rent,  and  who  have  not  even  a  slab,  to  perpetuate 
Iher  memories,  is  a  circumstance  what  depends  on  the 
character  of  the  lives  they  led  m  this  world       Ihe 
monuments  of  wealth  is  gratifyin  to  the  pride  and  grate- 
ful to  the  feelins  and  affections  of  the  hvin,  but  it  is  only 
the  wealth  of  virtuous  actions  that  avads  us  any  tbmg 
when  we  are  laid  in  the  grave.     A  pure  unspotted  hea/t 
in  the  grave  is  worth  all  the  costly  marble  that  could  be 

piled  ui)On  it.  ...        ..,  , 

We  looked  round  and  red  the  inscriptions  td  we  got 
tired,  and  then  we  went  to  our  carriage.  It  was  pretty 
near  dinner  time,  and  the  company  proposed  to  go  to 


m 


M 


R,T.i| 


m 


I 


94 


MAJOR   JONKS'S 


Evan's  Tavern,  at  the  Falls,  and  git  a  dinner  of  Catfish 
€ind  (/ofly.  Well,  Mr.  More's  ^nvys  soon  brun|T  us  to 
the  place,  and  we  had  a  dinner  in  no  time,  and  a  fust 
rate  dinner  it  was.  I  never  drunk  better  Colly  nor  eat 
better  Calllsh,  and  we  had  lots  of  other  good  things  be- 
sides. If  you're  ever  in  these  parts,  you  must  be  sure 
to  take  a  dinner  at  the  Falls  Tavern. 

After  dinner  we  went  on  til  we  cum  to  the  Wis- 
sahicken,  and  druv  along  on  its  banks  for  about  a  mile, 
through  some  of  the  prettyest  scenery  I  ever  seed  in  my 
life.  The  stream  runs  along  between  rocky  banks  that 
rise  into  bold  and  broken  hills  on  both  sides,  and  are 
covered  with  trees  that  looks  as  fresh  and  wild  as  if  they 
didn't  stand  in  sirjht  of  the  smoke  of  one  of  the  largest 
cities  in  the  world.  Every  now  and  then  we  met  parties 
of  boys  and  galls  who  was  out  boat-ridin  and  gatherin 
flowers,  and  once  we  came  across  a  whole  skool  of  galls 
who  was  out  on  a  May  frolick,  with  music  and  banners, 
carrying  ther  armsfull  of  llowers,  and  laughin  and  singin 
like  so  many  wood  nymphs.  This  is  the  place  whar 
Fanny  Keml-^lr,  writ  sich  butiful  poetry,  and  I  don't 
wonder  at  it,  for  I  do  blieve  a  wheelbarrow  would  squeak 
in  measured  melody  if  it  was  rolled  along  on  the  bank 
of  this  butiful  stream  widiout  grease.  But  poor  Fanny 
lives  no  longer  in  a  world  of  poetic  dreams.  She  has 
proved  the  sad  realities  of  this  wieked  world,  and  her 
eyes,  that  no  longer  look  upon  the  lovely  Wissahicken, 
would  now  see  more  to  make  her  sad  than  happy  in 
scenes  that  was  once  so  delightful  to  her  contemplation. 

Turnin  away  from  the  Wissahicken,  we  crossed  over 
to  Germantown,  the  place  whar  you  know  the  great 
battle  was  fit  in  the  revolution.  We  undertuck  to  go 
the  whole  length  of  it,  but  after  we  got  up  as  far  as 
Chew's  House,  whar  the  British  made  sich  a  obstinate 
resistance,  I  begun  to  feel  sorry  for  the  horses,  and  told 
Mr.  More  we  had  better  turn  back.  It's  a  monstrous 
furious,  ancient  looking  town,  with  houses  all  hilt  of 


li . 


SKKTCHKS   OF   TRAVEL. 


95 


stone,  and  looking;  like  the  p^reat  frrand-dadics  of  all  the 
liousL's  in  the  world.  I  would  liked  to  seed  tother  ernJ 
of  it,  but  I'm  told  it's  so  long  that  when  people  from  the 
Filladelfy  eend  want  to  go  to  tother,  they  take  the  steam- 
boats on  the  Delawfire  and  go  round  byway  of  Burling- 
ton or  Trenton,  New  Jersey.  The  inhabilanls  is  most 
of  'em  people  who  do  bisness  in  Filladelfy  and  have 
their  residence  out  thr.r.  Mr.  Wiggins  pinted  out  to 
nie  the  residences  of  a  good  many  of  his  acquaintances, 
and  among  the  rest  that  of  Mr.  C.  Alexander,  the  Alex- 
ander the  Great  of  the  Filladelfy  press. 

We  wasn't  long  gwine  to  the  city,  but   it  was  some 
time  before  we  got  to  the  United  Slates  Hotel.     As  we 
druv  along  through  the  streets  I  couldn't  help  but  notice 
how  strait  and  clean  they  was,  and  every  now  and  then 
we  Liet  people  what  they  call   Quakers — the  •  "Test, 
starchiest,   mealy-mouthed  lookin   people   I  ever  seed. 
The  men  had  on   broad-tailed  snuff-colored   coats  and 
broad-rimmed  hats,  and  looked  as  sober  and  solemn  as 
if  butter  wouldn't  melt  in  their  mouths.     The  wimmin, 
most  all  of  'em,  had  on  drab  colored  dresses  and  wore 
silk  bonnets  what  vsot  rite  down  over  ther  faces  like  cala- 
bashes, so   you  couldn't  hardly  see  whether  they  waf 
handsum  or  not.     But  every  now  and  dien  I  got  a  glimse 
of  a  monstrous  pretty  face  from  under  them  bomiiiable 
wagon-cover  lookin  bonnets.  Ther's  a  grate  many  Qua 
kers  in  Filladelfy,  and  they're  monstrous   good  people 
only  they  will  meddle  with  what  don't  consarn  'em,  anC 
keep  all  the  time  botherinthe  Southern  people  'boutthei 
niggers.     I  don't  want  to  say  any  thing  agin  the  Quaker; 
— 1  know  that  as  a  class  ther  aint  a  more  honest,  re 
spectable  body  of  people  in  the   country.     But  then  1 
really  do  think  that  people  what  claim  so  much  libert}/ 
of  conscience  as  to  exampt  'em  from  the  discharge  of 
ther  duty  to  ther  country,  by  whose  laws  they  are  pro- 
tected in  all  the  privileges  of  citizenship,  ought  at  leas! 
to  allow  the  people  of  the  South  liberty  of  conscience 


i 

I, 


1'^  'i 


K  ■ 


r  i* 


MAJOR   JONES  S 

to  be  the  judges  of  ther  own  domestic  institutions.  Peo- 
ple like  thpin  who  go  for  non*resistance  under  all  cir- 
cumstances, ought  to  be  the  last  people  in  the  world  to 
make  -aggressions  upon  the  rights  of  others.  But  I 
musent  git  on  that  subject  or  I'll  never  git  done  my  letter. 
It  was  most  tea-tiine  when  we  got  back.  I  went  to  the 
Theatre  to  see  the  Opera  last  night,  but  I'll  tell  you  all 
about  that  in  my  next.     So  no  laore  from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


If  I 

■0  I 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


97 


i.»  M 


LETTER  XIT. 

Filladelfy,  May  25,  1845, 
To  Mr.  Thompson  : — Dear  Si?- — I  told  you  in  my 
last  letter  that  I  was  gwine  to  the  opery,  and  that  I'd 
tell  you  what  I  thought  of  'em.     Well,  to  tell  you  the 
truth,  I  like  the  opery  well  enuff,  all  but  the  singin. 
The  scenery  is  very  liandsum,  the  actin  is  good,  and 
the  fiddlin  is  fust  rate  ;  but  so  much  singin  spiles  evry 
thing.     The  opery  what  I  went  to  see  at  the  Chesnut 
streS  theatre,  was  the  Bohemian  Gall,  and  the  acters 
was  the  celebrated  Sepjwin  Troop,  as  they  call  'em,  and 
I  spose  they  done  it  up  as  well  as  anybody  else  could 
do  it ;  but  accordin  to  ray  notion,  there's  monstrous  little 
sense  in  any  such  carrying  on.     If  operys  didn't  cum 
from  Paris,  whar  all  the  fashionable  bonnets  and  evry 
thing  else  comes  from,  and  it  wasn't  considered  un- 
fashionable not  to   admire  'em,  I   don't  blieve  ther's 
many  peeple  in  this  country  what  would  be  willin  to  pay 
a  half  a  dollar  a  night  to  hear  sich  a  everlastin  cater- 
waulin  as  they  do  make. 

As  soon  as  I  got  my  ter,  I  v-ent  to  the  theatre,  what 
ain't  a  grate  ways  from  my  hotel,  and  after  buyin  a  ticket 
of  a  man  in  a  little  hole  outside  of  the  o^reen  dores,  I 
went  in  and  tuck  a  seat  on  one  of  the  cushioned  benches 
what  they  call  boxes.  Ther  was  a  good  many  peeple 
in  the  theatre  and  ever  so  many  wimmin,  all  dressed 
out  as  fme  as  they  could  be,  and  sum  of  'era  lookin 
monstrous  handsura. 

Bimeby  one  of  the  fiddlers  down  in  the  place  they 
call  the  orkestry,  tuck  up  his  fiddle-stick,  and  rapped 
on  ]\ls  desk,  at  which  evry  nmsicianer  grabbed  his  in- 
strument.    Then  the  man  with  the  fiddle-stick,  after 


ii 


I     1'^ 


an 


98 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


wavin  it  up  and  down  three  or  four  times,  gin  his  fidd'-e 
a  scrape  or  two  what  seemed  to  set  the  whole  of  Vm 
agwine  ;  and  sich  another  hurra's  nest  I  never  did  hear 
before.     Sumtimcs  all  of  'em  stopped  but  one  or  two ; 
then  they  all  struck  up  agin  as  hard  as  they  could  rip  it. 
Sumtimes  the  musick  was  low  and  soft  as  the  voire  of  a 
sick  kitten,  and  then  it  was  loud  and  terrible,  as  if  all 
the  lions,  bulls,  jackasses,  and  hiennys  in  creashun  had 
got  together,  and  was  tryin  to  see  which  could  make 
the  biggest  racket.     They  seemed  to  have  evry  thing 
in  the  world  that  would  m"ake  a  noise,  from  a  base  drum 
to  a  jewsharp ;    and  evry  feller  tried  to  do  his  best. 
One  old  feller  had  a  grate  big  fiddle  of  about  one  hun- 
dred boss  power,  and  the  way  he  did  rear  and  pitch 
and  pull  and  jerk  at  it,  was  really  distressin.     The  old 
feller    seemed   to    have   the   highstericks   for   fear   he 
couldn't  make  as  much  noise  as  the  rest  of  'em,  and 
he  rolled  his  eyes  and  twisted  his  mouth  about  enufi'  to 
frighten  all  the  ladys  out  of  ther  senses.     Bimeby  they 
all  blowed  out,  and  at  the  ring  of  the  bell  up  went  the 
curtain. 

Then  the  opery  commenced,  but  for  the  soul  of  me  I 
couldn't  hardly  make  out  hed  nor  tail  to  it,  though  1 
listened  at  'em  with  all  my  ears,  eyes,  mouth,  and  nose. 
The  fust  thing  was  a  grand  sin^in  match  by  a  whole 
heap  of  Bohemian  sogers  and  wimmin,  'bout  nobody 
could  tell  what.  Then  thar  was  a  big  fat  feller  named 
Thadeus,  what  the  bill  sed  was  a  PoHsh  exile,  what 
had  run  away  from  his  country,  cum  on  and  sung  a  song 
'bout  his  troubles,  but  he  put  so  many  dimmy-simmy 
quivers  in  it  that  nobody  couldn't  understand  what  hurt 
him.  'Bout  this  time,  ther  was  a  gang  of  Murrelite 
lookin  peeple,  what  they  called  Gipseys,  made  ther  ap- 
pearance. The  hed  man  among  them  was  a  old  feller 
named  Devil's-hooff",  what  had  the  whitest  teeth  I  ever 
seed  in  a  white  man's  hed.  This  old  cus  sot  to  robbin 
the  fat  Polander  the  fust  thing,  but  his  wife,  who  seemed 
to  wear  the  trowscrs,  wouldn't  let  him;  and  after  a  little 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


99  t 


fi 


singin  the  Gipseys  agreed  to  take  the  fat  exile  into  ther 
gang,  and  bide  him  from  his  pursuers.     Then  the  Gin- 
seys  went  to  whar  the  Governor  of  Bohemia  and  his 
people  was,  and  while  they  was  all  singin  and  carryin 
on,  sumbody  cum  in  and  told  them  that  a  wild  hog  or 
sum  other  varmint  was  'bout  to  eat  up  the  Governor's 
baby.     Then  ther  was  a  rumpus— his  excellency  and 
all  his  sogers  run  about  the  stage  and  looked  at  one 
another  as  much  as  to  say,  "  Grate  Heavens !  what's  to 
be  done  ;"  til  the  fat  Polander  tuck  up  a  gun  what  was 
leanin  agin  the  house,  and  run  out  and  shot  the  varmint, 
whatever  it  was,  and  brung  in  the  baby  safe  and  sound 
to  its  mammy.     Then  they  had  another  singin  match. 
The  Governor  was  very  much  obleeged  to  the  fat  man 
for  savin  his  baby,  and  sung  to  him  if  he  wouldn't  take 
sumthing  to  drink.     Mr.  Thadeus  'lowed  he  didn't  care 
if  he  did,  and  the  licker  was  sot  out ;  but  the  Governor 
didn't  have  no  better  sense  than  to  propose  sum  political 
sentiment  what  didn't  set  well  on  the  stummick  of  the 
fat  Polander,  who  throwd  down  his  glass  and  spilled 
the  licker  all  over  the  floor.     Then  ther  was  a  terrible 
rumpus  agin.     The  Governor  made  his  sogers  grab  the 
man  what  spilled  the  licker— with  that,  old  Devil's-hooff 
fell  to  singin  and  rearin  and  shinin,  tryin  to  git  his  frend 
out  of  the  hands  of  the  sogers— but  they  sung  as  loud 
as  he  did,  and  tuck  him,  too,  and  put  him  in  jail  with 
Mr.  Thadeus.     But  while  the  Governor  and  his  frerids 
was  singin  about  it,  old  Devil's-hooff  got  out  of  the  jail 
and  stole  the  baby  what  the  fat  Polander  had  saved,  and 
run  off  with  it.     They  saw  him  with  the  baby  in  his 
arms,  but  the  sogers  was  afraid  to  shoot  at  him  for  fear 
of  killin  it ;  and  when  the  old  rascal  got  across  the 
bridge  he  took  out  his  jack-knife  or  sumthing  else  and 
cut  it  down,  so  they  couldn't  foUer  him.     Then  all  fell 
to  singin  agin  as  hard  as  they  could,  like  a  barn-yard 
full  of  chickens  when  a  hawk  has  jest  carried  off  one 
of  ther  little  ones.     When  they  was  abouu  out  of  breth 
they  let  the  curtain  down  for  'e in  to  rest. 


J; 


t^* 


§1 


'I 


I 


fci. 


*^ 


;■  .1; 


li 


I' ;.' : 


4 


'100 


MAJOR  Jones's 


Well,  thinl<s  T,  if  that's  xvhat  you  cnll  a  opery,  Id  a 
monstrous  sic^ht  rather  see  a  genuine  old  Georgia  corn- 
fc;hnckin  frollick,  what  ther's  sum  sense  in. 

lite  close  beside  me  was  a  feller  w.th  three  or  four 
cralls,  what  kep  all  the  time  lookin  round  the  house  at 
L  peeple,  wi.h  a  kind  of  double-barreled  spy-g lass 
and  snbblein  and  chatterin  like  a  parsel  ot  geese.      Ihey 
'vas^all  dressed  within  a  inch  of  ther  lives,  and  the  chap 
had  a  red  and  blue  morocco  cap  on    what  sot  rite  tite 
down  to  his  bed  like  a  ball-cover.     He  had  a  moi.s^^ou 
small  bed,  and  when  he  had  the  spy-glasses  up  to  his 
•eyes  he  looked  jest  like  a  double-barreled  percuission 
pistol,  and  I  bad'half  a  mind  jest  to  tap  lum  on  the  hed 
with  my  cane  to  see  if  he  wouldn't  go  oti. 

-Now,  ladies,"  ses  he,  "  we've  got  to  ^valt  td  that 
baby  grows  to  be  a  woman  before  we  see  any  more  ot 

*^  "  De7r"me,''  ses  one  of  the  galls,  "  I  hope  they  won't 
keep  us  waitin  so  long  'tween  the  acts  as  they  always 
do     for  I'm  so  much  delighted  with  the  opery. 

"  And  me,  too,"  ses  another  one.     "  It's  so  refreshin 
to  hear  sich   delightful   melody  ;    I  shall  be  very  im- 

^'"Tt's'exceeclingly  foin,"  ses  the  feller  with  the  per- 
cussion  cap,  lookin   round  the   theatre  wuth  his  spy 
dCsies       ''I   nevaw   heard    Segwin   m   better    tune 
Iwazau  is  pwefectly  delightful.     But  .1  must  beg  the 

ladies  to  be  patient."  ,      ,  ,  ^ 

Thinks  I,  I'll  be  monstrous  apt  to  be  ,n  old  Georgia 
amn  before  that  baby  grows  to  be  a  gall ;  but  I  can  set 
«p"s  long  as  any  ot' you,  and,  as  I've  pa>d  my  money, 
I'm  'termined  to  see  it  out. 

But  I  hadn't  begun  to  git  sleepy  before  «p  v-ent  he 
curtain  agin,  and  the  racket  commenced.  Shore  enul, 
?ha  was  the  baby  grow'd  to  be  a  grate  b.g  -ga  1,  and 
Mr  Thadeus,  as  fat  as  e^■er,  was  thar  smgm  love  to  her 
They've  both  been  with  the  gipseys  ever  sense,  an, 
she's  fell  in  love  with  the  fat  Polander.    'I  he  queen  ol 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


101 


,  rd  a 

,  corn- 

iT  four 
Duse  at 
r-glass, 
They 
le  chap 
'ite  the 
insttous 
)  to  his 
t'ussion 
the  hed 

;  til  that 
more  of 

;y  won't 
'  always 

refreshin 
'^ery  im- 

the  per- 
his  spy 
?r    tune 
beg  the 

Georgia 
I  can  set 
f  money, 

went  the 
Dve  enutr, 
-gall,  and 
ve  to  her. 
ense,  and 

queen  ol 


the  gipseys  agrees  to  the  match,  and  the  raggymuffins 
has  a  grand  froUick  and  dance  on  the  occasion.  'Bout 
this  time  a  Miss  Nancy  sort  of  a  feller,  what's  sum 
relation  to  the  Governor,  comes  projectin  about  among 
the  gipseys,  falls  in  love  with  the  Bohemian  gall,  and 
wants  her.to  have  him.  The  gipsey  queen,  who  seems 
to  have  sum  spite  agin  the  pore  gall,  steals  a  medal 
from  the  booby  lover,  and  puts  it  on  her  neck ;  when 
the  feller,  findin  he  can't  git  her  to  have  nothin  to  say 
to  him,  has  her  tuck  up  for  stealin,  and  carried  before' 
the  governor.  The  governor,  who's  had  the  blues  like  . 
the  mischief  ever  sense  he  lost  his  baby,  is  'bout  gwine 
to  punish  her,  when  he  finds  out  by  some  mark  that  she 
is  his  own  daughter.  Then  he  sings  to  her  a  heap,  and 
she  sings  to  him,  and  he  takes  her  home  to  his  palace, 
and  wants  her  to  marry  his  booby  relation.  But  she's 
got  better  sense  ;  besides,  she's  hard  and  fast  in  love 
with  Mr.  Thadeus,  and  won't  have  nobody  else.  Her 
father  won't  consent  for  her  to  marry  a  wanderin  gip- 
sey, and  thar's  the  mischief  to  pay,  wdth  singin  enufi'for 
a  dozen  camp-meetins,  all  mixed  up  so  nobody  can't 
tell  hed  nor  tail  to  it.  'Bout  this  time,  Mr.  Thadeus 
shows  the  governor  his  last  tailor's  bill,  or  sumthing 
else,  that  proves  to  his  excellency  that  he  was  a  gentle- 
man once,  and  he  gives  his  consent  to  the  match.  Mr. 
Thadeus  and  the  i3ohemian  gall  is  monstrous  happy, 
and  old  Devil's-hooif  and  the  governor  and  all  of  'em 
is  takin  another  sing,  when  the  queen  of  the  gipseys 
puts  up  one  of  her  vagabones  to  shoot  Mrs.  Thadeus 
that  is  to  be  ;  but  the  feller  bein  a  monstrous  bad  shot 
misses  her  and  kills  the  queen,  which  puts  a  stop  to  her 
singin,  though  the  rest  of  'em  sing  away  til  the  curtain 
draps. 

And  that's  the  eend  of  the  opery  of  the  Bohemian 
Gall.  I  hain't  got  the  squeelin  and  howlin  and  screechin 
of  them  'bomir ?"'V?  gipseys  out  of  my  hed  yet,  and  [ 
blieve  if  I  was  to  live  to  be  a  hundred  years  old  I 


k  M.^ '. 


wouldnH  go  to   anothei 


opery. 


unless  it  was  one  that 


I  \  ' 


M] 


•      *.l 


fc. 


fc' 


102 


MAJOR  Jones's 


didn't  have  no  singin  in  it.     I  like  a  good  song  as  well 
as  anybody,  and  have  got  jest  as  good  a  ear  for  musick 
as  the  nex    man,  but  I  hain't  got  no  notion  of  heann 
Uventy  or  thirty  men  and  xvimmin  al    singin  togethe 
n  .perfect  harrycane  of  noisy  discord,  so  a  body  can 
toll  xvhether  th.^'re  singin  "Had  Columbia';  or   '  Old 
Hundred."     Ther  is  sich  a  thing  as  overdoin  any  thmg; 
and  if  you  want  to  spile  the  best  thmg  m  the  world 
?hat'    the  surest  way  to  do  it.     Well,  for  peeple  what 
a  n't  good  for  much  else  but  music   like  thelrench, 
Germans,  and  Italians,  a  opery  full  of  sobs  and  duetts 
and  quar  etts  and  choruses,  as  they  call  'em,  would  do 
very  well,  if  they  would  only  talk  a  little  now  and  hen 
so  a  body  could  know  what  they  was  singin   about. 
Bat  to  sing  evry  thing,  so  that  a  character  can  t  say, 
i'Come  to^upper,  ySir  excellency !"  without  bawlm 
out— "  Co-ho-ho-me  to-oo-oo  sup-up-up-e-e-er,  your-r-r 
ex-cel-len-cy,"  with  about  five  hundred  dimmy-simmy 
nuivers,  so  nobody  can't  tell  whether  he  was  called  to 
supper,  or  whethe?  he  was  told  that  his  daddy  was  ded, 
s  all  nonsense.     Let  'em  sing  whar  ther  is  any  senti- 
ment-any  thing  to  sing  about-but  when  ther  is  only 
a  word  or  two  that  is  necessary  to  the  understandin  ot 
^vhat  comes  after  or  goes  before;  «»f ^^  1^^^^  ^"l^ 
words  enuff  to  make  a  stave  of  musick,  what  s  the  use 
of  discruisin  'em  so  that  ther  ain't  neither  sense  nor  mu- 

''Mbod^what  never  seed  a  opery  before  would  swar 
they  was  evry  one  either  drunk  or  crazy  as  loons,  it  they 
^vas  to  see  'em  in  one  of  ther  grand  lung-tearin,  car- 
bustin  blowouts.     Fust  one  begins  singm  and  makin  all 
sorts  of  motions  at  another,  then  the  other  one  sets  in 
and  tries  to   drown  the  noise  of  the  fust,  then  two  or 
three  more  takes  sides  with  the  fust  one,  and  then  sum 
more  lines  in  with  number  two,  til  bimeby  the  ^^'hole 
crowd  gits  at  it,  each  one  tryin  to  out-squa  1  the  other, 
and  to  make  more  motions  than  the  rest.      I-hat  sets  he 
fiddlers  a-goin  harder  and  harder— the  singers  straiten 


if! 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVETi. 


103 


out  Iher  necks  .md  open  ther  mouths  like  So  many  car- 
pet-bags— the  fiddlers  scrape  away  as  if  they  was  gwine 
to  saw  their  fiddles  in  two,  wakin  up  the  ghosts  of  all 
the   cats  that  ever  was  made  into  fiddle-strings,  and 
makin  the  awfulest  faces,  as  it'  it  was  ther  own  entrels 
they   was    sawin   on — the    clarineters   and   trumpeters 
swell  and  blow^  like  bellowses,  til  their  eyes  stick  out 
of  ther  beds  like  brass  buttons  on  a  lether  trunk,  and 
the  drummer  nocks  away  as  if  his  salvation  depended 
on  nockin  in  the  bed  of  his  drum.     By  this  time  the 
roarin  tempest  of  wind  and  sound  surges  and  sweeps 
through  the  house  like  a  equinoctial  harrycane,  risin 
higher  and  higher  and  giltin  louder  and  stronger,  til  it 
almost  blows  the  roof  off  the  bildin,  and  you  feel  like 
dodgin  the  fallin  rafters.     For  my  part  I  shall  have  to 
go  to  singin-school  a  long  time,  and  larn  the  keys  from 
the  pianissimo  of  the   musketer's  trumpet,  up  to  the 
crashin  fortissimo  of  a  clap  of  thunder,  before  I  shall 
have  any  taste  for  a  grand  opery. 

I've  always  had  a  great  curiosity  to  see  how  the  free 
niggers  git  along  in  the  Northern  States,  So  after 
breckfust  this  mornin,  I  ax'd  the  man  what  keeps  the 
books  at  the  hotel  whar  was  the  best  place  to  see  'em  ; 
for  I'd  heard  gentlemen  what  had  been  in  Filladelfy  say 
that  ther  was  whole  squares  in  this  city  whar  nobody 
but  niggers  lived.  The  book-keeper  told  me  if  I  wanted 
to  see  free  niggers  in  all  ther  glory,  I  must  go  down 
Sixth  street  til  I  come  to  'em. 

Well,  I  started,  and  sure  enuff,  I  hadn't  gone  many 
squares  before  I  begun  to  smell  'em,  and  never  will  I 
forgit  the  sight  I  saw  dow^n  in  Small  street,  and  sum 
otlfer  streets  in  that  neighborhood.  Gracious  knows, 
if  anybody  wants  to  git  ther  simpathies  excited  for  the 
pore  nigger,  all  they  have  got  to  do  is  to  go  to  this  part 
of  Filladelfy.  I've  been  on  the  big  rice  plantashuns  in 
Georgia,  and  I've  seed  large  gangs  of  niggers  that  had 
the  meanest  kind  of  masters,  but  I  never  seed  any  pore 
creaters  in  sich  a  state  of  retchedness  in  all  my  life.     1 


\  i'H 


if' 


1  .     » 


It    i 


.'I 


•  > 


104 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


ii 


!M 


I 


; 


t" 


couldn't  help  but  feel  sorry  for  'em,  anil  if  I  was  able, 
I'd  been  willin  to  paid  the  passage  of  the  whole  gene- 
ration of  'em  to  Georgia,  whar  they  could  git  good 
masters  that  would  make  the  young  ones  work,  and 
would  take  care  of  the  old  ones. 

Thar  they  was,  covered  with  rags  and  dirt,  livin  in 
houses  and  cellars,  without  hardly  any  furniture ;  and 
sum  of  'era  without  dores  or  winders.  Pore,  miserable, 
sickly-lookin  creaters!  it  was  enuffto  make  a  abolition- 
ist's hart  ake  to  see  'em  crawlin  out  of  the  damp  straw 
of  the  cellars,  to  sun  themselves  on  the  cellar-dores  til 
they  got  able  to  start  out  to  beg  or  steal  sumthing  to  eat, 
while  them  that  was  able  was  cussin  and  fightin  about 
what  little  they  had.  You  couldn't  hardly  tell  the  men 
from  the  wimmin  for  ther  rngs ;  and  many  of  'em  was 
diseased  and  bloated  up  like  frogs,  and  lay  sprawlin 
about  like  so  many  cooters  in  a  mud-hole,  whh  ther  red 
eyes  peepin  out  of  ther  dark  rooms  and  cellars  like 
lizards  in  a  pile  of  rotten  logs. 

This,  thinks  I,  is  nigger  freedom ;  this  is  the  condi- 
tion to  which  the  filanihropists  of  the  North  wants  to 
bring  the  happy  black  peeple  of  the  South  !  Well,  one 
of  two  things  is  certain : — either  the  abolitionists  is  a 
grand  set  of  hippocritical  scoundrels,  or  they  are  totally 
ignorant  of  the  condition  of  the  slaves  what  they  want 
to  git  away  from  ther  masters.  Materially  considered, 
the  niggers  of  Georgia  is  as  much  better  off*  than  the 
jiiggers  of  Pensylvany,  as  the  pore  peeple  of  America 
is''better  off*  than  the  pore  peeple  of  Ireland;  and, 
morally  considered,  the  advantage  is  equally  as  great  in 
favor  of  the  slaves  of  the  South  over  the  pore  free  nig- 
gers of  the  North.  For  whar  social  equallity  cannot 
possibly  exist,  the  black  peeple  are  miserable  jest  in  the 
degree  that  they  approach  to  equality  in  wealth  and 
edication  with  the  whites,  and  are  enabled  to  under- 
stand their  degraded  position.  What's  the  use  to  talk 
about  equallity  when  no  such  thing  exists.  Ther  is  as 
much  prejudice  agin  coler  here  as  any  whar  else.     A 


^':H,, 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL, 


105 


l)ocly  sees   that  in   tlier   cliurches,  and   theatres,   and 
courts,  and  evrywhar  else.     Nobody  here  dial  has  any 
respect  for  Uifmstlves,  treats  a  nigger  as  ther  equal,  ex- 
cept a  lew  fannyticks,  and  they  oidy  do  it  to   give  the 
lie  to  ther  own  feelins,  and  to  insult  the  feelins  ot  others. 
At  the  South,  the  relation  between  the  two  races  is  un- 
derstood by  both  parties,  and  a  while  man  ain't  at  all 
jealous  of  the  pretensions  of  his  servants ;    but  here, 
Iher  is  a  constant  jealous  enrnity  existin  between  the 
whites  whose  occupations  brings  'em  in  contact  with 
'em,  and  the  niggers,  who  is  all  the  time  aspirin  to  a 
social  equuUity,  what  they  never  can  attain  til  ther  wool 
grows  strait  and  ther  skins  Hide  white.     The  races  is, 
naturally,  social  antagonists,  and  it  is  only  in  the  rela- 
tion of  master  and  servant  that  they  can  exist  peace- 
ably together.     Then,  unless  the  abolitionists  can  put 
'em  back  into  Africa  whar  they  come  from,  in  a  better 
condition  than  they  was  when  they  found  'em,  or  unless 
they  is  willin  to  take  ther  turn  bein  servants,  they  better 

let ''em  alone.  .,..., 

For  my  part,  I've  got  as  much  feelin  lor  the  niggers 
as  anybody  can  have  ;  but  sense  they  ar^  here  among 
us  and  I've  got  to  live  with  'em,  I  prefer  bem  master 
myself  and  treatin  'em  well,  to  lettin  them  be  masters 
and  takin  the  chances  of  ther  treatin  me  well.     But 
one  thing  is  monstrous  certain,  if  my  niggers  wasn  I 
better  off  and   happyer  on  my  plantation  than  these 
Northern  free  niggers  is,  I  wouldn't  own  'em  a  single 
day  longer.     My  ^niggers  has  got  plenty  of  hog  and 
liommony  to  eat,  and  plenty  of  good  comfortable  clothes 
to  wear,  and  no  debts  to  pay,  with  no  more  work  than 
what  is  good  for  ther  hellh  ;  and  if  that  ain't  better  than 
freedom,  with  rags,  dirt,  starvation,  doctor's  bills,  law- 
suits, and  the   five  thousand  other  glorious  privdeges 
and  responsibilities  of  free  nigger  citizenship,  without 
the  hope  of  ever  turnin  white  and  becomin  equal  with 
ther  superiors,  then  I  ain't  no  filossofer. 

After  lookin  into  sum  streets  that  I  wouldn  t  risk  my 


«■ 


y 


"■I   i 
>;       ■ 

i 

u 


i 


106 


MAJOR    JONES'S 


life  in  gwine  through,  and  seein  scenes  of  destitution 
and  misery  enufT  to  make  one's  very  hart  sick,  I  went 
back  to  my  hotel.  I  spent  the  rest  of  the  day  lookin 
about  over  the  city  with  Mr.  More,  who  wanted  me  to 
go  to  the  opery  with  him  agin.  But  I  couldn't  stand 
that,  and  after  tea  I  paid  my  l)ill  and  got  all  reddy  to 
leave  for  New  York  to-morrow  mornin,  bright  and  early. 
In  a  few  hours  more  I  will  be  in  the  great  Gotham. 
No  more  from  Your  trend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


;     IT 


lir 


m 


'^ 


SKblTCIlES   OF   TUAVKL. 


107 


I 


LETTER  XIIT. 

New  Vurk,  June  2,  1845. 
To  Mil.  Thompson  -.—Dear  Sir— I  arriv  in  this  city, 
all  safe  and  sound,  yeslcrday  af.ernoon  about  three 
o'clock,  but  to  tell  you  the  truth,  if  I  had  cum  up  minus 
my  coat-tail,  or  even  a  leg  or  arm,  after  sich  a  everlastm 
racket  as  1  have  been  in  ever  sense  I  left  I  illadelty,  i 
wouldn't  been  much  surprised.  As  for  coUectin  my 
senses  and  gitin  my  mind  composed  so  as  to  know  my- 
self or  any  thing  else  certain,  1  don't  never  expect  to 
do  it,  as  long  as  I'm  in  this  great  whirlpool  oi  livin 

beins.  i    .    •  Vi.  u  r 

A  little  circumstance  happened  to  me  last  night,  betore 

I  had  been  here  only  a  few  hours,  that  sot  me  back  a 
little  the  worst.  I  never  was  so  oudaciously  tuck  m  in 
all  my  born  days,  and  if  you  had  heard  me  cus  about 
it  you'd  thought  I  was  turned  a  real  Hottentot  sure 
enuir     But  to  begin  whar  I  left  oif  in  my  last  letter. 

'I'he  porter  at  the  United  States  Hotel  waked   me  up 
early  in  the  mornin,  and  I  got  to  the  steamboat  jest  in 
time.     It  was  a  butiful  bright  mornin  and  the  store- 
keepers was  openin  ther  stores,  while  the  servant  galls 
was  scrubbin  the  dore-steps  of  the  houses  and  washin 
oH'  the  pavements  in  front  of  'em.     I  looked  at  em  as 
I  rode  along  in  the  hack,  and  I  couldn't  help  fee  m  sorry 
to  see  such^butiful,  rosy-cheeked  white  galls,  down  in 
the  dirt  and  slop  in  the  streets,  doin  work  that  is  only 
fit  for  niggers.     They  say  here  that  they  aint  nothmg 
but  slewers-but  I  seed  sum  that  I  would  tuck  for  re 
spectable  white   galls  if  I  had   seed  'em  m  Georgia 
Slewers  or  whatever  they  is,  they  is  my  own  color,  and 
a  few  dollars  would  make  'em  as  good  as  ther  mistresses, 


,1 
in 


ft 


mi 

m, 

il-i 

'I 


in 


f 


;:•«■ 


¥ 


1  i  *^ 

■  » 


i' 


ti' 


•i 


108 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


in  the  esliraation  of  them  that  turns  up  ther  noses  at  'era 


now. 


The  Delaware  is  a  noble  river,  and  Filladelfy  is  a 
city  worthy  to  stand  on  its  hunks.  From  the  deck  of 
the  steamboat  we  had  a  splendid  panaramic  view  of  it, 
as  we  passed  block  after  block,  the  streets  runniii  up 
from  the  water's  edge,  strait  as  a  bee  line,  and  alfordin 
us  •glimpses  of  tiie  line  liouses  and  elegant  public  bildins 
thai  makes  Filladelfy  one  of  the  liandsumest  cities  in 
the  world.  But,  long  as  it  is,  we  was  soon  past  it,  and 
in  a  few  minits  its  numerous  steeples  and  towers  and 
masts  faded  away  in  the  distance,  and  we  turned  our 
eyes  on  the  butiful  country  on  both  sides  of  the  river. 

Butiful  farm  houses  and  bright-lookin  little  towns  was 
most  all  the  time  in  site,  till  we  got  to  the  })lace  what 
they  call  Bristol,  whar  we  tuck  the  cars  to  New  York. 
The  railroad  runs  along  on  the  bank  of  a  canal  part  of 
the  way,  crosses  the  river  on  a  splendid  bridge,  and 
passes  through  Trenton,  Princeton,  Newark,  and  a  heap 
of  other  towns  in  New  Jersey,  til  it  gits  to  Jersey  City, 
what  stands  on  the  Hudson  river,  opposite  to  the  city 
of  New  York. 

Well,  when  we  got  to  Jersey  City,  we  all  got  out  and 
scrambled  through  the  crowd  as  well  as  we  could  to 
the  boat  what  was  thar  to  take  us  across  the  river  to 
New  York.  When  we  got  up  to  the  gate  what  encloses 
the  wharf  we  could  see  the  hackmen  and  porters  peepin 
at  us  through  the  palins,  like  so  many  wild  varmints  in 
a  big  cage,  ready  and  eager  to  devour  us  and  our  bag- 
gage too.  I  tuck  my  cane  tight  in  my  hand  and  kep  a 
sharp  eye  on  'em,  determined  to  defen  j  myself  to  the 
last.  As  soon  as  the  gates  was  open  we  riishc  I  for  the* 
boat  and  they  rushed  at  us.  Sich  ai.-niK m-  hcilabaloo  I 
never  did  see  before,  and  I  expected  every  minit  to  see 
sumbody  git  spilled  overboard  into  the  river. 

I  found  it  wasn't  no  use  to  try  to  keep  'em  off  with- 
(T'l'-  noekin  sum  of  'em  in  the  lied,  and  then  I  would 
« ]y  be  like  the  fox  in  the  spellin  book,  ready  to  be 


SKETCHES   OV   TRAVEL. 


109 


«  Will  you  give  ine  your  ^'"•'•l';-  ]."  j     „;,   ■-._,ii  of 
,,,  ,w  ulo  .slullins,  M.  .0  »y  ,.-  "'J  -^^^^^^^^^  „„ 

■nn  luuiiUii  tlin-  nuxU  lo  in.  .U  once        j 
„.i„  U,e  .uW  of  tWe  boat  and   >";,'^,«^  >,,^;^"  i^'^^M  me 
tome,  witboul  sayLu  a  »,"'^''/     „^'  ,'^  eoul.ln't  u»- 
for  u,y  checks  I  was  deal  and  dm,  and   cou      .^^^  ^^^^ 

.ierslaod  a  word   bey  sed  ■  t  s      ^"'1  ^.-^^^ 

e„,„du.  cue  ;i;'°  -•, -:^''; .  ;'^.  ;;S  make  notbiug 
s.gus  to  me,  td  tl  ty  '"^  ""'';{,  ^  ,„,„  new  vieti.n. 
out  or  me,  aud  d,ou  tUuj  ^f  '^^  "  '  .j  ,„„.i,u,nt  lookin 
Among  the  passengers  iher  «-'^  '  ,"";^^'\„^  ;„  „,i„d 
feller,  wdh  green  spectacles  on   what  pu     n^ 

of  a  Georgia  »'-"" ''"^'l'^' jl^l^"  'b  "t  evrjth.ug. 
he  know'd  H,ore  '"  "■  >  ^'"i^.^'Loay  all  the  way  on 
He  was  gabb.n  «'»'.'■' V,.,",,?dirYin  his  best  lo  git 
the  steamboat,  and  in  'l^'^'" ''.;',, 'lo.lv  One  would 
up  a  argyment  'bo.it  -  If'-;^  ,«  ge  lo„r.l,  to  hear 
supposed  he  owned  halt  the   Mr,B  't.  ^^     ^  ,jg 

hi,. >  talk  about  it,  and  when  n«  got  o"  t  ^  'J  J  ,^^^-^ 
^vas  the  bissyest  man  in  the  "";\^'  ^'^'"^'^i,  j  j<  -^  in  a 
among  the  hackmen  and  l-.f- j'^^Vcrowd  whal  was 
""''t  'Tn  ™un7th  "bfg-  -  Ike  dies  round  a  fat 
gathered  ""^\;„';';,no^^kh.  Irishman  cum  up  to  me, 
courd.  bimeDy  a  iH>"C3i  1  ,,  ^j.  .  11  r  tike  vour  bag- 
Ld  ses  he   handin    -  -;^-,  „^"  ^  h™':*  Idepend- 

S-'S-^'.^'f,  •     f  ll        f  re   3  I  'nn  him  my  cheeks,  and 
once  in  the  feller  s  face,  anu  i  o"'         ,,„•'„„„  out  safe 

i„  he  went  for  my  trunks      In  I'^^^^'l'T sn,"  ses 
a,„l  sound  with  one   of,^-",-.  ^^^^^"^tand.  and  it  was 
he,  "  til  I  g.t  the  o  her        I  tuck  my  st      .^^^^^ 
jest  as  much  as  I  could  do  to  Keep  t  everlastm 

it  off  with  me  on  top  of  it.    /'  ^   ""'  f}^'  ,ie,i,s  was 
rumpus  I  couldn't  hear  ™y^f  ' ''"^^^  ,unnin   bout  and 
callin  out  the  numbers-evryb^ody  was  runmn 
lookin  after  ther  baggage,  children  was  cryin, 


I 


M 


,11 


4 


I 


■1\ 


^t< 


If 


mII 


N  ': 


•i>  f 


110 


MAJOR   J0:,ES'S 


was  callin  for  ther  husbands  to  look  out  for  ther  band- 
boxes—hackraen  and  porters  washollerin  and  shoutin  at 
the  people  and   at  one  another— whips  was  stickin  in 
your  eyes  evry  way  you  turned— and  trunks,  and  carpet 
bags  and  boxes  was  tumblin  and  rollin  in  every  direction 
rakin  your  shins  and  niashin  vour  toes  in  spite  of  all  yoii 
could   do.      Jn   the  middle'of  the   fuss   thar    was  old 
Ptpperpod,  wiUi  his  old  cotton  umbereller  in  his  hand 
elbowni  his  way  into  the  crowd  and  whoopin  and  hollerin 
over  evrybody  else  til  he  disappeared  in  the  middle  of 
em.     In  about  a  minit  here  he   cum  agin,  cusin   and 
cavortin  enutf  to  sink  the  boat,  with  a  pair  of  old  saddle 
bags  m  one  hand,  sura  pieces  of  whalebone   and  part 
ot  the  handle  of  his  urnbreller  in  the  other,  his  hat  gone 
and  his  coat-tail  split  clear  up  to  the  collar.     He  was 
mad  as  a  hornit,  and  swore  he  would  prosecute  the  com- 
pany for  five  thousand  dollars  damages  for  salt  and  bat- 
tery and  manslaughter  in  the  second  decrree.     He  cut  a 
terrible  figer,  but  evrybody  was  too   bl'ssy  to  lauo-h  at 
him.     I  thought  to  myself  that  his  perseverance  was 
porely  rewarded  that  time. 

I  sot  thar  and  waited  til  nearly  everybody  was  o-one 
trom  the  boat,  and  til  my  Irishman  had  picked  up  all 
the  other  customers  he  could  git,  before  he  come  and 
tuck  my  trunk  and  told  me  to  fuller  him  to  his  hack. 
Alter  cumin  in  a  ace  of  gettin  run  over  three  or  four 
times,  I  got  to  the  hack,  what  was  standin  in  the  middle 
ot  bout  hve  hundred  more  hacks  and  drays,  all  mixed  up 
with  the  bowsprits  and  yards  of  ships  that  was  stickin 
out  over  the  edge  of  the  wharves  and  pokin  ther  eends 
almost  into  the  winders  of  the  stores.  The  hackman 
ax  d  me  w^hat  hotel  I  wanted  to  go  to.  I  told  him  to 
take  me  whar  the  southern  travel  stopped.  "  That's  the 
American,"  ses  he,  and  after  waitin  til  the  way  opened 
so  we  could  git  out,  we  druv  to  the  American  Hotel  on 
Uroadway,  rite  opposite  to  the  Park. 

It  was  'bout  three  o'clock  when  I  got  to  the  Hotel, 
and  after  brushin  and  scrubbin  a  little  of  the  dust  off, 


SKKTCIIES   OF   TRAVEL. 


Ill 


ind  eitlin  my  dinner,  I  luck  a  turn  out  into  the  great 
Brtadway,  Ihnt  I've  heard  so  much  about,  ever  sense 
I  was  big  enuir  to  read  the  newspapers,  to  see  if  it  w 

tn  "it  thicker  and  faster  and  more  of   em  the  longei 
waUed   Ul  bimeby  I  begun  to  diseover  that  they  was 
Iwine  both  w.ys,  and  that  it  was  no  procession  at  all, 
rutTesrone  eveilastin  stream  of  peeple  passm  up  an, 
dowi  the  street,  cumin  from  all  parts  oi  ereat.on,  and 
rrwino  Loi'd  onlv  kuows  whar.  .,    ,    t  r       i   u 

=  I  mix'd  in  with  'em,  but  I  tell  you  what  I  found  it 
,„v,  tvnvelliii      The  fact  s  a  chicken-coop 
Sru;^"       1   cxict  tofloat  down  the  S.wannah  river 
Tafe  and  no't  git  nocked  to  P-ces  1^-  ^e  dnt^ 
wood   as  for  a  person  what  aint  used  to  it  to  expect  to 
g,  Ingin  BrLdway  without  get.in  losded    ™m  one 
side  to  fother  at  every  step,  and  pushed  '  ''o  *e  f  eet 
about  three  times  a  minit.      A  body  must  wa.ch  ine 
curents  and  eddies,  and  foUer'em  and  keep  up  with  'ein 
IhTy  don't  want  to  git  run  over  by  the  crowd  or  nock  d 
„V  tl,„  ^irlpwalk  to  be  ground  into  mince-meat  by  the 

eriattm^'^-s.     Intiiefustplac^^ 
lo  Lro  UP  Broadway  on  the  left  hand  side  ot    he  pave 

^^,\!uU  mougilt  jest  - -^l^f^V^ll^f  d^cWn 
in  Ihe  falls  of  TaUula.      In  spite  of  all  the  dodgui  l 

what  was  "l"  wine  as  fast  as  if  ther  houses  was  afire 
0   ilcTw  s  runnin  for  the  doctor.     And  it  I  happened 
^;t^;io.katanyU,ingUiefustJ^^ 
v-as  jammed  out  among  the    omm}Ou.sL,, 


1^ 


»i 


ll 


% 


112 


MAJOR    JONES  S 


;ones  like  one  eternal 

noise  like  iieaven   and 

eath  was  cumin  together.     Tlien  ther  was  the  carriages 


dashin  and  whirlin  along  over  th 
train  of  railroad  cars,  makin  a 

} 


and  hacks  and  market  wagons  and  milk  carts,  rippin  and 
tearin  along  in  every  direction — the  drivers  hollerin  and 
poppin  ther  whips — the  peeplc  talkin  to  one  another  as 
if  ther  lungs  was  made  out  of  sole  leather— soldiers 
marchin  wuh  bands  of  music,  beatin  ther  drums,  and 
blowin  and  slidin  ther  tromboons  and  trumpets  with  all 
ther  might — all  together  makin  noise  enutf  to  drive  the 
very  old  Nick  him'self  out  of  his  senses.  It  was  more 
than  I  could  stand— my  dander  begun  to  git  up,  and  I 
rushed  out  into  the  fust  street  I  cum  to,  to  try  to  git  out 
of  the  racket  before  it  sot  me  crazy  sure  enufl",  when 
what  should  I  meet  but  a  dratted  grate  big  nigger  with  a 
bell  in  his  hand,  ringin  it  rite  in  my  face  as  hard  as  he 
could,  and  hollerin  sumthing  loud  eliud"  to  split  the  bed 
of  a  lamp  post.  That  was  too  much,  and  I  made  a  lick 
at  the  feller  with  my  cane  that  would  lowered  his  key 
if  it  had  hit  him,  at  the  same  time  that  I  grabbed  him 
by  the  collar,  and  ax'd  him  what  in  the  name  of  thunder 
he  meant  by  sich  imperence.  The  feller  drapped  his 
bell  and  shut  his  catlish  mouth,  and  rollin  up  the  whites 
of  his  eyes,  'thout  sayin  a  word,  he  broke  away  from 
me  as  hard  as  he  could  tear,  and  I  hastened  on  to  find 
some  place  less  like  bedlam  than  Broadway. 

By  this  time  it  was  most  dark,  and  aftar  walkin  down 
one  street  til  I  cum  to  a  grate  big  gardin  with  trees  in  it, 
whar  it  was  so  still  that  noises  begun  to  sound  natural 
to  me  agin,  I  sot  down  on  the  railins  and  rested  myselt 
awhile, 1ind  then  sot  out  for  my  hotel.  I  walked  and 
walked  for  some  time,  but  somehow  or  other  I  couldn't 
find  the  way.  I  inquired  for  the  American  Hotel  two 
or  three  times  and  got  the  direction,  but  the  streets 
twisted  about  so  ihat^it  was  out  of  the  question  for  me 
to  foller  'cm  when  th.-y  told  me,  and  I  begun  to  think 
I'd  have  to  take  up  my  lodgins  some  whar  else  for  that 
)))o-ht,  I  was  so  tired.     Bimeby  I  cum  to  a  street  that 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


113 


e  eternal 
ven  and 
•arriages 
p})in  and 
levin  and 
other  as 
-soldiers 
ims,  and 
widi  all 
jrive  the 
as  more 
p,  and  I 

0  git  out 
ifl',  when 
;er  with  a 
u'd  as  he 
t  the  hed 
ide  aliek 

his  key 
bed  him 
f  thunder 
pped  his 
:ie  n'hites 
^vay  Ironi 

1  to  find 

kin  down 
fees  in  it, 
[\  natural 
>d  myself 
Iked  and 
coiddn't 
lotel  two 
le  streets 
)n  inr  ine 
I  to  think 
3  for  that 
;treet  that 


was  very  still  and  quiet,  what  they  called  Chambers  street, 
and  while  I  was  standin  on  the  corner,  thinkin  which 
way  I  should  go,  'long  cum  a  pore  woman  with  a  bundle 
under  her  arni,  creepin  along  as  if  she  wasn't  hardly  able 
to  walk.  When  she  seed  me  she  cum  up  to  me  and  put 
her  hankerchef  to  her  eyes,  and  ses  she  : 

'*  Mister,  I'm  a  pore  woman,  and  my  husban  s  so  sick 
he  ain't  able  to  do  any  work,  and  me  and  my  pore  little 
chiklren  is  almost  starvin  for  bred.  Won't  you  be  good 
enutr  to  give  me  two  shillins  ?" 

I  looked  at  her  a  bit,  and  thought  of  the  way  the 
match-boy  served  me  in  Baltimore,  and  ses  I— 

"  Hain't  you  got  no  relations  nor  neighbors  that  can 

help  you  ?"  ^  .    .  .  , 

''Oh  no  sir  ;  I'm  too  pore  to  have  relations  or  neigh- 
bors.    I  was  better  off  once,  and  then  I  had  plenty  of 

fiends."  ,,,.,»    T  7 

That's  the  way  of  the  world,  thmk's  I ;  we  always 

have  frends  td  we  need  'em.  ,      ,  x  l 

"  Oh,  sir,  if  you  only  know'd  how  hard  1  have  to 

work,  you'd  pity  me-I  know  you  would  " 

"  What  do  you  do  for  alivm.!>"  ses  I ;  for  she  iooked 

too  delicate  to  do  much.  » ,    ,  t» 

"  I  do  fine  washin  and  ironin,"  ses  she  ;      but  1  m 

sick  so  much  that  I  ca  't  make  enuff  to  support  us;' 

and  then  she  cotied  a  real  graveyard  coft. 

"  Why  don't  you  git  sum  of  Schenck'.s  Pulmonic 

Syrup?"  ses  I.  .     r.  r  ■ 

'  "  0,  sir,"  ses  she,  "  I'm  too  pore  to  buy^medicm, 

when  mv  pore  little  children  is  dyin  for  bred." 

That  touched  me— to  think  sich  a  delicate  young  cre- 

tur  as  her  should  have  to  struggle  so  hard,  and  1  tuck 

out  my  purse  and  gin  her  a  dollar. 

"  Thar,"  ses  I,  "  that  will  help  you  a  little.  ^ 

'<  Oh   bless  you,  sir;  you're  so  kmd.     ^ow  I  11  Duy 

sum  medicin  for  my  pore  husband      Will  you  be  good 

enutr  to  hold  this  bundle  for  me  til  I  step  back  to  that 


•m 


1  • 


f 


ri  I 


1 1 


114 


MAJOR  Jones's 


drug-store  on  the  corner?     It's  so  heavy — I'll  be  back 
in  a  minit,"  ses  she. 

I  felt  so  sorry  for  the  pore  woman  that  I  couldn't  re- 
fuse her  sich  a  little  favor,  so  I  tuck  her  bundle  to  hold 
it  for  her.  She  sed  she  was  'fraid  the  fine  dresses 
mought  git  rumpled,  and  then  her  customers  wouldn't 
pay  her ;  so  I  tuck  'em  in  my  arms  very  careful,  and 
she  went  to  the  store  after  the  medicin. 

Ther  was  a  good  many  peeple  passin  by,  and  I 
walked  up  from  the  corner  a  little  ways,  so  they 
shouldn't  see  me  standin  thar  with  the  bundle  in  my 
arms.  I  begun  to  think  it  was  time  for  the  woman  to 
cum  back,  and  the  bundle  was  beginnin  to  git  pretty 
heavy,  when  I  thought  I  felt  sumthing  movin  in  it.  I 
stopped  rite  still,  and  held  my  breth  to  hear  if  it  was 
any  thing,  when  it  begun  to  squirm  about  more  and 
more,  and  I  heard  a  noise  jest  like  a  tom-cat  in  the  bundle. 
I  never  was  so  supprised  in  my  life,  and  I  cum  in  a  ace 
of  lettin  it  drap  rite  on  the  pavement.  Thinks  I,  in  the 
name  of  creation  what  is  it  ?  I  walked  down  to  the 
lamp-post  to  see  what  it  was,  and  Mr.  Thompson,  would 
you  believe  me,  it  w^\s  a  live  baby  !  I  was  so  cum- 
pletely  tuck  aback  that  I  staggered  up  agin  the  lamp- 
post, and  held  on  to  it,  wliile  it  kicked  and  squalled 
like  a  young  panter,  and  the  sweat  jest  poured  out  of 
me  in  a  stream.  What  upon  yeath  to  do  1  didn't  know. 
Thar  I  was  in  a  strange  city,  whar  nobody  didn't  know 
me,  out  in  the  street  with  a  little  young  baby  in  mv 
arms.  I  never  was  so  mad  at  a  female  woman  before 
in  all  my  life,  and  I  never  felt  so  much  like  a  dratted 
fool  as  I  did  that  minit. 

I  started  for  the  drug-store  with  the  baby  squallin  like 
rath,  and  the  more  1  tried  to  hush  it  the  louder  it  squalled. 
The  man  w^hat  kep  the  store  sed  he  hadn't  seed  no  such 
woman,  and  1  musn't  bring  no  babys  in  thar. 

By  this  time  a  evcrlastin  crowd  of  ])eeple — men  and 
wimmin— was  gathered  round,  so  I  couldn't  go  no  whar, 


"'■^M 


:"!j 


I 


i  i    '■ 


\it 


■«i| 


^'^^yey-^^^T^ 


'•  I  was  so  cumpletcly  tuck  aback  that  I  staggered  up  agin  the  lamp-post,  and 
held  on  to  it,  while  it  kicked  and  squalled  like  a  young  panter.' 

Letter  xui.  p.  114. 


I  ■• 


.)  I' 


V 


SKETCHES    Of    TRAVEL. 


115 


all  gabblin  and  talkin  so  I  couldn't  hardly  hear  the  baby 
squall. 

I  told  'em  how  it  was,  and  told  'em  I  was  a  stranger 
in  New  York,  and  ax'd  'em  what  I  should  do  with  the 
baby.  But  tlier  was  no  gettin  any  sense  out  of  'em, 
and  none  of  'em  wouldn't  touch  it  no  raore'n  if  it  had 
been  so  much  pisen. 

"That  won't  do,"  ses  one  feller. — "You  can't  cum 
that  game  over  this  crowd." 

"  No,  indeed,"  ses  another  little  runty-lookin  feller — 
"  we've  got  enuff  to  do  to  take  care  of  our  own  babys 
in  these  diggins." 

"  Take  your  baby  home  to  its  ma,"  ses  another,  "  and 
support  it  like  a  onest  man." 

I  tried  to  git  a  chance  to  explain  the  bisness  to  'em, 
but  drat  the  word  could  I  git  in  edgeways. 

"  Take  'era  both  to  the  Tooms,"  ses  one,  "  and  make 
'em  giv  a  account  of  themselves." 

With  that  two  or  three  of  'em  cum  towards  me,  and 
I  grabbed  my  cane  in  one  hand,  while  I  held  on  to  the 
bundle  with  the  other. 

"  Gentlemen,"  ses  I — the  baby  squeelin  ail  the  time 
like  forty  cats  in  a  bag — "  Gentlemen,  I'm  not  gwine 
to  be  used  in  no  sich  ^^ay — I'll  let  you  know  that  I'm 
not  gwine  to  be  tuck  to  no  Tooms.  I'm  a  stranger  in 
your  city,  and  I'm  not  gwine  to  support  none  of  your 
babys.  My  name  is  Joseph  Jones,  of  Pineville, 
Georgia,  and  anybody  what  want's  to  know  who  I  am, 
can  find  me  at  the  Araerican- 


7> 


"Majer  Jones!  Majer  Jones,  of  Pineville!"  ses  a 
dozen  of  'cm  at  the  same  time. 

"  Majer  Jones,"  ses  a  clever-lookin  young  man,  what 
pushed  his  way  into  the  crowd  when  he  heard  my  name. 
"  Majer,  don't  be  disturbed  in  the  least,"  ses  he,  "  I'll 
soon  have  this  matter  fixed." 

With  that  he  spoke  to  a  man  with  a  lether  ribbon  on 
his  hat,  who  tuck  the  baby,  bundle  and  all,  and  carried 
20 


-0 


f 

T    - 


116 


MAJOR  Jones's 


■"» 


it  off  to  the  place  what  they've  got  made  m  New  York 
a  purpose  to  keep  sich  pore  little  orfans  in. 

By  this  time  my  frend,  Mr.  Jacob  Littlehigh  who  is 
a  Georgian,  livin  in  New  York,  had  interduced  himself 
to  me  and  'bout  twenty  other  gentlemen,  and  I  begun 
to  find  myself  'bout  as  much  of  a  object  of  attraction 
after  the  baby  was  gone,  as  I  was  before  I  never  seed 
one  of  'em  before  in  my  life,  but  they  all  sed  they  had 
red  my  book,  and  they  didn't  know  nobody  else,  bo 
much  for  bein  a  author.  i         ,   i 

They  was  all  monstrous  glad  to  see  me,  and  wanted 
to  know  how  Mary  and  the  baby  was  at  home ;  and 
'fore  they  let  me  ofl",  they  made  me  go  down  to  Bardotte 
&  Shelly's  Cafle  Tortoni,  and  eat  one  of  the  biggest  kind 
of  oyster  suppers,  and  drink  sum  sherry  coblers  what 
would  develop  the  intellect  of  a  barber's  block,  and  ex- 
pand the  heart  of  a  Florida  live-oak.  They  was  the 
cleverest  set  of  fellers  I  ever  seed  out  of  Georgia,  and 
after  spendin  a  pleasant  hour  with  'em,  laughin  over  the 
incidents  of  the  evenin,  they  showed  me  home  to  my 
hotel,  whar  I  soon  went  to  bed  to  dream  of  bundles  lull 
of  babys  and  oceans  of  sherry  coblers. 

You  must  excuse  this  long  letter,  under  the  circum- 
stances.    No  more  fiom  ,.-,,, 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  JoNi-^s. 

p  s  —Don't  for  the  world  let  Mary  know  anyt 
about  the  baby,  for  she'd  want  to  know  what  ur. 
yeath  I  was  runnin  about  the  street  at  night  for,  holdu 
bundles  for  pore  wimmin,  and  I  never  could  explain  it 
to  her  satisfaction.     Ther's  one  thing  monstrous  certain 

I'll  go  a  hundred  yards  round  the  next  woman  I  meet 

in  the  street  with  a  bundle  in  her  arms. 


.J&*£        1 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


117 


I 


ew  York 


h,  who  is 
d  himself 
1  I  begun 
attraction 
ever  seed 
they  had 
else.     So 

id  wanted 
Dme ;  and 
)  Bardotte 
7gest  kind 
alers  what 
c,  and  ex- 
y  was  the 
orgia,  and 
n  over  the 
nie  to  my 
undies  full 

le  circum- 

deth, 

.  JON'-^S. 

N  anyt 
what  ii[> 
for,  holdii 
.  explain  it 
3us  certain 
man  I  meet 


LETTER  XIV. 

New  York,  June  15,  1845. 
To  Mr.  Thompson  -.—Dear  Sir— To  tell  you  the  plain 
truth,  Mr.  Thompson,  I'm  a  altered  man  sense  I  cum 
to  New  York,  at  least  so  far  as  appearance  goes,  though 
I  blieve  my  hart  is  in  the  same  place  it  used  to  be.     It 
was  sum  time  before  I  could  giv  in  to  my  frend.  Little- 
high's  argyments,  but  as  I'm  always  willin  to  accommo- 
date myself  to  the  wishes  of  my  frends,  when  it  can  be 
done  without  sacrificin  my  principles,  I  consented  to 
have  sum  new  clothes  made  in  the  latest  fashion.     Ac- 
cordinly  the  other  day  he  ti:ck  me  down  to  Mr.  Lowns- 
berry,  in  Pine  street,  and  gave  the  directions  tohave  a 
fust  rate  broadcloth  suit  made  for  me,  jest  like  his  own. 
Well,  in  two  days  afterwards,  here  cums  a  bran  new 
suit  to  my  hotel— coat,  vest,  and  trousers.     The  boot- 
maker in  Fuhon   street  had   sent  me   a  pair  of  new 
French  boots,  a^  he  called  'em,  and  I  got  a  hat  from 
Leary,  the  great  Broadway  hat  man.     I  shucked  out 
of  my  old  clothes  and  got  into  my  new  ones,  and  sich 
a  alteration  I  don't  reckon  you  ever  seed  afore.     It's  a 
positive  fact,  I  don't  blieve  Wise  or  Smart,  my  coon- 
dogs  to  home,  would  be   able  to  know  me  without 
smellin  at  me  for  a  while.     I  don't  hardly  know  my- 
self; and  if  it  hadn't  been  for  my  voice  which  sounded 
as  familiar  as  a  dinner-horn,  I  would  a-had  my  dowts. 
Mary  wouldn't  seed  the  least  resemblance  to  her  hus- 
band in  me,  and  I  blieve  if  I  had  made  my  appearance 
in  Pineville,  my  neighbors  would  been  for  puttin  me  in 
jail  for  a  impostor. 

My  cote  ain't  so  very  outlandish,  but  my  trouses  and 


*    4.    'J 


'.ll 


1  .'I 
m 


lis! 
fl 

i1 

M 

■  'if 


id 


(  ' 


r 


I: 


i.»i  i! 


■''! 


>     ) 


It 


118 


J 


MAJOR  Jones's 
Dkin  thin  ITS  ' 


oddest  lookin  things  in  the  world.  The 
trouscs  IS  "all  buttoned  down  before,"  like  daddy 
Grimes's  old  blue  cote,  and  makes  me  so  shamed 
when  I  look  at  'era  that  I  don't  know  what  to  do  with 
myself;  and  my  jacket  cams  ahnost  down  to  my  knees, 
and  is  cut  out  swaller-tailed  in  frunt,  like  General 
Washini^ton's  regimental  jacket,  what  I  seed  in  Wash- 
ington city.  They're  all  made  fust  rate  though,  and  lit 
like  they  had  growd  on  me.  They  begin  to  feel  a  little 
better  now  than  when  I  fust  put  'em  on,  but  it  will  be 
sum  time  before  I  git  used  to  'em,  and  before  I  can  pass 
anybody  in  the  street  without  feelin  like  I  wanted  to 
turn  round  to  hide  my  trouses. 

You  know  I  told  you  I  had  no  very  grate  opinion 
of  operys.  Well,  that's  a  fact ;  but  the  other  evenin 
when  1  cum  to  dinner  at  my  hotel,  the  clerk  handed 
me  a  note  from  Mr.  Littlehigh,  statin  that  himself  and 
two  or  three  of  his  frends  would  be  very  glad  of  Major 


Jones'  company  in  a  private  box  at  the  Olympic  that 


evenin,  to   see  the   opery  of 


"  The  Daughter  of  the 
Regiment."  It  wouldn't  be  perlite  to  refuse  sich  a 
invTtation,  and  I  staid  home  to  meet  Mr.  Littlehigh, 
accordin  to  liis  appintment. 

*'  Well,  'bout  six  o'clock  Mr.  Littlehigh  called  for 
me,  and  we  went  to  the  Olympic.  The  house  was 
packed  like  a  barrel  of  pork,  whar  ther  ain't  room 
enuff  left  to  git  another  foot  or  jowl,  nor  so  much  as  a 
ear  into  the  barrel,  all  except  my  frend's  private  bo>', 
w^hat  was  pretty  close  to  the  stage,  and  what  had 
nobody  in  it  but  three  or  four  gentlemen  who  belonged 
to  our  party.  The  curtain  ris  with  a  everlastin  singin 
and  fiddlin,  like  it  did  in  Filladelfy.  Bimeby  the 
daughter  of  the  regiment  cum  out,  and  then  I  thought 
they' would  tear  the  theatre  down  with  ther  everlastin 

rumpus. 

"  That's  our  Mary,  Majer,"  ses  Mr.  Littlehigh,  "  and 
now  if  you  want  to  hear  a  bird  of  Paradise,  jest  buckle 
back  yer  ears." 


!r 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVF.L. 


119 


.     The 

daddy 
shamed 
lo  with 
'  knees, 
jeneral 

Wash- 

and  lit 
1  a  little 

•will  be 
:an  pass 
nted  to 

opinion, 
evenin 
handed 
self  and 
f  Major 
pic  that 
'  of  the 
!  sich  a 
ttlehigh, 

ailed  for 
use  was 
I't  room 
iich  as  a 
ate  box, 
'hat  had 
Delonged 
in  singin 
leby  the 
;  thouG:ht 
jverlastin 


rh,  "  and 
st  buckle 


She  was  a  monstrous  fmc-lookin  gall,  and  the  way 
she  could  sing  was  perfectly  'mazin ;    and  then  she 
handled  a  musket  and  marched  about  t^-e  stage  like  a 
regular  sargeant  of  infantry.     How  the  mischief  she 
ever  cum  by  so  many  fathers,  I  couldn't  well  make  out, 
for  the  singin,  which,  as  I  told  you  before,  spiles  evry 
thing  in  a   opery.     But  it:  was  very  plain  to  be  seen 
that  if  the  regiment  was  her  daddys,  evry  feller  in  the 
house  was  in  love  with  her ;  and  I  couldn't  help  but 
think  that  the  feller  with  the  ribbons  on  his  hat,  what 
kep  follerin  her  about  and  singin  to  her  how  he  loved 
her,  loud  enuff  to  be  heard  all  over  the  house,  rtood  a 
monstrous  pore  chance  among  so  many.     Whenever 
she  cum  on  the  stage,  the  peeple  all  -ver  the  house 
would  rap  and  clap  and  holler  like  they  was  half  out 
of  ther  senses ;  and  whenever  she  sung  a  song  by  her- 
self, they  was  certain  to  make  her  sing  it  over  agin. 

I  liked  the  Daughter  of  the  Regiment  myself  rather 
better  than  I  did  the  Bohemian  Gall,  but  I'd  like  'era 
both  a  good  deal  better  if  thcr  wasn't  so  much  singiii 


m 


'em. 


# 


* 


After  the  opery  was  over  we  went  down  to  the  Bat- 
tery, and  after  walkin  about  in  the  moonlit  walks  til  we 
got  tired,  we  sot  down  on  the  benches  and  smoked  our 
segars,  while  the  waves  splashed  and  roared  agin  the 
rocks,  and  the  wind  played  with  the  tops  of  the  trees 
behind  us.  After  talkin  over  matters  and  things  awhile, 
we  started  for  home. 

As  we  was  gv.ine  along  up  Broadway  we  saw  a 
smoke  comin  out  of  a  roof  of  a  house  down  in  one  of 
the  cross  streets,  and  turned  down  to  see  what  it  was. 
When  we  got  opposite  to  it,  we  saw  a  redish  sort  of  a 
light  in  the  winders  on  the  roof,  and  the  smoke  pourin 
out  of  evry  crack.  Mr.  LittlehigL  run  across  and 
rapped  at  the  dore,  and  in  a  rainit  a  old  nrn  stuck  his 
hed  out  of  the  lower  winder. 

*'  Your  house  is  a  fire,"  ses  Mr.  Littlehigh. 


h 


m 


im 


120 


MAJOR    JONES  9 


The  old  man  sninted  out  smnthinir,  but  duln't  take 
in  his  old  red  ni<,dit-cai)  or  make  any  niovcment  like  he 
cared  whether  his  house  was  alire  or  lutt. 

*'  Fire,"  ses  my  frend,  loud  as  ho  could  holler, 
pintin  up  to  the  top  of  the  house.       .       .     ^,      ,         , 

The  old  man  grunted  out  sumthmg  in  Dutch,  and 
stood  as  still  as  a  post,  starin  at  us  on  the  other  side  of 
the  street.  Then  Mr.  ]VIutr<riiis  run  across  and  went 
close  up  to  the  old  eodger,  and  hollered  to  him— • 

<'  1  say,  old  hoss,  your  house  is  on  fire— up  in  the 

garret."  ... 

It  was  'bout  twelve  o'clock,  and  the  street  was  still 
as  a  grave-yard.  Mr.  Muggins  made  a  good  deal  of 
noise,  and  the  old  man  pulled  in  his  hed  and  cum  back 
in  a  minit  with  a  old  shot-gun  in  his  hand,  and  begun 
to  cus  in  Dutch  as  hard  as  he  could.  Mr.  Muggins 
backed  out  a  little  ways,  and  begun  lookin  for  a  brick- 
bat. Mr.  Littlehigh  seein  that  the  light  was  gittin 
brighter  in  the  wintler,  stept  on  the  steps  and  tried  the 
dor"e.  By  this  time  two  or  three  more  of  the  winders 
was  raised,  and  two  or  three  more  red  night-caps  was 
stickin  out,  lookin  at  us  without  sayin  a  word,  except 
the  old  feller  below,  who  was  llourishin  his  shot-gun 
and  mjikin  a  terrible  racket. 

Just  then  sum  winders  was  raised  on  tother  side  oi 

the  street. 

"  That  house  is  on  fire,"  ses  Mr.  Muggins. 

"  Wake  'em  up  next  dore,"  ses  sumbody  from  tother 
side.     "  They  can't  understand  English  in  that  house." 

With  that  we  rapped  at  the  next  dore,  and  told  the 
man  that  cum  out  what  was  the  matter.  The  feller 
spruncj  into  the  street  and  looked  up  for  a  second,  and 
then  run  to  the  old  chap  that  was  cussin  with  the  gun 
in  his  hand,  and  sed  sumthing  to  him.  Down  drapped 
the  gun,  and  out  of  the  winder  cum  the  old  Dutchman, 
with  nothing  on  but  his  shirt  and  night-cap.  As  soon 
as  he  seed  the  sm.oke  and  light,  he  sot  up  a  yell  that 
waked  the  whole  neighborhood,  and  in  half  a  minit 


If 


SKETCHES   OF    TRAVEF.. 


121 


In't  take 
t  like  he 

I  holler, 

itch,  and 
•  side  of 
nd  went 


in 


the 


was  still 
deal  of 
;um  back 
id  begun 
Muggins 
r  a  brick- 
as   gittin 
tried  the 
J  winders 
•caps  was 
d,  except 
shot-gun 

?r  side  of 


om  tother 
it  house." 
d  told  the 
rhe  feller 
cond,  and 
1  the  gun 
a  drapped 
)utchman, 
As  soon 
\  yell  that 
If  a  minit 


. 


they  was  cumin  out  of  evry  winder  in  the  house  like 


corn-crib — dinibin  down  the  water- 

n.  wimmin, 


cat-squirrels  frin  a 

spout,  and  juinpin  out  of  the  winders,  men,  »..»......, 

and  children— all  of  'em  half  naked  and  hoUerin  and 
yellin  like  five  thousand  wild-cats. 

By  this  time  the  alarm  was  spread— the  peeple  cum 
pourin  out  of  the  houses  in  evry  direction,  and  sich  a 
scene  I  never  seed  b«-fore  in  all  my  life.     All  we  could 
iiear  in  English  was  "fire!  fire!"  and  in  a  few  minits 
licre  cum  the  firemen  with  their  ingines,  rattlin  over 
the  stones,  and  shoutin  and  yellin  like  hnlf  the  city  was 
in  tlames.     The  dores  and  winders  was  open,  and  old 
trunks  and  furniture  and  beds  was  llyin  in  evry  ^jrection. 
And   after  all  what   do   you   think  it  was?     Why 
nothing  but  a  smoke  raised  by  the  family  what  lived  in 
the  garret,  to  drive  out  the  musketers.     Ther  was  sum 
ten  or  a  dozen  families  livin  in  the  house,  and  all  of 
'era  was  frightened  almost  to  deth,  and  turned  out  of 
ther  beds  into  the  street,  jest  because  the  family  in  the 
roof  had  gone  to  sleep  leavin  a  pile  of  old  rags  afire  to 
drive  off  the  musketers. 

The  firemen  went  home  cussin  the  Dutchmen,  but 
we  staid  awhile  with  the  crowd  what  was  grovyin  bigger 
and  bigger,  to  see  the  fun— and  I  would  gm   almost 
any  thing  if  I  could  jest  understood  Dutch,  so  I  might 
know  what  the  pore  peeple  was  sayin  to  one  another 
when  they  was  gettherin  up  and  disputin  about  ther 
plunder.     The  old  chap  what  had  the  gun  was  cum- 
pletely  out  of  his  senses.     He  didn't  git  the  idee  that 
his  house  was  afire  for  sum  time,  but  when  he  did  git 
it  into  his  hed,  ther  was  no  sich  thing  as  persuadin  him 
out  of  it.     He  never  tuck  time  to  put  on  his  clothes, 
but  jest  grabbed  hold  of  his  daughter,  a  butiful  gall,  and 
hollered  fire  !  fire!  as  loud  as  he  could.     The  pore  gall 
tried  her  best  to  pacify  him,  but  the  more  she  cried  and 
talked  to  him,  the  more  he  tuck  on. 

Our  party  got  scattered  in  the  crowd,  and  when  we 
was  satisfied  that  tranquillity  was  restored  in  Holland, 


'Ui 


«    I 


4i* 


•Tta 


li  ill 


122 


MAJOR   JONES*S 


I'  i 


11.1 1^ 


1    , 


;MI 


.  i 


■;-  f 


Mr.  Littlehigh  and  myself  went  home,  leavin  the  old 
Dutchman  hollerin  fire,  and  his  wife  and  daughter  trym 
to  git  him  in  the  house. 

It's  beginnin  to  get  pretty  warm  here  now,  and  ther's 
a  good  many  Southerners  here,  and  among  'em  is  sure 
of  my  Georgia  frends.     Tother  day,  as  I  was  gwine 


along  Broadway,-  who  should  I  meet  but  Col.  Bilj 
Skimer,  of  Pineville.  You  know  Col.  Bill's  one  of 
the  cleverest  fellers  in  the  world  ;  and  as  he  was  'bout 
the  first  old  acquaintance  I  had  seed  for  sum  time,  1 
was  monstrous  glad  to  meet  him.  We  stopped  on  the 
corner  of  Park  place  and  Broadway,  and  shuck  hands^ 
and  was  chattin  'bout  home,  w-hen  the  fust  thing  we 
know'd  ther  was  a  crowd  of  'bout  five  hundred  peeple 
gethered  round  us. 

"  Look  here,  Majer,"  ses  he,  *'  I  can't  stand  this.  1 
don't  think  ther's  any  danger  of  ther  swallerin  me  alive, 
but  I  don't  like  to  be  gaped  at  like  I  was  a  wild  animal." 
So  off  he  started  for  his  hotel,  makin  a  wake  among 
the  crowd  like  a  seventy-four  in  a  mill-pond.  The  fact 
is,  Col.  Bill  is  considered  a  full-grown  Georgian  at 
home,  but  among  us  he  don't  look  more'n  half  so  big 
as  he  does  here,  whar  the  average  size  of  the  men  isf 
much  less  than  it  is  in  our  genial  soil,  whar  men's 
bodys  as  well  as  ther  harts  git  to  be  as  large  as  ther 
Maker  ever  intended  'em  to  he.  The  Colonel  ain't  so 
sensitive  as  sum  peeple  about  sich  things,  and  takes  a 
good  joke  as  well  as  the  next  man  ;  but  when  he  found 
they  had  been  puttin  him  in  the  Herald,  callin  him  the 
Georgia  giant,  and  makin  him  out  a  heap  bigger  than 
he  is,  he  didn't  like  it  a  bit. 

My  old  frend,  John  Hooper,  is  here,  too,  from  Sa- 
vannah, and  I  don't  know  how  many  of  the  Pelegs 
from  Augusta.  Col.  Shoestring,  from  the  wiregrass 
settlement,  is  shinin  here  in  his  own  peculiar  way. 
The  .Colonel  is  one  of  the  oddest  specimens  of  human 
natiir  I  ever  seed  in  my  life,  and  takes  jest  as  much 
pnde  in  a  ragged  cote,  a  dirty  shirt-collar,  and  a  long 


ir-' 


mi 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


123 


beard,  as  the  greatest  dandy  does  ia  his  finery.     His 


t   suit  thi 


notions  of  notoriety,  however,  doesn 
ridean  at  all.  In  a  small  town  whar  it  would  be  pos- 
sible for  him  to  be  known  by  most  of  the  inhabitants, 
perhaps  he  mought  becura  distinguished  in  his  line; 
but  here,  whar  ther  is  abundance  of  all  kinds  of  loafers, 
and  whar  a  person  who  is  a  man  at  home  is  nothing 
but  a  individual,  it  is  no  use  to  try  to  git  notoriety  for 
sich  peculiarities  as  he  indulges  in.  The  Colonel  cusses 
the  omminy&?^.9es,  and  turns  up  his  nose  at  the  dandies 
and  free  niggers  from  mornin  til  night,  and  drinks  sassy- 
parilly  sody  water,  and  smokes  the  worst  segars  he  can 
find.  He  uses  about  the  Bowery,  and  goes  to  Chatham 
street  theatre.  He  can't  bear  Niblo's  or  the  Park,  and 
ses  that  Broadway  is  worse  than  a  menagery  of  wild 
varmints. 

I  haven't  sed  any  thing  to  you  about  the  New  York 
ladies,  and,  as  I  told  you  my  opinion  about  the  Balti- 
more galls,  I  ought  to  say  sumthing  of  the  ladys  of  this 
city.  Well,  so  far  as  dressin  is  concerned,  they  beat 
Baltimore  and  Filladelfy  all  holler.  But  in  pint  of  buty 
they  ain't  to  compare  to  the  wimmin  of  the  other  cities. 
The  fact  is,  I  find  the  farther  North  I  go  the  more  fine 
clothes  and  the  less  handsum  faces  I  see.  It  would 
take  enuff  money  to  buy  a  plantation  to  dress  one  of 
these  Broadway  bells  as  they  call  'em,  and  after  all  a 
man  of  taste  couldn't  see  much  in  'era  to  fall  in  love 
with.  They're  generally  taller  than  our  Southern  galls, 
and  with  the  help  of  the  milliners  they  is  pretty  good 
forms,  when  they  is  walkin  along  before  you.  But,  Mr. 
Thompson,  all  ain't  fies!i  and  blood  that  walks,  any 
more'n  ail  ain't  gold  that  shines  in  Peter  Funk's 
winder ;  and  when  you  cum  to  ketch  up  wdth  'em  and 
see  ther  faces,  whatever  notions  of  buty  you  mought 
liad  before  is  soon  gone.  And  even  if  you  do  now  and 
then  cum  across  a  handsum  face  ther's  sumthing  wrong 
about  'em,  that  I  can't  exactly  understand.  Sumhow 
ther  ain't  enuff  difference  between  the  expression  of  the 


i 


.rl 


'  1 


:■( 

■   ,  it 

I 

♦ 
i 

•     r 

n 

i 

4 " 

J 

i 

t 

< 
3 
i 

124 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


countenances  of  the  wimmin  and  the  men.     The  pretti- 
est blue  eyes  you  meet  has  a  kind  of  a  hard,  cast-steeJ 
Txpression,  so  ^different  from  the  soft,  melUn  looks  of 
ourmodes't,  blue-eyed  Georgia  galls      Sumtimes  you 
mavTee  a  pair  of 'dark,  bright  eyes,  but  ther  am't  no 
depth  b  'em.     Ther's  the  same  difference  between  the 
eyes  of  the  Northern  wimmin  and  the  eyes  of  our  galls 
at  home,  that  ther  is  between  a  lookin-g  ass  and  a  deep 
pool  of  jlure,  crystal  water.   You  can  look  mto  'em  bolh, 
Ld  both  reflects  your  own  face  ;  but  the  glass  is  all  •     d, 
shallow  surface,  while  you  see  down  deep  mto  the  l.un- 
tain  and  understand  the  source  from  whar  its  pure  wa- 
ters flow.    The  Northern  ladys'  eyes  seems  like  they  was 
only  made  to  look  with,  while  our  Southern  galls,  you 
know,  can  speak  so  eloquently  with  their  s      No  doubt 
livb  in  sich  a  grate  city,  whar  they  is  all  the  time  ex- 
nosed  to  the  gaze  of  strangers,  has  sum  effect  on  the 
ladys  to  make  'em  less  bashful  and  shrinkin  than  our 
'   Southern  galls  is,  and  perhaps  ther  is  other  causes  of 
education  Ind  habits  to  make  'em  less  femimne  m  the 
style  of  ther  buty.     But  certain  it  is  ther  is  the  greatest 
difference  in  the  world  between  them  and  the  wimmin 
of  the  South,  and  in  my  opinion  the  advantage  is  all  on 
the  side  of  our  Southern  galls.  Vnr,l.PP 

Mr.  Hooper  and  me  is  gwine  to  take  a  tnp  to  Yankee- 
doodledum  in  a  few  days,  to  see  Boston  and  Lowell 
I  want  to  see  the  great  Yankee  city   and  the  factory 
calls  what  I've  heard  so  much  about.     I  will  tell  >ou 
all  about  the  trip  in  my  next.     So  no  more  from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


'it; 
'11 


SKETCHES   OF  TRAVEL. 


125 


LETTER  XV. 


New  York,  June  25,  1845. 
To  Mr.  Thompson  : — Dear  Sir — In  my  last  letter  1 
told  you  I  was  gvvirie  to  Yankeedoodledum.  Well, 
I've  been  to  Boston  and  Lowell,  and  seed  the  live 
Yankees,  Bunkerhill  monument  and  the  factry  galls,  and 
a  heap  of  other  natural  curiosities  that  more'n  paid  me 

for  the  trip. 

Hooper,  who  you  know  is  a  Odd  Feller  as  well  as  a  very 
clever  one,  wanted  to  go  to  the  great  celebration  what 
was  to  take  place  in  a  few  days  in  Boston,  and  as  I 
wanted  to  see  that  part  of  the  world  before  I  went  home, 
we  agreed  to  go  together,  and  last  Monday  evenin  we 
tuck  passage  in  the  steamboat  Narryganset  for  Boston. 
We  hadn't  been  gone  long  from  the  wharves  when  the 
fust  thing  I  know'd  the  ingine  was  stopped,  the  boat 
commenced  slewin  round,  and  the  peeple  runnin  in  evry 
diiection.  Bimcby  the  ingine  give  another  lick  or  two 
and  then  stopped  agin.  Thinks  I  ther's  something  out 
of  jint.  Thinkin  the  biler  was  gwine  to  bust  or  the  bote 
was  broke,  I  ax'd  a  old  gentleman  what  was  the  mat- 
ter ?" 

"  We  is  rite  at  Hell-gate,"  ses  he. 
<' The  devil  we  is! — as  close  as  that !"  sed  a  man 
with  mustashys  on  his  mouth. 

Hell-gate  !  thinks  I,  and  I  looked  out,  and  shore  enuff 
the  water  was  whirlin  round  and  round,  and  runnin  up 
stream  and  crossways  and  evry  other  way.  Jest  then 
thump  went  the  old  bote  agin  something,  and  evry  wo- 
man squalled,  and  the  men  stood  on  ther  tip-toes.  Thinks 
I,  if  we  is  to  go  to  the  bottom,  I'd  a  good  deal  rather 
take  a  swim  in  some  other  place.  Everybody  said  don't 


'  'I 

I.    >| 


i!l;r 


si -I 


'ixJ 


l-:i  h 


] 

u 


•' 
•A 

III 


,      a 


126 


MAJOR  Jones's 


be  alarmed — and  one  man  sed  it  didn't  make  much  dif 
ference  to  him,  for  he  started  to  go  to  Boston,  any- 
how. Bimeby  the  bell  rung,  *^'e  old  ingine  sot  up  a 
terrible  puffin  and  snortin,  and  in  a  few  minits  we  was 
leavin  the  gate  of  the  infernal  regions  far  behind  us. 
We  passed  Frog's  Neck— whar  they're  bildin  a  young 
Giberalter  to  keep  the  British  from  coming  down  to  New 
York  when  Mr.  Polk  drives  'em  out  of  Oregon— before 
sundown,  and  by  dark  we  was  in  what  they  call  the 
Sound.  After  smokin  a  segar  we  went  to  our  berths, 
whar  we  was  soon  sound  asleep. 

It  was  'bout  daylight  next  mornin  when  we  got  to 
Stunnington,  in  Conneticut,  whar  they  say  the  peeple 
live  on  lish  so  much  that  they  smell  like  whale  oil  and 
have  scales  on  their  backs.  This  may  be  a  bug  what 
they  put  on  me,  but  one  thing  I  do  know — and  that  is 
that  they  is  great  whalers,  for  they  whaled  the  British 
out  of  ther  harbor  in  the  last  war,  a  monstrous  sight 
quicker  than  they  cum  in.  It  was  a  bominable  dark 
foggy  mornin,  and  I  couldn't  see  much  of  Stunnington, 
but  what  I  did  see  made  me  think  it  wasn't  badly  named 
— for  it  is  rocks  from  one  eend  to  tother,  and  it  was  long 
after  we  was  out  of  sight  of  the  town  fore  we  could  see 
any  thing  but  rock-fences  and  rock-chimneys,  and  whole 
corn-fields  of  rocks  from  the  size  of  a  goose-egg  up  to 
that  of  a  gin-house.  We  got  a  mere  squint  at  Provi- 
dence, in  Rodeisland,  when  we  was  crossin  the  river 
in  the  steambote,  and  in  about  a  ower  more  we  was  in 
sight  of  Boston,  which  looked  at  a  distance  _  like  it 
was  bilt  on  stilts  in  the  middle  of  a  everlastin  big  frog- 
pond. 

When  we  got  to  the  depo,  the  white  hackmen  cum 
rearin  and  pitchin  at  us  like  evry  oneof  'em  had  a  co/iias 
ad  satisfaction,  as  the  lawyers  say,  for  us,  and  to  keep 
from  gittin  tramped  into  the  yeath  by  'em,  we  jumped 
into  the  fust  hack  what  had  the  dore  open,  and  told  the 
man  to  drive  us  to  the  Purl  street  Hotel.  Well,  bein  as 
\  wasn't  near  dinner-time,  we  tuck  a  walk  round  to  seo 


m 


m 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


127 


the  city,  but  we  soon  found  out  that  wouldn't  do.  If  a 
man  could  walk  like  Mr.  Robert  Acres  wanted  to  fite 
his  duel,  edgeways,  he  mought  possibly  manage  to  git 
through  a  square  or  two  of  Boston  'thout  gittin  nocked 
oiT  the  side-walk  more'n  a  dozen  times.  But  for  a  man 
of  my  size  to  git  along  in  sich  little  crooked  alleys  as 
them  Boston  streets  is.  is  out  of  the  question.  Col. 
Bill  Skimer  would  be  like  Mr.  Gulliver  was  in  the  city 
of  the  Lillypushins — the  corporation  would  be  bound 
to  accommodate  him  in  the  common  to  keep  him  from 
blockin  up  the  streets  intirely.  Why,  they  aint  much 
wider  than  the  space  between  the  rows  of  a  pea-patch, 
and  then  they  are  so  twistified  that  it's  as  much  as  a 
common  sized  body  can  do  to  keep  both  feet  in  the 
same  street  at  the  same  time.  And  then  what  makes  it 
worse,  is  the  way  the  Boston  peeple  walks.  They  all 
go  dashin  along  like  they  was  gwine  to  die,  and  hadn't 
but  a  few  hours  left  to  settle  ther  bisness.  As  for  givin 
the  walk  to  a  lady,  or  half  of  it  to  a  gentleman,  they 
don't  think  of  no  sich  a  thing,  and  if  you  don't  want  to 
have  your  breth  nocked  out  of  you  evry  few  steps,  you 
mought  as  well  take  the  middle  of  the  street  at  once, 
whar,  if  you  don't  keep  a  monstrous  sharp  lookout,  you 
is  certain  to  be  run  over  by  ther  everlastin  grate,  long, 
sheep-shear  lookin  carts.  Hooper  and  me  tried  to  keep 
together  on  the  side-walk.  But  it  wasn't  no  use.  After 
bumpin  along  for  'bout  half  a  square,  I  found  myself  in 
the  street  and  my  frend  half  way  into  a  store  dore,  whar 
he  was  nocked  by  a  feller  what  was  stavin  ahead  with  a 
armfull  of  wooden  clocks. 

We  made  our  way  the  best  way  we  could  in  the  direc- 
tion of  the  Monument,  what  stands  over  in  Charlestown. 
The  Native  Americans  had  a  celebration  on  the  hill,  and 
one  of  ther  orators  was  makin  a  speech  to  a  heap  of 
peeple  what  was  crowdin  all  round  the  stand,  jest  like 
our  peeple  in  Georgia  at  a  Fourth  of  July  Barbycue. 
As  none  of  ther  speeches  couldn't  make  us  no  better 
Americans  than  we  is,  we  left  the  orator  and  his  flights 


'  i^- 1 


i.  * 


0 


1 " 


14' 


14' 
it-fl 


128 


MAJOR  Jones's 


n 


of  eloquence  for  the  flight  of  steps  what  tuck  us,  after 
puffin  and  blowin  enuff  to  work  a  two-hos-power  steam 
ingine,  up  to  the  top  of  the  great  Yankee  Monument, 
what  has  been  raised  on  this  Sinai  of  American  Free- 
dom. If  ther  is  a  man  in  the  nation  what  don't  like  the 
Union  and  don't  feel  willin  to  shed  his  blood  to  preserve 
it,  he  ought  to  make  a  pilgrimage  to  this  consecrated 
spot.  If,  stand  in  o:,  -:' is  incije^tic  pile  and  looking  down 
on  the  ground  t.v>  reived  the  fust  red  baptism  ol 
Liberty,  while  he  ..eathes  +he  air  that  received  the 
expirin  breth  of  so  many  martyred  heroes,  and  looks 
upon  the  sky  that  witnessed  ther  heroic  valor,  he  does 
not  feel  his  bosom  glow  with  patriotic  emotion,  and 
imbibe  a  love  of  country  above  all  sectional  prejudices 
or  interests,  then  he  may  be  sure  he  was  born  on  the  rong 
side  of  the  Atlantic. 

From  the  top  of  the  monument,  which  is  about  three 
hundred  feet  high,  we  could  see  half  over  Massachusetts. 
Among  other  things  that  was  pinted  out  to  us  in  the 
guide  book,  was  another  monument,  of  which  the  Bos- 
ton peeple  needn't  be  so  very  proud.  The  ruins  of  the 
Ursuline  Convent  is  still  stand  in  insight,  to  reproach  the 
intolerant  spirit  of  a  peeple  who  have  violated  the  laws 
and  disregarded  the  principles  which  ther  fathers  died 
to  establish  in  this  country. 

After  cumin  down  from  the  monument,  we  tuck  a 
walk  through  the  navy-yard  and  the  rope-walk,  whar 
they  was  makin  rope's  long  cnuff  and  strong  enuff  to 
pull  the  Stone  Mountain,  in  De  Kalb  county,  up  by 
the  root,  and  then  went  back  to  our  hotel. 

On  the  way  back,  1  tuck  the  opportunity,  when  we 
was  ridin  in  the  hack,  and  nobody  couldn't  run  over  us, 
to  notice  the  stores  and  houses.  Exceptin  the  narrow, 
crooked  streets,  Boston  looks  a  good  deal  like  the  other 
Northern  cities,  though  to  my  taste  it  aint  to  compare 
in  no  respect  to  either  BaUimore,  Filladelfy  or  New 
York.  In  sum  parts  of  the  city  the  streets  is  wide  enuff 
and  very  clean,  and  the  houses  is  very  fine,  but  ther's  a 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


129 


is,  after 
r  steam 
luraent, 
1  Free- 
like  the 
ireserve 
lecrated 
g  down 
tism  ol 
ie.d  the 
d  looks 
le  does 
311,  and 
2Judices 
the  rong 

ut  three 
■husetts. 
i  in  the 
he  Bos- 
is  of  the 
oach  the 
:he  laws 
Brs  died 

tuck  a 
k,  whar 
enuff'  to 
',  up  by 

.'hen  we 
over  us, 
narrow, 
.he  other 
compare 
or  New 
de  enuff 
t  ther's  a 


aristocratic  air  about  it,  a  sort  of  starchy  Sundy-go-to- 
meetin  kind  of  a  look  about  this  part  of  the  city,  that  I 
don't  like  a  bit  better  than  I  do  the  pinched  up,  narrow 
contrived  appearance  of  the  rest. 

I  noticed  one  thing  about  the  signs  in  Boston,  which 
accounts  for  the  curious  way  they  pronounce  ther  words. 
Ther  letters  is  all  littler  in  the  middle  than  they  is  ac  the 
eends — as  for  instance,  a  letter  /looks  like  a  lady  that 
was  dyin  of  tite  lacin.  Now,  you  know  the  Yankees 
ses  kyew  for  cow,  and  gives  a  sort  of  loud-at-both-eends- 
and-low-in-the-middle  sound  to  all  ther  words.  Well, 
it's  my  opinion  that  it  is  the  shape  of  the  letters  on  ther 
signs  that  makes  'em  do  it,  or  maybe  the  letters  is  made 
by  the  painters  to  suit  the  pronunciation  of  the  peeple. 
In  Filladelfy  the  most  of  the  signs  is  painted  in  grate 
big  block  ietters^and  in  New  York,  in  all  sorts  and 
kinds.  Well,  the  Filladelfy  peeple  talk  very  square 
and  plain,  and  in  New  York  ther  aint  no  peculiarity 
about  their  pronunciation — no  body  can't  tell  a  New 
Yorker  by  his  accent.  So  you  see  what  the  influence 
of  association  is. 

After  dinner  we  was  gwine  to  smoke  our  cigars,  but 
jest  as  I  was  biten  off  the  eend  of  mine,  I  happened  to 
look  up  and  see  a  notice  what  sed,  "  No  smokin  'lowed 
here." 

"  Well,"  ses  Hooper,  "  I  spose  they  consider  this 
room  aft  the  machinery — less  go  forard." 

We  wt..t  into  another  room,  but  the  fust  thing  we 
seed  thar  was,  in  grate  big  letters,  "  No  smokin  'lowed 
here."  With  that  we  went  to  the  door,  thinkin  we 
mought  smoke  on  the  steps,  but  thar  was  the  everlastin 
"  No  smokin  'lowed  here,"  stickin  up  on  both  sides 
of  the  door. 

I  looked  at  Hooper  and  laughed,  but  he  didn't  feel 
like  laughin. 

*'  What  kind  of  a  place  is  this;  I'd  like  to  know," 
ses  he.  "  I  wonder  if  they  allow  peeple  to  sneeze  when 
tliey  take  cold  ?" 


I  .*  t'  m 


m 


i\ 


if    i!r 


i30 


Majur  Jones's 


I  proposed  to  git  sura  matches  and  go  to  the  common. 

"Agreed,"  ses  Hooper;  "  any  whar  whar  we  can 
breathe  'thout  violatin  the  rules." 

I  ax'd  the  man  in  the  office,  what  had  been  lookin  at 
my  cigar  all  the  time,  like  it  was  a  rattle-snake,  for  a 
match. 

"  I  guess  you'll  find  sum  in  the  sraokin-room,"  ses 
he. 

"  Smokin-room,"  ses  I,  "  whar's  that?" 

"  This  way,  sir,"  ses  he,  and  he  opened  a  door  of  a 
little  dirty  room  that  smelled  strong  enuff  of  tobacker 
smoke  to  nock  a  man  down.  Thar  was  no  body  in  it 
but  a  old  codger,  in  a  snuff-colored  coat,  what  was 
smokin  one  of  the  worst  kind  of  American  segars,  and 
readin  "  all  sorts  of  paragraphs"  in  the  Boston  post. 
The  floor  was  covered  v.'ith  ashes  a*#d  old  stumps  of 
segars,  the  walls  looked  like  the  inside  of  a  Georgia 
smoke-house,  and  the  air  was  strong  enuff  of  smoke 
to  turn  a  man  into  well  cured  bacon  in  'bout  fifteen 
minits. 

"  Majer,"  ses  Hooper,  "  I  can't  stand  this  place — 
I've  had  jest  as  much  of  Boston  as  I  want.  Less  go  to 
Lowell  this  afternoon.  Maybe  we  can  smoke  a  cigar 
thar,  and  if  you  want  to  see  any  more  of  Boston,  we  can 
stop  when  we  cum  back." 

I  was  jest  about  as  sick  of  the  city  of  everlastin  anty's 
as  he  was,  and  in  less  than  no  time  we  was  on  the  rail- 
road to  Lowell. 

This  is  one  of  the  finest  roads  in  the  world,  leadin 
through  a  country  that  seems  like  one  continual  village. 
The  land  is  poor  and  covered  with  rocks,  but  it's  studded 
all  over  with  butiful  country-residences,  with  churches 
and  mills  and  factories  of  one  kind  and  another,  til  you 
git  to  Lowell,  which  is  the  handsumest  small  town  I  was 
ever  in.  We  tuck  rooms  at  the  Merrymack  House,  one 
of  the  best  hotels,  and,  before  tea,  tuck  a  walk  over  the 
place.  It  w^as  a  pleasant  afternoon,  and  as  we  walked 
along  on  the  bank  of  the  canal  what  carries  the  water 


II      Li 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


131 


from  the  river  to  the  factories,  we  couldn't  help  but 
notice  the  clean  and  healthy  appearance  of  the  town. 
The  clear  cool  water  went  sweepin  along,  deep  and 
strong,  in  its  rock-banks,  over  which  the  green  grass 
and  flowers  hung  to  dip  themselves  in  the  stream,  while 
a  roarin  sound,  that  cum  from  the  direction  of  the  ;^  eat 
blocks  of  five-story  factories,  reminded  us  that  it''. /as 
no  idle  stream,  runnin  to  waste  its  usefulness  on  the 
desert  shore,  but  that  it  gave  its  power  to  aid  the  in- 
dustry of  man,  and  to  contribute  to  the  wealth  of  the 
nation. 

We  tuck  a  stroll  on  the  banks  of  the  Merrymack,  be- 
low the  town.  From  different  pints  we  got  a  fine  view 
of  the  place,  and  found  plenty  to  interest  us  til  tea-time. 
We  was  passin  up  JNIerrymack  street  to  our  hotel  when 
the  bells  rung,  and  the  fust  thing  we  know'd  the  whole 
town  was  full  of  galls.  They  cum  swarmin  out  of  the 
factories  like  bees  out  of  a  hive,  and  spreadin  in  every 
direction,  filled  the  streets  so  that  nothin  else  was  to  be 
seen  but  platoons  of  sun-bonnets,  with  long  capes  hangin 
down  over  the  shoulders  of  the  factory  galls.  Thou- 
sands upon  thousands  of  'em  was  passin  along  the  streets, 
all  lookin  as  happy,  and  cheerful,  and  neat,  and  clean, 
and  butiful,  as  if  they  was  boardin-school  misses  jest 
from  ther  books.  It  was  indeed  a  interestin  sight,  and 
a  gratifyin  one  to  a  person  who  has  always  thought 
that  the  opparatives  as  they  call  'em  in  the  Northern 
lactoi'ies,  was  the  most  miserable  kind  of  peeple  in  the 
world. 

It  was  a  butiful  moonlight  night,  and  after  tea  we 
walked  out  into  the  street  agin.  The  stores  was  dl  lit 
up  and  the  galls  was  walkin  about  in  pairs,  and  half 
dozens,  and  dozens,  shoppin  from  store  to  store,  and 
laughin  and  talkin  about  ther  purchases,  as  if  it  didn't 
hurt  'em  to  spend  ther  earnins  no  more'n  other  peeple. 
Under  ther  curious  lookin  cracker-bonnets  thar  was  sum 
lovely  faces  and  eyes,  that  looked  better  by  moonlight 
than  anv  I  have  seed  sense  I  left  Georgia  ;  and  poor 
•21 


1i 


I  .'fl 


132 


MAJOR  Jones's 


hachellor,  bei 


(1  to 


Hooper,  who  you  know  is  a  hachellor,  bem  exposec 
sich  a  constant  display  of  silf-like  forms,  rosy  cheeks, 
bright  eyes,  and  silver-toned  voices,  begun  to  leel  mon- 
strous weak  about  the  heart  long  before  the  ower  cum 
for  the  galls  to  retire  to  ther  boardin  houses  ;  and  I  was 
monstrous  fraid  he  would  need  settin  up  with  the  balance 
of  the  night,  his  simptoms  was  so  alarmin.  By  ten 
o'clock  not  a  cracker-bonnet  was  to  be  seen  in  the 
streets,  though  the  moonlight  was  as  bright  as  day,  and 
the  stars  twinkled  and  danced  in  the  Heavens  above, 
and  a  cool  breeze  played  through  the  branches  of  the 
trees  and  rippled  the  suifoce  of  the  canal,  while  the 
waters,  esca'pin  from  ther  confinement  in  many  a  mill- 
race,  sent  up  a  dreamy  murmur,  that  blended  harmo- 
niously with  the  scene,  and  made  it  one  of  the  loveliest 
evenins  imaginable.  It  was  a  scene  and  a  ower  to  in- 
spire love — when  the  world  is  turned  into  a  Paradice 
and  wimmin  into  angels— and  I  couldn't  help  but  feel 
sorry  for  the  six  thousand  little  nimphs  of  the  spindles, 
who  had  no  lovers  thar  to  court  'em  on  sich  a  night. 

It  was  late  before  we  went  to  bed.  \s  I'm  to  the 
eend  of  my  sheet,  I'll  stop  here,  and  tell  you  about  my 
adventures  in  Lowell,  the  factories  and  the  factory  galls, 
in  my  next.     So  no  more  at  present  from 

Your  frend  til  dcth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


,      !*-■. 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


133 


osed  to 
cheeks, 
el  mon- 
;er  cum 
id  I  was 
balance 

By  ten 
I  in  the 
lay,  and 

above, 
IS  of  the 
hiie  tlie 
f  a  mlll- 

harmo- 
loveliest 
?r  to  in- 
Paradice 
but  feel 
spindles, 
light. 
1  to  the 
bout  my 
)ry  galls, 

cth, 
Jones. 


LETTER  XVI. 

New  York,  June  20,  1845. 
To  Mr.  Thompson  :—Dear  Sir—1  could  slep  sound 
as  a  rock  m  a  shuck-pen,  after  havin  been  nockin 
about  all  day,  and  havin  my  mind  constantly  on  the 
stretch  to  take  in  the  wonders  I  seed  in  Yankeedoodle- 
dum.  But  in  sich  a  airy  room,  and  sich  a  soft,  cool, 
clean  bed  as  they  gin  me  at  the  Merrymack  House,  I 
could  have  gone  to  sleep  with  the  tooth-ache,  and  never 
waked  up  til  Christmas,  if  it  hadn't  been  for  Hooper, 
who  was  terrained  to  see  the  galls  gwine  to  work  in  the 
mornin. 

I  was  drea;Tain  about  bein  in  Mahomet's  Heaven 
among  the  Houries.  Ther  was  more'n  ten  thousand 
of  'em,  all  as  butiful  as  Haydees  and  Venuses,  with 
cracker-bonnets  on,  dancin  and  caperin  about  under  the 
shadowy  arches  of  the  trees,  from  which  hung  long 
festoons  of  bright  flowers,  while  fountains  of  crystal 
water  was  gushia  up  in  evry  direction,  and  music 
floated  m  the  air  that  was  perfumed  with  the  breth  of 
roses.  Bimeby  one  of  'em,  with  butiful  eyes  and  long 
golden  ringlets,  what  hung  down  below  the  cape  of  her 
bonnet,  cum  dancin  up  to  me  with  a  hank  of  cotton 
yam  in  her  hand — 

"Cum  with  me — will  you  cum  with  me,  my  dear.?" 
ses  she,  srailin  so  sweet  and  wavin  her  hand  at  me. 

"  No,  I  thank  yon,"  ses  I,  blushin  to  think  she  would 
ax  me  sich  a  question. 

"  Say  not  so,  dear,"  ses  she,  cumin  closer  to  me. 
"  Say  not  so,  dear— you  must  be  mine  ;"  and  with  that 
she  begun  to  undo  her  hank  of  cotton. 

I  soon  seed  what  she  was  up  to,  and  so  I  started  to 
quit  the  place,  but  the  fust  thing  I  knowd  she  had  the 


I 


1 


'Ml 


<*-.. 


124 


MAJOR    JONKS'S 


yarn  round  my  neck,  and  tlie  next  minit  *bout  five 
hundred  of  'em  was  pullin  at  mc,  all  singin  "  Cum 
with  mc,  my  dear,"  like  a  pasel  of  sailors  a  payin 
away  on  a  hosser.  I  pulled  and  hollered  as  hard  as  I 
could — I  told  'em  I  was  a  married  man — but  they  never 
let  on  they  heard  me,  and  jest  pulled  the  harder,  each 
one  sayin  I  'longed  to  her. 

"  Let  me  go !"  ses  I,  grabbin  hold  of  a  tree  to  hold 
on  by,  and  kickin  at  'em  with  both  feet  at  a  time  ;  "  let 
me  loose,  you  everlastin  witches,  you.  I's  got  a  wife 
and  child  to  home  and  can't  marry  none  of  you — I 
tell  you  I's  a  married  man  !" 

Jest  then  the  hank  of  cotton  broke,  and  away  I  went, 
and  the  galls  set  up  one  of  the  loudest  squalls  I  ever 
heard. 

"What  upon  yeath's  the  matter  with  you,  Majer?" 
ses  Hooper,  who  was  lalhn  like  he  had  the  high- 
stericks.  "  Why  I  never  seed  a  body  cut  sich  anticks 
before  in  all  my  life.  I  jest  tuck  hold  of  you  and 
shuck  you  a  little  to  wake  you  up,  so  we  mought  take 
a  walk  before  breckfust,  and  you  begun  to  kick  and 
rare  like  a  wild  zebra,  cussin  and  swearin  about  being 
a  married  man,  like  that  had  any  thing  to  do  with  gettin 
up  early  in  the  mornin. 

"And  was  it  you  that  had  a  hold  of  my  neck,"  ses 
I,  beginnin  to  see  how  it  was, 

"  I  jest  shuck  you  a  little,"  ses  he. 

"  Well,  if  I  didn't  think "  ses  I. 

"  What  was  you  drcamin,  Majer?"  ses  he. 

But  I  know'd  it  wouldn't  do  to  tell  Hooper  what  I 
was  dreamin,  if  I  ever  wanted  to  hear  the  eend  of  it. 
So  I  jest  got  up  and  put  on  my  clothes  as  quick  as 
possible,  and  went  with  Hooper  to  see  the  galls  gvvine 
to  work. 

The  sun  was  jest  up  when  we  went  down  on  to  the 
rorporashuns,  as  they  call  'em  here,  whar  the  mills  is. 
It  was  a  most  lovely  mornin.  The  factorys  was  all 
still.     The  yards  in  frunt  of  the  bildins  was  clean,  and 


mi' 


^'^LsyocL. 


=£?=i3f=?tr"   nuaERr Sicimh 


"  But  tho  fust  thing  I  know'd  she  had  i\\o  yarn  round  my  neck,  and  the  next 
niinit  'bout  five  hundred  of  'em  was  pullin  at  me,  all  singin  'Cum  with  me,  my 
dear.'  "—Letter  xxi.  p.  134. 


,i 

1 

i. 
t 

*  ■"■, 

f\ 

i 

1 

P   III' 

■'i       ' 

1 

;J 

!  I 

^7 


I 


.1  i 


'ff 


i:. 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEI,. 


135 


the  httle  flower-gardens  by  the  (lores  was  glitterin  with 
due,  as  the  fust  bees  of  the  mornin  cura  to  suck  the 
honey  from  the  blossums.  Ther  wasn't  many  peeple 
to  be  seed  in  the  streets.  Now  and  then  we  /ould  see 
sum  rnen  gwme  to  the  countin-rooras  and  offices,  or  to 
the  factorys,  but  the  cracker-bonnets  was  in  eclipse. 
1  he  galls  was  at  breckfust  at  ther  boardin-houses, 
which  are  neat  two,  and  sumtimes  three-story  brick 
houses,  what  stand  in  blocks  near  the  factorys  and  is 
owned  by  the  proprietors  of  the  mills. 

Bhneby  the  bells  rung.  In  a  minit  more  the  streets 
leadm  to  the  m>lls  was  swarmin  with  oalls.  Here  they 
cum  in  evry  direction,  laughin  and  talkin  to  one  another 
in  groops  and  by  pairs,  or  singly,  all  lookin  as  lerry 
and  happy  as  if  they  was  gwine  to  a  frollic,  insted  of  to 
ther  work. 

Wimmin  look  well  by  raoolight,  and  so  they  do  by 
early  sunlight.     The  refreshin  influence  of  sleep  o-ives 
a  brightness  and  animation  to  the  featurs  of  a  healthy 
young  gall,  who  has  been  fatigued  by  the  labors  of  the 
day,  and  the   mornin  ablooshuns,  as  Mr.  Willis  calls 
washin   one's  face,  like  the   due   on   the  roses,  mves 
freshness  to   ther  cheeks   and  brilliancy  to  ther  eyes 
You  may  depend  thar  was  sum  bright  mornin  faces  in 
that  crowd.     I  thought  of  my  dream,  and  I  'termined 
to  take  warnin  by  it.     I  felt'  if  I  was  a  bachellor  it 
wouldn  t  be  safe  to  go  within  the  length  of  a  skein  of 
cotton  yarn  of  sum  of  'em,  and  it  wouldn't  take  a  very 
strong  or  a  very  hard  twisted  thread  to  hold  me  in  the 
traces. 

^  They  poured  into  the  mills  by  thousands,  like  bees 
mto  a  hive,  and  in  a  few  minits  more  the  noise  of  the 
machinery  begun  to  git  louder  and  louder,  until  each 
factory  sent  out  a  buzzing  sound,  with  which  all  other 
sounds  soon  becum  mixed  up,  until  it  seemed  we  was 
into  a  city  whar  men,  wimmin  and  children,  water,  fire 
and  light,  was  all  at  work,  and  whar  the  very  aii 
breathed  the  song  of  industry. 


w 


'^'] 


m  ''fh 


liji 

i 


136 


MAJOR  JONESES 


After  brecki'ust  we  went  to  one  of  the  mills,  whar 
we  got  a  little  boy  to  show  us  the  way.  The  little 
feller  tuck  's  from  one  room  to  another  all  over  the 
mill,  and  sich  other  contraptions  I  never  seed  before. 
The  machinery  made  sich  a  noise  that  we  couldn't  hear 
ourselves  think,  let  alone  sayin  any  thing  to  one  another, 
and  then  we  was  so  cumpletely  dumfounded  by  what 
we  seed,  that  we  couldn't  found  a  word  to  say  even 
if  we  could  heard  one  another  talk.  Thar  was  the 
galls  tendin  the  looms  and  the  spindles,  mixed  all  up 
among  the  cranks  and  wheels,  and  drum-heds  and 
crossbands,  and  iron  fixins,  that  was  all  agwine  like 
lightnin,  and  ther  little  white  hands  flyin  about  like 
they  was  a  part  of  the  machinery.  Bissy  as  they  was, 
though,  they  found  time  now  and  then  to  steal  a  sly 
glance  at  us,  and  then  I  could  see  a  mischievous  smile 
playin  round  sum  of  ther  pretty  mouths,  as  much  as  to 
say,  what  green  fellers  we  was  that  never  seed  a 
cotton-mill  before.  I  tried  to  git  the  hang  of  sum  of 
the  machinery,  but  it  wasn't  no  use.  Evrything  I 
seed,  from  the  ceilin  to  the  floor,  was  whirlin,  ard 
whizzin,  and  rattlin,  and  dashin,  as  if  it  would  tear 
evry  thing  to  pieces;  but  what  they  was  doin  or 
what  sot  'em  agwine,  was  more'n  I  could  make  out. 
Buzz-z-z-z,  went  the  spindles  and  the  spools ;  clank- 
clank,  went  the  looms,  and  the  white  cloth  was  roUin 
off  in  big  bolts,  but  how  it  was  done,  was  what  I 
couldn't  see  into. 

^  W  ^  W  W  W  W^  '^  w 

After  gwine  through  three  or  four  of  the  mills, 
which  was  all  pretty  much  alike,  ^we  went  into  one 
whar  they  print  calicos.  This  part  of  the  bisness  ain't 
the  nicest  work  in  the  world,  though  it's  very  interestin. 
We  went  into  the  dryin-room  as  they  call  it,  but  we 
didn't  stay  thar  but  a  very  short  time.  If  the  other 
country  is  much  hotter  than  this  dryin-room,  it  is  not 
much  misrepresented  in  the  accounts  we  have  of  it. 
"When  I  stepped  in  I  felt  the  hot  air,  as  I  breathed  it 


,1   :i 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


137 


ard 
tear 


* 


into  my  lungs,  like  boilin  water 

^-oven. 


up  like  I  was   in   a  bake- 


in  d  my  hair  crisped 


H 


_    —    ...   „   „„„ ^.ooper,   wno,  you 

know,  takes  a  good  deal  of  pains  with  his  whiskers, 
dassent  risk  'em  in  the  dryin-room  more'n  a  minlt; 
and  when  we  got  out  I  felt  jest  like  I'd  cum  out  of  a 
steam-bath. 

The  next  place  we  went  to  was  the  whip  manu- 
factory, whar  we  seed  a  cover  braided  onto  a  whip- 
stalk,  by  machinery,  in  about  two  minits.  From  thar 
we  went  to  another  place,  whar  they  made  cotton  and 
woollen  cards.  That  machine  banged  any  thing  I  ever 
seed  in  all  my  life.  I've  always  thought  that  a  ma- 
chine that  could  make  any  thing  as  well  as  it  could  be 
made  with  hands  was  pretty  considerable  of  a  machine. 
But  to  see  a  little  iron  contraption  take  a  piece  of 
lether  and  a  coil  of  wire,  and  cut  off  the  wire  and 
bend  it  double,  punch  the  holes  in  the  lether,  put  the 
wire  in  the  holes,  push  'em  in  and  bend  'em,  and 
ftisten  'em  thar  quicker  and  better  than  five  men  could 
do  it,  went  a  little*  ahed  of  any  thing  I  ever  heard  or 
dreamed  of.  The  man  that  invented  that  machine 
could  invent  one  to  eat  shad  without  swallerin  the 
bones,  or  one  that  could  pick  a  man's  pocket  when 
he  was  wide  awake,  without  gettin  found  out.  The 
only  wonder  is,  that  he  didn't  invent  sum  way  to 
fodl  Old  Deth  himself,  and  live  for  ever.  But  the 
poor  man  is  ded,  and,  like  all  men  of  genius,  died 
very  poor. 

The  next  place  we  went  into  was  a  machine  car- 
penter's shop,  whar  the  rough  boards  cum  into  one 
dore  in  a  cart  and  went  out  at  the  other  in  panel-dores, 
winder-sashes,  pine  boxes,  &c.  Saws  and  plainers 
and  chissels  and  awgers  was  sawin,  plainin,  chisselin, 
and  borin  in  evry  direction  by  machinery,  with  men  to 
tend  'em ;  and  for  one  that  wasn't  acquainted  with  the 
bearins  of  the  place,  it  was  necessary  to  keep  a  pretty 
sharp  look-out  to  prevent  havin  a  shavin  tuck  off  of 
him  sumwhar,  or  to  keep  from  bein   dove-tailed,  or 


h 


I. 


f 


I  ; 


I  i  ' 


f 


■■'  f! 


138 


MAJOR    JONES'S 


havin  a  awger-hole  put  rite  through  liim  fore  he  know'd 
what  hurt  him.  It  was  most  dinner-time,  and  we 
didn't  stay  thar  long. 

At  the  Merrymack  House  we  had  one  of  the  finest 
dinners  I  ever  eat  in  ray  life.  But  the  dish  what 
tuck  my  fancy  most,  was  a  fine  biled  Merrymack 
salmon.  What  a  pity  salmons  don't  grow  on  pine 
trees — then  we  could  have  'em  in  Georgia ;  but  as  that 
can't  be,  I  would  advise  you,  if  ever  you  cum  this 
w^ay  in  pea-time,  to  stop  at  the  Merrymack  House. 
Here  they  git  'em  rite  out  of  the  water,  and  if  a  dish 
of  Merrymack  salmon  and  green  peas  wouldn't  bring  a 
ded  man  to  life,  then  he  may  be  buried  with  perfect 
safety.  After  tlie  desert  we  had  fruil,  and  among 
other  things  sum  of  the  finest  ox-hart  cherries.  They 
wer  monstrous  good,  and  if  the  man  counted  the 
seeds  on  my  plate,  he  knows  I  done  'em  justice. 
Hooper  loved  'em  too.  We  sot  thar  sum  time  eat  in 
cherries   and   talkin   'bout  the   factory   galls   and  the 


jnaclunery 


'Ain't  it  a  pity,"  sed  Hooper,  "that  these  galls  is 
Yankees.     If  it  wasn't  for  that,"  ses  he — • 

"  Well,  that's  a  tact,"  ses  I.  "  But  you  oughtn't  to 
mind  that.  Hooper," 

"Ah,  Majer,"  ses  he,  "it  wouldn't  do.  But  I  did 
see  one  gall  thar  that '* 

"  Stole  your  hart,"  ses  I ;  for  I  know'd  he  was  very 
sceptible  of  the  tender  passion,  and  I  had  hard  work  to 
git  him  out  of  one  room  in  the  Boot  Mills. 

"  No,  not  'zactly,  Majer ;  but  to  tell  you  the  truth,  I 
couldn't  keep  my  eyes  of  that  tall,  dark-complexioned 
gall  what  was  tendin  the  starchin-machine — the  one 
what  was  readin  in  a  book.  Ther  was  sumthing  so 
Winnin,  so  amiable,  and  yet  so  dignified  about  that  gall, 
that  I  shall  never  forgit  her.  But  she's  a  Yankee,  and 
maybe  a  ravin  abohtionist." 

"  Well,  Hooper,"  ses  I,  to  change  the  subject  what 


;■! 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


139 


was  beginnin  to  make  him  serious,  "  if  I  was  a  wood- 
pecker I'd  cum  to  this  country  evry  summer,  jest  to  eat 
cherries — they're  so  good." 

"  Well,  if  I  was  a  woodpecker  I  M'ouldn't  do  no 
sich  thing!"  ses  Hooper. 

''Why  not?"  ses  I. 

"Why,  because  these  everlastin  Yankees  would  be 
certain  to  invent  sum  cussed  machine  to  ketch  me." 

Ther  was  sumthing  hi  that,  and  I  had  no  more  to 
say. 

In  the  evenin  we  tuck  a  walk  to  look  at  the  town. 
Passin  by  a  book-store,  we  went  in  to  git  sumthing  to 
read.  The  old  gentleman  what  keeps  the  store  show'd 
us  sum  numbers  of  the  "Lowell  Offering,"  what  he 
sed  was  made  up  of  the  writins  of  the  factory  galls. 
Hooper  sed  he'd  bet  that  gall  he  seed  readin  in  the 
mills  was  one  of  the  writers,  and  he  told  the  man  to 
let  him  have  all  the  numbers.  Hearin  us  say  we 
would  like  to  see  sum  of  the  writers,  Mr.  Davis,  who 
is  a  monstrous  clever,  obligin  man,  sed  he  would  be 
very  happy  to  interduce  us  to  sum  of  'em.  We  tuck 
him  at  his  word,  and  in  a  few  minits  more  he  show'd 
us  into  a  neat  little  parlor,  whar  we  was  soon  made 

acquainted  with  Miss  Harriet  F ,  the  editor  of  the 

Otiering,  and  her  mother.     Miss  F promised  Mr. 

Davis  to  take  good  care  of  us,  and  to  see  that  none 
of  the  Lowell  galls  stole  our  harts,  and  he  went  back 
to   his   store.     We   spent   a   ower   in  very  agreeable 

chat  with  Miss  F ,  who  is  a  true  specimen  of  a 

New  England  gall.  She  has  worked  in  the  mills 
for  several  years,  but  now  devotes  herself  to  the 
magazine  what  she  edits,  supportin  her  mother  by 
her  own  industry.  After  awhile  she  proposed  to 
interduce  us  to  sum  more  of  the  literary  factory  galls, 
and  takin  my  arm,  she  carried  us  through  several  of 
the  mills,  and  interduced  us  to  die  ga)i^  who  was  ai 
ther  work. 


t     ! 


m 


4 


1: 


140 


MAJOR  Jones's 


As  we  was  passin  the  great  machine  carpet  factory, 
she  ax'd  us  if  we  had  seed  'em  weavin  carpets  on  the 
power-looms.  We  told  her  no — that  we  went  thar  in 
the  day,  but  they  wouldn't  let  us  in. 

"  Oh!"  sed  she,  "  they  didn't  know  you  was  South- 
erners, or  they  wouldn't  been  'fraid  of  your  stealin  ther 
patent." 

I  didn't  know  zactly  whether  she  meant  that  as  a  com- 
pliment or  not. 

We  went  to  the  office,  and  ses  Miss  F : 

"  Mr.  Peters,  here's  a  couple  of  Southern  frends  of 
mine,  what  wants  to  see  the  carpet-looms." 

"Well,  but.  Miss  F ,"  ses  he,  "you  know  its 

entirely  agin  the  rules  for  anybody  to  be  admitted  to 
see  the  machinery." 

"Yes;  but,"  ses  she,  "I  don't  care  for  the  rules — 
these  gentlemen  are  all  the  way  from  Georgia,  and  they 
must  see  the  looms." 

"But — "  ses  the  old  man. 

"I  don't  care,"  ses  she  ;  "  Fll  be  answerable  for  all 
the  damage." 

"  Well,"  ses  Mr.  Peters,  "  you  can  go  into  that 
room,  (pintin  to  a  dore,)  and  when  you're  in  the  packin- 
roora,  I  guess  you  can  find  the  way  into  the  looms 
without  my  leitin  you  iny 

That  was  sufficient,  and  in  we  went.     I  ax'd  Miss 

F if  that  man  wasn't  a  Yankee  inventor. 

"  0,  no,"  ses  she ;  "  he's  only  a  ordinary  genius  in 
these  parts." 

The  carpet-looms  is  a  grate  specimen  of  American 
ino-enuity,  bein  the  only  power-looms  for  weavin  car- 
petin  in  the  world ;  but  my  hed  was  so  full  of  wonders 
that  I  had  seen  durin  the  day,  that  I  hadn't  no  room 
for  the  carpet-looms.  Besides,  they  is  such  thunderin 
grate  big,  smashin  iron  things,  and  go  at  such  a  ter- 
rible rate,  that  I  expected  cvry  minit  to  git  my  branes 
nocked  out  by  'em. 


ti  ii; 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


141 


in  111  s  in 


After  takiti  a  look  at  'em  for  a  few  minils,  wo  went 

out,  and  visited  sura  more  of  the  literati.     Miss  F ^ 

interduced   me  to  Miss  Lucy  L ,  the  author  of 

*'  The  Wasted  Flowers^^^  one  of  the  prettyest  little  alle 
gorys   in   the   English   language ;    and   which  Judgk 
Charlton,   of    Georgia,   and   several    other    popular 
poets,  has   tried  ther  hands  on  without  bein   able  to 

improve  it  a  bit.     Miss  L was  in  the  packin-roora 

of  one  of  the  mills,  as  clerk,  checkin  off  the  goods  as 
they  were  bein  put  up  into  bales.  She  had  worked  in 
the  mills  several  years.  I  never  met  with  a  more 
interestin  young  lady,  though  I  spose  she  wouldn't 
thank  me  for  callin  her  a  lady,  as  she  gin  me  her  auto- 
graf  in  a  very  dilferent  spirit.     It  reads — 

"  Major  Jones  : 

"  Sir — I  have  the  honor  to  be,  yours,  very  re- 
spectfully, a  hona-Jide  factory  girl, 

Lucy  L ." 

We  found  the  place  still  more  .  attractive  as  our 
acquaintance  extended,  and  I  begun  to  fear  that 
Hooper  would  never  be  willin  to  quit  Lowell.     We 

tuck  tea  that  evenin  with  Miss  F ,  and  afterwards 

called  on  several  of  our  new  acqaintances,  who,  with 
a  party  of  ther  frends,  tuck  a  M^alk  with  us  on  the 
banks  of  the  Merrymack.  Hooper's  symptoms  was 
gettin  worse  and  worse  every  hour,  and  I  was  'fraid 
to  risk  him  another  moonlight  night  with  the  factory 
galls,  for  fear  he  mought  meet  the  fate  as  a  man 
what  he  would  be  'fraid  of  as  a  woodpecker.  So  we 
bid  'em  all  good-by,  when  we  parted  with  'em  for 
our  hotel. 

We  was  off  early  in  the  mornin  for  Boston,  whar  we 
spent  a  few  hours  til  the  cars  started  for  New  York. 
I  won't  stop  to  tell  you  'bout  our  trip — what  a  race  we 
had  with  another  steambote,  and  how  we  like  to  got 
blowd  to  Ballyhack  gwine  round  Pint  Judy,  and  how 


< 


\ 


5Ki^Rms#;i*3^*w;iWe^'ii^:*eW4^«.^ 


1 


t  '! 


r  ,!^' 


142 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


one  man  lost  his  bran-new  hat  overboard,  and  the 
captain  wouldn't  stop  for  it.  Sufficient  that  we  arriv 
safe  in  this  city,  thouj^h  I  ain't  rite  certain  that  Hooper 
didn't  leave  his  hart  in  the  Boot  Mills.     No  more  from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 

P.  S.     We're  gwine  to  take  a  trip  to  Niagary  Falls 
and  the  Lakes  next  week. 


I  »• 


tt:: 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


143 


and  the 
we  arriv 
t  Hooper 
JVC  from 

Jones. 
ary  Falls 


LETTER  XVII. 

New  York,  July  15,  1845. 
To  Mr.  Thompson  :— I  told  you  in  my  last  thi.t  we 
was  gwine  to  Niagary.     Well,  the  Monday  after  I  rit 
you  my  last  letter,  Hooper  and  me  tuck  passage  on  board 
the  steambote  Nickerbocker  for  Albany,  up  the  Hudson 
river,  what  you've  heard  so  much  about.     It  was  a 
butiful  afternoon,  and  ther  was  peeple  enutf  aboard  to 
make  a  fust  rate  campmeetin— men,  wimmin  and  chil- 
dren, of  all  ages,  sorts  and  sizes,  and  a  merryer  crowd 
couldn't  be  well  raked  together.     We  wasn't  long  gittin 
away  from  New  York,  and  in  a  few  minits  our  floatin 
castle  was  movm  through  a  fleet  of  vessels  of  all  kinds 
gwine  and  cumm  to  the  city,  in  one  of  the  largest  and 
handsumest  rivers  in  the  world.     Some  of  the  passen- 
gers had  books,  and  maps,  and  spy-glasses  in  ther  hands 
and  was  all  the  time  pintin  out  the  interestin  places      I 
had  no  time  to  read  about  'em,  and  while  they  was  porin 
over  ther  books  and  maps,  and  axin  which  is  this,  and 
that,  and  whar's  so  and  so,  I  jest  tuck  my  fdl  by  lookin 
at  every  thing  that  was  to  be  seed. 

We  had  a  fust  rate  view  of  the  Pallisades,  as  they 
call  em,  what  goes  jest  a  leetle  ahead  of  any  pile  of 
rock  I  ever  seed  before,  extendin  for  twenty  miles  on 
the  left  bank,  and  rism  in  sum  places  more'n  five  hun- 
dred feet  rite  perpend  ickiler  out  of  the  water.  Now 
and  then  ther  is  a  fisherman's  house  standin  on  the 
water's  edge,  lookin  'bout  as  big  as  a  bee-gum  ao-in  the 
everlastin  stone  wall  behind  it. 

After  passin  the  Pallisades,  we  cum  into  the  Tappan 
Sea,  whar  the  river  is  more'n  four  miles  wide  and  looks 
as  quiet  as  a  duck-pond.    Sing  Sing  prison,  what  standa 


n 


"  u 


11 


I   I   « 

■   1 


( 


l:   ^ 


i-M 


Pi' 


III 


144 


MAJOtt   JONKS  S 


on  the  right  at  the  hed  of  the  Tajipan  Sea,  was  made  to 
keep  the  rascals  in  New  York,  what  they  haint  got  rov:)m 
for  on  BlackwoU's  Ldand,  but  one  man  sed  lie  didn't 
blieve  ther  was  stone  enutr  in  the  Pallisades  to  bild  a 
house  big  enu(f  to  hold  all  that  ought  to  be  thar. 

In  a  few  minits  more  we  was  passin  Stony  Pint,  whar 
old  Mad  Antony  Wayne  waked  up  the  British  sogers 
with  the  pints  of  his  bayonets,  one  mornin  before  breck- 
fust,  in  1779,  and  then  we  was  among  the  highlands. 
The  sun  was  most  down,  and  the  mountains — sum  of 
'em  more'n  one  thousand  six  hundred  feet  high — stood 
out  in  bold  relief  agin  the  brown  evenin  sky,  throwin 
their  dark  shadows  far  over  the  river,  that  crooked  and 
twisted  about  in  evry  direction,  as  if  it  had  got  lost  in 
try  in  to  find  its  way  through  'em. 

It  seemed  as  if  old  Miss  Nature  had  jest  tried  her 
hand  at  makin  hills  and  hollers,  wastin  yeath  enuff  in 
her  fancy  work  to  make  two  or  three  states  like  the 
State  of  Delaware  ;  and  I  couldn't  help  but  think  what 
capers  old  Boreas  must  cut  in  the  winter  time,  when  he 
undertakes  to  have  a  strait  blow  among  these  everlastin 
crags  and  caverns,  and  precipises.  One  would  think 
it  svould  take  a  right  smart  harrycane  to  git  through  'era 
without  gettin  scattered  into  forty  thousand  directions. 
iSuch  monstrous  mountings  I  nev-^r  seed  before.  They 
may  talk  about  pilin  Ossa  on  Pelion,  but  if  a  body  wanted 
to  astonish  the  world  with  a  mounting,  all  tiiey  would 
have  to  do  would  be  to  put  Crow's  Nest  on  Butter  Hill, 
or  Bull  Head  on  Bare  Mount,  and  if  that  wouldn't  lay  all 
the  otherhillsin  the  shade,  then  they  mought  take  my  hat. 

The  passengers  was  all  terribly  delighted  with  ths 
scene,  and  them  that  had  books  and  maps  couldn't  git 
time  to  see  any  thing  for  answf  rin  the  questions  of  them 
what  didn't  have  none  Thar  was  one  man  from  New 
York,  with  a  crowd  of  ladys,  that  know'd  all  about 
every  place  we  passed,  and,  to  hear  him  talk,  a  body 
would  s'posed  he  had  been  born  and  raised  all  along  the 


if  , 


il 


SKKTCIIRS    OF   TRAVEL. 


145 


shore  like  the  Indian  was.  The  ladys  kep  him  mon- 
strous busy,  you  may  depend. 

"Whar's  i^ntony's  Nose,  Mr.  Johnson  ?"  says  one 
of  'em. 

*'  Oh  yes,"  ses  another,  **  I  want  to  see  old  Antony's 
Nose.  They  say  it's  one  of  the  greatest  curiosities  in 
(he  world — it's  so  perfectly  natural." 

"  Antony's  Nose  ?"  ses  Mr.  Johnson,  puttin  his  spy- 
glass up  to  his  eye.  "  Let  rat  see.  Ah,  thar  it  is.  You 
can  jest  see  the  tip  eond  of  it  round  that  projection." 

"  Whar  !  whar  ?"  ses  a  dozen  of  'era  at  once.  *'  Do 
tell  us." 

"In  a  rainit,  ladies,  we'll  have  a  good  view.  There 
now,  do  you  see  ?  Thar  it  is,  rite  ahead.  That's  Anto- 
ny's Nose." 

Well,  I  looked,  and  so  did  everybody  else,  but  it 
looked  as  much  like  a  fodder  stack  as  a  man's  nose  to 
me. 

"  I  can't  see  no  nose,"  ses  a  old  chap  what  had  his 
hed  tied  up  with  a  red  hankerchicf  to  keep  from  ket chin 
cold. 

"  Which  eend  is  the  nose  on .?"  ses  one  of  the  la- 
dys. 

"  Oh  I  see  it— I  see  it,"  ses  a  long-legged  dandy  in 
check  trowses.  <'  I  see  it  jest  as  plain  as  the  nose  on  a 
man's  face." 

"  Whar  is  it  ?"  ses  a  dozen  that  was  stretchin  ther  eyes 
out  of  ther  beds,  but  couldn't  make  it  out  no  better  than 
I  could. 

''  Why,"  ses  Mr.  Johnson,  "rite  thar,  a  little  on  the 
right  of  the  wheel-house.  Now,  can't  you  see  it.  Miss 
Abbigal,  jest  beyond  that  big  rock  in  the  edge  of  the 
water  thar.?     I  can  almost  see  the  nostrils." 

"  To  be  sure,"  ses  the  dandy ;  ♦'  if  it  was  a  little  later 
we  could  hear  it  snore." 

"  I  can't  see  no  sign  of  a  nose,"  ses  a  man  what  was 
oglin  the  mountain  with  all  his  might,  with  a  one-eveci 
spectacle  tied  to  a  black  ribbon. 


I 


m 


146 


MAJOR   JONKS'S 


**  Nor  rae  nothcr,"  seel  all  of  'em. 

"  Well,  it's  monstrous  strange,"  ses  Mr.  Johnson — 
"  it's  so  plain.     I  <'an't  see  notliiii  else." 

"  Aint  you  mistaken,  Mr.  Johnson  ?"  ses  one  of  the 
ladys. 

"  Lord,  no,"  ses  he  ;  "I  know  it  so  well — I've  been 
on  it  as  often  as  I've  got  fingers  and  toes." 

'Bout  this  time  the  captain  of  the  boat  passed  along. 
The  passengers  stopped  him  and  ax'd  him  whar  was 
Antony's  Nose  ? 

"  'I3out  five  miles  ahead,"  ses  he  ;  "you  will  see  it 
shortly  after  we  pass  the  next  land  in." 

Mr.  Johnson  was  tuck  with  a  sudden  desire  to  prome- 
nade with  one  of  the  ladys,  and  we  didn't  see  his  nose 
no  more  on  the  top  deck  that  night. 

Bimcby  we  cum  to  Antony's  Nose,  sure  enufl*,  but  it 
had  been  bloived  so  that  nobody  couldn't  tell  whether  it 
was  a  Roman  nose  or  a  pug — not  by  the  old  gentleman 
himself,  but  by  some  oudacious  stone  quarry^rs,  who  had 
to  go  and  blast  it  all  to  pieces,  as  if  ther  wasn't  enuff 
rock  in  the  place  without  ther  taking  such  a  liberty  with 
old  Antony's  countenance.  Some  men,  you  know,  find 
as  much  satisfaction  in  spilin  a  wonder,  as  others  does 
in  findin  'em. 

It  was  so  dark  when  we  got  to  West  Pint — the  place 
whar  Uncle  Sara  teaches  the  young  ideas  how  to  shoot 
the  enemies  of  our  country — that  we  didn't  see  but 
monstrous  little  of  it.  The  boat  stopped  at  the  landin 
a  few  minits,  and  we  had  time  too  look  round  on  the 
hills  that  seemed  to  rise  to  the  skies,  fencin  us  in  on 
every  side,  cuttin  oif  the  river  above  and  below  us,  so  it 
looked  as  if  we  was  in  a  little  lake  among  the  hills,  in- 
.^ted  of  bein  on  a  river  two  hundred  miles  long. 

We  had  a  monstrous  good  supper,  but  I  lost  my  share 
of  the  strawberries  and  cream  jest  'cause  I  happened  to 
call  one  of  the  nigger  waiters  "  boy."  The  kinky- 
headed  cus  looked  at  me  sidewavs,and  rolled  the  whites 
of  his  eyes  at  nie  like  he  was  gwine  to  have  a  fit  of 


$-'K 


SKETCllJiS    Ot     IHAVliL. 


147 


nidryfoby,  and  carried  lli..  berries  ami  ,-i-o,.,>     •. 
me  to  tl,e  olher  eend  of  tl.e  t.b  e  ,.,lfT     "^  P""* 

of  tne  waiters,  but  it    va7,  c  ut      T   "f  f "'  "l"™ 
told  tbe  rest,  a'nd  all  tl   ■  d "'nit™  w4     „"''.n""  t""* 
lookin  at  me  and  whisncrin  To  one  anoibe  '  .,„"^  'f'P 
motion,  and  1  coubl  imell  the'L:^':  Ir^n'  Ta  'it 
hke  to  tuck  my  appetite  from  me,  hungry  as  I  wa       If 
>ou  should  ever  cum  ibis  way  a  traveiifn,  you  mu  J 
call  he  m-er  waiters,  boy,  nor  uncle,  nor  buc^k  nor  inv 
frendly,  home  name  ;  and  if  your  trunk  happens  to  have 
Georgmon  it,  you'd  better 'scratch  it  o/ff    ou  want 
any  attention  or  civility  from  the  waiters.     Tl  ev're  aH 
misters  here,  an<l  the  she  ones  is  misses,  and  it  pu  s  the 
od  harry  m  'e,n  to  call  'em  by  any' thin,  but  , her 

After   supper  we  tuck°  a  smoke   on   the  top   deck 

p^Sllar ''"i7thc  'r'  '!"''""  'V'P"'"'  A  '."d 
pttuliar,     in  the  day-time,  it  don't  lose  none  of  its 

?on'Uook^sobo7d'''°''t-     ■'?   "i'  ^"'■*^'   *'-   ^onlLl: 
cion  t  look  so  bold,  and  we  don't  see  so  many  nrominenf 

objects  slandin  out  separate  and  distincreSn  o" 

admiration  on  ther  own  hook  as  it  were,  bTt  ther  L 

enuir  to  be   seed  to   help  the   imagination    o  make 

mproveinents  even  on  nater  itself.     Thar'"  the  b"oad 

Juznm  of  the  river,  reilectin   the  silver  light  of  the 

.noon,  will,  here  and  thar  a  little  sloop  or  scoone 

g. din  along  m  silence,  with  its  snow-w^hilT sai^s    e  f 

tilled  by  the  soft  breeze  that  fans  the  sm,^ke  of  yi 

segar  away  from  your  nose-the  curvin  banks    ml 

ieTcu  r°en  Vf"lh'""'-"'^  ^'™i"S  "g"'-  '>ist"urbin".li: 
quitt  current  of  the    river,  and  now  retirin  into  the 

deep  shade  whar  the  water  is  sleepin  still  and  dark  a' 
.1  nigger  baby  in  a  shuck-pen-tlie  lofty  peaks  laisfn 
ther  bald  beds  into  the  sky  to  bathe  'eni  in  the  cold 
moon-beams-the    ravines^md    gorgcTwLdt'    and 


^••^1 

M 


A 


ti 


148 


MAJOR  Jones's 


twistin  about  between  the  hills,  or  spreadin  out  into 
broad  valleys,  and  reachin  away  for  miles  into  the  dim 
haze,  whar  the  dark  Catskills  rises  ther  misty  forms 
acrin  the  vaulted  Heavens— all  conspirm  to  make  a 
landscape  which-which,  as  the  novel  riters  ses,  is 
more  easy  to  imagine  than  describe. 

Bimeby  our  segars  went  out,  the  moon  wen    dow'n, 
the  ladys  went  to  ther  cabin,  and  we  went  to  look  for 
our  berths.     After  huntin   about  for  half  a  ower  or 
more  for  the  rite  one,  I  got  into  a  rong  one,  whar  1 
hadn't  more'n  jest  got  into  a  doze  before  a  old  feller  cum 
aloncr  and  hustled  me  out,  showin  me  a  ticket  tor  the 
plac?.     By  this  time   sum  feller  had  got  mto   mine, 
and  when  I  found  him  out,  and  got  him  awake,  and 
show'd  him  my  ticket,  he  got  out,  cussm  and  growlin 
like  a  bare  with  a  sore  hed,  and  went  to  lout  out  sum- 
body  else  that  was  in  his  place.     And   so   the  thing 
went  round  from  berth  to  berth,  and  'tween  the  rumaom 
about  of  the  servants,  who  was  trym  to  find  tlie  rite 
berths  for  the  gentlemen  what  had  got  into  the  rong 
numbers,  the  cussin  of  them  that  was  waked  up  ou 
suspicion,  and  the    growlin  of  them  that  was  huntin 
about  for  a  bed,  in  ther  bare  feet  and  drawers,  I  didn  t 
cit  to  sleep  for  more'n  two  owers. 
^  One   little   duck-legged  man,  what  sed  he  was  a 
editor    of  a    newspaper    up    in   Albany,    had    all   the 
servants   on  the  bote  helpin  him  to  find  a  bed,  and 
made    more    rumpus   than    all   the    rest   put  together. 
He    didn't   have    no    ticket   himself,    so    he    jest   kep 
gwine  round,  routin  evrybody  up  to  ^ee  if  they  was 
certain   they   was   in   the    rite    bed.      What   made    i 
worse,  his  memory  wasn't  very  good,  and  he  would 
cum   to  the   same    man  two   or  three  times.     Hooper 
was  layin  rite   under    me,  and   you  know  how  cross 
old    bachelors    is    at    night    when    they're     m    bed 
Mr.    Squib    had    waked   him   up    once,    and   1    could 
heai   him  cussin   about   it,  and  I  spected  evry  minit 
the   fussy  little   feller  would   cum   back,  and  then  l 


SKETCHES   OF    TRAVEL. 


149 


lut  into 
[he  dim 
Y  forms 
[liake  a 
ses,  is 

;  down, 
lOok  for 
)\ver  or 

wliar  I 
Her  cum 

for  the 
D  mine, 
ike,  and 

groNvlin 
)ut  sum- 
16  thing 
rumao'm 

the  rite 
the  rong 
[I  up  on 
s  huntin 
,  I  didn't 

e  was  a 

all  the 
bed,  and 
together, 
jest  kep 
thev  was 
made  it 
tie  would 

Hooper 
low  cross 

iu    bed. 

I  could 
vry  rainit 
id  then  I 


know'd  ther'd  be  a  row.  Shore  enufi'  here  cum 
Squib  with  a  gang  of  niggers  behind  him,  all  wiih 
candles  in  ther  hands.  Fust  he  looked  into  my 
curtains.  "Boo!"  ses  I,  and  the  little  man's  hed 
disappeared  like  a  shot.  The  next  minit  1  heard  him 
wakin  up  Hooper. 

"  What  number's  this  you're  in,  stranger  ?"  ses  he. 

"Ah,  ha!  I've  got  you  now,"  shouted  Hooper, 
springin  from  his  berth  like  a  mad  tiger,  and  grabbin 
Squib  by  the  neck. 


(( 


Murder — murder!  take  him  oiT!"  yelled  the  little 
man,  as  they  went  down  on  the  floor  together. 

Then  thar  was  a  row  shore  enulF.  Hooper  hollered 
stop  thief! — the  little  man  hollered  murder ! — and  the 
niggers  hollered  help  !  The  passengers  cum  scramblin 
out  of  ther  berths  in  all  kinds  of  costume — tumblin 
over  the  chairs  and  sofas,  and  grabbin,  sum  hold 
of  Hooper,  and  sum  hold  of  Squib.  However, 
nobody  didn't  git  hurt,  and  as  soon  as  Hooper 
got  a  chance  to  exj)lain  how  he  was  subject  to  the 
night-mare,  evry  thing  was  quiet  agin.  But  the 
little  man  found  a  place  to  sleep  in  the  other  eend  of 
the  bote. 

Sleep  is  like  the  magnetic  telegraph — one  travels 
hundreds  of  miles  in  no  time  when  he's  asleep — and 
early  in  the  mornin  we  was  at  Albany.  I  had  to  give 
a  sevenpence  for  my  boots  to  a  nigger  what  had  rubbed 
oil"  what  little  blackin  ther  was  on  'em  before,  and  by 
the  time  I  got  dressed  and  got  my  face  washed,  we  was 
at  the  wharf. 

Here  was  another  Q;ang  of  boddy-snatchers  after  us 
and  our  bao-oaw.  Ther  wasn't  no  choice  of  evils, 
so  we  tuck  the  fust  feller  in  the  way,  who  whirled  us 
oir  to  the  railrode  depot  in  a  minit.  The  distance  ain't 
more'n  about  five  hundred  yards,  and  by  the  time  we 
got  our  trunks  off  the  coach,  here  cum  the  passengers 
walkin  from  the  bote,  with  ther  baggage  in  a  wagon 
belongin  to  the  rode,  free  of  charge.     This  was  take 


Hi 


I 


150 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


r  h  f 


^m\ 


in  enuff;  but  would  you  blieve  it,  when  I  gin  the 
driver  a  five  dollar  bill  to  get  it  changed,  so  I  could 
pay  him  his  fair,  the  rascal  went  to  his  coach,  jumped 
on  the  box,  popped  his  whip,  and  puttin  his  thumb  on 
his  nose,  wiggled  his  fingers  at  me  as  he  druv  off  in  a 
canter.  It  was  no  time  to  rectify  sich  things—they 
was  callin  out  for  the  baggage  to  put  it  aboarcl  for  the 
place  it  was  gwine  to — Hooper  was  buy  in  our  tickets — 
the  bell  was  ringin  for  evrybody  to  git  in  the  cars — 
one  chap  was  just  caught  try  in  to  steal  a  gentleman's 
trunk  rite  before  his  eyes — I  looked  up  agin  the  wall 
and  seed  hand-bills  stickin  all  about,  what  sed,  in  big 
letters,  "Look  out  for  Pick-pockets!"  and  I  jest  put 
my  hands  in  my  pockets  and  kep  my  eyes  wide  open, 
til  I  got  my  seat  in  the  cars.  When  we  started  I 
drawed  a  long  breth,  and  thanked  my  stars  that  we  was 
out  of  Albany. 

And  now  1  am  gwine  at  the  rate  of  fifteen  miles  a 
ower,  and  Albany  is  fast  fadin  from  my  sight.  I  will 
stop  here  while  I  go  on  to  Bufialow,  leavin  you  to 
imagin  what  happens  to  me  on  the  way,  til  you  hear 
from  me  agin.     So  no  more  from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


•KETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


161 


^in 


the 
I  could 
jumped 
umb  on 
off  in  a 
s — they 
for  the 
ckets — 
cars — 
leman's 
the  wall 
.,  in  big 
jest  put 
e  open, 
tarted  I 
we  was 

miles  a 

I  will 

you  to 

ou  hear 


ONES, 


LETTER  XVIII. 

New  York,  July  18,  1845. 

To  Mr.  Thompson  :~Dear  ^iV_When  I  left  off  in 
my  last  letter,  I  was  whizzin  along  in  the  cars  at  the 
rate  of  'bout  fifteen  miles  a  ower,  on  my  way  to 
BuiTalow.  You  know  thcr  ain't  no  great  deal  of 
romance  in  a  railrode  jurney,  if  you  don't  happen 
to  _  no  mishaps,  sich  as  runnin  off  the  track  and 
bein  tilted  heels  over  hed  down  a  fifty  feet  embank- 
ment, into  a  quagmire  forty  foot  deep,  or  pitchin  into 
the  tram  what's  gwine  tother  way,  and  havin  a  double 
seat,  back  and  all,  jammed  rite  through  your  stummick 
in  the  collision,  or  bustin  yer  biler  and  havin  your 
arms  and  legs  sent  whirlin  in  evry  direction  among 
the  tree-tops  in  a  harrycane  of  bilin.hot  steam.  Well, 
as  none  of  these  accidents  didn't  happen  to  us  to  make 
our  trip  interestin,  I  shan't  truble  yon  with  a  very  long 
account  of  my  jurney  through  this  part  of  the  great 
Empire  State. 

It  is  a  Empire  State,  shore  enufl— a  empire  of  cities 
and  towns,  standin  so  thick  that,  in  the  railrode  cars, 
it  jest  seems  to  be  one  everlastin  Broadway,  with  here 
and  thar  a  Bolin  Green  or  a  Union  Park  by  way  of 
variety.  I  tried  to  keep  a  run  of  the  towns,'but  they 
stood  so  thick  together  and  the  cars  went  so  fast,  that 
when  I  ax'd  anybody  the  name  of  a  place,  before  I 
could  make  him  understand  what  I  wanted,  in  the 
bominable  racket,  we  was  in  the  middle  of  another 
town,  and  by  the  time  I  could  understand  the  hard 
name  of  that  one,  we  was  runnin  the  children  and  pigs 


% 


i  ^ 


152 


MAJOR  Jones's 


off  the  track,  and  settin  the  clogs  ^  barkin,  and  the 
wimmin  a  lookin  out  of  the  winders  in  another.  Jest 
as  we  got  out  of  Amsterdam  t  ax'd  one  of  the  passen- 
gers what  place  it  was.  He  was  readin  a  newspaper, 
and  didn't  hear  me  good  at  fust. 

*'  What  town  is  this?'*  ses  I. 

«'Eh?"  ses  he. 

"  What  place  is  this  ?'' 

<'  I'his !  oh  !  this  is  Tripe  Hill,  I  blieve,"  ses  he. 

*' What  Hill?"  ses  I. 

"  It  looks  like  Cawnewaga,"  ses  he. 

'*  Cawne-w^/iic//,?"  ses  I. 

"  Now  we  are  in  Fonda,"  ses  he. 

Seein  I  couldn't  git  no  satisfaction  out  of  him,  I  give 
it  up.  And  shore  enuff,  cum  to  fmd  out,  we  had  been 
gwine  through  three  towns  while  I  was  trjin  to  find  out 
the  name  of  the  fust  one. 

This  is  a  go-a-hed  country,  to  be  shore.  I  couldn't 
help  but  think,  as  we  went  dashing  along  in  the 
middle  of  cities  and  towns,  over  lakes  and  rivers, 
through  mountings  and  valleys,  wakin  the  echoes 
with  the  thunderih  clang  of  our  iron  wheels,  and 
settin  all  the  animal  creation  a  caperin  over  the 
fields  with  the  snort  of  our  steam-car— how  the  old 
codgers  what  lived  three  or  four  thousand  years 
befo^re  the  Fourth  of  July  would  be  tuck  a-back  if 
ther  ghosts  was  to  cum  on  a  jurney  to  the  United 
States  now — how  ther  old  notions  w^ould  have  to 
stand  out  of  the  way  before  the  march  of  human 
knowledge  which  they  would  see  displayed  in  evry 
thino-  around  'em.  Wliat,  for  instance,  would  old 
Mr.  Abraham  think,  to  see  more'n  a  thousand  peeple, 
with  bajr  and  ban:<ia";e — more'n  all  the  jack-asses  and 
camels  in  his  kingdom  could  carry — travelm  at  the 
rate  of  fifteen  miles  a  ower,  all  of  'em  as  comfortable 
and  snug  as  if  they  was  settin  in  ther  own  parlors? 
Or,  to  cum  down  to  the  later  times,  what  would  sich 


li 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


153 


^ind  the 
r.    Jest 

passen- 
,'spaper, 


s  he. 


1, 1  give 
ad  been 
find  out 

couldn't 

in  the 
I   rivers, 

echoes 
bIs,  and 
ver  the 
the  old 
:1  years 
-back  if 

United 
have   to 

human 

in  evry 

)uld    old 

peeple, 
sses  and 
n  at  the 
nfortable 
parlors  ? 
)uld  sich 


fellers  as  old  Pompy  and  Socrates,  and  them,  think  to 
see  Romes,  and  Athenses,  and  Troys,  springin  up  all 
round  'em,  thick  as  toadstools  on  a  foggy  mornin,  with 
more  conimerce,  and  havin  almost  as  much  inhabitants 
as  the  cities  of  ther  own  day,  what  they  used  to  think 
couldn't  be  bilt  short  of  two  or  three  of  ther  loncr-Hved 
generations  ? 

I  used  to  think  that  the  peeple  of  the  old  times  had 
a  monstrous  sight  the  advantage  of  us,  livin  as  they  did 
to  be  five  and  six  hundred  years  old ;  but,  when  I  cum 
to  consider,  I  don't  know  as  they  was  much  better  off 
than  w^e  is.  For  what's  the  odds  if  we  don't  live  so 
long  as  Mr.  Methusleum,  if  we  can  accomplish  more 
in  our  lifetimes  than  he  did  in  his?  If  we  can  git  up 
a  bigger  nation  in  half  a  century  than  they  did  in  five 
times  as  long — if  our  boys  know  more  about  science 
and  other  matters  at  ten  years  old,  than  ther's  did  at  a 
hundred — if  we  can  travel  farther  and  see  more  of  the 
world  in  a  week  than  they  could  in  five  years — if  we 
can  harness  up  fire  and  water,  and  make  'em  pull  more 
cars  in  a  train  than  Faryo  had  chariots  in  his  hoste — 
if  we  can  make  the  lig'htnin  carry  our  mails  from  one 
tend  of  the  yeath  to  the  other  in  the  twinklin  of  a  eye 
—if  we  can  print  more  books  in  a  day  than  they  could 
rite  in  a  century — if  we  can  do  all  these  things  and 
twenty  thousand  times  more  than  was  never  dreamed 
of  in  ther  filosofy — then  what's  the  use  of  our  livin  as 
long  as  they  did  ? 

I  blieve  Providence  regulates  these  things  jest  about 
as  well  as  Congress  could  if  it  had  the  management 
of  'em.  This  world  is  only  a  state  of  preparation  for 
another  kind  of  existence — a  sort  of  human  cabbage- 
patch,  whar  plants  is  raised  from  the  seed  to  be  sot  out 
in  the  gardin  of  immortality — and  the  higher  the  state 
of  cultivation  the  sooner  we  cum  to  the  proper  degree 
of  human  development,  and  of  course  the  sooner  we  is 
reddy  for  transplantin.     But  a  ralerode  car  ain't  no 


11 


3 


m 


ri! 


'0  I 


f 


m 


,  1 


154 


MAJOR  Jones's 


place  to  filosofisc,  so  I'll  drap  the  subject  and  go  on 
with  my  journey. 

We  got  to  Syracuse  early  in  the  evenin,  and  as  we 
wasn't  in  no  grate  hurry,  we  concluded  to  stop  thar  all 
night,  and  take  the  train  the  next  day.  Ther  is  salt 
enufT  made  in  this  place,  you  know,  to  keep  all  crea- 
tion from  spilin,  and  I  wanted  to  see  how  they  biled  it. 
We  druv  up  to  the  salt-pumps,  and  seed  'em  pumpin 
the  water,  and  I  couldn't  help  but  tliink,  when  I  seed 
the  everlastin  vats  of  salt  water  and  the  piles  of  salt  in 
evry  direction,  that  Mrs.  Lott  must  been  near  this 
place  when  she  looked  back  at  Gomorrow.  It's  a 
monstrous  nice  town,  with  a  heap  of  butiful  private 
houses  and  high  board  fences,  all  as  white  as  table- 
salt.  We  tuck  a  walk  round  it  by  moonlight,  and 
then  w^ent  to  our  hotel  and  went  to  bed.  The  next 
momin,  'bout  'leven  o'clock,  we  tuck  the  cars  agin, 
and,  passin  through  one  of  the  butifulest  countries  in 
the  world,  arrived  at  Rochester,  a  handsum  city  'bout 
as  big  as  Savannah  and  Augusty  both  together,  a  little 
alter  dark.  Here  we  tuck  another  rest  til  mornin,  when 
we  tuck  the  cars  what  set  us  down  in  Buffalow  before 
dinner  time. 

After  dinner  we  tuck  a  walk  through  the  town, 
which  is  a  fresh-water  sea-port,  you  know,  and  a 
pretty  considerable  of  a  place.  In  the  afternoon  we 
went  aboard  of  a  little  steambote  what  was  gwine 
down  the  Niagary  River  to  the  Falls.  While  Hooper 
and  me  was  smokin  our  segars  on  the  deck,  and 
the  passengers  was  cumin  on  board,  one  of  the 
lake  steamers  started  off  with  a  rigment  of 
what  had  been  ordered  from  Buffalow  to  sum  other 
place  up  the  lake,  makin  a  mighty  grand  show  wath 
her  flags  flyin  and  a  band  of  music  playin  "Hail 
Columby." 

Our  bell  rung,  and  in  a  few  minits  we  was  off. 
But  jest  as  we  got   out  of  the   mouth  of  the   creek 


big 
sogers, 


^t.UJ 


♦ 


SKF.TCIIF.S   OF   TRAVEL. 


into  the  lake,  we  seed  a  bote  witli  four  sailors 
and  a  lady,  and  a  little  fat 


rhat 


155 


in  it. 


u      11       1*^'/. ,'. '""  ^^"^  wnat  was  wavin  his 

handkerchief  to  us  like  he  was  in  grate  distress.     Our 
captain  stopped  h,s  bote  til  the  sailors  rowed  alonjr- 
side  and  put  the  lady  and  the  little  fat  man  aboard. 
He  wanted    us   to   give   chase  to  the  big  bote  what 
was   gwme  up  the  lake  with   the   sogers^  to  put  the 
ady  on  it,  who  was  the  wife  of  the  Curnel,  and  was 
left   by  mistake.      Ther  bote  was   tied  behind   ours 
and  away  we  went  after  the  big  bote,  as  hard  as  we 
could  crack  it.     But  it  was  no  use.     The  big  steamer 
was  leav-m  us  fast,  and  all  the  signals  we  coSld  make 
wou  dn  t  stop  hei.      The   lady  sit   on   the   seat   and 
cried  like   her   hart    would  brake,  and   the   little   fat 
man   cussed  and   stamped    about  like  he  would  kick 
our    smoke-pipe    down   if    he   was    only   bio-    enufT. 
ihe  lady,  who  was  a  young  wife,  jest  married  a  few 
months,  was  left  m  his  charge  by  the  Curnel  to  see 
her  to  the   bote  while  he  tended  to  his   sogers;    but 
the   fussy  old  feller   didn't  git  her   thar  in  Sme    and 
the  bote  was  gone  wiih  the   Curnel,  leavin  the   pore 
gall  to    cry  her   pretty  eyes   out  at  the   idee    of  bein 
parted  from  her  husband  until  sum   other  bote  could 
take  her  to  him. 

It  was  a  mighty  hard  case,  and  made  me  feel 
monstrous  bad,  but  ther  was  no  help  for  it :  and  after 
tryin  his  best  to  catch  the  big  bole,  our  captain  had  to 
put  her  and  the  old  man  in  ther  battow  apdn ;  and  the 
last  I  seed  of  'em  the  sailors  was  pullin  in  to  the  shore 
what  was  about  five  miles  off— the  old  man  tryin  to 
console  the  pore  wife,  and  she  wipin  her  eyes  with  her 
handkerchef,  and  gazin  after  the  bote  that  was  fa^t 
gettin  smaller  and  smaller  as  it  bore  her  husband 
Irom  her. 

As  we  was  runnin  back  to  the  outlet  of  the  Niaffarv 
River,  I  noticed  that  our  flag  didn't  have  no  stars,  and 
the   stripes   on   it   run   cross-ways.      Think's  I  that's 


[(  '/, 


¥i 


n 


156 


MAJOR   JONES'S 


monstrous  curious;  and  I  ax'd  the  captain  what  sort 
of  a  pjigamaree  he  had  got  up  thar  for  a  flag? 

"  That?"  ses  he  ;  "  That's  Saint  George's  Cross !" 

"  Who's  Saint  George  ?"  ses  I ;  "  does  he  live  about 
these  parts  ?" 

*' Oh,  no!"  ses  the  captain,  "that's  the  English 
colors." 

'*  The  English  colors!"  ses  I.  "  Why,  captain,  what 
upon  yeath  is  you  doin  with  the  British  flag  on  your 
bote  ?" 

'*  This  is  a  British  bote,"  ses  he. 

"The  thunder  it  is!"  ses  I. 

And  shore  enuf!',  thar  we  was,  abord  of  a  British 
bote,  with  a  English  captain,  and  the  British  flag  flyin 
over  our  beds.  Hooper  sed  it  was  all  right ;  but  I 
couldn't  help  but  feel  sort  o'  queer  with  that  flag  over 
me,  and  I  thought  of  the  time  when  the  gallant  Perry 
made  'em  pull  it  down  on  that  very  lake. 

The  captain  was  a  monstrous  clever  little  man,  and 
tuck  a  grate  deal  of  pains  to  oblige  his  passengers. 
And  if  all  the  British  was  like  him,  I  don't  think  we'd 
have  any  more  rumpus  with  'em. 

Ther  wasn't  many  passengers,  and  as  we  passed 
down  the  river,  and  all  engaged  in  conversation  about 
the  interestin  scenery  on  its  banks,  and  the  grate  won- 
der we  was  gwine  to  see,  we  got  pretty  well  acquainted. 
Among  'em  was  a  tall,  thin,  pale-lookin  Englishman, 
what  wore  a  grass-linen  cote  and  trouses,  with  a  high- 
crowned,  speckled  straw  hat.  He  was  runnin  about  all 
the  time  with  his  gide-book  and  pencil  in  his  hand, 
axin  evrybody  que  Jons,  and  gabblin  and  talkin  on 
'bout  evry  thmg,  like  he  was  half  out  of  his  senses. 
He  was  as  nervous  as  a  woman ;  and  when  he  first 
seed  the  colum  of  spray  risin  from  the  catarack — 
which  w^e  saw  several  miles  before  we  got  to  Navy 
Island,  where  the  patriots  kicked  up  such  a  rum- 
uus,   you   know,   a  few   years    ago — he  rubbed  his 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


157 


hands  together,  and  begun  to  talk  poetry  like  a  play- 
actor. 

We  was  soon  at  Chipawa,  near  the  old  battle- 
ground, whar  we  tuck;  a  horse  railrode  for  the  Falls. 
The  moon  was  up  high  and  bright  as  the  horses  trotted 
us  along  over  the  rode,  and  we  could  hear  the  thunder 
of  the  mighty  torrent  above  the  noise  of  the  car. 
We  was  all  bound  for  the  Clifton  House  ;  but  when 
we  got  within  about  a  mile  of  it,  a  man  met  us,  to  tell 
us  that  iher  was  no  room  thar,  and  all  except  a  old 
gentleman  and  two  or  three  ladys  what  had  rooms 
engaged,  went  back  to  the  Pavilion  Hotel  what  stands 
upon  the  hill  jest  above  the  Falls.  And  I  was  rite 
glad  we  didn't  git  in  the  crowd  below,  for  we  found 
plenty  of  room  at  the  Pavilion — a  good  supper,  a 
obligin  landlord,  and  excellent  accommodations,  in 
evry  respect. 

With  the  roar  of  Niagary  in  our  ears,  it  w^as  impos- 
sible to  go  to  sleep  without  first  satisfyin  our  curiosity, 
by  takin  a  view  of  the  Fall  by  moonlight ;  so  as  soon 
as  supper  was  over,  our  party,  consistin  of  Hooper,  the 
Englishman  and  me,  and  two  other  gentlemen  from 
Filadelfy,  started  to  find  what  we  thought  ther  wouldn't 
be  no  danger  of  missin. 

We  soon  cum  to  a  path  what  had  a  gide-board  to  it 
and  led  down  in  the  direction  of  the  falls,  and  follered 
it  down  the  almost  perpendickeler  steep,  holdin  on  to 
the  bushes  by  the  way.  We  didn't  go  far  before  the 
top  of  the  precipice  which  we  was  descendin,  shut  out 
the  light  of  the  moon  so  we  couldn't  see  a  sign  of  the 
path.  One  straggled  off*  one  way  and  one  another, 
each  fcelin  his  way  and  holdin  on  to  the  roots  and 
bushes,  and  callin  to  the  others  to  foller,  until  we  found 
ourselves  scattered  in  evry  direction,  unable  to  git  to 
one  another,  and  afraid  to  go  any  further  down  the 
slippery,  miery  bank.  We  could  hardly  hear  each 
other's  voices  for  the  heavy  thunder  of  the  flood  below, 


W 


im 


lii   f 


t 

p  ■ 

k» 

> 

ll 

s, 

:j; 

.  ,^ 

"  Ir 

i  {r 

i    " 

1  f), 

1  J-, 

1- 

■  *'■■! 

i'' 


158 


MAJOR    JONES*S 


what  seemed  to  shake  the  foundation  of  the  hill  to 
which  we  clung,  as  it  rolled  its  gray  mists  up  among 
the  dark  tree-tops  below. 

"  1  say,  ^tuitlemen,"  sed  our  English  frend,  <Met's 
comrai  siiud  ♦''<•  one  nearest  to  the  top  of  the  'ill  to  go 
back  to  the  'uuse  for  a  gide,  and  we'll  'old  on  'ere 
where  we  are,  till  'e  cums." 

''I  vote  for  the  gide,"  ses  Mr.  Kee,  from  Filadelfy ; 
"  but  I  couldn't  let  go  this  bush  for  all  creation,  my- 
self." '      ^ 

Them  was  jest  exactly  my  sentiments:  for  I  begun 
to  feel  monstrous  ticklish  thar  in  the  dark,  so  close  to 
sich  a  terrible  place.  But  I  didn't  say  nothin,  waitin 
to  see  if  sum  one  wouldn't  volunteer.  Mr.  More  was 
nee  deep  in  the  mud,  'bout  twenty  feet  from  me,  and 
Hooper  was  on  his  hands  and  nees  crawlin  up  the 
bank.  Hooper  was  'termined  to  see  tha  falls  by 
moonlight,  so  back  he  went,  and  in  a  few  minits  cum 
with  a  gide,  who,  after  collectin  us  together  and  gettin 
us  in  the  path  which  h^d  rite  the  different  way  from 
what  we  was  gwine,  tuck  us  down  to  the  second  bank, 
and  then  led  us  out  to  the  Table  Rock.  And  thar  was 
the  mij^rhty  Niagary,  pourin  its  eternal  flood  in  thunder 
down  into  the  dark  abyss,  from  which  cum  rollin  up 
grate  colums  of  snow-white  mist,  supportin  a  pale 
rainbow  arch,  at  once  presentin  the  most  butiful  and 
the  most  terrible  pair  of  spectacles  I  ever  had  before 
my  eyes. 

We  stood  on  the  baM  Table  Rock,  what  juts  out 
over  the  bilin  flood  below,  whar  the  white  foam, 
though  we  can  see  it  dimly  through  the  mist  in  the 
naoonlight,  gives  you  no  fixed  idee  of  heights  or 
distances,  out  rather  helps  the  imagination  to  extend 
the  scene  upon  a  scale  suited  to  its  awful  sublimity. 
No*  a  word  was  spoke  for  several  minits — each  one 
held  his  breth  in  silent  awe — afraid  to  breathe  in  sich  a 
^nighty  presence.      And   the   fust  words   uttered  was 


^ 
r 
e 

V 

h 


i  - 


SKETCHES   O*'   TRAVEL. 


159 


exclamatons    0  ourselves,  that   seemed  to  cum  from 
our  mouths  'thout  our  knowin  it,  as  if  the  vL  sod 
withm  us  was  amazed,  and  was  givin  utterancTto  it 
emotions    while   our  f.sical  naters  was   o  e'wL'^ed 
and  paralyzed  by  the  terrific  display  of  (he  m^   v  1 
power  of  the  Bein,  that  madj  ti  IWnfani  the 

I  went  close  on  the  edge  of  the  rock,  whar  the  water 
ashed  over  a  iesv  inches  from   my  fe^t,  and  looked 
ust  upon  the  waves  of  the  wide  Hver,' as  they  rum 

ot   silvu,  to    the   verge   of  the   precipice,  whar   tlicy 

over  vuth  flakes  ot  snow,  as  they  dasluul  down  into  the 
deep,  eternal  torment  of  waters  below-then  u,,on  e 
misty  cavern  that  yawned  at  my  feet,  whar  thi  waves 
tha  my  eyes  had  foilered  in  the/  descent,  in  the  folm 
of  ther  rath,  was  howlin,  and  chafin,  and  surg  n  like 
troubled  spirits  within  ther  rocky  confines-and  then 
upon  the  pale  bow  that  spanned  the  dismal  vortex, 
sheddin  a  calm  halo  of  ethereal  buty  over  the  stupen- 
dious  scene  of  terrific  horrors.  ^ 

No  one  was  anxious  to  leave  the  spot,  or  to  disturb 
the  meditations  of  the  others.  Afler  a  while  we 
gradually  fe  1  into  conversation.  Our  English  frend 
who  we  had  by  this  time  found  out  to  be  a  perfect 
gentleman,  and  a  man  of  excellent  good  sense,  sed 
he  had  travel  ed  the  best  part  of  his  life,  and  that 
he  had  seed  the  grate  waterlalls  of  Switzerland  and 
t^ou  h  America  but  this  was  the  waterfall  of  the 
world— It  was  the  grate  feature  of  America.  He  had 
:  ever  seed  any  thing  capable  of  producin  such  sublime 
emo  ions,  and  ses  he-"  If  I  was  to  dy  to-night,  it 
would  be  a  grate  source  of  consolation  to  know  that  I 

wonde '"  ^""^  '"  ^^'^  '''^'^'^  *°  ^^"^  '^^  greatest 

After  spendin  a  couple  of  hours  on  the  Table  Rock. 


♦  I 


I 


hi 


160 


MAJOR  JONES  S 


we  returned  to  our  hotel,  and  soon  after  went  to  our 
beds,  to  dream  of  Niatjjary,  and  to  awake  in  the 
moriiin  to  explore  its  magnilicent  wonders.  I  will  tell 
you  how  it  looks  by  daylight  in  my  noxt.     So  no  more 

from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones. 


u   ■'    t 


t-'-A 


IT 


■KETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


161 


LETTER  XIX. 

rp     ,,      ^  New  York,  July  20,  1845. 

lo  Mr.  Thompson  i—Bear  Sir~l  tuck  my  leave  of 

or     nf/n     ,^^^'J''y"'»  n^ay  depend  I  dreamed  all 
sorts  of  terrible  dreams  that  night.  I  went  to  sleep  with 

thatZlt  /^"  TT""''^'  ."^>>^"'  '^'^  '^  ^^-"^^^  to  me 
that  the  I  ed-posts  trembled  with  the  jar.     The  roarin  in 

my  ears  kep  growm  louder  and  louder,  til  it  seemed  to 

me  hke  heaven  and  yeath  was  cumin  together,  and  the 

fust   hmg  I  knowed  somehow  or  other,  I  was   stand  n 

^vater,  that  reached  to  the  sky,  was  cumin  rollin  rite  on- 

0  me,  to  sweep  me  down  into  the  bilin  basin  below 
what  seemed  to  be  'bout  five  miles  deep,  and  filled  with 
all  the  devds  m  the  infernal  regions.  I  tried  to  run,  but 
for  the  soul  of  me  I  couldn't  move  a  peg-on  and  ove 

1  cum  rite  on  top  of  me,  and  down  I  went-down 
down,  with  my  mouth  chock  full  of  water,  so  I  couldn't 
even  say  my  prayers,_but  jest  as  I  got  to  Xhe  bottom 
and  vv-as  bout  pitchin  hed  fust  into  the  mouth  of  a  Ce^ 
devil  that  vvas  as  big  as  a  meetin  house,  I  fotched  one 
all-fired  yell-and  the  next  minit  I  found  myself  on  the 
floor,  with  the  bed-clothes  on  top  of  me. 

Hooper  sed  it  was  the  night-mare,  and  if  I  hadn't 
hollered  jest  as  I  did,  I'd  been  a  gone  Jonn,  shore  enuff. 
r^ight-mare  or  no  night-mare,  I  don't  blieve  I'd  felt 
aiuch  worse  if  I'd  gone  over  the  Falls  in  downricbt 
yearnest.  ° 

1  was  afraid  to  go  sound  to  sleep  agin,  and  so  I  jest 
tuck  a  turn  round  the  bed-post  with  one  arm,  and  slep 
with  one  eye  open  the  balance  of  the  night. 


ft.j 


ii-^ 


"TT'l 


n 


•••|i"   'niiliifaaill' 


162 


MAJOR    JONES  S 


\¥^ 


' 

i 

1 

1». 

■) 

1; 

i 

i 

I 

In  the  mornin  before  breckfiist  we  tuck  another  look 
at  the  falls  from  the  Table  Rock.  This  time  we  had 
a  better  view  of  the  Fall  itself,  as  well  as  the  surroundin 
scenery.  But  notvvithstandin  it  was  light,  and  we  could 
see  for  miles  around,  the  objects  we  looked  at  was  on 
sich  a  different  scale  of  proportion  from  any  thing  we 
was  used  to,  that  ther  was  no  sich  thing  as  formin  any 
idees  'bout  bights  and  distances,  or  any  thing  else. 
The  more  I  looked  the  more  I  couldn't  tell  how  bis:  a 
thing  was.  Sometimes  a  rock  would  look  like  a  moun- 
ting, and  sometimes  it  was  no  bigger  than  a  goose's  egg 
— sometimes  the  islands  would  look  big  as  my  plantation, 
and  then  agin  they  wouldn't  look  no  bigger  than  so 
many  tater-hills — and  T  begun  to  wonder  how  they  could 
hold  ther  hohs,  thar  rite  in  the  middle  of  sich  a  racin 
river,  'thout  geltin  washed  up  by  the  roots  and  swept 
over  the  precipice  below. 

The  magnitude  of  things  at  Niagary  depends  alto- 
gether on  how  a  l)ocly  contrasts  'em.  When  my  eye 
tuck  in  nothing  but  the  mighty  river,  the  everlastin 
battlements  of  rock,  and  the  terrifTic  caleract,  why  then 
they  didn't  seem  to  have  no  partickeler  dimensions  ; 
but  when  I  happened  to  see  the  houses  on  the  American 
side,  or  a  ferry  boat  crossin  below  the  Fall,  or  a  company 
of  men  clamberin  about  among  tiie  loose  rocks,  down 
by  the  watei's  edge,  lookin  no  bigger  than  so  many  ants, 
then  I  was  able  to  comprehend  the  stupendous  wonders 
of  Niagary,  and  to  feel  myself  no  bigger,  standing  thar 
on  that  rock,  than  a  seed-tick  in  Scriven  county.  Some 
peeple  ses  Niagary  is  a  great  piace  to  elevate  a  body's 
vices,  but  with  me  it  had  exactly  the  contrary  effect, 
and  I  do  blieve  if  I  was  to  use  about  thar  long,  I'd  git 
sich  an  insignificant  opinion  of  myself,  that  I  wouldn't 
dare  to  say  ray  soul  was  my  own.  I  know  some  peeple 
that  it  would  do  a  monstrous  sight  of  good  to  go  to 
Niagary,  if  for  nothin  else  but  to  git  a  correct  measure- 
ment of  ther  own  importance  in  the  scale  of  bein — if 


SKCTCHtS  OF  TRAVEL. 


163 


big  a 


Some 


,   •■: 


they  didn't  git  ,l,er  notions  tuck  down  a  peg  „r  two 
then  I'm  terribly  inislak  -n  '^^  ' 

mil  i.ngl„h  frend,  and  when  we  got  back  to  breckfust 

-^  dowit  ,?  '■     "^"'"i"'"  '^  g"" J  breckfust  ,fe 
^^e  seed  all  sorts  of  varmints,  and  Ingin  curiosities   nnr 
minerals  and  sich  likes,  and  then  bought  s   n   ickets  to 
go^down  under  the  Fall  to  Termination  Koek,  as  ilj; 

f.m,lnrwi.l?!'.T"'''  ""''"",  "^ ''™""  •*™'  q'"te  so 

,/       "^  ""•''■  *"'  ""  '''"'g''i->  ""J  that  evrvbodv 
went  thar,  and  nothi.i  would  do'llooper  but  we  in.lt 
go.     So  we  went  to  the  house  at  the  ton  o.  t^^^e  star 
way,  whar  a  old  nigger  feller  tuck  us  inl^  a  roLt^J 
.old  us  we  must  strip   off  all  our  clothes,  and     ut  on 

,  "  Yoii  needn't  be  'tall  fear'd,  'remmen  "  ses  the  oil 
b^n^r  r  1 '^  ^^'^;  ^^^^^^  '^'^  -^  whe^^y^cSn 
oack  )ou  knuw,  you  won't  want  'era  " 
.    '^  We  won't!"  lLi„ks  I,  and  I  begun  to  ted  a  little 
jubous  'bout  gwlne  in  any  Mch  a  pj^^ce 

*'  r  say,  uncle-beg  pardon,"  ses  I.     '*  .1//,/^,,  i,  thar 
any  danger  m  gwnie  to  Temiination  Rock  =" 

'   iNot  a  bu,"  ses  he,  as  he  handed  me  a  red  flannel 

.iv^,b.genulif;H.Col.BillSl.mer,andapairofc^^^ 
(  uc  k  tunvses,  without  no  bultens  on  'em.  "  Not  a  hit. 
11  you  aon  t  fall  mto  the  ea.sum  below,  and  then  tha- 
aint  no  telhn  what  M-ould  becum  of  you." 

I  stopped  strippin  .and  sol  down  m  a  bench,  and 
begun  to  consider.  ' 

"  Stop,"  ses  ilie  niggrr  to  Mr.  More,  who  was  pun,  . 
•2.1  •  ^ 


164 


MAJOR  Jones's 


a  par  of  trowses  on  over  his  boots  ;  "  you  must  take 
your  boots  ofi'  too — evry  thing— -and  I'll  give  you  a  par 
of  shoes  for  your  feet." 

Thunder ! — thinks  I — the  feller  wants  to  save  all  he 
can,  if  one  of  us  was  to  cum  up  missin. 

"  Cum,  Majer,"  ses  Hooper,  as  he  was  pullin  his 
shirt  over  his  hed,  "  no  backin  out  from  old  Georgy."^ 

"  But,"  ses  I,  "  is  you  certain  thar  aint  no  danger  in 
this  bisness  ?" 

"  Not  a  bit,  sir,"  ses  the  nigger,  "  though  evrybody 
is  a  little  skeered  at  fust — ladies  go  under  evry  day, 
and  no  accident  has  never  happened  yet.  I  was  jest 
jokin  you  a  little." 

In  a  few  minits  more  we  was  all  dressed  in  our  yaller 
trowses,  red  shirts,  oil-cloth  caps,  and  cowhide  shoes, 
redely  for  the  adventure.  We  follered  the  lead  of  tl  ; 
guide  to  the  stair-way,  what  went  round  and  round  (d 
we  got  almost  out  of  bieth  before  we  reached  die 
bottom,  whar  we  stepped  out  into  the  path  what  runs 
along  on  the  side  of  the  almost  perpendickeler  rock 
bank,  'bout  half-way  from  the  top,  gitlin  narrower  and 
slipryer  as  we  git  nearer  to  the  sheet  of  water.  The 
mist  from  the  river  was  raw  and  cold,  but  I  blieve  I 
could  shivered  in  a  warm  bath  jest  to  look  at  the  place 
whar  we  was  gwine. 

The  Table  llock  above  perjected  out  fir  over  our  beds, 
and  the  loose  rocks  what  lay  in  our  narrow  padi  rolled 
from  under  our  feet  down  iiito  the  foamin  basin  below. 
The  old  nigger  led  the  way — Hooper  follered  close  to 
him,  and  die  rest  of  us  strung  along  in  Injin  file  behind. 
Jest  before  we  got  to  the  edge  of  the  fall  we  all  got  a 
terrible  showei'-bath  from  a  spring  of  water  what  falls 
in  the  path  from  the  rock  above.  And  now  we  enter 
behind  the  sheet — the  jiath  is  hardly  wide  emdf  for 
our  feet,  and  slippry'widi  runnin  water — the  white 
spray  cums  howlin  up  from  tlie  dark  pit  on  our  left,  and 
drives  in  siugin  torrents  agin  the  slimy  rocks  on  onr 
right—in  the  darkness  we  can  jest  see  the  black,  shel via 


I 


SKKTCIIKS   OF   T11A\EL. 


165 


,  100 

"son  the  otl,er-,l,o  d.cp  ,1  II^  "j.^^-'f  ?">  of 
our  ears  to  al]  oilier  sounds   ITZ  •'^'""  *P« 

tlwt  we  ga™  for  bred,  i,  wL       ■  ',''« ,*P'"'>-  «  so  heavy 

f  ipry  side.  N,„v  ,he  „i,|e  ,, '  £"^  '"  "•?>»  "Pon  its 
J'or.nination  Rock  7nS  Zj  '"■.  ^^''  ^^'^.''='ve  readied 
enn  find  „„  word.  ,o  ev"  i"',f  "  '^;"'^'<'  '-"'e  that 
grope  our  dans^orous  way-  b'ck  f  1'™  '  '*"'"'  "»'' 
g'n.uluie  and  "sublimity  ^  w  W,  .T  '™"'  °'  '""«": 
mul  whieh  is  worth  t  e  H.k  ,'  ,  f  Z  i'?.  '"",  '''^^^""'e, 
When  we  mt  on    I  ,""  •'  ''*«  'o  know! 

1  fe!t  monstrous  co„.lbrt?b  '  „'  I  '"  '"'  ^'Z  "'^I  '^'^1"''>J 
posed  ..  three  eheers  for  6' I  Ni  ;  "i^  f  [:  ^  «-  I'™" 
handy,  and  didji't  sfon  lil  t  i  "  ■^'.  ^  J""'  '"  most 
'lomiof  'era/l  *1''',V;''^  ^'"  "  ?*  '™''  half  a 
does  afUT  he's  1  eef  ,  ,.1'^'. '  ^^  "r''  ^'^'  '^  ™'-"' 
I'-eller-the  ske.r  -a  oy-el  Tt  fT"  ?'  "  '^'^'^ 
'"i^tcry,  and  I  fel,  tha    whenever  itt  ""1   ""^ 

alt.M-  Who  had  put  hN     «     II   -r  •■".'>'  """  •'«'•<'- 

would  be  able  t,    ,  a   'i  i  ^h    ■'}""""""   ^^°'^'  ^ 

wl.af  nobody  who  ,a      '",,'''*'' ,"'"  '"  »  sentiment 
sland.  ^       "■'■'"""^''"■■'^"ll'ar  couldn't  unde»- 

I  Wfuider  diat  amon^an  (he  wnv«  do    i 

'•>S  n,,  here,  out  ol' C'e  "^  I  e7      ™  i"'  "'''"- 

upon  a  ,r,bT  of  brolherh  ,o  I  i  "•"■)."""*-'•  ''''™  Int 
of  "-hieh  to  talce  ,,  ^eo  '  '  '  ?'"-',  .'""""tion  ceremony 
founded  on  .ic    ■    „'■       ,  '"""l'-"'"';  ^ock.     A  ord/r 

<'-;Jii".v  .M„r,;ans  huhe'u' „«'"'''  '''"''  '"  ^'"'^  ^'^  ••''> 
"'^  di'-'vn'tf  X?  :'.'„::.:''!r  "-  ^'«"'-.  *!-  glde  tuck 


i66 


MAJOR  Jones's 


,  :i' 


light  up  ngin  the  great  Ilorsc-Shoe  Fall,  what  looked 
like  as  if  it  cum  pourin  out  of  the  heavens,  it  was  so 
grand  and  high.  Some  hidys  was  standin  upon  the 
Table  Rock  iookin  at  us.  They  seemed  to  us  about 
as  big  as  my  fmger,  and  I  spose  we  looked  'bout  the 
same  size  to  them.  They  waved  ther  little  parasols  to 
us,  and  we  tuck  otf  our  oil-cloth  caps  and  waved  'era 
at  them. 

After  takin  a  good  look  from  the  top  of  the  rock  we 
went  down  and  paddled  about  awhile  in  the  water  that 
runs  through  the  broken  rocks  between  the  big  rock 
and  the  bank,  til  one  of  us  cum  monstrous  near  gettin 
washed  out  into  the  lajiids.  After  that  we  went  back 
to  the  room,  whar  we  found  our  clothes  all  right. 

We  hadn't  more'n  got  out  of  the  place  before  ther 
was  'bout  a  dozen  hackmen  after  us  to  take  us  all  over 
Canada  if  we  wanted  to  go.  One  red-headed  feller, 
what  sed  he  was  a  patriot  in  the  rebellion,  and  was  put 
in  prison  to  keep  him  from  takin  the  country  from  the 
Biitish,  was  so  pressin  that  four  of  us  chartered  him 
to  go  to  the  Burnin  Spring  and  Lundy's  Lane. 

At  the  Burnin  Sprin<.^,  whnr  the  water  blazes  up 
when  you  touch  it  oif  with  a  Lut'ifer  niutch,  and  burns 
like  a  fat  light- wood  knot,  we  lit  our  segars,  and  Mi\ 
j\Torc,  who  is  a  little  hard  to  blie\i',  burnt  his  finger  to 
be  certain  it  was  no  tak'e  in,  and  then  we  d.uv  to  the 
battle-ground  whar  our  brave  sogers  in  the  last  war 
giv  the  liritish  sich  a  delightful  evenin's  entertainment. 
A  old  chap,  v/hat  sjes  he  fit  in  the  battle  in  the  liritisli 
army,  has  got  what  he  c^dls  a  observatory  bilt  on  thr 
spot,  and  tells  peeple  nil  ;;orts  of  a  cock  and  bull  story 
'bout  how  the  thing  tuck  place,  for  a  quarter  of  a 
dollar,  and  always  has  got  a  few  musket-balls  left,  th:>t 
was  picked  up  on  the  ground.  He  tf;^!  us  a  dollar's 
worth  of  his  experience,  riud  we  bought  sum  bullets 
of  him,  and  then  druv  back  to  tiie  fcny  to  gp  over  on 
I  he  American  side. 

On  this  side  of  the  river  ther  Is  a  pretty  considerable 


'era 


biick 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL.  j^- 

of  n  town,  ami  (he  Yinl'on    i 

to  work  for  'ei/  r^^\  ^  '^'^  ^'"^  ^lie  Nin^ary  i  self 

-;^  olhor  .nachine"  ''^  wo  ll^^^  l^""'^^'  ^^^'^^ 
^f  <hoy  was  to  set  the  wl  o  p  '  ^'^"Pnsed  much 

conon^horns  and  spinal,  I'^^^^^nFall  to  drivi. 

We  went  to  ilJ  oJrl  r'^       •     ^"'^  ^"^'ff- 
-l.nr  a  Mer  C ;:!^[  '^i::::^^i"h  -^  <l.or  c.„  it, 

''.V  to  run  opposifion  fo  vid  .  ™  ,     ''"'"''  •■"  "^  *» 

n>»de  Insin  /ixin.,  .id    ;',!'"""!'>■  '>.[  ^I'i"?  Yankee 
'hem.elv,.ncveVclr.aS„7"ir™'  as  ,l,e  /ngin., 

Vif;rs,:-Bi^rsL;::.^':;i^,::^-^^'-..  ^«- 

and  sccu,  (bo  American  r.,I,.,^"™,°'  "'<"  Wind,,, 
^vent  (0  ll,e  Tarrapin  I!  d^e  n  .h  T  '"''  ^'■'■'"■•^'  "« 
was  Jot,  of  l„dvi  a„,  ?c„tleaJn.'r'>  "''»'■  "«''• 
places  «har  a  oa(-squirreC  ,S  '  '' r"  '"^""'  '" 
^■mb,n  rocks  and  wadi ,  i^  he  ?  '"'"■  "^'"■'■™ 
aljo'if,  I  was  b....i„nin  I  "i<^,;va  er  and  (ravelin 
<akin  a  view  f„,,°':\X-r-^ '■'■'•'[;   ""''  "f'" 

Canady  .side:^  wbar  „      el e    "V   V'^m'  '?'"  '"'  'h'^ 
supper  reddy  for  n.  '-"'""""'ad  a  fust  rate 

^vlncli  is  the  next  o-l2J?        ^'^  ^''^^^^^^  Whirlpool, 
river  git.  .ery  ]^,?^f  td;"^/'  'l  ^^"^-     ^^- 

round  end  round,  and  hoik '.""''^^'"'^  ^"^^   ^^'^^i'is 

-^^^  l^-in,  what  i;  ^    ^ t  moUrr  'T  ^"  /"  ^^'^^^ 
deep.  '^^  ^^o't'  n  five  hundred  feet 


\i 


m 


1C8 


MAJOR   JONES  S 


I'f 


i     ■ 


After  takin  a  good  look  at  the  Wlni]i)ool,  we  passed 
on  to  the  Devil's  Hole,  and  then  to  the  Little  Devil's 
Hole,  and  from  thar  to  Qiiecnston  Hights,  \vhar  we 
vStopped  to  take  a  look  at  Brock's  Monument,  what  sum 
mean  rascal  tried  to  blow  up  durin  the  late  rebellion. 
This  was  a  butiful  monument,  standin  in  a  butiful  place, 
and  it  makes  one  sorry  to  see  it  busted  and  ruined  as  it 
is.  'I'he  Sfouudrel  what  could  be  gilly  of  sich  a  mean 
act  as  the  destruction  of  a  monument  to  a  brave  man 
\vho  shed  his  blood  for  his  country,  ain't  fit  to  live 
among  honorable  men,  and  would  be  a  disgrace  to  a 
nation  of  heallicns. 

We  walked  from  the  monument  down  to  Queenston, 
while  our  Jehu  tuck  our  baggage  to  the  bote  that  was 
iu  start  in  half  a  ower  for  Monti'eal.  Queenston  is  a 
wondrous  dull,  dirty-lookin  little  phice,  what  stands 
rite  at  the  termination  of  the  Highlands,  through  which 
the  Ni.,g::ry  runs  on  its  way  from  Lake  Ery  to  Lake 
Ontario.  The  eflect  is  strikin,  after  follerin  the  river  ^ 
from  the  Rapids  above  the  Falls  to  this  place,  with  the 
roar  of  its  tumultuous  w^aters  constantly  in  one's  ears, 
and  the  leapin,  angry  current  constantly  before  one's 
eyes,  to  see  it  suddenly  spread  out  its  broad,  smooth 
bosom  in  the  quiet  vale,  as  placid  and  calm  as  if 
its  flow  had  been  unobstructed  from  its  source.  Ther 
is  indeed  a  ''  change  cum  over  the  spcrit  of  its  dream" 
at  Queenston,  and  the  traveller  is  monstrous  apt  to  dis- 
cover that  his  thoughts  is  not  wholly  without  sympathy 
with  the  stream. 

But  I  have  tuck  up  a  wliole  letter  in  tryin  to  hurry 
over  'bout  seven  miles.  I'll  try  to  travel  lurther  in  my 
next.     So  no  more  from 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos,  Jones. 

P.  S. — I  spose  you  knov;  that  they  hain't  got  no 
Fourth  of  July  in  Canady,  and  I  was  so  cumpletely 


I 


SKErCHFS   OF   TDAVKL.  . q^ 

tuck  up  mth  the  wonders  of  V 

•'^''^^'  ^\-     It's  the  iu"      L  in    'fl'V^^;;^  ^  ^°^-^"^  ^''^ 
ever  mLssed  a  liarty  welcome  I     ^    ^^'  ^'^'"^  ^^''^^^  day 

count  for  it  in  no  o^er  way  Unn  "1  '"''-^"^^^  ^  ^^^"'^  ^^- 
iountiy.  iitrvvaj  tiian  bein  in  this  benited 


i"*.] 


." 


.70 


MAJOR   JONFS  a 


\ 


\   ' 


I:       ■!■ 


LETTER  XX. 

New  Vovk,  July  22,  1845. 

To  Mr.  Thompson  : — Dear  Sir — Ther  vvasirt  no 
grate  rush  of  passenj^ers  like  tlior  always  is  on  the 
North  River  botes,  and  nobotly  didn't  git  nocked  over- 
board in  the  contusion  and  hurryment  of  gettin  aboard 
of  the  Chief  Justice  Robinson.  At  the  ring  of  the 
bell  we  was  all  on  boaid,  and  a  cunifortabler  bote  or  a 
more  obligin  captain  ain't  afloat  on  river,  lake,  or  sea, 
than  ours  was. 

Ther  ain't  nothin  very  wonderful  to  be  seed  gwino 
down  seven  miles  on  the  Niagary  to  Lake  Ontario, 
except  it  is  the  Old  Fort  Niagary,  what's  been  tuck 
and  re-tuck,  and  capitilated  and  surrendered  so  often, 
'mong  the  French,  the  Ligins,  the  British,  and  the 
Americans,  that  it  ain't  Yery  easy  to  make  out  who  is 
got  the  best  rite  to  it  now.  It's  seed  lively  times  in  ils 
day,  that  old  place  has;  but  it's  monstrous  lonesuni 
now,  and  they  say  it's  been  hanted  e\er  sense  tliey  put 
Billy  Morgan  in  it  for  blowin  the  Masons.  I  hain't  got 
much  blief  in  ghost-stories,  but  they  say  it's  a  posiliv 
fact,  and  that  the  pore  old  feller  is  to  be  seed  every 
dark  night,  dodgin  about  the  dark  corners,  with  .i 
taller-candle  in  his  hand  and  a  Free-masoirs  apron 
on,  lookin  like  he  wanted  to  tell  sumbody  sumthinar ; 
but  evrybody's  so  'fraid  of  him  that  he  can't  git  no 
chance  to  tell  iiis  secret.  One  thing  is  ^ery  certain 
'bout  Billy  Morgan:  if  he  couldn't  keep  the' Mason's 
secret,  he  keeps  his  own  monstrous  well. 

It  W'as  a  bright  sunshiny  day,  and  the  water  of  the 
lake    as  if  it  wanted  to  Miow  ns   how  well  it  could 


beh 


SiKETCIIF.S   OF 

■5  iteelf,  after  its  fiollicfc 


TilAVEI., 

amon' 


171 


^fgnry,  wns'  as  .  i     a  'f  nn    ."'"""S  <l.e  rocks  of  (l,e 
splendid   sleamer,  will     ,  ^",^'V"f  "  '"iJI'i'ond.     0'' 
;;ntm-al  r.s  if  it  ,v!,s  V        4,   [."^f'  "■''S?  "j-in-jest'';; 
■  nd  had  a  rigl,t  to  wave  "o     ■  d     ,     ^.""■''■■gn  j.eenle 
f'c  l.oine  of  the  brave  "    \     ' "-' '™','  "f  "'e  fr'e  ami 
«-ay  aeroK  (l,e  lala  t„  t7    ^'"'  ■'''''■•"'''"  "l«"!f,  on  it, 

«0'lS«s  t„ek  a  set-™,      "!"''  '''""■      S,„n°oId 

'■e  .l.»le  ones  wen,'  „  ,  1"' .r'''  ""  '"''>■'■  "''"l' 
^«'imul,er  ,a„(!,e,.s  in  a  ,Sn  'If  "»  "'o  decdc, 
"oi|ol,t  j„,„,,  overboard'o,  br  ll  ,'1  "'  '''■■''  ''"'''  "'^7 
on  ll;e  a«nin.i,o,(s.  '       '"''''''  "«"•  "^ks  climbin 

"e  wasn't  Ions  ->„.;„»  ,„  t 
■^<"l.pod  Jong  onuirto"     il'^.Tn*"'  T"^''  "''^  ""'y 
T:  """"^  ^v«  was  un,ta.  wav  ?'-"":'''  \°'='.  ^»J  in  a 
'"sovereign"  of  tbe  "Wal 'ihii?"  V^'  ^'^■^'"'""c 
".,»"  our  way  down  <l.;  ^t  to   fin"'''    '"  "'^^  ''■^"^d 

q-erto  m^^eL;  '^^;:f"  to  sonnd  .nonstrons 
^'■owns  wi,at  was  „ah  ed  on  M  "";  ■'"'  '''"''  g"lJ 
™s  st,clcen  about'  n  d'i  Cnt  Tl  ''■''""  '^°""''  ""'' 
wliar  ,],e  eagle  onpl^t  to  b'  ' ',  ^'l"''?,  °"  "'e  bote 
f  "'t  llnd  t?,at  tl,?>  madethe  t;  "''''  ™""''  •""  ^ 
I'lat  my,.|o(l,es  got  anv  ?,1„  ,•  "  ''"'  ''"'7 'aster,  or 
°»   «   J3ri(isi>   ^^0^^";;;.    ■■'";' ^'^'^"^^^  I  "-^-^ 

-  "'/.:;',:";:  r;;"b?  »-'■  <«  i;|tere.  bi,„  o„  ,he  ,ate, 
"-'-    v>c   uon  t  oif  riiiinU   ^      I      ^  '"^''iv.  lo  SO  lar  off 
l'»^.^od  the  .in,.?"4"tr?e:i dell,"   ,"™'^^^  =""1  ^ 
fp..^  and  talldn   over  w]  't    i,       I'''''  f"""^'"  °" 
""•n  l)ickin   in,   a  lit!   I  '""^  *'''eJ— now  and 

;««-.<ea,  and  ulaV  ^„'  I!,/"™?  "-  Passenger 
J-al  „,tere,sted  in  a  co  mS  "vW  wi''  ""'' ^''"  "  ^°°'i 
'"■^en  a  ,onng  euppie  fZ  wXf  ™"}?  ™'  '''] 

101k.     it  seemed 


f^'a 


11 


y..  ><  i) 


I  : 


!  V 


172 


«•*■• 


MAJOR   JONKS  S 


that  two  very  rich  familys  was  try'm  very  hard  to  make 
a  match  between  a  Miss-Nancy  sort  of  a  son  on  one 
uide,  and  a  Liddy-Lannjuish  sort  of  a  daughter  on  tho 
other ;  but  neither  of  the  young  ones  seemed  to  have 
sense  enulF  to  know  how  to  go  about  it.  The  old 
peeple  gin  'em  all  the  chance  they  could,  and  helped 
'em  along  now  and  then,  but  the  young  feller  seemed 
to  think  more  of  his  sorrel-colored  whiskers,  what 
grow'd  all  over  his  unmeanin  face,  than  any  thing  else; 
and  the  gall,  though  she  didn't  seem  to  have  no  grate 
objections  to  the  arrangement,  wasn't  willin,  or  didn't 
know  how  to  do  all  the  courtin.  The  old  peeple 
managed  to  keep  'em  together  pretty  well  all  day,  only 
when  the  young  spark  went  down  now  and  then  to  git 
a  jcwlip  ;  and,  in  the  evenin  the  feller's  daddy  made 
him  go  and  sitig  to  her;  but  sich  singin  I  never  heard 
before — half  a  owcr  of  it  was  enuir  to  kill  any  young 
woman  in  the  world.  What  ellect  it  did  have  I  can't 
say,  but  he  kep  it  up  'bout  six  owers,  'ihout  stoj)pin  to 
give  the  pore  gall  time  to  draw  a  long  breth  between 
his  bominable  songs.  Once  or  twice  the  inginc  blowd 
ofl"  the  steam,  when  she  couldn't  hear  his  croakin,  and 
it  must  really  been  a  grate  relief  to  her.  At  one 
o'clock  we  went  to  bed  and  left  hini  singin  the  "  Minit 
gun  at  Sea,"  to  one  of  the  awfulest  sam  tunes  I  ever 
heard. 

At  six  o'clock  the  next  mornln  we  waked  up  at 
Kingston,  and  as  we  had  but  a  few  minits  to  stop 
befoie  we  tuck  another  bote  to  go  down  the  Saint 
Lawrence,  we  hurried  up  into  the  town  to  see  it.  We 
liad  got  most  up  to  the  grate  stone  Market  House, 
what's  big  enufi'  for  five  or  six  sich  towns,  when  the 
Stuard  cum  runnin  after  us  to  ask  us  if  we  hadn't  left 
a  watch  on  the  bote.  Shore  enuff  it  was  Hooper's 
gold  watch  the  man  had  in  his  hand.  WHien  Hooper 
olFered  him  a  dollar  for  bringin  it  to  him,  he  wouldn't 
take  a  cent,  and  away  he  w^ent. 

'  Very  well,"  ses  Hooper,  "  that  watch  is  worth  jest 


1 
t 


11 


WvF.TClIRS   OK    TRAVKI.. 


173 


one  Iniiulivd  and  fifty  (lollars  more  to  me,  ll»an  if  it  had 
been  l(!ft  on  a  New  York  bt)tt'."  ,  •  i    • 

After  takin  a  look  at  the  market-liousc,  which  is 
more  like  a  castle  than  a  plaee  to  sell  meat  and  vege- 
tables, and  which  I  expect  was  intended  as  miieli  loi 
one  as  the  other,  we  started  for  the  garrison,  to  see  the 
mornin  parade  of  the  sogers.  When  we  got  to  the 
giites  the  71st  rigment  of  Highland  Light  Inhmtry  was 
drillin  in  the  sfpiare  ;  but  as  we  went  to  walk  in  to  see 
Vt  a  u'Tly-lookin  customer,  what  was  standin  on  gard 
at  llie  gate,  brung  his  bayonet  down  whhin  'bout  three 

inches  of  my  nose. 

"Take  care,"  ses  T,  "Mister!  what  the  thunder  is 

you  about  ?" 

He  sort  o' o-rinned,  and  didn't  say  nolhin. 

Then  Hooper  walKed  upon  tother  side,  and  he  poked 

his  bayonet  rite  at  him. 

"Aui't  thar  no  admission?"  ses  Hooper. 

The  feller  shuck  his  hed. 

«'  He  must  be  dum,"  ses  Hooper.  ,      ,      , 

"Or  maybe  he  talks  Highland,  and  can't  understand 

American,"  ses  1.  .      i    <. 

Jest  then  a  chap  with  a  red  cap  and  sum  extra  but- 
tons on  his  cote,  cum  to  the  gate,  and  told  us  that 
nobody  wasn't  allowed  to  cum  in  thar,  and  that  we 
musn't  talk  to  the  sentinel  on  the  post;  and  the  teller 
^vith  the  bayonet  begun  to  ^valk  up  and  down  agin  as 
stiir  as  a  handspike,  and  lookin  savage  as  a  meat-axe. 
By  this  time  the  ladys  from  the  bote  cum  iip,  and   fore 
they  know'd  thar  wasn't  no  admission,  they  marched 
rite  through  the  gate,  and  the    gent  emen  all  lolered 
'em      TliS  feller  with  the  bayonet  looked   monstrous 
sheepish,  but  even  he  couldn't  charg-e  bayonet  on  a 
plattoon  of  butiful  American  galls,  and  was  compel  ed 
lo  surrender  to  charms  such  as  he  wasn't  used  to  seem 

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174 


MAJOR  Jones's 


formed  in  line — the  band  struck  up,  and  away  they 
marched  over  a  bridge  to  the  barracks  on  the  other  side 
of  the  river.  I  couldn't  help  but  think,  as  I  heard  the 
cry  of  ther  bag-pipes,  and  watched  the  sad  counte- 
nances and  mechanical  movement  of  them  pore  sogers, 
what  a  sorry  life  ther's  must  be-  -away  so  far  from  ther 
homes  and  relations — givin  ther  lives  to  support  a 
power  that  only  tramples  'em  under  it's  feet.  But  the 
monarchical  institutions  that  makes  slaves  of  while 
men,  trains  'em  to  be  contented  in  ther  servile  condi- 
tions, and  teaches  'em  to  glory  in  the  shallow  glitter 
of  a  crown  that  is  upheld  by  ther  own  sweat  and 
blood. 

I  would  liked  monstrous  well  to  tuck  a  better  look 
at  Kingston,  but  we  had  no  time  to  spare.  After  takin 
a  short  walk  through  one  or  two  of  the  best  streets, 
we  went  aboard  of  the  steambote  Canady,  and  at 
seven  o'clock  we  was  on  our  way  down  the  Saint 
Lawrence. 

After  passin  Fort  Henry,  what  looks  a  good  deal 
like  Governor's  Island  at  New  York,  we  was  soon 
among  the  Thousand  Islands,  whar  the  waters  of  the 
Saint  Lawrence  seems  to  git  lost,  and  runs  in  evry 
direction  'thout  havin  any  shores  at  all.  Sum  of  these 
islands  is  monstrous  pretty — the  fact  is  ther's  a  general 
assortment  of  'em,  of  all  shapes  and  sizes,  and  a  man 
would  have  to  be  terrible  hard  to  please  if  he  couldn't 
find  sum  among  'em  to  suit  his  fancy.  The  water  bein 
scattered  all  about  so,  hain't  got  much  current,  and 
runs  still  and  deep,  so  the  bote  could  pass  close  to  ther 
sides.  One  minit  we  would  be  sailin  by  one  big  cnuff 
for  a  plantation,  and  then  agin  w6  would  be  twisten 
about  among  sum  that  wasn't  bigger  than  so  many 
^^ter  hills.  Who  ever. counted 'em  must  had  a  good 
deal  of  patience,  but  I  reclion  he  wasn't  far  out  of  the 

do  blieve. 


If  ther's  one  ther's  at  least  a  thousand  of  'em,  i 


# 


SKKTCIIKS    OF    TllAVEL. 


175 


I 


i 


< 


You  remember  it  was  among  these  islands^  whar 
Commodore  Bill  Johnson  sot  up  for  himself  durin  the 
Canady  rebellion.  Bill  was  a  monstrous  tall  customer 
in  his  way,  and  gin  the  British  a  heap  of  trouble, 
robbin  ther  hen-roosts  and  pig-stys,  and  skeerin  the 
wimmin  and  children  out  of  ther  senses  with  his 
Proclamations.  They  gin  him  sum  terrible  hard 
chases,  but  they  mought  as  well  looked  for  a  needle 
in  a  shuck-pen,  as  to  try  to  find  him  in  sich  a  place, 
and  so  Bill  weathered  'em  out,  and  never  was  cotched. 
The  Captain  of  the  bote  pinted  out  the  place  whar  he 
burnt  the  steambote  Robert  Peel,  and  robbed  all  the 
passengers  ;  but  he  sed  that  "  Fort  Wallace,"  whar  he 
used  to  date  his  Proclamations,  was  like  Billy  INIorgan 
—nobody  could  tell  what  had  cum  of  it. 

\fter  gettin  out  of  the  thickest  of  the  Islands,  we 
cum  to  Brockville,  whar  the  bote  stopped  for  a  few 
minits,  and  the-n  wx^  passed  Prescott's  Landin,  and  the 
captain  pinted  out  sum  old  stone  ruins  what  he  sed 
was  the  place  whar  the  British  sogers  fit  the  wind-mill, 
and  tuck  the  patriots  prisoners  what  they  hung  at  1^  ort 
Henry.  None  of  these  towns  along  here  on  tne 
Canady  side  ain't  no  grate  shakes,  and  all  of  era 
makes  a  monstrous  bad  contrast  with  the  smart  bisncss- 
lookin  towns  on  the  American  side,  showm  plain  enutt 
that  our  mstilutions  is  best  calculated  to  promote  the 
prosperity  of  the  peeple. 

It  was  a  very  butiful  day,  and  the  scenery  as  we 
Passed  from  Island  to  Island,  and  Lake  to  Lake,  was 
very  butiful.  Sumtimes  we  could  almost  reach  the 
branches  of  the  cedar-lrees  from  the  deck  of  the  bote, 
then  ao-ln  we  was  in  the  middle  of  Lake  Howe,  or  sum 
other  lake  whar  we  couldn't  hardly  see  _  the  chores. 
Most  of  the  passengers  was  delighted  with_  he  mte- 
restin  objects  that  presented  themselves  ui  rapid  succes- 
sion.  Jest  before  we  got  into  the  liapios  1  happened 
to  notice  xhat  New  York  chap  what  was  couvtin  th^ 


♦ 


176 


MAJOR  Jones's 


young  lady — the  river  didn't  have  no  curiosities  for 
him — and  Ihar  he  sot  on  the  bench  by  the  side  of  the 
pore  gall,  read  in  Shakspear  to  her,  and  actin  it  as  he 
went  along,  while  she  was  sleepin  with  her  mouth  wide 
open,  and  her  green  vale  over  her  face  to  keep  the  flies 
off.  Pore  Greater,  he  had  sung  her  almost  to  deth  the 
night  before,  and  now  he  was  recilin  what  little  life  she 
had  left  out  of  her.  The  bominable  fool  didn't  know 
she  was  sleepin  til  she  begun  to  snore  pretty  consider- 
able loud,  and  then  he  got  up  and  shut  up  his  book, 
and  went  and  tuck  sumthing  to  drink.  Thinks  I,  if 
that's  the  way  peeple  courts  in  these  parts,  they'd  stand 
a  monstrous  pore  chance  of  gettin  a  wife  among  the 
Georsjia  galls. 

Bimeby  we  cum  to  the  Long  Sow  Rapids,  as  they 
call  'em,  and  you  may  depend  it  don't  take  very  much 
steam  to  go  down  'em.  It  made  the  liar  stand  on  my 
hed  to  go  whirlin  eend  for  eend  as  we  did  down  that 
racin  current,  whar  the  water  runs  so  swift  that  it  makes 
on^'s  hed  swim  to  look  at  it,  and  the  bote  jest  takes 
her  hed  and  goes  whar  and  how  she  pleases  in  spite  of 
all  the  paddle-wheels  and  rudder  can  do.  Sumtimes, 
when  we  cum  to  a  short  turn,  we  would  cum  in  a  ace 
of  runnin  rite  spang  on  the  rock-shore,  and  the  bote 
would  slew  over  to  one  side  like  it  was  gwine  to  spill 
us  all  out,  and  the  fust  thing  we  would  know  while  we 
was  all  holdin  our  breth  to  keep  from  gettin  drownded, 
we  would  fmd  ourselves  ijwine  like  a  streak  of  Huhtuin, 
slarn  fust,  down  the  next  stretch.  It  was  monstrous 
fine  ridin,  and  the  little  boys  and  galls  danced  and 
clapped  ther  hands  with  joy,  but  the  grown  ])eeple 
wore  monstrous  long  faces  sumtimes,  and  opened  tber 
eyes  tight ;  while  the  captain  and  the  man  at  the  wheel 
had  ther  hands  full  to  keep  the  bote  off  the  rocks. 
The  captain  scd  it  wouldn't  been  so  bad  if  the  wind 
hadn't  blowd  so  hard  down  the  river. 

After   gettin   through   the  Rapids^  we  had   a  little 


< 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


177 


i 


< 


slower  and  safer  travellin  through  Lake  Sahit  Francis 
to  Coolo  du  Lack,  whar  we  arriv  a  little  after  dark. 
Here  we  was  to  take  stages,  sixteen  miles,  to  the  Cas- 
cades.     But  they  wasn't   sich   stages  as  we  have  in 
Georgy,   not   by  a   long   shot.      They  was   sumthing 
between  a  New  York  Omnibus  and  a  Noa's  Ark,  and 
would  carry  'bout  as  many  passengers  as  either  of  'em. 
Before  the  bote  got  to  the  landin  the  bell  rung  for  the 
number  of  coaches  it  would  take  to  carry  us,  and  by 
the  time  we  got  on   shore  thar  they  all  was,  reddy  to 
start.     I  don't  know  how  many  of  us,  men,^  wimmm, 
and  children  they  stowed  inside   and  on  the  top   of 
each    one    of   'em,  but   six    coaches   carried  'bout  a 
hundred   of   us,   bag  and  baggage,  without  the  least 

dhhculty. 

Hooper,  and  me,  and  five  or  gix  more,  tuck  seats  on 
top,  behind  the  drivers,  so  we  could  smoke  our  segars. 
Pop  went  the  whips,  and  in  the   next  mmit  we  was 
roUin  along  over  a  plank  rode,  at  the  rate  of  six  miles 
a  ower,  as  smooth  as  if  we  was  in  a  ralerode  car,  and 
a  monstrous  sight  comfortabler.     It  was  the  delightful- 
est  travelin  I  ever  had  in  my  life.     The  plank  rode 
was  as  level  and  as  clean  as  a  barn  floor,  and  the  little 
Canadian  bosses  trotted  olF  with  us,  'thout  ever  stoppin 
or  movin  ther  beds  or  tails  out  of  the  same  position, 
durin  the  whole  drive,  only  when  we  stopped  twice  to 
water.     The  scenery  was  butiful.     On  our  right  was 
the  broad  Saint  Lawrence,  shinin  like  a  sheet  of  silver 
in  the  moonlight,  while  evry  now  and  then  we  coulc 
look  down  onto  the   roofs  of  the  little  vine-covered 
cabins  what  was  dotted  all  along  on  both  sides  of   he 
road,  with  ther  little  narrow  fields  leadin  back  to_  the 
woods  and  hills  on  the  left,  or  the  river  on  the  right. 
Now  and  then  we  would  cum  to  a  house  bigger  than 
the    rest,    what   h.ad    shade-tiees    and    a   big   wooden 
cross   out   before   the    dore,   whar  the   priests   lived. 
Dit   evrybody  was   '.one  to   bco,  and  the   Utile   r.o^ 


178 


MAJOR   JONKS'S 


tages  themselves  seemed  to  be  sleepin  in  the  calm 
moonlight. 

Three  owers — what  didn't  seem  longer  than  one 
o\ver  in  a  Georgia  stage,  whar  the  horses  is  wadin 
nee-deep  in  the  sand,  and  one  don't  hear  the  wheels 
more'n  once  or  twice  in  a  mile,  when  they  happen  to 
run  over  a  pine  root — brung  us  to  the  Cascades.  After 
shuckin  out  the  passengers  and  baggage,  and  gettin  all 
the  children  and  band-boxes  gethered  up,  they  tuck 
us  down  a  steep  hill  to  the  steambote,  whar  we  went 
to  bed. 

In  the  mornin,  when  we  waked  up,  we  found  our- 
selves in  the  butiful  Lake  Saint  Louis,  on  our  way  to 
La  Chin.  We  got  up  in  time  to  see  sum  of  the  butiful 
islands — among  'em  Nun's  Island,  what  stands  high 
out  of  the  water,  and  is  covered  with  houses  and  little 
plantations.  On  the  highest  part  of  the  Nun's  Island 
is  a  monstrous  big  cross,  what  we  could  see  a  long 
ways  ofl",  remindin  us  that  we  was  in  a  Catholic  coun- 
try. By  seven  o'clock  we  was  at  La  Chin,  whar  we 
tuck  sum  more  stashes  over  a  o-ood  rode,  einfht  miles,  to 
JMontrcal. 

This  is  another  butiful  country.  The  rode  runs  all 
the  way  through  one  continual  string  of  cottages,  what 
stands  close  by  the  rode,  with  little  plantations  'bout  as 
big  as  a  good-sized  Georgia  turnip-patch,  runnin  down 
to  the  river  on  one  side,  and  back  to  the  Green  Mount- 
ing of  Montreal  on  the  other.  It  was  early  in  the 
moinin;,  and  the  pceple  was  jest  gwine  to  ther  work ; 
and  it  was  odd  enuff  to  see  the  men  with  ther  blue 
frocks,  and  ther  red  caps  stickin  on  one  side  of  ther 
beds,  geerin  up  ther  teams,  and  the  pretty  little 
barefooted  French  galls,  with  ther  ;>hort  petticotes, 
gwine  to  milk  the  cows.  From  the  top  of  the  stage 
we  could  look  rite  down  into  the  chamber  winders, 
and  evry  now  and  then  I  could  see  a  pair  of  bright 
eyes  peepin  out  through  the  mornin-glorys  and  trumpet- 


I 


flow 
of  b 
like( 
lonj; 
li 
the 
moi 
Ex( 
So 


SKETCHES    OF    TRAVEL. 


179 


flowers  at  us.  The  whole  eight  miles  was  a  panorama 
of  buty,  and  glad  as  I  was  to  see  Montreal,  I  would 
liked   it   very   well  if    the    rode    had  been    a  little 

longer.  ,,. 

But  the  wheels  of  our  coach  was  soon  rollin  over 
the  wooden  pavements  of  the  city,  and  in  a  few  mmits 
more  we  found  ourselves  all  safe  and  sound  at  the 
Exchange  Hotel,  with  good  appetites  for  our  brecklusts 

So  no  more  from  i  -i  i  n 

Your  frend  til  deth, 

Jos.  Jones 
24 


* 


180 


MAJOR  Jones's 


LETTER  XXI. 

New  York,  July  24,  IS' 6. 

To  Mr.  Tuoji'i-soN  -.—Bear  Sir— After  brushin  up  a 
little  and  gettin  a  fust  rate  breckfust,  we  tuck  a  stroll 
through  the  town  to  see  the  curiosities.  I  could  spend 
a  week  very  well  in  this  city,  lookin  about  among  the 
churches  and  nunneries  and  soger's  quarters  and  other 
public  places,  but  as  I  didn't  have  no  time  to  spare,  I 
had  jest  to  give  evry  thing  a  passin  glance,  'thout 
s?toppin  long  enutl'to  know  much  about  it.  Under  sich 
circumstances  you  musn't  expect  me  to  give  you  much 
of  a  description  of  Montryal. 

If  I  was  travelin  like  Mr.  Dickens  or  Captain  Marry- 
att,  or  any  of  them  English  travellers,  jest  to  make  a 
book  for  a  peeple  who  is  so  blinded  with  prejudice 
that  they  can't  see  any  thing  but  faults,  it  wouldn't 
make  no  difference  whether  I  know'd  much  about  the 
things  I  described  or  not;  all  I'd  have  to  do  wouM 
jest  be  to  go  ahed  and  find  all  the  fiiult  I  could  with 
evrybody,  and  with  evry  thing  I  heard  of  or  seed 
sot  down  in  the  gide-books;  and  the  further  I  cum 
from  the  truth,  so  I  went  on  the  black  side  of  it, 
the  better  I  would  please.  But  I  ain't  a  writin  for 
n.o  sich  peeple,  and  I'm  not  gwine  to  find  fault  with 
ivhat  I  don't  know  nothin  about,  jest  for  the  sake  of 
ault-fmdin. 

The  fust  place  we  went  to  was  the  grate  French 
'Cathedral  in  Notre  Dame  street,  a  regular  Noah's  Ark 
of  a  meetin-house  you  may  depend,  what  holds  twenty 
thousand  peeple  'ihout  crowdin  'em,  and  takes  two 
hundred  and  eighty-five  steps  to  go  to  the  top  of  its 
towers.  _  Ther  was  a  grate  many  picters  and  sum  wax 
figers  in  it,  but  ther  names  was  all  so  outlandish  that  I 


^ 


t 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVKL. 


181 


t 


couldn't  make  'em  out.     After  lookin   aboiU  in  tl.e 
church  for  a^vhile,  ^ve  went  to  the   Grey  Nunnery 
Here  ^ve  seed  lots  of  nuns  nud  sisters  ot  ,*anty   akin 
"re  of  little  children  what  hail  no  fathers  and  mo  hers, 
and  of  sieh  peenle  what  had  no  money  and  no  Irends 
to  do  for  'em      I'lien  we  went  to  the  Hotel  Dieu,  what 
Ma  da  Monk  Rives  sieh  a  terrible  bad  account  of  in  her 
book;  tlZ  t."the  Bishop's  Chapel   whieh  is  one  of  he 
finest   churches   on   the    Comment;    and  then  to  the 
Parivmen   House,  whar  the  Canady  peep  e  make  sic 
Iws  as  t her  mas  ers  over  the  water  don't  care  about 
troublin  themselves  with.     The  bildin  ain't  no  grate 
shake     compared  to  what  sum  of  our  state  capi tols  is 
but  iSri-Jd  oil-  in  mighty  line  style  inside,  with  red, 
velvet  amf  gold-leaf,  tS  keep  the  pecple  in  inind  oi 
whi  monslrSus  hue  peeple  .her  Roya  masted  i^     Ue 
gentleman  what  show'd    is  «'.  1'"' "  °"V"^!,/°i''lt 
^f  sum  of  the  kings.ai,    |"-'- ^^^^  ;;',    »    e  "uUl 

i^ti^rt^irui^feVl; 

4i  r.  r.n«t;n  vote  on  a  proposition  to  annex  Lanaay  ly 

e  Ced  States      Si'ch  'a  measure  of  human  emanci- 

J"ti™  tuld  be  worth  all  the  laws  ever  made  m  that 

n^m  the  Parlyment  Ho- - -t  -  the^ W^^^^^^^^ 

Si-t^fa^JlWrs  all  o"  rle  city,  and  ther  red 
coTes  and  shiniii  ''^yonets  was  to  be  seen  at  evry    o 

sf^^iraS!^^«i^.;.-rg^^ 

S;tcSra.;atrcort'r;':"whi,eoursoW 


185 


MAJOR    JONKS'S 


is  armed  and  fed  to  protect  the   peeplo,  their's  is  put 
thar  to  subject  the  pec])lc!  who  su})ports  " 


em. 


Il' 


to  make  a  man's  blood  bile,  to  see  them  swarms 


s  enufl 

rms  ot 

grate  lazy  hulks  sunin  themselves  about  on  the  pave- 
ments, and  loungin  round  ther  quarters,  wailin  like 
blood-hounds  jest  to  be  sot  loose  on  the  pore  people, 
to  tear  'em  to  pieces  for  the  bone  that  they  git  from  the 
table  of  ther  masters.  And  the  pore  devils  ain't  very 
\yell  kept  nuther,  for  I  seed  lots  of  'em  without  tlie 
sign  of  a  pair  of  trouses  to  ther  legs  any  more'n  a 
Seminole  Ingin,  and  with  nothin  but  a  sort  of  red-plad 
huntin  shirt  on,  that  jest  cum  down  to  ther  nees. 

In  the  afternoon  we  tuck  a  drive  round  the  mounting 
to  see  the  guvernor's  house,  and  at  five  o'clock  in 
the  eyenin  tuck  passage  in  the  steambote  Queen  for 
Qucbeck.  The  scenery  on  the  Saint  Lawrence  was 
very  butiful,  and  we  sot  up  til  twelve  o'clock  to  see 
Saint  Peter's  Lake.  About  seven  o'clock  the  next 
mornin  we  arriv  at  Quebeck,  and  druv  to  Payne's 
Hotel  in  the  Place  de  Armes. 

The  fust  place  I  wanted  to  go  to  was  the  famous 
Gibralter  of  America,  the  fortress  of  Quebeck;  but 
Mr.  Payne  sed  we'd  have  to  wait  til  he  could  git  a 
permit  for  us  to  visit  the  Ciladel  ;  so  we  tuck  a  calash 
and  went  out  to  the  Plains  of  Abraham,  whar  the  grate 
battle  was  fit  what  lost  France  her  Northern  possesshuns 
in  America.  I  don't  remember  to  what  Saint  the  gate 
we  went  out  at  belonged,  but  that  doesn't  matter— a 
Frenchman  tuck  us  to  the  Plains,  whar  w^e  had  a  quiet 
view  of  that  place  whar  so  much  gallantry  was  dis- 
played, and  so  much  blood  spilled  on  the  14th  of  Sep- 
tember, 1759.  It's  a  butiful  place  to  fght  a  battle,  and 
I  can't  see  w^hat  ever  possessed  the  brave  Mont.^alm, 
with  his  undisciplined  troops,  to  give  Wolf  and  his 
British  regulars  battle  thar,  when  he  mought  have 
defended  himself  so  much  better  in  his  works,  even 
poor  and  weak  as  they  was  then.  It  was  a  hard  piece 
of  bisness,  that  contest,  in  which  France  lost  her  Gene- 


SKETCHES    OF   TRAVEL. 


183 


I 


) 


ra\  ami  her  cause ;  and  thou-h  tl,o  Eng Ush  m.«y  ^  *'! 
dooms-day  to  make  the  riencli  Canadians  lorn  t  1  he 
See  they  have   suiroro.l,  by  g  vm  iher  Calhol.c 
c  ,uohos  all  sorts  of  ,,rivil,ges,  and  by  b>ld.n  mom;- 
ments   like  they  have  in  the  I'alaoe  Gard.n'  with  WoU  s 
name  'on  one  siL  and  Montealm's  on  the  other,  tryin  o 
make  the  honors  o.'  that  day  easy  between  em.-they 
never  can  make  loyal,  contented  subjects  ou   oi    em  ,  s 
l,m<^  as  Cape  Diamond   stands  whar  it  does.     While 
heyVe  in  the  reach  of  British  bayonets  they  don't  make 
,,,/fuss,  but  rebelhon  is  slickin  out  of  'em  all  over 
a  /d  the  fust  right  good  chance  they  git  they'll  g.v^  ther 
conquerors  plenty  to  do  to  keep  'em  under.     It  any- 
bodv  wants   any  proof  of  ther  bad  feehns  agin    lie 
Sh    iest  let  'em   look   at  Wolf's  Monument  what 
ftandson    he  spot  whar  he  fell.     The  words  "  n.ur. 
dh™  Wo,,r  vicTonious,"  that  was  cut  deep  m  the 
solid  marble,  is  peeked  and  battered  so  rite  in  s  gh 
of    he  sentry  on  the  walls  of  the  citadel,  that  il   it 
wasAH  for    h^e  gide-book  nobody  could  tell  what  was 
on  i?     Every  countryman  that  crosses  over  the  Plains 
with  a  basket  of  eggs  for  the  market,  gives  ,t  a  pelt 
Vilh  I  stone,  til  the' whole  side  of  the  monument  is 

almost  nocked  off.  ,  .  ^t.^.ipi   K„t 

After  dinner  we  got  a  permit  to  go  in  *»  c  ade  but 
they  sent  a  sargeant  with  us,  who  watched  a U  he 
time  like  he  was  'fraid  we  was  gwine  to  tf^^^^^^/he 
i,owder-ma<razine  or  spike  ther  cannons.  \N  e  musn  t  go 
See  and  strangers  wasn't  'lowd  to  go  thar;  and  if  we 
weiU  to  .ro  up  on  sura  of  ther  batteries  as  they  called 
Vm  voic^eswLld  cum  from  evry  loop-hole  and  look-out 
to  e'lUs  we  musn't  go  thar.  They  seemed  to  be  dreadfu 
'f,  id  we'd  (i"d  out  sSmthing.  It's  a  monstrous  stanch.ou 

Stone  houses  of  the  upper  tovn,  and  on  the  other  .suic, 


184 


MAJOR   JONF.h's 


at  tho  ruins  of  morc'u  a  lliousand  Iiousts  in  iho  Saint  Rock 
District,  beyond  which  the  hntiful  Saint  Charles  winds 
its  way  to  minnlo  its  waters  with  the  waters  of  the  Saint 
Lawrence  in  tlie  jjjrate  basin  below,  alter  whieii  they 
lh)w  away  together  til  tljey  find  the  sea.  All  toj^ether, 
(iuebeck  is  a  curious  anil  iuterestin  place.  It  looks  like 
it  belonged  to  another  Continent  and  to  another  age  of 
the  world  ;  and  when  one  looks  upon  its  power  and  its 
buty,  and  remembers  that  it  stands  on  the  boundry  of 
civilization,  close  to  the  edge  of  the  wild,  unexplored 
wilderness  that  extends  northward  to  the  regions  of 
everlastin  freezc-to-deth,  he  is  apt  to  exclaim  with  the 
poet — "  Time's  noblest  empire  is  the  last." 

Sum  of  the  oflicers — who  we  found  to  be  monstrous 
clever  fellers,  though  sum  of  'cm  was  dredful  green — 
invited  us  to  see  a  grand  review  on  the  Esplanade.  It 
was  a  very  cousidenible  of  a  show%  and  convinced  me 
that  the  British  sogers  is  under  fust  rate  discipline ;  but 
I  couldn't  help  but  think  how  terribly  they  would  git 
ther  fethers  siled  in  a  Ingin  campain  in  the  hammocks 
of  Florida.  We  spent  the  evenin  in  walkin  about 
through  the  streets  lookin  at  the  public  bildins  and 
odd-lookin  houses. 

********* 

The  next  day  was  Sunday,  and  we  went  to  the 
French  Cathedral,  what  was  so  full  that  it  was  sum 
time  before  we  could  git  through  the  crowd  of  men 
and  wimmin  that  was  settin  on  the  steps  and  away  out 
in  the  street,  stringin  beads  and  talkin  Lattin  to  them- 
selves. Biuieby  a  man  cum  and  tuck  us  into  a  fust 
rate  seat,  whar  we  could  see  and  hear  all  that  was 
gwine  on.  Ther  was  any  number  of  priests  dressed 
out  in  red,  wliite,  and  black  pettycotes,  and  lots  of 
organ-musick,  singin  and  preachin ;  but  the  only  word 
I  understood  the  whole  time  was  "  Kebeck,  Kebeck," 
which  run  all  through  the  sermon. 

About  five  o'clock  we  tuck  passage  in  the  Queen 


% 


SKETCHES   OF    THAVF.L. 


185 


I 


acln  for  Monlryal,  whar  we  atriv  the  next  mornm  about 
breckfusl,  time.  As  no  boto  du\n\  leave  til  evenin,  we 
tuck  another  round  throu«^h  JVloutryal,  and  spent  the 
tune  very  a'rreeably  til  five  in  the  evenm,  when  we 
started  in  tire  Prince  Albert  for  La  Prairy,  on  our  way 

home.  .   ,  ,.        ,  . 

The  steambote  Prince  Albert  ain't  no  complunent  to 
the  Queen's  husband  ;  and  if  his  liighncss's  popilarity 
in  Canady  is  to  be  estiumted  by  the  quality  of  the  bote 
thev  have  named  after  him,  one  would  suppose  that  he 
didn't  stand  very  high  among  the  loyal  Canadians.     It 
ain't  much  bigger  than  a  New  York  ferry-bote,  and  its 
accommodations  is  but  little  better.      Iher  was  a  good 
many  passengers,  most  of  'em  Irish  emmygrants  what 
had  cum  to  Canady,  and  was  now  cumin  over  into  the 
Slates.     Pore  peeple,  they  was  all  huddled  up  together, 
ban-  and  bafrcra.^e,  on  th(i  forecastle,  and  wasn't   lowed 
to  take  the  m  on  the  deck  no  more'n  if  they'd  been  so 
many  cattle.     My  hart  aked  for  one  pore  lamily.      llie 
man  was  dyin  with  the  ship-fever   while  his  wife  and 
children  and  young  sister,  a  butitul  girl  about  sixteen, 
^vas  weepin  over  him.     He  lay  on  the  deck  on  a  coai^e, 
adirty  mattrass,  his  pore  wife  supportin  hira  whde  the 
^^ears  poured  down  her  pale  cheeks,  and  his  dym  hed 
^vas  rocked  to  its  last  sleep  on  her  heavin  bosom.     His 
sister  was  neelin  by  his  side  and  bathm  his  parched  lips 
^vith  water  mingled  with  her  tears,  and  the  two^  oldest 
children,  little  girls,  was  clingin  round  him,  cryin  as  it 
ther  harts  would  brake.     The  youngest  child,  a  fat  litt  e 
boy  'bout  tai'o  years  old,  with  cheeks  as  red  as  the  apple 
he  had  in&  hand,  looked  at  his  dyin  father  and  then 
at  his  mothcr,.3S  if  he  spccted  sumthing  was  the  matter ; 
but  the  pore  little  feller  was  a  stranger  to  the  bitter  sor- 
row that  was  agonizin  the  harts  of  that  mournin  group. 
The  emmygrants  made  as  much  room  round  the  dyin 
man  as  they  could,  to  give  him  air,  and  sum  of   em 
Iried  to  console  the  family.     The  sister  tuck  the  cross 
^Yhat  she  wore  round  her  neck,  and  put  it  to  her  brotner  s 


• 


186 


MAJOR  Jones's 


lips — he  kissed  it  and  tried  to  speak,  and  then  closed 
his  eyes.  In  a  rainit  after  I  seed  him  gaspin  for  breth, 
and  a  loud  scream  from  the  wimrain  told  that  he  was  ded. 

The  peeple  laid  him  strait  in  the  bed,  whar  he  re- 
mained til  the  bote  arriv  at  La  Parairy. 

*'It  was  hard,"  sed  one  of  the  emmygrants  as  they 
was  leavin  the  bote,  "  that  pore  Dennis  si  ould  die  wid- 
out  ever  puttin  his  fut  in  Amirica." 

"Ah!"  ses  another,  "he's  gone  to  a  better  place, 
rest  his  soul!" 

At  La  Parairy  we  tuck  the  cars  for  St.  John's,  leavin 
the  pore  wife  to  berry  her  ded  husband  in  a  strange 
land ;  but  I  couldn't  go  til  I  had  gin  her  a  dollar  to  help 
her  in  her  ower  of  distress.  The  look  she  gin  me  was 
more  than  a  recompense  for  all  the  good  actions  I  ever 
done  in  my  life. 

The  steambote  Saranack  tuck  us  through  Lake 
Champlain,  whar  we  seed  sum  of  the  finest  scenery 
jtnd  interestin  places,  among  the  rest  the  ruins  of  old 
Fort  Ticonderogy  what  Ethen  Allen  tuck  from  the 
British  by  sich  high  authority  in  the  Revolutionary  war. 
Durin  the  day  we  stopped  to  git  suia  wood  at  a  place, 
called  Burlington,  in  Vermo.  t,  and  Hooper  and  mop 
went  ashore  to  look  at  the  place.  But  we  hadn't  got?* 
more'n  ten  steps  from  the  bote  when  we  seed  a  thun- 
derin  grate  big  sign  stickin  up  over  the  rode,  with  "  No 
Smokin  allowd  here !"  "  Cus  the  place,"  ses  Hooper, 
who  had  a  segar  in  his  mouth,  "Majer,  let's  shake  the 
dust  from  our  feet  and  go  back  to  the  bote ;  I  can't 
trust  myself  in  the  hands  of  no  peeple  what  would 
stick  up  sich  a  sign  as  that  at  a  steambote  landin," — 
and  back  w'e  went. 


* 


After  gwine  aboard,  the  fust  thing  that  tuck  my  atten- 
tion was  a  chap  what  was  rootin  round  among  the  bag- 
gage after  sumthirg.  I  didn't  like  his  looks  much,  so  I 
jest  Kep  my  eye  on  him  to  see  v;hat  the  feller  was  after. 
Bimeby  I  seed  him  grab  hold  of  my  trunk.     Thinks  I 


th 


V 


t 


§ 


• 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


IffT 


s 


that's  makia  rayther  too  frc.e;and  ses  I--;  What  upon 
veath  is  you  up  to,  Mister,  with  my  trunk  ? 

"  Is  that  your  trunk  ?"  ses  he.  ,     ,      ,       „ 

-  Well  "ses  I,  "  I  reckon  it  ain't  nobody  elses." 

-  Very  well,"  ses  he  ;  -  I  jest  wanted  to  know  what 

"^.^.^Ve'S^I'youdo!"  ses  I;  " I'd  like  to  know 
what  bisness  you'v4  got  with  -h^^'s  m  my   runk 

"  I  spose  ther  ain't  nothin  contraband  in  it,    ses  ne. 

"  What  the  thunder's  that  ?"  ses  I. 

"Why,  nothin  smuggled."  .     ^^  ,  „  v  __ 

S.ug&'in  means  stealin   down  ,n  G-g-'  -f.^J^ 
he  sed  that  my  dander  was  up  in  a  minii.     1 1  < 
*e  feller  what  was  beginnin  to  gnn  all  over  his  face, 

'""So  y7u  mean  to  insiniwate  the  likes  of  that  to  me, 

y^rctrtmTSv'ses'he,  "  it  ain't  no  use  to  git 
into  no  passion'.  The.'law's  the  law,  and  ther  am't  no 
use  tryin  to  git  round  It."  .     .    ,  _.!.:_ 


„«ri  +v;ot  ic   if  vou  lest  insiniwaie  lu  mc  .nc.v  ^  ...  - 
and  that  is,  ii  )uu  J^'^'-  ,     ,   Ug^Q^^g  ^q  rae  m 

-!:.^!^"V^^??'sr;fe,-"'io"n!^t^^fnL":!it'sthe 

ZTT4\TX:tAJ  to  interfere  with  my 

'""  U'Tlhe  custom-house  officer,  I  mean,"  ses  Hoop.r 
.  wh  t^w"  see  all  right  with  the  baggage,  to  keep 

people   from   cheatin   th^S°^'<=''"r"^-  .ll^"  t  elec 
tarit^-  bisness  what  you  wh.gs  voted  for  at  the  last  elec 


188 


MAJOR   JONES  S 


tion.     It's  protection,  Majer;  and  I'm  sure  you're  too 
good  a  whig  to  make  a  rumpus  about  it." 

By  this  time  I  begun  to  see  into  the  bisness,  and  of 
course  I  hadn't  nothin  more  to  say.     But  you  may  de- 
pend I  was  hot  for  a  few  minits ;  and  what  made  it 
worse,  the  custom-house  officer,  as  he  called  himself,  kep 
all  the  tune  laughin  at  me  like  he  would  bust  his  sides. 
We  shuck  hands,  however,  and  made  evry  thing  strait. 
He  didn  t  open  my  trunk  when  I  told  him  that  it  didn't 
have  nothin  in  it  but  my  clothes,  and  sum  curiosities 
what  1  d  picked  up  in  my  travels  ;  but  you  may  depend, 
whenever  he  cum  across  a  Dutchman  or  any  outlandish 
foreigner  with  a  big  trunk,  he    made  'em   show  up. 
And,  shore  enuff,  he  cum  across  one  feller  what  had  a 
trunk  full  of  English  broadcloths  and  silks,  what  he  was 
tryin  to  smuggle  into  the  States.     The  officer  tuck  'em 
all  from  him,  and  how  they  settled  it  I  don't  know ;  but 
the  feller  was  quite  as  much  out  of  humour  with  the 
olhcer  as  I  was. 

After  runnin  Lake  Champlain  out  to  the  little  eend 
of  nothin,  td  ther  wasn't  water  enuff  to  float  a  bread- 
tray,  and  we  had  to  dodge  the  boat  alono-  among  the 
hay-cocks  that  the  peeple  was  makin  in  the  marsh- 
meadow  what  we  was  gwine  through,  we  cum  to  a 
place  called  White  Hal),  about  four  o'clock  in  the 
eyenin.  Here  we  tuck  a  canal-bote  for  Mechanics- 
ville. 

In  the  fore  part  of  the  evenin,  while  we  was  all  on 
deck,  evry  thing  went  on  pretty  well,  except  'bout  evry 
hve  mmits  we  would  cum  to  a  bridge,  when  we  would 
all  have  to  drap  down  flat  on  the  deck ;  and  bein  as  it 
was  coverea  with  men,  wimmin,  and  children,  as  thick  as 
we  could  stand,  the  dodgin  was  rather  awkward  bisness, 
and  brung  us  sumtimes  in  rather  close  contact  with 
strange  passengers. 

One  old  feller  what  was  a  little  hard  of  hearin,  and 
was  bissy  talkin  politicks  with  his  back  turned  the  rono- 
way,  didn't  hear  the  word   "Bridge!"   and  the  fus° 


tl 
ii 

V 


1 


SKETCHES   OF   TRAVEL. 


189 


below  for  the  balance  of  the  night. 

...  -k.  ■;« 


* 


more  than  a  layer  of  '-^'"•^^;' J^^^^  i'  e^  of  canvass, 
layer  of  d.rty  ^h^^et,  thtn  anouie      ^  ^^^^^_ 

and  then  ano  her  la  er  "f  Passeng^^  j^;      ,,  ,„,„;„ 

and  so  on  to  the  top.     iner  \wb  b  ^^ 

o  er'thontnockm  yer  --  -'"^^/J^ed  in,  ther 
above  you,  and  wi  en  )u  j^^^^j. 

was  no.  gettin  o|l    "I  7™  ";,  .i^fo  anxious  to  see 

rr  "\Cl::f  h^et  r'nd^"^^  .eh  other 

'nTu'si*  i  never tard  before-it  was  worse  than  a  con- 

cert  of  cats  all  night.  j^^j^  ,j,e 

'^r^r'^^Tre't   u'k  a' «■;  to  Albany,  and 

fr^:  Albal?-  -::.  long  cunrin  to  New  York  rn  the 

Knickerbocker.  ^^^^^  from  me 

Jn^';:[ub\ro;nr:!r':i",a.^^o.noreatpre. 

s^"^  ^'"^^^  Your  frcnd  til  deth, 

Jos.  JoNF.S. 


190 


MAJOR  Jones's 


LETTER  XXII. 

Pineville,  August  6,  1845. 

To  Mr.  Thompson: — Bear  Sir — Once  more  I  take 
my  pen  to  teli  you  that  I  arriv  here  safe  and  sound  last 
Friday  night.  Nothin  didn't  happen  in  the  jurney  from 
New  York  to  Pineville  out  of  the  usual  course  of  tra- 
vellin  incidents,  and  to  tell  the  truth,  after  I  sot  my  face 
for  home,  nothin  of  a  common  nater — nothin  short  of  a 
terrible  railrode  collision  or  the  bustin  of  a  steambote 
biler  could  tuck  my  mind  off  from  thinkin  of  the  joys 
that  was  waitin  me  at  home.         *         *         #         # 

Pore  Mary  couldn't  hardly  contain  herself  for  joy,  at 
seein  me  once  more  ;  and  old  Miss  Stallins  had  to  have 
a  fit  of  the  highstericks,  jest  to  show  how  glad  she  was. 
The  galls  all  tuck  on  monstrous,  and  'tween  bringin  the 
old  woman  to,  and  kissin  the  baby  and  Mary,  and 
shakin  hands  with  the  niggers  and  nabors,  and  tellin 
evrybody  'bout  my  travels,  I  hain't  had  time  to  do 
nothin  else  ever  sense  I  cum  home.       *         *         * 

Nothin  of  importance  hain't  tuck  place  on  the  planta- 
tion sense  I  left,  only  the  deth  of  pore  old  Moma.  She 
died  'bout  three  weeks  ago,  leavin  her  dyin  blessin  for 
me.  Pore  old  creter,  she  was  very  sorry  she  couldn't 
see  me  before  she  died.  Well,  she's  out  of  her  troubles 
now,  and  I  have  the  satisfaction  to  know  that  she  never 
was  treated  bad,  and  never  suffered  for  any  thing  while 
she  lived ;  and  as  sumthing  bad  always  has  to  happen 
when  a  body's  aw\iy  from  home,  I  spose  I  ought  to  be 
satisfied  that  it's  no  w^orse  than  it  is.  I'm  certain  tliat 
no  one  on  the  plantation  was  better  prepared  or  more 
willin  to  go  than  good  old  Moma,  and  no  one  could 
been  so  well  spared  by  us  all.         *         *         *         * 

The  crap  looks  fust  rate,  and  the  stock  is  all  in  good 
order,  and   evry  thing  looks  like   good  attention  hiul 


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SKETCHES   OF   1RAVEL. 


191 


been  v^itl  to  it  by  the  overseer,  who  ses  he  hain  t  got 
no  complaints  to  make  agin  none  of  the  niggers  except 
old  Saul,  what  sot  the  woods  afire  in  one  ot  his  possiirn- 
hiints,  and  burnt  'bout  twenty  panels  ot  fence.     Old 
Saul  always  was  the  most  bominable  possum-hunter  and 
fish-trapper  I  ever  seed  in  my  life  ;  but  he's  too  old  to 
quarrel  with  him  now,  and  besides,  he's  a  rnonstrous 
good  old  feller.     Sum  of  the  little  niggers  has  been 
cuttin  up  sum  antics,  and  had  to  have  a  little  buckin  to 
keep  'em  from  spilin  'fore  I  cum  home.     But  on  the 
whole  things  has  gone  on  much  better  than  I  expected, 
and  I've  made  a  proclamation  of  a  general  pardon  for 
all  offences,  and  gm  'em  all  the  presents  what  I  bought 
for  'em  in  New  York.  .     . 

If  YOU  could  see  Prissy  with  her  New  York  riggins 
on,  vou  would  think  she  was  the  proudest  nigger  in 
Georgia.  She  don't  want  to  do  nothin  donv  but  go  to 
church  and  take  the  baby  out  a  visitin  the  nabors. 
T  litle  Henrv  Clav's  grow'd  a  heap  and  can  begin  to 
^afk  rite  smart,  Ldlith  his  new-fashioned  Knicker- 
bocker  cote  on,  and  his  red  velvet  cap  with  a  gold 
tossel  on  it,  what  I  brung  from  New  York  for  him,  he 
is  the  cuninest-lookin  little  feller  you  ever  did  see. 

The  galls  is  all  tickeled  to  deth  with  ther  new- 
fashioned  brestpins,  and  Mary  likes  her  dresses  fus 
rate  only  she  ses  they  are  too  expensive,  and  won  t 
do  io  wear  until  next  winter.  Pore  g;a  1  she  ses  sh. 
never  did  think  she  loved  me  so  much  td  I  was  away 
from  her,  and  she  ses  she  wouldn't  let  me  go  agin  no. 
for  .11  the  world.  Would  you  blieve  it  Mr.  Ihomp- 
son  she  feira.ay  more'n  ten  pounds  while  I  was  gone 
e  t'Sevin  about  me.  Her  mother  ses  she  nev'er  did  see 
inyb&ke  on  so,  specially  when  she  red  m  he  paper. 
'bout  .ny  railrode  accidents  or  steambote  explosions. 

We^7it';  all  over  now,  and  I  don't  think  we  ^^ 
ever  be  separated  rrin.     Give  me  home  after  all.     I  ve 
?rave  ed    "^re'n  fou>  thousand  miles-I've  seed  sum 
f  ™  stales,  and  more'n  five  hundred   cities   and 


192 


MAJOR  JONES'S    SKETCHES  OF   TRAVEL. 


towns — Fve  seed  the  northern  peeple,  in  thcr  cities,  in 
ther  towns  and  in  the  country,  and  though  I've  got  a 
good  deal  better  opinion  of  'em  sense  I've  been  among 
'era  a  little,  than  I  had  afore,  still  I  say,  give  me  old 
Georgia  yet.  We  hain't  got  so  many  cities,  nor  sich 
fine  ones — we  hain't  got  so  much  public  improvements 
and  all  them  sort  o'  things — but  we've  got  a  plenty  of 
evry  thing  that  is  necessary  to  make  us  independent  and 
happy.  We've  got  as  fine  a  soil,  a  finer  climate,  as 
smart  men,  and  handsumer  wimmin  than  any  other 
country  in  the  world,  and  nothin  can  hinder  us  from 
bein  one  of  the  greatest  states  in  the  Union,  if  we  go  to 
work  as  we  ought  to,  and  develop  our  own  resources. 

I  blieve  a  jurney  to  the  North  is  calculated  to  do  a 
southern  man  a  grate  deal  of  good,  if  he  goes  thar  in 
the  rite  sperit  and  for  the  rite  purpose.  He  will  see 
thar  a  grate  deal  to  be  proud  of  as  a  American,  and 
much  to  be  ashamed  of  as  a  white  man.  He  will  find 
all  sorts  of  peeple  thar — sum  that  is  examples  of  patriot- 
ism, intelligence,  and  enterprise,  and  sum  that  ain't  no 
manner  of  account  on  the  face  of  the  yeath,  only  to  kick 
up  a  eternal  rumpus  and  keep  the  world  in  a  everlastin 
stew  about  ther  new-fangled  fooleries  ;  and  though,  as 
a  peeple  the  Northerners  is  very  different  from  us  in  a 
grate  many  things,  the  majority  of  'em  is  actuated  by 
the  same  impulses,  and  is  strivin  on  for  wealth  and 
power  like  all  the  rest  of  the  world.  Ther's  a  good 
deal  of  ignorance  and  prejudice  at  the  North,  to  be 
shore,  specially  about  matters  wdiat  don't  consarn  ther 
own  interests ;  but  it  is  to  be  hoped  that  whar  ther  is 
so  much  patriotism  and  intelligence,  they  will  sum  day 
larn  to  mind  ther  own  bisness,  and  leave  other  peeple's 
consarns  to  be  reguhted  by  ther  own  consciences  and 
ther  own  judgments.  Ilopin  that  we  may  both  live  to 
see  that  d-iy,  I  sign  myself 

Your  trend  til  deth,  Jos.  Jonls. 


f 


THE   END. 


■^'^v 


'. 


# 


